Who is St.Christopher?
found this on a forum i go to
"Uh, how about the coolest Saint ever okay. Well, I guess it depends on which side of the Great Schism you roll for how awesome he is.
The Catholic version of Chris is pretty cool: He was an 18 foot tall Canaanite ass-kicker named Reprobus, who worshiped the Devil, because he figured Lucifer was the only person more bad-ass than him. Then, he found out the devil was afraid of the Cross. What the! What a pussy! Reprobus figured this cross guy must be pretty fucking mancore, so he tracked down a hermit and asked what he should do to serve Jesus. The hermit said, why not have your big ass (remember, 18 foot tall iron man) haul people across that fast river? So he did. One day, this kid was all "Ok I need to go across the river man", and so Reprobus starts hauling him. But as he crosses, the child becomes heavier and heavier! The child then reveals the plot twist: He is the Baby Jesus, and he is heavy because he carries the weight of the fucking world. Okay, what the hell, why is the devil afraid of the cross if Jesus is still a kid WHATEVER. Jesus baptizes the giant, and gives him the new name Christopher. Then he says Hey man, stick your walking stick in the ground watch this shit it'll be awesome seriously. And so Chris did, and HOLY SHIT! It turned into a fucking fruit tree! People were suitably impressed and converted, which pissed off the local king who had Chris tortured to death."
if you didn't think he was cool enough, i found more
"So, the amazing dog man is baptized and coverts, and starts spreading the faith, because seriously, are you going to say no to a giant dog-headed former cannibal? Christ! But, again, Christianity pisses off the head honchos, and (depending on who you ask) the governor of Antioch or the freaking ruler of Rome, Emperor Decius himself, sends word to kill this dog dude. Since he's some kind of big-ass killer magic warrior dog guy, Reprobus manages to escape every attempt to kill him. Finally, after he has converted a shit load of people, he LETS the authorities martyr him. Damn! That's sweet. And who says Christianity doesn't have any cool, wacky mythology. Man."
A++
"Uh, how about the coolest Saint ever okay. Well, I guess it depends on which side of the Great Schism you roll for how awesome he is.
The Catholic version of Chris is pretty cool: He was an 18 foot tall Canaanite ass-kicker named Reprobus, who worshiped the Devil, because he figured Lucifer was the only person more bad-ass than him. Then, he found out the devil was afraid of the Cross. What the! What a pussy! Reprobus figured this cross guy must be pretty fucking mancore, so he tracked down a hermit and asked what he should do to serve Jesus. The hermit said, why not have your big ass (remember, 18 foot tall iron man) haul people across that fast river? So he did. One day, this kid was all "Ok I need to go across the river man", and so Reprobus starts hauling him. But as he crosses, the child becomes heavier and heavier! The child then reveals the plot twist: He is the Baby Jesus, and he is heavy because he carries the weight of the fucking world. Okay, what the hell, why is the devil afraid of the cross if Jesus is still a kid WHATEVER. Jesus baptizes the giant, and gives him the new name Christopher. Then he says Hey man, stick your walking stick in the ground watch this shit it'll be awesome seriously. And so Chris did, and HOLY SHIT! It turned into a fucking fruit tree! People were suitably impressed and converted, which pissed off the local king who had Chris tortured to death."
if you didn't think he was cool enough, i found more
"So, the amazing dog man is baptized and coverts, and starts spreading the faith, because seriously, are you going to say no to a giant dog-headed former cannibal? Christ! But, again, Christianity pisses off the head honchos, and (depending on who you ask) the governor of Antioch or the freaking ruler of Rome, Emperor Decius himself, sends word to kill this dog dude. Since he's some kind of big-ass killer magic warrior dog guy, Reprobus manages to escape every attempt to kill him. Finally, after he has converted a shit load of people, he LETS the authorities martyr him. Damn! That's sweet. And who says Christianity doesn't have any cool, wacky mythology. Man."
A++