(no subject)
So I haven't written in a long while. That's probably a bad thing, since this used to be an outlet for my frustrations and feelings. That's why I'm back. I'm depressed. I feel like I'm all alone lately. Its not that I don't have some great friends, and I'm not saying that I have no one to talk to. I just feel cut off from the one who I really want to talk to, or even just sit in the same room with. I'm not my husbands best friend anymore, and that really hurts. He is going through some rough shit, and I am not the one he wants to talk to about it. He leaves me over and over again. I feel like such a failure at life these days. I can never achieve that one thing I wanted most in my life. Nothing I do is ever good enough. So I've kind of stopped doing anything lately, and that is even worse I guess. The dishes are piling up, and the clothes are all dirty. I really need to get some things done, but I don't feel like there is any reason for any of it.
Yeah sure, we all have friends that we want to hang out with, but I thought that when you grew up and had a family, that your family came first. I know it does to me. I've changed everything that I was practically, just for my family. I want my family to be happy and healthy. That is important to me. I want to spend time with them and see them everyday. My husband does not feel the same. He doesn't want to come home, and there are other people he'd rather spend time with. I really think that I know deep down that this kind of behavior is not good enough for me. I will continue to uphold my responsibilities though. I have grown up enough to know that you don't just run away.
This is just the same sad story over and over again though. I feel like I am doomed to be rejected, doomed to be left. Sorry for the high fidelity quote, it just seemed appropriate. I've never been able to make anything work, and last. I guess maybe that is where I've been going wrong too. I can't fix everything, and it takes 2 to make it work. One person cannot equal a team, or a marriage.
I thought I'd never quote anything from the bible, but again, it seems appropriate.
"When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things." I Cor. xiii. 11.
Yeah sure, we all have friends that we want to hang out with, but I thought that when you grew up and had a family, that your family came first. I know it does to me. I've changed everything that I was practically, just for my family. I want my family to be happy and healthy. That is important to me. I want to spend time with them and see them everyday. My husband does not feel the same. He doesn't want to come home, and there are other people he'd rather spend time with. I really think that I know deep down that this kind of behavior is not good enough for me. I will continue to uphold my responsibilities though. I have grown up enough to know that you don't just run away.
This is just the same sad story over and over again though. I feel like I am doomed to be rejected, doomed to be left. Sorry for the high fidelity quote, it just seemed appropriate. I've never been able to make anything work, and last. I guess maybe that is where I've been going wrong too. I can't fix everything, and it takes 2 to make it work. One person cannot equal a team, or a marriage.
I thought I'd never quote anything from the bible, but again, it seems appropriate.
"When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things." I Cor. xiii. 11.