introspection
Alright, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine along with a long... thinking that I did afterwards about...what we had the conversation about.
I've always put my friends first, for as long as I can remember. Even if they didn't know it, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for a friend of mine. Together we counted how many of my friends I feel close enough to like take a bullett. There were far too many it seems. 23 seems like a lot. After I figured that out, I decided to guess how many of them would do the same for me. I assumed 5 of them actually would and 2 of them just because they know I would take a bullet for them. Well, this is obviously made from complete assumptions. But, in my head I used concrete evidence to support my idea.
Now, I'm not saying my friends aren't there for me or anything, of course they are. But, I've realized I have more faith in some of them then I should. Chances are if you even read my journal, you probably arent one of the friends I'm talking about. But, the majority of the people I consider to be my friend only show up when they have a problem. For a while that was fine, but sometimes...it's a little hard on me. I shouldn't allow myself to worry about people who won't even talk to me for months, no phone calls, no e-mails, not even an IM, but then feel comfortable just calling me one day or showing up at my house in hopes I can solve their problems.
You might think I'm sort of sounding like an asshole. But, I can only take so much of it. I'm not saying I should get just as much out of a friendship as I get out of it, because that doesn't bother me at all, thats ok. It's just.. when I get absolutly nothing out of the friendship, when it doesn't seem like they care about my problems, it bothers me.
This might seem a little random, but a friend of mine just came to me with a problem and I felt awful because as hard as I was trying to help them...I couldn't really. I wanted to really badly, because they were a friend that actually cares and talks to me even when they don't have a problem, which... is getting rare.
Basicaly, I need to revalue my friendships with a lot of people.
I feel like I have to do this because I spend more time helping people that don't care as much about me as my other friends. I have SOOOOOO many supportive friends and I feel like I'm taking them for granted and almost wasting my time on people who don't care about me as much. I have so many important friends in my life, I'm very fortunate, I have friends from emerson.. and merrimack.. and stoneham, but I need to pay more attention to the friends who consider my just as important to them as I consider them to me.
Now, I'm not saying my only good friends are the ones that call my everyday, some people I consider to be my best friends and the most important to me I only talk to like once a week. But, these people don't call me just to tell me their problems, they call me because they want to see me and see how I'm doing .. how my week went etc.
To summarize, it's really easy to tell when someone's sincere when they ask how you are.
On a lighter note...who wants to see a play about Groucho Marx with me in Boston?
I've always put my friends first, for as long as I can remember. Even if they didn't know it, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for a friend of mine. Together we counted how many of my friends I feel close enough to like take a bullett. There were far too many it seems. 23 seems like a lot. After I figured that out, I decided to guess how many of them would do the same for me. I assumed 5 of them actually would and 2 of them just because they know I would take a bullet for them. Well, this is obviously made from complete assumptions. But, in my head I used concrete evidence to support my idea.
Now, I'm not saying my friends aren't there for me or anything, of course they are. But, I've realized I have more faith in some of them then I should. Chances are if you even read my journal, you probably arent one of the friends I'm talking about. But, the majority of the people I consider to be my friend only show up when they have a problem. For a while that was fine, but sometimes...it's a little hard on me. I shouldn't allow myself to worry about people who won't even talk to me for months, no phone calls, no e-mails, not even an IM, but then feel comfortable just calling me one day or showing up at my house in hopes I can solve their problems.
You might think I'm sort of sounding like an asshole. But, I can only take so much of it. I'm not saying I should get just as much out of a friendship as I get out of it, because that doesn't bother me at all, thats ok. It's just.. when I get absolutly nothing out of the friendship, when it doesn't seem like they care about my problems, it bothers me.
This might seem a little random, but a friend of mine just came to me with a problem and I felt awful because as hard as I was trying to help them...I couldn't really. I wanted to really badly, because they were a friend that actually cares and talks to me even when they don't have a problem, which... is getting rare.
Basicaly, I need to revalue my friendships with a lot of people.
I feel like I have to do this because I spend more time helping people that don't care as much about me as my other friends. I have SOOOOOO many supportive friends and I feel like I'm taking them for granted and almost wasting my time on people who don't care about me as much. I have so many important friends in my life, I'm very fortunate, I have friends from emerson.. and merrimack.. and stoneham, but I need to pay more attention to the friends who consider my just as important to them as I consider them to me.
Now, I'm not saying my only good friends are the ones that call my everyday, some people I consider to be my best friends and the most important to me I only talk to like once a week. But, these people don't call me just to tell me their problems, they call me because they want to see me and see how I'm doing .. how my week went etc.
To summarize, it's really easy to tell when someone's sincere when they ask how you are.
On a lighter note...who wants to see a play about Groucho Marx with me in Boston?