(no subject)
today was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day.
tuesday was funny, i split the ass of my pants in a port of subs. true story. well now its funny, then it was just fucking horrid &i cried, louie laughed a lot, that fucking bastard.
this week ive skipped class, watched a powder puff game at western, gone to green valley, had an oriental man show us a picture of his wang and advise us not to wipe our asses in san fransico (this man was an odd breed of jew &chinese, with a very perverse mind, he was fantastic), ive sold clothes, ive bought clothes, i smacked my boyfriend in the nose, he socked me in the theigh, i cried, we made up, watched new york minute (i dont know what i think of it, the 'is it my birthday' comment was funny though), i revisted a friend i like to call 'urkel simpson', ive been lonely, ive been not lonely, ive decided to stay in instead of going out to do homework, i didnt do all of that homework, ive worked a ten hour shift, ive hated my job for a good half hour, ive hated my school for a good 2 months, ive missed western, wondered why the fuck i missed western, i finished reading rules of attratction, started reading american psycho, am literally forcing myself to finish reading american psycho (if youve read it, you know its a hard book to swallow), ive missed some people, ive been really freshly bitter towards others (ive been in denial of it, but now its surfaced, im dealing with it constructively though, trying to at least, it is hard since ive tried very hard not to be bitter I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER TOWARDS YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND I STILL WANT TO LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE WERE AMAZING FRIENDS, AND NOW WE ARENT AND IT HURTS AND NOW IM FINALLY FEELING IT, FEELING ANGRY THAT IS, but i dont want to be, but i need to get it out, if we were to ever be as we once were, if it is possible, which i worry it never is, which never ceases to bum me out and it strikes me as strange that this is all bothering me so much when we really arent a part of eachothers lives anymore, but it just does), i felt insecure, then very secure and then back and forth again, i sang very loud in the car on several occasions, i spent exactly $23.47 at walmart, i gave troy $5 twice this week for snacks, i secretly decided to not drink soda anymore, but i wont say it because i dont want to curse it, i just want to actually do it this time, because soda is disgusting for you and i think i am addicted to it (i think i just want to prove to myself that i am not more than anything), i contemplated becoming a vegetarian again, decided against it, but thought i might again at a later date, i had plans cancelled on me, i didnt go to a class on monday because i thought it was cancelled, it wasnt, the teacher let me turn in the paper that was due two days later anyways, i felt lucky. i felt like i did nothing, but i guess i did a lot...a whole lot of nothing.
i suppose im becoming nihilistic.
and i suppose im goint to watch lolita now and wait for troy to bring me chips and salsa.
because he can be a very good boyfriend.
i can be a very good girlfriend as well.
and then sometimes were just both fucking terrible.
but i guess thats just the way things go, and thats all i have to say for now.
tuesday was funny, i split the ass of my pants in a port of subs. true story. well now its funny, then it was just fucking horrid &i cried, louie laughed a lot, that fucking bastard.
this week ive skipped class, watched a powder puff game at western, gone to green valley, had an oriental man show us a picture of his wang and advise us not to wipe our asses in san fransico (this man was an odd breed of jew &chinese, with a very perverse mind, he was fantastic), ive sold clothes, ive bought clothes, i smacked my boyfriend in the nose, he socked me in the theigh, i cried, we made up, watched new york minute (i dont know what i think of it, the 'is it my birthday' comment was funny though), i revisted a friend i like to call 'urkel simpson', ive been lonely, ive been not lonely, ive decided to stay in instead of going out to do homework, i didnt do all of that homework, ive worked a ten hour shift, ive hated my job for a good half hour, ive hated my school for a good 2 months, ive missed western, wondered why the fuck i missed western, i finished reading rules of attratction, started reading american psycho, am literally forcing myself to finish reading american psycho (if youve read it, you know its a hard book to swallow), ive missed some people, ive been really freshly bitter towards others (ive been in denial of it, but now its surfaced, im dealing with it constructively though, trying to at least, it is hard since ive tried very hard not to be bitter I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER TOWARDS YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND I STILL WANT TO LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE WERE AMAZING FRIENDS, AND NOW WE ARENT AND IT HURTS AND NOW IM FINALLY FEELING IT, FEELING ANGRY THAT IS, but i dont want to be, but i need to get it out, if we were to ever be as we once were, if it is possible, which i worry it never is, which never ceases to bum me out and it strikes me as strange that this is all bothering me so much when we really arent a part of eachothers lives anymore, but it just does), i felt insecure, then very secure and then back and forth again, i sang very loud in the car on several occasions, i spent exactly $23.47 at walmart, i gave troy $5 twice this week for snacks, i secretly decided to not drink soda anymore, but i wont say it because i dont want to curse it, i just want to actually do it this time, because soda is disgusting for you and i think i am addicted to it (i think i just want to prove to myself that i am not more than anything), i contemplated becoming a vegetarian again, decided against it, but thought i might again at a later date, i had plans cancelled on me, i didnt go to a class on monday because i thought it was cancelled, it wasnt, the teacher let me turn in the paper that was due two days later anyways, i felt lucky. i felt like i did nothing, but i guess i did a lot...a whole lot of nothing.
i suppose im becoming nihilistic.
and i suppose im goint to watch lolita now and wait for troy to bring me chips and salsa.
because he can be a very good boyfriend.
i can be a very good girlfriend as well.
and then sometimes were just both fucking terrible.
but i guess thats just the way things go, and thats all i have to say for now.