Not Feeling Sooo Good...
Aww man, things are running rampid over here. Just resently I had an epiphany, more like a slap in the face of reality and its weird. I realized that Im just waisting my time just fuckin around and waisting my money on alcohol. I wanna do better for myself, so I started cleaning up my act and getting on top of things. Ive been a good boy by treating my friends and family better than I was and by getting on top of school work, goals (comedy and t-shirts), and health (by going jogging again). But its not all that easy, I have finals next week to study for and papers to write. Im done with like 1/2 of the stuff already because I got ontop of it. Right when I thought things were about to get going at a good pace, my mom and my sister have to go psycho on my and make me feel like shit. I can honostly say that I tried in both situations with them to be the good guy but I realized that you can never be the good guy with them when they are in their moods. Ill admitt, Ive been a dick before so I didnt really care about the situation but this time I really tried and I and still the dick for some reason. So I havent talked to my sister or my mom in several days now and Im just hurtin like crazy. To top it off, I found my old mix cd in my room last night titled Florida Mix Spring Break 04. I have soo many great songs on there that just put me in the phase and state of mind that I was at the time. that cd brought me back to one of the most happiest times I have ever had. Its soo good that I cant listen to it, because it just makes me feel more like a piece of shit now that things arent as well. I really wish that I could be as happy as I was then. I had a gf, I had free time, I had money, and there was not a care in the world. Now I sit around at school waiting to go home because Im so hungry and cant afford to buy lunch, Im at a school that I HATE, I only have a few friends at STCC but never see them, I never have free time to be able to invite a girl out, things at home are falling apart, and Im just trying and trying. My best freind Jon from High School is coming up from FL for 2 weeks and I cant wait to see him, the only downer is, hes about to be shipped off to Iraq and that kills me. My other buddy Spencer and his wife Jamie are also coming up from Michagan for a couple days, so hopefully they can lift my spirits. I dont know what to do. I havent been feeling this down in a VERY long time. But like the saying goes "Its always darkest before dawn". Its true and its always been the case for me, but the holidays are usually stressfull times for me also. Maybe Santa will recognize my good side and bring me something great... maybe a plane ticket out of here for a while. Either way, eh. Im not too happy anymore :,(