its been a LONG time
So it has been seirously like years since i wrote in this..haha. and i dont expect anybody to read this but its really the only thing i have to kinda vent without shit getting started. its been almost a month since i broke up with my boyfriend of a year..and i cant seem to get myself happy again. before i met blake i was that girl that couldnt keep a relationship going longer then a month, if i was lucky. especially in san angelo my sophmore year but thats beside the point. after finally getting to actually be with someone and consider them as my seirous boyfriend i really miss that feeling. i miss the fact that someone did care about me, and having someone to always talk to and be there for me. its so frustrating right now cuz i try to make things seem better but i cant and its so hard. im still trying to get over the fact that im not with blake anymore because it seemed like we were going to last forever. i dont know what to do. ive matured alot more now that i know what it takes to make something work becuase me and blake had lots of problems. all i can think about is being in a relationship again. i dont know who with but right now i dont know what to do with myself. it takes me seirously like 2 hours to try and fall asleep because all i do is lay there and think about how things could be and were and should be. i really just want to cry but thats stupid. im living my life as best as i can and im having a good time but i still want that someone there for me, that someone that i can always think about and know that they are thinking about me too. i just feel kinda alone all the time, even when im with a bunch of friends. im scared that i wont find anybody else and that im just going to be stuck like this. i mean i enjoy being single and being able to do what i want cuz im having alot of fun..but its still hard to just relish the fact that i dont have someone else to rely on..ahh idk. its so stupid but i cant get the feeling to go away. i am really enjoying my senior year and i cant wait to graduate. im playing golf for UNT next year so if anything i should be happy with where i am right now but im really not cuz i feel like im missing something. ahh...who knows! but anyways for anybody that might possibly read this maybe you could help me out..if anybody even still uses this. oh well its good to get my feelings out.
oh and updates for anybody that really didnt know...im at Southlake Carroll right now for my senior year..(yes i moved again) soo incase anybody was wondering!