Zestra
Well, I posted this in tuckerabuse but I thought it was amusing so I put it up here too. I was so amused by Tucker's interest in Zestra, the hot (kind of) new "viagra for women", that I wrote a little fic about it.
Tucker surveyed the room to make sure no one was watching him, his hand falling absently over a bulge in his jacket. When he was sure no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention, he rushed into his office, slammed the door, and locked it all in one motion. He glanced around the tiny room warily, pulled down the blinds, and checked under his desk for good measure.
With one last shifty-eyed look around him, he produced a small box from his jacket pocket which he had snatched off Willie Geist’s desk before the producer had seen it.
Zestra: "PA - free" Borage Seed Oil - Evening Primrose Oil - Angelica Extract - Coleus Extract - Vitamin C - Vitamin E. Zestra also contains natural fragrances reputed to be aphrodisiacs. Zestra does not contain any artificial ingredients or preservatives.
Whatever that meant, it didn’t seem too scary. This show had to be good for something, right? Tucker pulled out the lid of the box slowly and rattled it a bit at the sight of the little foil packets. He extracted one with a sly grin and struggled to open the perforated edge for a minute or so before it finally gave.
He dipped a couple fingers into the oil and sniffed it. Approving, he tried to undo his belt using his left hand and the opposable thumb of his right.
Okay, that was a bad idea, but he wasn’t thinking at the time. Yea, it was hard to work belt buckles this way, but it wasn’t impossible.
All right, Zestra, let’s see how good you really are, he thought with a grunt as he shimmied out of his pants.
There was a loud knock at the door. Tucker jumped, wrenching his hand out of the elastic of his boxers and upsetting a decorated coffee can that one of his kids had made him in class filled with pens.
“Hey, Tucker, what the hell are you doin’ in there?” came Willie’s voice. Tucker could almost hear him leaning lazily against the door frame with his arm rested above his head. “You have an interview in five,” he continued, his fingers drumming idly on the door from a high enough point to prove Tucker’s mind right.
“I’m just-I’m just reviewing my notes on this Zestra product so I can talk to Dr. Whitmore without making an ass of myself.”
“Well, hurry up.” Willie replied, his steps receding from the office.
Tucker exhaled, relieved. He grabbed some tissues off his desk and wiped the oil off his fingers, pulled up his pants, and pocketed a couple packets. He’d resume his highly scientific study later.
The heavy steps were coming up to his door again. “Oh yea, and Tucker?” Willie asked, sounding simultaneously confused and incredibly amused. “Have you seen that Zestra sample that was on my desk? It was there when I left but I think we have some severely undersexed women prowling around the office.”
Tucker surveyed the room to make sure no one was watching him, his hand falling absently over a bulge in his jacket. When he was sure no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention, he rushed into his office, slammed the door, and locked it all in one motion. He glanced around the tiny room warily, pulled down the blinds, and checked under his desk for good measure.
With one last shifty-eyed look around him, he produced a small box from his jacket pocket which he had snatched off Willie Geist’s desk before the producer had seen it.
Zestra: "PA - free" Borage Seed Oil - Evening Primrose Oil - Angelica Extract - Coleus Extract - Vitamin C - Vitamin E. Zestra also contains natural fragrances reputed to be aphrodisiacs. Zestra does not contain any artificial ingredients or preservatives.
Whatever that meant, it didn’t seem too scary. This show had to be good for something, right? Tucker pulled out the lid of the box slowly and rattled it a bit at the sight of the little foil packets. He extracted one with a sly grin and struggled to open the perforated edge for a minute or so before it finally gave.
He dipped a couple fingers into the oil and sniffed it. Approving, he tried to undo his belt using his left hand and the opposable thumb of his right.
Okay, that was a bad idea, but he wasn’t thinking at the time. Yea, it was hard to work belt buckles this way, but it wasn’t impossible.
All right, Zestra, let’s see how good you really are, he thought with a grunt as he shimmied out of his pants.
There was a loud knock at the door. Tucker jumped, wrenching his hand out of the elastic of his boxers and upsetting a decorated coffee can that one of his kids had made him in class filled with pens.
“Hey, Tucker, what the hell are you doin’ in there?” came Willie’s voice. Tucker could almost hear him leaning lazily against the door frame with his arm rested above his head. “You have an interview in five,” he continued, his fingers drumming idly on the door from a high enough point to prove Tucker’s mind right.
“I’m just-I’m just reviewing my notes on this Zestra product so I can talk to Dr. Whitmore without making an ass of myself.”
“Well, hurry up.” Willie replied, his steps receding from the office.
Tucker exhaled, relieved. He grabbed some tissues off his desk and wiped the oil off his fingers, pulled up his pants, and pocketed a couple packets. He’d resume his highly scientific study later.
The heavy steps were coming up to his door again. “Oh yea, and Tucker?” Willie asked, sounding simultaneously confused and incredibly amused. “Have you seen that Zestra sample that was on my desk? It was there when I left but I think we have some severely undersexed women prowling around the office.”