0079
Cinderella
Good byes are hard and
that's why I prefer not to
talk to people but you
caught my attention with a
pentacle and I had to ask
if you were pagan.
I never meant for
this little question to
turn into a converstation and I
never thought that little
talk could become a long walk
together with a girl who's
too slow and too shy,
but it did.
I never thought I'd start
to envy a woman I'd never met
and only heard about because
sometimes people lie but -
I envy her because she has you, not
because she is herself.
I never thought I'd write a letter and
tell you I envied her and
have you become so thoughtful and
have me reach out and just
touch you because I had
wanted to all day, so I
certainly never could have known
that you felt the same way and
that this goodbye would
be so hard.
I also never expected to
be glad that she was there
during that walk because I might
have tried something silly like
kiss you and then you might feel
guilty and I would feel bad for
making you feel that way, but
not for kissing you because
it seemed like I was supposed and
that little voice was telling me to.
I started to cry because I
knew that our time was drawing
near and I think I might be
able to respect Cinderella because
I understand how she felt at the
beautiful ball when the
clock said "11:59".
But I said goodbye and I
cried a lot and we
will keep talking so maybe
I shouldn't be feeling this
strange sadness in my
chest - this sadness that
shares the space with my
large joy because I know we'll
stay in touch - not like it
usually is. I can still be
in your life and that's
all I really want.
---
Envy
I find myself envying a
woman I have never
seen nor talk to or
even heard of - at least
not until yesterday when I
walked with you for
the day through the streets and
discussed I don't even
know what.
But I also was
happy for her because she
had found such a great
guy who is just
so kind, and so
loving and maybe even a
little bit magical.
She has what every
woman wants it seems,
and I envy her yet I
am so happy for her and so
happy for you because you
seem so happy with it.
At least until we
reached that dance and
kept talking and played with
ice cubes and you
read that note - those
cursed notes I litter about -
and began to feel the
same way for whoever I
got involved with.
I think I messed
up and maybe I should
feel guilty because I
wrote you another
poisonous letter that
said how I may just
love you, and I actually
meant it just this once.
But if I meant it, then why
should I regret writing it when
I heard that voice tell me
"keep writing, you need
to finish before you
leave so that you can be OK".
So, I envy your girlfriend, and I
should feel guilty because
I wrote you a letter saying that I
possibly love you and
would be so happy as beyond
your friend but I'll be just as
happy as a friend because then I
can be near you.
---
Surprise
I've been attracted to
various people. They are
always taller than me,
always smarter than me and
share some opposing views, they
also usually have a boy/girl friend.
So it wasn't really a surprise to me
when I started to talk to you and I
realized that you fit my attraction mold
quite nicely, that I began to want to
be around you more.
What did surprise me is that unlike
the others I didn't find that I
just liked the idea of you but not
you and I actually felt like I
was in love and I've only
felt that for a brief
moment in my life.
It didn't surprise me that I
wrote you a note because
I write so many and usually at
"goodbyes" because I can't speak or
I might cry and I cannot
cry.
I was surprised by the words I wrote,
the feelings that were there,
and the fact that they were some of the
truest words I have ever heard -
whether in my head or out.
I also wasn't surprised when you
read the note before the dance and
talked to me about it. I guess I'm used
to people doing that because they're
used to me writing out important things.
I was surprised when I
heard you say that you felt the
same way and that
you had to think things over.
I still could not be surprised when
everyone was leaving the
room and it was time to leave and
I knew that I wouldn't see you
for a while, that I
started wishing I could cry or
that I could actually hug you - maybe kiss.
But I was surprised by the
fact that you knew and you
reached out and hugged me and
said "It's OK, to cry, y'know"
and I started to until the
lights came on and other people
could see me and I panicked and
wiped away my black and green
colored tears.
I wasn't at all surprised when I
couldn't speak because the
water was drowning me and I
just shook my head and looked at you
and wished that I could just hug you
again and maybe then everything would
be OK and I could just
go home and be content with my
friends back there.
But you surprised me by
following me to my room and
telling the PI that you'd leave in a
minute and then hugging me
again - except I
hugged back - and just smiling
until I said that it's only been
two days since we really started to
talk and you just smiled at me and said
"sometimes, that's all it takes".
Good byes are hard and
that's why I prefer not to
talk to people but you
caught my attention with a
pentacle and I had to ask
if you were pagan.
I never meant for
this little question to
turn into a converstation and I
never thought that little
talk could become a long walk
together with a girl who's
too slow and too shy,
but it did.
I never thought I'd start
to envy a woman I'd never met
and only heard about because
sometimes people lie but -
I envy her because she has you, not
because she is herself.
I never thought I'd write a letter and
tell you I envied her and
have you become so thoughtful and
have me reach out and just
touch you because I had
wanted to all day, so I
certainly never could have known
that you felt the same way and
that this goodbye would
be so hard.
I also never expected to
be glad that she was there
during that walk because I might
have tried something silly like
kiss you and then you might feel
guilty and I would feel bad for
making you feel that way, but
not for kissing you because
it seemed like I was supposed and
that little voice was telling me to.
I started to cry because I
knew that our time was drawing
near and I think I might be
able to respect Cinderella because
I understand how she felt at the
beautiful ball when the
clock said "11:59".
But I said goodbye and I
cried a lot and we
will keep talking so maybe
I shouldn't be feeling this
strange sadness in my
chest - this sadness that
shares the space with my
large joy because I know we'll
stay in touch - not like it
usually is. I can still be
in your life and that's
all I really want.
---
Envy
I find myself envying a
woman I have never
seen nor talk to or
even heard of - at least
not until yesterday when I
walked with you for
the day through the streets and
discussed I don't even
know what.
But I also was
happy for her because she
had found such a great
guy who is just
so kind, and so
loving and maybe even a
little bit magical.
She has what every
woman wants it seems,
and I envy her yet I
am so happy for her and so
happy for you because you
seem so happy with it.
At least until we
reached that dance and
kept talking and played with
ice cubes and you
read that note - those
cursed notes I litter about -
and began to feel the
same way for whoever I
got involved with.
I think I messed
up and maybe I should
feel guilty because I
wrote you another
poisonous letter that
said how I may just
love you, and I actually
meant it just this once.
But if I meant it, then why
should I regret writing it when
I heard that voice tell me
"keep writing, you need
to finish before you
leave so that you can be OK".
So, I envy your girlfriend, and I
should feel guilty because
I wrote you a letter saying that I
possibly love you and
would be so happy as beyond
your friend but I'll be just as
happy as a friend because then I
can be near you.
---
Surprise
I've been attracted to
various people. They are
always taller than me,
always smarter than me and
share some opposing views, they
also usually have a boy/girl friend.
So it wasn't really a surprise to me
when I started to talk to you and I
realized that you fit my attraction mold
quite nicely, that I began to want to
be around you more.
What did surprise me is that unlike
the others I didn't find that I
just liked the idea of you but not
you and I actually felt like I
was in love and I've only
felt that for a brief
moment in my life.
It didn't surprise me that I
wrote you a note because
I write so many and usually at
"goodbyes" because I can't speak or
I might cry and I cannot
cry.
I was surprised by the words I wrote,
the feelings that were there,
and the fact that they were some of the
truest words I have ever heard -
whether in my head or out.
I also wasn't surprised when you
read the note before the dance and
talked to me about it. I guess I'm used
to people doing that because they're
used to me writing out important things.
I was surprised when I
heard you say that you felt the
same way and that
you had to think things over.
I still could not be surprised when
everyone was leaving the
room and it was time to leave and
I knew that I wouldn't see you
for a while, that I
started wishing I could cry or
that I could actually hug you - maybe kiss.
But I was surprised by the
fact that you knew and you
reached out and hugged me and
said "It's OK, to cry, y'know"
and I started to until the
lights came on and other people
could see me and I panicked and
wiped away my black and green
colored tears.
I wasn't at all surprised when I
couldn't speak because the
water was drowning me and I
just shook my head and looked at you
and wished that I could just hug you
again and maybe then everything would
be OK and I could just
go home and be content with my
friends back there.
But you surprised me by
following me to my room and
telling the PI that you'd leave in a
minute and then hugging me
again - except I
hugged back - and just smiling
until I said that it's only been
two days since we really started to
talk and you just smiled at me and said
"sometimes, that's all it takes".