The BIG List: 40 Greatest Music Video Flops
Music videos serve many purposes: to pop bottles and pour on models, roll out some of the flyest whips not yet on the road, popularize a mindless new dance or cast strategic celebrity love interests. But most importantly, they should provide some context to the song and draw attention to the music. Simple enough, right? Perhaps not as easy as it looks. The following 40 music-backed visuals brought more attention to the on-camera bloopers than they did the songs. Watch with a cautious eye. -Tracy Garraud, Clover Hope & John Kennedy
#40: NICKI MINAJ
“Massive Attack”
Director: Hype Williams (2010)
With a hyper-hyped debut single that crumbled at first play, the Nickster needed a potent visual remedy to regain her balance. But somewhere between the awkward winding and double-jointed freaks, Miss New Booty dropped the ball. Massive FAIL.
#39: NIVEA
"Love Hurts"
Director: Point Black Period (2010)
Thought process: Is that Lil Wayne or isn’t it? Oh it is, look at his tattoos... But why can’t we see his face? Crystal eyebrows? This video hurts. So it is the real Lil Wayne! Why?…
Click to view
#38: KHIA
"My Neck, My Back (Lick It)"
Director: Diane Martel (2002)
‘Cause lady parts and crack licking should be discussed during afternoon barbecues. Pass the buns!.
#37: V.I.C.
"Get Silly"
Director: (Conveniently) Unknown (2008)
We really shouldn't expect much from a then-21-year-old artist associated with Soulja Boy. But the daft graphics splattered in V.I.C.'s debut single make this a little too silly for significance.
#36: JA RULE
“Mesmerize” Feat. Ashanti
Director: Irv Gotti (2003)
Trading places, Ja Rule and his perky protégé play dress up as Ashanti turns hood and Ja goes preppy in a Grease-inspired concept. Nothing screams “Murder Inc.” like carvinal lovin’.
#35: MA$E
"Welcome Back"
Director: Chris Robinson
Emulating a TV character who undressed in front of kids on the daily might not be the best way to mark your return to hip-hop. Bonus points for the silly dances.
#34: MICHAEL JACKSON
"Whatzupwitu" Feat. Eddie Murphy
Director: Wayne Isham
A rare lemon in MJ’s video anthology, this semi-animated pairing with Eddie Murphy finds the duo just kind of hanging out in the clouds, as floating flowers, hearts, music notes and peace signs flutter by. Uh, what’s up with that?
#33: NELLY
"Tip Drill"
Director: Benny Boom (2004)
Oprah made us to do it.
Nelly - The Tip Drill
Uploaded by makaveli-44. - Watch more music videos, in HD!
#32: DRAKE
"Best I Ever Had"
Director: Kanye West (2009)
Drake was on cruise control for a while, until his first official music video sparked a chorus of “FOH!”s. The plot: Coach Drizzy leads a team of double D misfits that would make made Kanye West proud. Cue gratuitous locker room stretches and slow motion jiggling. What was eye candy for the fellas, however, made ladies feel gypped out of an anthem (“Take that D”??). First impression FAIL.
#31: SNOOP DOGG
"Gangsta Luv"
Director: Paul Hunter (2009)
Terius scoops up Snoop for a ride in their magic, baby blue, low-rider. Might as well have car-jacked Aladin.
#30: EMINEM
"We Made You"
Director: Joseph Kahn
Ten years after "My Name Is" ribbed everyone from Jerry Seinfeld to Bill Clinton, Eminem is on the same ol' shtick. Time to grow up, Marshall!
#29: T-PAIN
"Reverse Cowgirl"
Director: Jeremy Rall (2010)
This is a sex song. So naturally that calls for interpretative dance moves, water drops, a Nuvo bottle, broken glass, splashes of blood or paint, whatever, and oh, a dozen roses.
#28: KELLY ROWLAND
"Commander"
Director: Masashi Muto (2010)
She tried. She really tried.
#27: PUFF DADDY
"Come With Me"
Director: Howard Greenhalgh (1998)
For the Godzilla soundtrack, Puff takes a leap of faith in a visual that ultimately falls flat.
#26: ALICIA KEYS
"Doesn't Mean Anything"
Director: P.R. Brown
Okay, so this starts out fine: Alicia sitting at a piano. Then, at about the 2:41 mark, things get foggy. AK ends up on a boardwalk in a dessert, where there’s a piano and then there’s a mountain and she’s climbing it. [*Suspends belief*]
#25: CHAMILLIONAIRE
"Hip-Hop Police"/"Evening News"
Director: Marc Klasfeld
So that’s why they call him Chamillionaire! In this droll attempt at social commentary, Cham dons whiteface to portray fictional anti-rap news anchor Bob O’Wildy, and cross-examines his rapper self as a greasy afro’d cop. Mostly, though, Cham plays himself, here.
#24: CASSIE
"Me & U"
Director: Ray Kay
See Kelly Rowland (#28).
#23: CASSIE
"Me & U [Unofficial]"
Director: Little X
Don’t put anything past a quiet girl. In 2005, Cassie ethered her career from jump with a provocative made-for-Europe video, never meant to swim stateside. The concept was enticing yet brainless… wait, scratch that last part.
Cassie - Me And You [Unreleased Sexy In Hotel Version] / NEW
Uploaded by PeteRock. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
#22: JULEZ SANTANA
"Jingle Bellz" Feat. Starr
Director: Jim Jones and Kevin Custer (2009)
Sigh. Juelz and his ho, ho, hoes remind us not to give out low-budget holiday gifts. This one would’ve been better off wrapped.
#21: JIM JONES
"Pop Champagne" Feat. Ron Browz & Juelz Santana
Director: Dale Restighini and Jim Jones (2008)
What, you’ve never seen a bunch of giddy guys dancing in a circle popping bottles of bubbly together? There’s nothing suggestive about that.
Jim Jones Feat. Ron Browz & Juelz Santana - Pop Champagne
Uploaded by Yannicklord. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
#20 (TIE): KELIS
"Acapella"
Director: Rankin & Chris and Nicole Ehrlich (2010)
Kelis campaigns to join the Na’vi tribe in this video for her first post-Nas single. We sort of get the Euro techno vibe and the dedication to son Knight is sweet, but not the 99 outfit problems, including dressing like a gold AMEX card and wandering through the forest on her peacock steez.
#20 (TIE): KHIA
"Been A Bad Girl"
Director: Clifton Bell (2010)
Um… Three and a half minutes you’ll never get back.
#18: JAY-Z
"Girls Best Friend"
Director: Francis Lawrence (2009)
In this clip for a song off the Blue Streak soundtrack, Jay does what Jay does best: stand around rapping. Surrounded by a cheesy diamond backdrop and dancing chicks, Hov barely moves an inch and hits us with the bell-bottom flow. We know skinny jeans don’t fit you, but are those jeans or ka-rah-tay pants?
#17: LL COOL J
"Deepest Bluest (Shark’s Fin)"
Director: Renny Harlin (1999)
LL Cool J acts like a shark.
#16: SISQO
"Unleash The Dragon"
Director: Martin Weisz (1999)
“What I’m about to do, I’m sure nobody expected/’Cause that’s what I do.” Sisqo was right. We didn’t expect a 50-foot dragon destroying buildings as people scream: “Oh my god!” “Oh Shit!” “Hell naw!” Luckily, Sisqo defeats the dragon with a ferocious and deadly dance routine. Haha, you just got served!
#15: USHER
"U-Turn"
Director: Little X (2000)
Due to this being an overall bad song, the little heard 8701 single was scrapped quicker than an angry divorcee signing papers. Channeling Chris Brown before CB krumped into our hearts, Ursh bops and twists while teaching a “dance” called the U-turn. Simply “put your hands up, bend your knees, bounce around in a circle...” We’d rather parallel park.
#14: DREAM
"Crazy" Feat. Loon
Director: Matthew Rolston (1999)
For Dream-Puff’s milky all-girl quartet-2003 served as a final chance at pop eminence. So they did what any white chick would do in the early millennium… strip and shimmy. ‘Cept it was done over-eagerly behind ridiculous green screens and what looks to be a panderlicious “barely legal” palace. So Loon, what exactly was your black ass doing here?
#13: D. WOODS
"Legalize Me"
Director: (Conveniently) Unknown (2009)
Diddy sure knows how to groom a lady. Ecstasy pills, nostril shots… plastic-covered seduction scenes? Sorry D, we’d rather brown paper bag it. Bad video for life.
#12: JIM JONES & WEBSTAR
"Dancing On Me" Feat. Juelz Santana
Director: Jim Jones, Kevin Custer and James Franck (2009)
Sooo, Webstar is Jim Jones son? And he's throwing a house party... in the daytime? While Jim is at a photoshoot?! And are those ladies recreating the "Single Ladies" video?
#11: THE MIGHTY CASEY
"White Girls"
Director: (Conveniently) Unknown
Simply ridiculous.
#TEN: BUSTA RHYMES
"Arab Money" Feat. Ron Browz
Director: Jim Jones, Kevin Custer and James Franck (2009)
Busta Rhymes has made some really, really great videos in his day (“Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See,” “What’s It Gonna Be”). Then there’s this. Everyone from DJ Khaled to Cedric The Entertainer ridiculously dances over the glossiest green screen ever. When in Saudi Arabia...
#NINE: KHIA
"Be Your Lady"
Director: Jim Jones, Kevin Custer and James Franck (2009)
Shoddy camera work and lingerie FAILs make Khia one Atlanta housewife we don't want to watch.
#EIGHT: MARQUES HOUSTON
"Naked"
Director: Chris Stokes (2005)
Heads did a double take when Immature’s former frontman swagger jacked D’Angelo’s naked torso visuals, adding a chick, a bathtub and one pretty awkward full body nude pose to the mix. Uh, nice abs, but we’ve seen this before.
#SEVEN: R. KELLY
"Echo"
Director: (Conveniently) Unknown (2010)
Whether Kelz was going hard for an Apple deal or being blackmailed by Steve Jobs we may never know. What is mountain-view clear, however, is that no far-from-broke artist should ever create an iChat-iMovie mashup and call it a music video. Then again, what visual could successfully rationalize a black man yodeling.
#SIX: KIELY WILLIAMS
"Spectacular"
Director: Her mother’s bf, Ed DuRante (2010)
What to do when you’re an ex-Disney-approved, semi-relevant chanteuse? Create an unconvincing excuse (“The point of the song was to build awareness with what’s often going on in the lives of young women.”) to channel a sloppy slore. A 360 disaster that would’ve made Mickey hurl. And that pallid chunk of man-ass, Kiels? Two points for Adrienne.
#FIVE: BANGS
"Take U To Da Movies"
Director: (Conveniently) Unknown (2009)
Wait... is that our screensaver?
#FOUR: A TRIBE CALLED QUEST
"Scenario" Feat. Leaders of the New School
Director: Jim Swaffield (1992)
Before Macbooks ruled cool kids' lives, A Tribe Called Quest went high-tech with an IBM-compatible short. Set in an interface that switches up the rappers wardrobes and hairstyles (Peep Phife with a troll ‘cut at 0:56), this program needs a serious upgrade. Ctrl + Alt + Delete.
#THREE: JAY-Z
"Sunshine (Always Be My)" Feat. Babyface & Foxy Brown
Director: Hype Williams (1997)
With its Rubix Cube-like backdrop and in-your-face fish eye lens, this overly glitzy flick birthed the Jay-z/Joe Camel comparison that eternally lives on anti-Hov diss tracks. Light up, indeed.
#TWO: R. KELLY
"Trapped In The Closet (Ch. 1 - 23)"
Director: R. Kelly, Jim Swaffield & Victor Mignatti (2005/2007)
This ish just never ends. R. Kelly flips the afternoon soaps and fills his never-ending oeuvre with adultery, midgets, STDs, country bumpkins and gratuitous gun waving. By Chapter 8, you’ll wish Kellz would point the pistol at the screen and put you out of your misery (…misery, misery…). Where's the remote?!
#ONE: T-BABY
"It's So Cold In The D"
Director: Does It Matter? (2008)
We know we’re not supposed to take this seriously but you can’t talk epic video FAILs without mentioning this R&G clip, which asks the serious question, “How the fuck do we supposed to keep peace?” We've got many queries in return, though. Why are the rhymes off-beat? What's with the dude in the fetal position? Why is that one girl's diddy bop just a little too bouncy? Was this shot in one take? For some reason, we couldn't find this on VEVO...
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