Big, Scary Men In Suits
I've recently reflected upon one of my all-time greatest fears: academic men in suits. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Setting aside the entire feminist movement, I'm inevitably more intimidated by men in academia than women. It could be the fact that most men in academia are in higher positions of power while women are just professors, but I think a lot can be said for the suit.
Take my first example, Dr. Tall (In the interest of good taste, all names have been changed for this blog post.). Dr. Tall was one of the many Deans I've encountered over my 8 year stint in Higher Education. The man was somewhere in the neighborhood of 7' tall, meaning I was usually eye level with the lower section of his tie. He was always impeccably dressed with hair that you could tell he spent a good deal of time on in the morning. All the same, he was intimidating not just because of his suit and height, but also because of his voice. As the Dean of a School of Music, the man had a booming, resonant bass voice that could be heard across campus. I only met with him one-on-one once, but I remember being absolutely terrified the entire time.
Another example would be Dr. Smiley. Dr. Smiley also had a high position in a school's Music Department, but he also taught one of my classes. He was an older, smaller man that Dr. Tall, but always wore suits and an ear to ear grin. What was so intimidating about this professor (aside from his authority as a professor and his suits) was my complete inability to read him. He never showed any emotion aside from his trademark grin. In fact, I remember one specific instance of him reprimanding our class for not preparing properly, during which he never once stopped smiling. It was scary to be that completely unaware of what someone was thinking, especially someone in power that holds your academic future in his hands.
My last example is Dr. Beard. Dr. Beard had a magnificent, well, beard. He was also abnormally tall, but rather than having Dr. Tall's powerful build, he reminded me a lot of Abe Lincoln without the hat, ie. lots of limbs. Dr. Beard was a Dean as well as teaching Shakespeare classes. While his were some of the most fun and rewarding classes I've ever taken, I was never the less terrified every day of class because of the prospect of earning his disapproval in some way. I was able to loosen up around him a little, however, after I was in my car and saw him jogging around campus during his lunch break in a tank top and running shorts.
Ok, so what's the point? I'm easily intimidated, that's not news. It's more me trying to decide which I found more intimidating about these men: the reality that they had the power to drastically impact my life by destroying my academic career in some way, or the fact that they were physically intimidating, mysterious men in suits. I'd like to think my intimidation was at least rationally based on my fear of academic failure, but the fact remains that when I reflect on my fear of these men, I only see their suits.
Take my first example, Dr. Tall (In the interest of good taste, all names have been changed for this blog post.). Dr. Tall was one of the many Deans I've encountered over my 8 year stint in Higher Education. The man was somewhere in the neighborhood of 7' tall, meaning I was usually eye level with the lower section of his tie. He was always impeccably dressed with hair that you could tell he spent a good deal of time on in the morning. All the same, he was intimidating not just because of his suit and height, but also because of his voice. As the Dean of a School of Music, the man had a booming, resonant bass voice that could be heard across campus. I only met with him one-on-one once, but I remember being absolutely terrified the entire time.
Another example would be Dr. Smiley. Dr. Smiley also had a high position in a school's Music Department, but he also taught one of my classes. He was an older, smaller man that Dr. Tall, but always wore suits and an ear to ear grin. What was so intimidating about this professor (aside from his authority as a professor and his suits) was my complete inability to read him. He never showed any emotion aside from his trademark grin. In fact, I remember one specific instance of him reprimanding our class for not preparing properly, during which he never once stopped smiling. It was scary to be that completely unaware of what someone was thinking, especially someone in power that holds your academic future in his hands.
My last example is Dr. Beard. Dr. Beard had a magnificent, well, beard. He was also abnormally tall, but rather than having Dr. Tall's powerful build, he reminded me a lot of Abe Lincoln without the hat, ie. lots of limbs. Dr. Beard was a Dean as well as teaching Shakespeare classes. While his were some of the most fun and rewarding classes I've ever taken, I was never the less terrified every day of class because of the prospect of earning his disapproval in some way. I was able to loosen up around him a little, however, after I was in my car and saw him jogging around campus during his lunch break in a tank top and running shorts.
Ok, so what's the point? I'm easily intimidated, that's not news. It's more me trying to decide which I found more intimidating about these men: the reality that they had the power to drastically impact my life by destroying my academic career in some way, or the fact that they were physically intimidating, mysterious men in suits. I'd like to think my intimidation was at least rationally based on my fear of academic failure, but the fact remains that when I reflect on my fear of these men, I only see their suits.