The Acid/Gasoline Man of Olathe, Kansas
I visited Olathe, Kansas a lot as a kid. It was where my dad lived after he remarried and moved away from Chicago.
I guess this happened in 6th grade? Around that time...maybe right before. I was at the public pool and wanted to pee. I didn't dare pee IN the pool because the urban legend was in full effect that if one peed in a pool, it would turn the water purple/blue around you. So I held it 'cause I was having fun.
Then...commotion along the fence. I went to see what was up. There was a guy in the parking lot with a face that looked a little like it was coated in Alka Seltzer. Not BAD, but...not good. Foamy. It turned out the guy was furious and had poured battery acid on himself. Cops were there. It was quite a scene.
And man, I had to pee!
We couldn't totally hear the guy, but could make out that his wife was leaving him. So...he pulled up to the public pool and tried to burn himself with battery acid. To their credit, the cops were cool. I remember standing there, thinking, "That could be my dad on the right kinda day." I felt bad for the guy. The cops stayed cool, despite his yelling. An ambulance arrived. Had it been today, I'm sure a news helicopter would have been circling the pool, breaking into regularly scheduled program for the spectacle of it all.
The cops kinda moved toward him, and...he went back to his car. He opened the trunk. The cops expected...something -- maybe a gun from their reactions. The guy pulled out a gas can...back when the cans were cans -- metal. He covered himself in gasoline and pulled out a lighter. The cops...stepped back.
Man, I had to pee!
It was a standoff. The cops tried speaking to him, but you couldn't hear them. They were trying to calm him. The guy yelled a lot. It was clear he was NOT happy about his wife leaving.
Again, I thought of my dad.
Man, I had to pee.
After several minutes at the fence with everyone, I went into the locker room to finally pee. That's when I heard it...
Commotion!
Yelling...
I just had to pee!
As I wandered toward the urinals, the guy came charging in!
He was clicking his lighter, trying to set himself on fire. He was right there before me, where a moment before he wasn't. Trying to set himself on fire.
I can still see the sparks from the lighter. I can hear him yelling and the cops behind him. He was desperate to die as he came into the locker room. He bumped me. I remember thinking I should be burning, but the battery acid was up higher on him. I was a tiny kid -- not the tall person I am today. Then, cops!
I could hear the lighter; the guy trying to set himself on fire. I stepped back toward the urinals.
A cop took the acid/gasoline man down. Then...the other cops converged. They dragged the guy toward the showers. They turned on the showers and they were all SOAKED!
I stood by the urinals.
Man, I had to pee!
I remember a cop looking back at me, and me saying, "Can I go to the bathroom?"
The cop shook his head yes. I turned...and peed while the acid/gasoline man wailed about all he was losing! Cops told him to take it easy. I remember how nice they were trying to be...it was clear they all felt for him.
I finished, flushed, and went back to the pool.
As everybody hovered, listening to the yelling from the entrance to the pool from the men's side of the building, I slipped into the pool and washed the gasoline off me.
I guess this happened in 6th grade? Around that time...maybe right before. I was at the public pool and wanted to pee. I didn't dare pee IN the pool because the urban legend was in full effect that if one peed in a pool, it would turn the water purple/blue around you. So I held it 'cause I was having fun.
Then...commotion along the fence. I went to see what was up. There was a guy in the parking lot with a face that looked a little like it was coated in Alka Seltzer. Not BAD, but...not good. Foamy. It turned out the guy was furious and had poured battery acid on himself. Cops were there. It was quite a scene.
And man, I had to pee!
We couldn't totally hear the guy, but could make out that his wife was leaving him. So...he pulled up to the public pool and tried to burn himself with battery acid. To their credit, the cops were cool. I remember standing there, thinking, "That could be my dad on the right kinda day." I felt bad for the guy. The cops stayed cool, despite his yelling. An ambulance arrived. Had it been today, I'm sure a news helicopter would have been circling the pool, breaking into regularly scheduled program for the spectacle of it all.
The cops kinda moved toward him, and...he went back to his car. He opened the trunk. The cops expected...something -- maybe a gun from their reactions. The guy pulled out a gas can...back when the cans were cans -- metal. He covered himself in gasoline and pulled out a lighter. The cops...stepped back.
Man, I had to pee!
It was a standoff. The cops tried speaking to him, but you couldn't hear them. They were trying to calm him. The guy yelled a lot. It was clear he was NOT happy about his wife leaving.
Again, I thought of my dad.
Man, I had to pee.
After several minutes at the fence with everyone, I went into the locker room to finally pee. That's when I heard it...
Commotion!
Yelling...
I just had to pee!
As I wandered toward the urinals, the guy came charging in!
He was clicking his lighter, trying to set himself on fire. He was right there before me, where a moment before he wasn't. Trying to set himself on fire.
I can still see the sparks from the lighter. I can hear him yelling and the cops behind him. He was desperate to die as he came into the locker room. He bumped me. I remember thinking I should be burning, but the battery acid was up higher on him. I was a tiny kid -- not the tall person I am today. Then, cops!
I could hear the lighter; the guy trying to set himself on fire. I stepped back toward the urinals.
A cop took the acid/gasoline man down. Then...the other cops converged. They dragged the guy toward the showers. They turned on the showers and they were all SOAKED!
I stood by the urinals.
Man, I had to pee!
I remember a cop looking back at me, and me saying, "Can I go to the bathroom?"
The cop shook his head yes. I turned...and peed while the acid/gasoline man wailed about all he was losing! Cops told him to take it easy. I remember how nice they were trying to be...it was clear they all felt for him.
I finished, flushed, and went back to the pool.
As everybody hovered, listening to the yelling from the entrance to the pool from the men's side of the building, I slipped into the pool and washed the gasoline off me.