Four Days Gone...
Man, the worst thing about four-day weekends: they end! :)
I had a great Thanksgiving and a fun weekend. My only regret is I didn't write. I've fallen way off my writing schedule. In just two weeks, I've gone from right where I wanted to very far behind. I've gone from feeling confident about this story, convinced it will at least see publication, to thinking it's absolute crap, and wondering why I'm even bothering with a polish of the first rough draft (but that's the way it goes with me and writing :) ).
I wanted to have this thing polished and ready for people to read by today, but I'll be lucky to have it in that shape by the end of December at this rate. The hardest thing is going back to work tomorrow knowing I'm behind on my writing. I think about taking off next weekend, checking into a hotel and writing and seeing no one, but it's more a romantic little thought than something that will happen.
There are times I wish I were wired differently. There are times I wish I didn't write...I wish I could put everything I've got into a real career with better chances of something secure, instead of working hard at a so-so job and spending my freetime writing and believing this little dream I've had all my life will one day pay off.
I read other stuff and I'm blown away by it; even stuff written by others who haven't hit that nice deal. I read other stuff and think others deserve it more than I do. I know the majority of writers out there piddle--I know that I have a great work ethic when it comes to writing. Over the years, yes, I've busted my ass, but so have a gazillion others...many of these others are so much stronger than me and my little way of telling stories. I feel like I'm kidding myself.
I have this little thing I've completed, and one other thing I'm into and if nothing happens with either, it's definitely time to rethink things.
And on a night like tonight, when I'm kicking myself and wondering why I even bother, that feeling that nothing good will ever happen is amplified, and I wish I could simply go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, content to work an average job and lead an average little life...
I had a great Thanksgiving and a fun weekend. My only regret is I didn't write. I've fallen way off my writing schedule. In just two weeks, I've gone from right where I wanted to very far behind. I've gone from feeling confident about this story, convinced it will at least see publication, to thinking it's absolute crap, and wondering why I'm even bothering with a polish of the first rough draft (but that's the way it goes with me and writing :) ).
I wanted to have this thing polished and ready for people to read by today, but I'll be lucky to have it in that shape by the end of December at this rate. The hardest thing is going back to work tomorrow knowing I'm behind on my writing. I think about taking off next weekend, checking into a hotel and writing and seeing no one, but it's more a romantic little thought than something that will happen.
There are times I wish I were wired differently. There are times I wish I didn't write...I wish I could put everything I've got into a real career with better chances of something secure, instead of working hard at a so-so job and spending my freetime writing and believing this little dream I've had all my life will one day pay off.
I read other stuff and I'm blown away by it; even stuff written by others who haven't hit that nice deal. I read other stuff and think others deserve it more than I do. I know the majority of writers out there piddle--I know that I have a great work ethic when it comes to writing. Over the years, yes, I've busted my ass, but so have a gazillion others...many of these others are so much stronger than me and my little way of telling stories. I feel like I'm kidding myself.
I have this little thing I've completed, and one other thing I'm into and if nothing happens with either, it's definitely time to rethink things.
And on a night like tonight, when I'm kicking myself and wondering why I even bother, that feeling that nothing good will ever happen is amplified, and I wish I could simply go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, content to work an average job and lead an average little life...