Thread the First
Also because The Another Code Geass Kink Meme part I is filling, and anons everywhere are worried. So this is why I bring you,
Delightful REVOLUTIONS Also known as CODEGEASSR2♥KINKMEME PART II
First Thread.
Delightful REVOLUTIONS Also known as CODEGEASSR2♥KINKMEME PART II
First Thread.
“Get to the point, Gino.”
Really. Couldn’t he be a bit faster? Suzaku had a headache. Among other things.
“I am. You see, the Vi Britannias used to be a very influential, aristocratic family. Used to, that’s the point. Seems they had too, just like your Pa by the way, they were also fond of corruption. So yeah. Many of them ended up in jail, but the de-facto leader Charles and his family ‘escaped’ to the US-”
Suzaku slammed his fist against the wall. “Will you shut up?”
Gino rolled his eyes. What a dramatic man Suzaku was. “Just let me finish. So yeah. They come over here, but bad karma strikes. First the wife dies, then Charles himself, leaving the kids behind. A teenage boy and his crippled sister.”
Suzaku was not getting it, but the wheels in his head were turning. He’d heard his father mention the Vi Britannias a few times now, he remembered. Often just briefly, but he’d mentioned being in contact. He might have even met them once, who knew? He’d been dragged to so many of these stupid parties of his Dad’s.
“Guess who the boy is - the picture is about two to three years old. Made around the time the family escaped,” Gino said and placed the picture into Suzaku’s hands.”
Lelouch.
A younger Lelouch, perhaps. Around fourteen or fifteen. But it was the same face, the same eyes - proud and defiant - staring at him.
“So yeah, you weren’t totally off-the-mark when you called him ‘your Highness’,” Gino said happily - far too happily. “Congratulations, Suzaku. You not only deflowered a minor, but an actual aristocrat too.”
***
This is chapter one of a longer story. Anon is mad because (s)he has once again turned a PWP prompt into a longer story, with more plot than should be feasible. Sorry if the sex is not really “standard hot”. I also played around with the concept "Lelouch hates the job" a bit too much.
Anon admits that (s)he felt physically sick at parts while writing this. Which is weird, because this anon has written dark stories in the past.
Suzaku is kind of an asshole in this story, but he will get better.
Fe-feel free to er, comment?
Reply
Anon, this is. It's terrifying and I was nauseous while reading-- but I think that's what you were aiming for.
It's definitely well written, the situation is just. Heavy and. ...
Yeah. Not something to take lightly, so it's understandable even you felt sick. Something like this is sometimes worse than torture.
It gets better, right? *crosses fingers*
Reply
In a good way, especially near the end, when you show how everyone is human and not purposefully cruel, and there's a significant potential for redemption but...
Lelouch, so proud and so stupid. Suzaku, so emotional and raw. Gino, so... Gino. The way C.C. and Cecile, especially, regretted what happened; the way Lloyd didn't... you paint a vivid picture, and it's not pretty, but it's raw.
I really want to read what comes next, in part because I love your writing, and in part because it can't end there; that's too sad.
Reply
Reply
OP will admit she didn't foresee that prompt come out quite like this. Even when I said I could see a serious fill come out of this, this isn't what I had expected, at all.
And yet, I am completely intrigued.
The way Lelouch is like a cornered rat in this, and lashes out; the way Suzaku is so very jaded, and yet so human. The way C.C. and Cecile showed remorse. They're all human and three-dimensional, they're not just cruel -- they're depraved, sure, but they're a lot more than just the standard evil posse.
My favorite scene was probably the conversation between Suzaku and Gino near the end there. We get some very nice bits of insight into Suzaku's character, and speaking of Suzaku: I also loved how Suzaku pretty much figured out that Lelouch was a virgin as soon as he thrust his cock into him; observative Suzaku is love).
I love the little hints you threw in there about Lelouch and Suzaku possibly having been friends before, too. I'm very, very interested to see where this goes.
I like your writing style, too. A bit of interesting imagry, but never too overwhelming; just the right bit to set the mood and not so much as to be distracting.
In conclusion: OP is shocked, but pleased, and maybe a little bit in love with you.
Thank you!
Reply
Was it the Boogie Nights reference that did it? >>
Reply
well, Writer!Anon you are genius. Seriously!
For Lelouch and Suzaku to meet like this, and strike each other's nerves...!
(it's very similiar to how Suza punched Lulu in the face and always thinks the worst of him. Brilliant)
And violent!Suzaku is so IC and his reaction... a huge guilt-trip is to be expected. And this is another huge metal trauma for Lelouch. I wonder if he breaks or goes slightly insane after this.
This is begging for a follow-up...
Reply
***
Porn stores were, for all that Rivalz had fanboyed them to be and what not, surprisingly boring places. Actually, Lelouch considered them regular stores - merely selling adult videos that were entitled in the most ridiculous of ways. “Gina and friends”, and “Stacy’s Oral Examination” were among the more innocuous ones. Worthless trash in his opinion - not that he’d ever watched any of those films, but he didn’t need to. It wasn’t like you could expect anything enlightening from these videos.
Again, nothing but trash.
(You’re just a prude, Rivalz always told him, but Lelouch didn’t listen, channelling out his friend’s talk about “big tits” and “valuable sex education”).
It had been a month since Lelouch had started working here - at the porn store that Rivalz’s uncle owned. Rivalz had been bugging him for ages about it, telling him how his uncle didn’t care about minors working at his store and what a great job it would be. He’d always declined, of course - until well.
Lelouch had never imagined that special circumstances (that he didn’t wish to ponder over) would have led him to accepting the offer, after all. Perhaps, this was what you called irony, he thought.
“I’m pretty surprised that you’re working here,” Rivalz said, leaning a hand against the counter as he watched Lelouch go through the list of the newly delivered titles. That was pretty much all Lelouch did, going through lists and doing - well, a regular accountant’s job. Sort of.
“Hmm. It’s work,” Lelouch said, shrugging his shoulders. “Besides, it’s the only job I could do at night that offered decent pay.”
Apart from other things, he thought, chewing his underlip, trying not to remember just what kind of other work existed out there.
And how he’d nearly- (lost his pride, his dignity and everything else he ever believed in).
“Yeah, that’s good. You don’t have to worry about Nunnally now. And even if something does happen, your place is only five minutes away from here.”
Lelouch smiled, pausing in his reading. “I’m grateful that … well, you gave me the chance to work here.”
Rivalz frowned. “Hey, I always offered, you know,” he pouted as he shook his head, ”it’s just that you always declined, and, well, I admit I was pretty stunned when you approached me like a month ago.”
Lelouch could see the unspoken question in Rivalz’ eyes and forced himself to smile, even if he really didn’t feel like it right now. “Well, I realised that it’s not a bad idea to rely on friends from time to time.”
Rivalz grinned and smacked Lelouch lightly against the shoulder. “You’re so weird, man. You know that you can always count on me and Shirley.”
“Yes, I can.” A beat. “I’m grateful for that - really grateful.”
Rivalz was frowning again. “Lelouch, it’s been bugging me for a while-”
“What?” Lelouch was no longer even pretending that he was focusing on the papers in front of him. A serious Rivalz was a rare thing to behold, and Lelouch wasn’t quite sure whether he liked it.
“I dunno,” he was no longer leaning against the counter, but was sitting straight now and playing with the pencil lying on the counter - rolling it to and fro, ”but I can’t help the feeling that something happened. For the past month, you’ve been … I mean, you’ve always been rather quiet and, well, secretive … but you’ve been -out of sync sort of -”
Lelouch’s eyes widened and, for a second, his face betrayed the emotions running through his head (anger, disbelief, sadness and disappointed rolled up into one great big ball) “I’m fine, Rivalz. It’s just that I’m trying to sort out things …”
“And I’m glad you are, Lelouch.” He sighed. “I was glad to see you return to school, ‘cause if anyone should graduate and go to college, it’s you.”
Lelouch shrugged the comment away with a dismissive way of his hand. “Oh, come on, my grades aren’t even that good.”
Reply
That’s because the stuff we’re doing at school is a walk in the park for me, Lelouch thought, fighting back the urge to roll his eyes when he thought of the elementary Mathematics they did and suppressed the urge to groan. While others spent hours crying over these problems, Lelouch could solve them in his sleep.
“Anyhow, it’s good to have you back. Shirley really missed you -”
Lelouch, sensing which direction this conversation was heading to, immediately silenced Rivalz. Really, did guy never get a clue?
“Look, I won’t start dating her, no matter how often you say that we’d be good together.” Lelouch didn’t add why he knew dating would be a bad idea. It was one thing to be friends with people, though still tricky because you could never let them too close, always tip-toeing around the edge -
(reveal too much and you might subject yourself to scorn, humiliation and - worst of all - pity).
Unfortunately, Rivalz didn’t get the hint - judging by the way he was frowning in his usual silly way and, mouth tightening, mentally bracing himself for the delivery of a lecture (which, much to Lelouch’s dismay, he always performed with much pathos).
“Why don’t you at least give her a chance? She likes you, Lelouch. She’s liked you for the past two years and you just keep on giving her - ah, well, maybe you’re just asexual.” Rivalz sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. Then a grin appeared on his face and he chuckled. “I mean, come on, you work at a porn store now - every normal teenage boy’s wet dream -”
“Oh, shut up.”
Please, Leloucht thought, shut up before I start tugging at my hair. Or do something equally disgraceful.
Rivalz continued. “Every normal teenage boy’s wet dream and you - well, you don’t even look at the covers.”
“They’re disgusting,” Lelouch said, his eyes firmly trained on Rivalz’s - his gaze serious and bereft of anything but that no-nonsense, “will you bloody stop talking about this” look.
Rivalz threw his hands up in the air and sighed - loudly. Loud enough for the entire neighbourhood to have probably heard it, Lelouch thought. “I give up, I really do. I wouldn’t be surprised if you remained a virgin forever, Lelouch and that’s a real shame because-”
Lelouch stood up, trying his best not to look at Rivalz as he felt the bile rise to his throat, all of a sudden things he’d tried to forget flashing before his mind -
(Camera lights. Satin bedsheets. Green eyes.)
“Lelouch- something wrong?”
(Hands touching him, something hard pressing against his thigh - and then just pain, pain and pain).
“I’ve gotta go the storage room and see if all the delivered articles are in good condition.”
However, right before going to the storage room, Lelouch went to the toilet and emptied the contents of the measly afternoon meal he had had a few hours before.
Forgetting was so much harder than he’d ever imagined possible.
***
It was past midnight when he reached the Victorian style building - Victorian in the sense that it was shabby and looked more like it had crawled out of a poverty-stricken area in a Dickens book than here.
Lelouch was grateful to be back at home - a small apartment that was far too close to the heart of the city (cars hooting all night long, the traffic sounds a daily orchestra), but the neighbourhood was safe and it wasn’t like Lelouch could complain too much.
Beggars couldn’t be choosers, after all. And Lelouch, despite his aristocratic dislike for anything that was shabby, was enough of a realist to know that they were still better off than the rest of his (humiliated) family. Not that it meant he’d put up with it - he always dreamt of the day when he could offer something better to his sister.
“Nunnally?”
Reply
She’s asleep, Lelouch mused and felt the urge to slap himself on the forehead for calling out her name. But, somehow, whenever he returned to this small apartment, it felt comforting - no, it was necessary - for Lelouch to ascertain that Nunnally was there, that she was fine (her smile carefree as always).
Maybe he was really too much of an overprotective brother, as Shirely always said, but then again, Lelouch didn’t care what others thought. Even if Rivalz likened him to a jealous father at times when it came to the possibility of any boy ever liking Nunnally.
(Really, I think you should get yourself a gun soon because boys are already starting to notice what a cutie your little- ouch, you didn’t have to pinch me that hard, Lelouch!).
Lelouch took off his shoes, placed them neatly next to the other shoes on the floor, took off his jacket and stored it away into the closet. On tip-toes then (the floor in this apartment was wooden and squeaked when one walked), Lelouch went in to check on Nunnally, the moonlight falling in through her window, allowing him enough of a glimpse.
“I’ll protect you,” he whispered silently as he leaned against the door, heart warming at the sight of her sleeping face: so innocent and free of any sorrow. It amazed him at times, how she always saw the best in any situation. Sometimes Lelouch truly believed that she was better at handling things than he’d ever been.
Her smile being the thing that drove him onwards, that protected him from himself.
(his fury and rage at a world that had practically destroyed his family and left him and his sister to rot).
Maybe, just maybe, Lelouch thought she was the one protecting him as he closed the door to her room.
***
Lelouch was quite grateful that his job at the porn store didn’t involve renting or selling videos to any customers.
You’d just frighten people away with your serious gaze and constant frowning - people don’t come to a porn store to be lectured on things like decency, either, Rivalz always said and Lelouch couldn’t help but agree in this case.
Somehow, for all his silly antics, Rivalz understood Lelouch better than he’d ever expected to be understood by anyone. He was touchy-feely, yes but didn’t pry any closer than Lelouch allowed and, while he teased Lelouch about his lack of interest in girls or sex, he never directly questioned his actions. Or forced him to go on blind dates. He knew that certain lines couldn’t be crossed when it came to Lelouch.
Sometimes, at least. Not right now, however - breaking Lelouch’s concentration while he was trying to do some much-needed -- because Rivalz’s uncle seemed to have as much of an understanding of Maths as his high school-aged nephew did -- accounting. And Lelouch really couldn’t concentrate with the sound of pacing footsteps, a metal door being flung open and his best friend’s -- loud -- panting.
“Hey, you can’t just - no, you wouldn’t believe who’s here right now,” Rivalz said, out of breath and his cheeks flushed from the all the running. “I just - wow. I mean, I knew that my uncle had good contacts but -”
Lelouch rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Rivalz and try to speak in complete sentences.”
“Um, I don’t think you’d know him, but - well, he’s a big name in the porn industry. Is quite well-known for doing straight as well as gay porn.” Rivalz paused, thoughtfully bit his teeth against his underlip and then chuckled. “Not that I watch his gay stuff, Lelouch cause I’m not gay, though, you know, there is nothing wrong with being ga-”
Not that again, Lelouch thought, he just can’t stop making references to that stupid song, can he?
“Who? I’ve got work to do here, Rivalz and you’re kind of wasting my time-”
“A Japanese guy called Suzaku-er, something. Japanese names are kinda difficult to pronounce.”
Lelouch let his pen drop, feeling his body freeze and tense up - that familiar sense of nausea rising within him again. Because the last time he’d heard a Japanese name had been that night, when he’d met that guy and when they had - (don’t think of it, Lelouch - don’t even). It couldn’t - it just couldn’t be. This had to be -
Reply
“What’s the matter, Lelouch?” Rivalz looked genuinely worried now, leaning over Lelouch and was about to put his hands over his forehead, but Lelouch swatted the hand away.
“I’m fine, Rivalz.”
Lelouch forced himself be calm, to stop his body from shaking too noticeably and even willed a fake smile on his face -- something a (fallen now) aristocrat like him had been taught to do from birth onwards “Nothing. So what does he want?”
“Ah, just a few vids. I’ll go back to the counter, I just needed to tell you. ‘Cause, really, it’s kind of surreal.”
“Then you can just go back.”
“You don’t want to see what he looks like?” Rivalz looked genuinely disappointed, and Lelouch, despite his nausea, rolled his eyes. Really. What was with Rivalz and his ardent fascination with anything porn-related?
“No, it’s really, really not necessary for me to see him.”
The last thing Lelouch wanted or needed to see was Suzaku Kururugi.
***
“I’m sorry, I kind of let you wait. I just -” Rivalz paused, feeling that he could be open with this Suzaku guy. He didn’t look too arrogant or anything. In fact, dressed in those jeans and a regular T-shirt, with those black sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose - sunglasses he was taking off now, he looked like a normal guy. A college student, perhaps and Rivalz briefly wondered how such a young guy had made it so big in the porn industry. Then again, stranger things had happened.
“I just had to tell my friend about you, Mr-”
“Suzaku is fine.”
“Sorry, I guess that’s kind of strange.” Rivalz added, suddenly feeling like some weird sort of fanboy. And really he wasn’t. It just wasn’t daily that you well, ran into the guy who was (kind of) your role model when it came to sex. Especially more now because he was that young.
Suzaku laughed. “Don’t fret yourself. I’m kind of flattered really.”
Rivalz’s eyes widened, then he broke out into relieved smile. “Really? That’s cool then.”
“Well, it’s not like,” Suzaku’s voice fell to a whisper, “everyone admires you because of working in the porn industry. But really, I’m mostly your regular guy. See-” He tapped his fingers against the porn videos he was holding against his chest. “So I’m cool with people complimenting me about it.”
“You can be glad that you didn’t have my friend standing at the counter here,” Rivalz said, chuckling. “He’s so prim and uptight that I’m surprised he’s working here in the first place.”
“And you told him about me?” Suzaku asked, his voice oddly curious -- too curious, in fact, but Rivalz didn’t notice that, more preoccupied with the thought of his strange (too fucking uptight) friend.
“Ah, yeah. Though Lelouch was less than pleased.”
“Hmm,” Suzaku said thoughtfully, “I’m not surprised.”
“What was that?”
“Ah, it’s - nothing. He’s probably - jealous, maybe?” Suzaku was grinning -- a stupid and boyish grin -- that again made Rivalz think: How the heck did this young guy end up being a porn star? When you speak to him like this, he’s just a regular - person.
“Jealous?”
“Of me being a porn star and all,” Suzaku said, licking his lips, ”some boys would sell their soul to the devil to work in the porn industry.”
Rivalz laughed, nearly breaking into a fit. “Lelouch? Jealous? I doubt he’s ever even watched porn in his entire life. He’d rather - I think he’d have to lose his mind to even consider something like that.”
Little did Rivalz know that exactly just that had happened. Even if it had been a momentary lapse of judgement on Lelouch’s part.
***
Lelouch was grateful that Rivalz and his uncle considered him responsible enough for the duty of locking up the shop. Grateful because Lelouch could end the day in silence and -
“So that’s where you’re working now. Kind of ironic, don’t you think? All things considered.”
Reply
only to see the one face he’d been trying to forget about.
“What do you want?” Lelouch said, his voice gaining a dangerous edge as he watched Suzaku walk towards him, looking frighteningly normal in that outfit, so much that Lelouch nearly felt silly for a second - for feeling-
(the adrenaline rushing through his veins, the need to run away).
Because when he looked at Suzaku like this - then Suzaku didn’t look much older than him (maybe three to four years older?) and, again, Lelouch was struck by the resemblance those green eyes had with someone he’d known once. A boy who’d shared the same name - a name he’d nearly forgotten, but -
(never those eyes or that large smile that lit up his features).
More so now, because Suzaku looked so frighteningly ordinary now- just like that boy had, the boy called Suz- - oh God it couldn’t be, Lelouch thought, his eyes widened as he slapped a hand against his trembling mouth -
Su-za-ku Ku-ru-ru-gi, Lelouch slowly pronounced in his head. Was he an idiot? Why hadn’t he seen it at once -
(and it clicked).
Lelouch felt his entire world spiral out of focus, everything he’d ever believed in was dying before his eyes because -
this had to be a lie. It just couldn’t be.
“Hey, don’t make that face. It’s not like -” Suzaku sighed. The way Lelouch was looking at him - as if he’d killed someone, as if he’d betrayed him in the worst way possible -
It oddly hurt, Suzaku thought, oddly made something inside of his stomach churn.
Then again, considering just what happened between them, he really couldn’t blame the other too much. “It’s not like I’ve been stalking you or anything, okay?”
“Really.” Lelouch knew at once that Suzaku was lying. He’d always been a miserable liar.
“Really, okay?” Suzaku suddenly felt stupid for a moment because he was crossing his heart and the look that flitted through Lelouch’s face seemed to reveal nothing but “what an idiot.”
“Then it would be best if you just left now. Because I really, really don’t want to see your face ever again.”
And he really didn’t. Not even when he knew who Suzaku was now. More than ever now, in fact.
Lelouch continued to walk, knowing fully well that Suzaku was beside him. “If this your definition of not stalking, then -”
“You know, I don’t blame you, but then again .. I guess we kind of need to er,” he cleared his throat “talk.”
Talk? Lelouch nearly burst out laughing. That was the sort of thing childhood friends turned lovers did, after kissing each other for the first time. Not them. “I don’t think-”
(“Ne, Lelouch - do you think we’ll be friends forever- hey, I wasn’t being sent- whatever you call it!”
“Why are you always the one winning at chess - I’m older than you!”
“You’re just angry because I beat you at that race again - hey, don’t make that face!”
“You should smile more, Lelouch.”)
Lelouch paused. If Suzaku was still Suzaku -- his Suzaku -- (was he even still?) then he was mightily stubborn. He sighed and turned around, but not before motioning Suzaku with a flip of his hand to follow him.
***
“I live here. Come in, but make it quick.” Lelouch felt he should have added something like “and if you dare try something, I’ll kick you in the groin and then call the police”, but he wasn’t some girl and really, it didn’t look like Suzaku actually had any bad intentions, did he?
(Or am I just being a fool again?)
Suzaku let his eyes sweep over the apartment, now slowly gaining on illumination after Lelouch had switched the light on. It was - small and, though well-furnished and neat, didn’t quite belie the fact that whatever circumstances Lelouch lived in, they were modest.
So, I guess he wasn’t lying about the sacrifice part.
Suzaku asked the first question that shot through his mind. “Say, how old are you?”
“17. Why?”
Reply
“I’m glad it amuses you so much, Suzaku.”
Suzaku paused for a moment, somewhat surprised at the familiar way Lelouch used that name - and the correct pronunciation of it. Nearly as if - but Suzaku didn’t have time to think about that.
“What the hell were you doing at a porno studio, Lelouch? Just what the hell would a seventeen-year-old boy do at a porno studio?”
“I don’t think it’s any of your business.” Lelouch wasn’t going to spill his life-story in front of anyone. That wasn’t something a Vi Britannia did. You didn’t look for pity but encouraged respect in others.
Suzaku sighed and - without being asked - sat down on the sofa. “I think you’re kind of wrong there, Lelouch. It’s kind of my business, especially when your stupid actions involved me fucking you under false pretenses.”
“I didn’t report anything, did I?” Lelouch said, not liking how comfortable Suzaku was making himself. Not liking that he was having this conversation at all. “And I did say, no, Suzaku, remember that.”
He’d even cried and Lelouch didn’t remember the last time he’d done that.
“At that point, I thought you were screwing with my head, trying to play a cute little virgi-”
“It wasn’t a game.” Lelouch tried to keep his voice down, the rage growing greater and greater. “But, of course, you were too intent to prove yourself to me.”
“How the hell was I supposed to know that you were,” Suzaku’s voice was no longer calm or even friendly, but cold - so cold that Lelouch felt a shudder run down his spine, ”that you were a minor and a virgin at that? Forgive me for assuming that anyone who’s willing to work in the porn industry is anything but those two things.”
“I said that I didn’t report anything. Okay? So leave now.”
Suzaku didn’t make any move to get up, still sitting there on that couch, where Nunnally usually sat and folded her cute little paper birds. “I’m sorry. I can’t just fucking leave, Lelouch. Not when you humiliated me in front of my co-workers like that. You think,” he paused and felt disgust rise within him, “that any of them have been looking at me the same way again?”
“How typical, Suzaku - how typical.”
Typical? Why was this boy talking about him as if he knew him? The only person who’d ever talked to him like that -
“And now you’re thinking how dare I talk to you like that, right?” Lelouch asked, his tone icy. “Or you’re confused that I’ve seen past your pathetic little demeanour.”
“What-what are trying to tell me?” Suzaku looked up at Lelouch, looked up at the boy leaning against the wall, his hands curled into fists and his eyes blazing - not with fear. But fury. Fury in its rawest form.
“It’s all about you, isn’t it? You think all of this is just about you? You, you and YOU.”
Suzaku looked up - half in amazement, half in anger. And saw that defiant gaze in Lelouch’s face again, his violet eyes shimmering with so much poorly suppressed rage that Suzaku was surprised that boy hadn’t thrown anything at him yet. For a second, he was nearly scared. Because, though Lelouch was slim and delicate in stature, those eyes clearly belonged to someone you didn’t make into your enemy.
He couldn’t speak, no words forming in his throat because those eyes seemed to see through the cracks, exposing all the ugly secrets Suzaku had been trying to hide from others and himself. Especially himself.
“You think that I walked into the porno studio because I wanted to? Because I was looking for some …” Lelouch cringed at that, “fun? Nothing I experienced that night was fun, in any sort of way.”
Reply
“I didn’t-” Suzaku started, but found himself not being able to say anything. Because he suddenly realised that the, past month, when he’d thought about Lelouch, those defiant eyes and everything else that had happened, he’d only been angry. Angry that Lelouch had fooled him, had tricked him and -
brought out the worst in himself. Made him realise that, no matter how he’d tried to kill that part inside of him, he was still capable of feeling.
Lelouch chucked, his voice bitter. “You did. Everything you said today proved that the only person you feel sorry for is yourself. Not me. In fact, Suzaku, son of former prime minister Genbu Kururugi, I think the only thing you’ve been doing for the past few years is feel terribly, terribly sorry for yourself.”
Lelouch didn’t know the full details, of course - didn’t have to - because he’d seen it all that night - Suzaku’s empty smile when he’d introduced himself, the fake smile he’d put on before Lelouch had pushed his buttons, the words he’d taunted him with -
“How did you know?” Suzaku asked, suddenly feeling sick and not even pausing to think how grotesque the situation was: a seventeen-year-boy imposing judgement on a twenty-one-year-old porn star.
“Oh, please,” Lelouch said, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like the name didn’t ring a bell once I had time to … ponder over what happened. Besides, the internet is a vast sea of information.”
Lelouch was lying, of course. He’d only realised it a mere twenty minutes ago, but Suzaku didn’t need to know. The less Suzaku knew, the better. If he let him go now, let Suzaku quit the scene before the final act, then Lelouch could, perhaps, forget that they’d met again and pretend that Suzaku was -
(Don’tthinkaboutit).
“Get out,” Lelouch merely said, and - with more strength than he’d imagined possessing - grabbed a bewildered Suzaku by the wrist and threw him out of his apartment - and out of his life.
Suzaku was already halfway out of the door when he heard Lelouch silently saying - probably not expecting to be listened to still. “It’s a shame, really. Because the Suzaku Kururugi I used to know was a very nice person. Foolishly stubborn, but kind.”
But Suzaku didn’t have the chance to ask what Lelouch meant by that or when they’d met (when? where? how?) because he was already outside, hearing the sound of a lock. Then footsteps - hasty and quick, angry - falling away into the distance.
It was only when he was outside that Suzaku remembered that Lelouch was a Vi Britannia and that, during one of those parties his father had always dragged him too, he’d met a younger boy with violet eyes - proud and defiant even then. Even as a small child.
Had met him more than once, often enough that they’d been friends.
Good friends even - no, they’d been best friends. Even if they’d not met daily, had only met a few times a year during those parties - but they had still been close enough that Suzaku, though he’d despised the useless blitz and glamour, had looked forward - genuinely looked forward -
(God, Lelouch-).
He’d forgotten.
(he’d wanted to forget and had managed admirably: drowning in one porn movie after another, until the only thing he remember was the taste of sweat, come and spit).
And, God, it really was easy to forget a name, especially when you tried to forget everything else as well.
Enough that he’d not recognised those violet eyes even when he’d - pushed into him, even when their bodies had -
Suzaku suddenly stopped walking and broke out laughing - clutching his stomach as he felt wave after wave of hysterical laughter spill from his lips, his body shaking as he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Reply
Suzaku was in his apartment now, seated on his bed. Or better said, in his and Gino’s apartment. They lived together not only because they were friends (as close as one get to being friends in the porn business) but because Gino, a year after their first meeting, had - without prior invitation - shown up on Suzaku’s doorstep, muttering something about him being too “fucked in the head” to live alone and thrusted his suitcase at him. And that was how they ended up being roommates - something that Suzaku, admittedly, didn’t quite regret.
Somehow, tonight, Gino was way too pleased with himself - leaning his back against Suzaku’s (always touchy-feely). “So how was your little reunion scene with our resident bishounen?”
Suzaku fought back to urge to punch the living daylights out of Gino. Really, what was up with that smirk? “Nothing.”
Only that I realised he was my childhood friend, whom I incidentally mistook for an experienced jerk with a big mouth and then proceeded to fuck. Too bad that I realised too late he was virgin. And I guess tough luck that our reunion took place like that.
“So he shot you down, I gather - your broken puppy dog when you came home today said it all.”
“Go fuck yourself, Gino - ah, forget it, I know you like doing that anyway,” Suzaku said and continued to stare holes into the wall.
Gino sighed and wondered if he should do something about the wall, considering that Suzaku seemed to have gathered a rapt fascination for it as of late. “Really, Suzaku. I don’t know what you were expecting. You took the boy’s virginity in the most horrid of circumstances and expected him to - what? - be grateful?”
Suzaku swallowed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. No, he’d not necessarily expected Lelouch to be pleased, but he hadn’t quite expected - whatever, now that he knew who Lelouch was, Suzaku wasn’t even that surprised that anymore. “I just didn’t think he’d be that furious.”
“Suzaku,” Gino sighed, “He’s a former aristocrat. These people are prouder than hell. You saw him at his weakest, of course he’s not going to be pleased. If anything, he’s got to be seething - not only at you but himself. For allowing himself to have gotten into such a situation.”
Suzaku sighed. He knew about aristocrats. More than he wanted to -
“He’s just different from what I’d thought he’d be.” Very different, Suzaku thought. Or not so different now. Because even then when he’d not known, when he’d driven inside of that tight heat and seen Lelouch’s eyes widen in pain, there’d been something -
(so strong and unbreakable -- so familiar).
Even when he’d finally broken out crying, Suzaku had somehow known - even then - that it hadn’t been so much despair, as sheer anger at being humiliated.
“Maybe you were expecting a victim. That was it? Maybe you thought you’d see someone broken, but -”
Suzaku laughed. God, that Gino. For someone who insisted on invading his personal space all the time and usually talked gibberish, he was quite insightful.
Yes, Suzaku had expected a victim and realised how foolish he’d been. Because Lelouch was -
“He was defiant and angry. Arrogant, too.” The sort of arrogant that reminded Suzaku of Japan and his - father. Things he didn’t quite want to remember. But Lelouch had re-opened all wounds that he’d tried to put behind him and bury with a past that he hated and yet-
sometimes wanted to return to so badly that he couldn’t sleep at nights and woke up, gasping (clutching at ghosts that he couldn’t reach).
“You should just forget about him then, Suzaku. From the looks of it, he’s fine. Dealing,” Gino said and brushed his hand against Suzaku’s knee, ”You should just go back to -”
“Making porn, is that it it?” Suzaku said bitterly. “The truth is I’m beginning to ask myself whether -”
Reply
“He said something very similar,” Suzaku said, suddenly feeling like laughing because, really, suddenly it seemed that his entire life was just one big parody. And he was the big mind behind it, operating and pulling the strings so that the parody could continue entertaining its sadistic audience.
“Wow, then he’s quite smart,” Gino said, his voice gaining an admiring note. “Because I’ve been trying to tell you that for the past few years.”
“Yeah, he was always that -smart and proud.” Suzaku smiled, a bit -- his voice affectionate, fond. Shaking his head. “Perhaps a bit too proud for his own good.”
“Was always?” Gino asked, his eyes widening as he started to understand. “You know him?”
“I didn’t quite get it before, not even when you showed me the picture because - hell because it was quite a while ago and I’ve tried to forget everything about Japan and my father, but yeah I knew - no - I know him quite well.”
And it was then that Suzaku realised, even though Gino was right about letting go, that he couldn’t - not yet - quite let go of Lelouch. Because, sometimes, no matter how hard you wanted to forget, the past just had a wonderful way of haunting you.
***
“He’s here again - and geh, can’t stay ‘cause I have customers waiting at the counter,” Rivalz said, and Lelouch didn’t even ask this time, but merely muttered a “fuck” under his breath (never curse out loud was what his parents had taught him).
“And what?” Lelouch let the pencil fall from his hand as he heard someone else enter the room - the linoleum ground not muffling the sound of footfalls.
“I’ve decided to work here,” Suzaku said, smiling as he entered the room, “it’s a nice place and I’ve been hoping-” he checked to see whether Rivalz was still there or not -- he was gone, thankfully, ”to get to know you better.”
“You’re not serious,” Lelouch said. “Tell me this is a bad joke.”
Because he really had no desire to get to know someone better, who a month ago, had stuck his dick into his ass in front of cameras and lights. Really. Didn’t matter that it was a former childhood friend.
“No, it isn’t,” Suzaku answered and bit back the urge the laugh. The look on Lelouch’s face - that perfectly scandalised look that only a true aristocrat could have mustered. And the way he was folding and unfolding those hands, his movements still elegant despite the obvious anger and indignation he had to be feeling.
“I thought I made it quite clear what I thought you about yesterday,” Lelouch said, sighing loudly despite himself. “You just can’t take no for answer, can you?”
Suzaku really had to suppress a smile from spreading over his features. Lelouch was still the same then: still painfully and fittingly witty. His mouth still a blade that could cut deep wounds. Like a fierce kitten, Suzaku had often thought when he’d been younger.
“Just like you can’t admit to weaknesses, I guess, Lelouch Lamperouge - or should I say, Vi Britannia?”
“Are you trying to blackmail me, Suzaku?” Lelouch asked. “Is that it? And where did you get that info from the - internet?”
“No. I just want to know what drove the son of Charles Vi Britannia into enough despair that he - foolishly - ended up at place he shouldn’t have,” Suzaku paused, looking at Lelouch’s face - seeing the slight mortification and pain there, ”It’s just that the boy I used to know would have rather died than sold himself like that. What would Nunnally think, if she knew?”
Reply
Leave a comment