Thread the First
Also because The Another Code Geass Kink Meme part I is filling, and anons everywhere are worried. So this is why I bring you,
Delightful REVOLUTIONS Also known as CODEGEASSR2♥KINKMEME PART II
First Thread.
Delightful REVOLUTIONS Also known as CODEGEASSR2♥KINKMEME PART II
First Thread.
Suzaku was in his apartment now, seated on his bed. Or better said, in his and Gino’s apartment. They lived together not only because they were friends (as close as one get to being friends in the porn business) but because Gino, a year after their first meeting, had - without prior invitation - shown up on Suzaku’s doorstep, muttering something about him being too “fucked in the head” to live alone and thrusted his suitcase at him. And that was how they ended up being roommates - something that Suzaku, admittedly, didn’t quite regret.
Somehow, tonight, Gino was way too pleased with himself - leaning his back against Suzaku’s (always touchy-feely). “So how was your little reunion scene with our resident bishounen?”
Suzaku fought back to urge to punch the living daylights out of Gino. Really, what was up with that smirk? “Nothing.”
Only that I realised he was my childhood friend, whom I incidentally mistook for an experienced jerk with a big mouth and then proceeded to fuck. Too bad that I realised too late he was virgin. And I guess tough luck that our reunion took place like that.
“So he shot you down, I gather - your broken puppy dog when you came home today said it all.”
“Go fuck yourself, Gino - ah, forget it, I know you like doing that anyway,” Suzaku said and continued to stare holes into the wall.
Gino sighed and wondered if he should do something about the wall, considering that Suzaku seemed to have gathered a rapt fascination for it as of late. “Really, Suzaku. I don’t know what you were expecting. You took the boy’s virginity in the most horrid of circumstances and expected him to - what? - be grateful?”
Suzaku swallowed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. No, he’d not necessarily expected Lelouch to be pleased, but he hadn’t quite expected - whatever, now that he knew who Lelouch was, Suzaku wasn’t even that surprised that anymore. “I just didn’t think he’d be that furious.”
“Suzaku,” Gino sighed, “He’s a former aristocrat. These people are prouder than hell. You saw him at his weakest, of course he’s not going to be pleased. If anything, he’s got to be seething - not only at you but himself. For allowing himself to have gotten into such a situation.”
Suzaku sighed. He knew about aristocrats. More than he wanted to -
“He’s just different from what I’d thought he’d be.” Very different, Suzaku thought. Or not so different now. Because even then when he’d not known, when he’d driven inside of that tight heat and seen Lelouch’s eyes widen in pain, there’d been something -
(so strong and unbreakable -- so familiar).
Even when he’d finally broken out crying, Suzaku had somehow known - even then - that it hadn’t been so much despair, as sheer anger at being humiliated.
“Maybe you were expecting a victim. That was it? Maybe you thought you’d see someone broken, but -”
Suzaku laughed. God, that Gino. For someone who insisted on invading his personal space all the time and usually talked gibberish, he was quite insightful.
Yes, Suzaku had expected a victim and realised how foolish he’d been. Because Lelouch was -
“He was defiant and angry. Arrogant, too.” The sort of arrogant that reminded Suzaku of Japan and his - father. Things he didn’t quite want to remember. But Lelouch had re-opened all wounds that he’d tried to put behind him and bury with a past that he hated and yet-
sometimes wanted to return to so badly that he couldn’t sleep at nights and woke up, gasping (clutching at ghosts that he couldn’t reach).
“You should just forget about him then, Suzaku. From the looks of it, he’s fine. Dealing,” Gino said and brushed his hand against Suzaku’s knee, ”You should just go back to -”
“Making porn, is that it it?” Suzaku said bitterly. “The truth is I’m beginning to ask myself whether -”
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“He said something very similar,” Suzaku said, suddenly feeling like laughing because, really, suddenly it seemed that his entire life was just one big parody. And he was the big mind behind it, operating and pulling the strings so that the parody could continue entertaining its sadistic audience.
“Wow, then he’s quite smart,” Gino said, his voice gaining an admiring note. “Because I’ve been trying to tell you that for the past few years.”
“Yeah, he was always that -smart and proud.” Suzaku smiled, a bit -- his voice affectionate, fond. Shaking his head. “Perhaps a bit too proud for his own good.”
“Was always?” Gino asked, his eyes widening as he started to understand. “You know him?”
“I didn’t quite get it before, not even when you showed me the picture because - hell because it was quite a while ago and I’ve tried to forget everything about Japan and my father, but yeah I knew - no - I know him quite well.”
And it was then that Suzaku realised, even though Gino was right about letting go, that he couldn’t - not yet - quite let go of Lelouch. Because, sometimes, no matter how hard you wanted to forget, the past just had a wonderful way of haunting you.
***
“He’s here again - and geh, can’t stay ‘cause I have customers waiting at the counter,” Rivalz said, and Lelouch didn’t even ask this time, but merely muttered a “fuck” under his breath (never curse out loud was what his parents had taught him).
“And what?” Lelouch let the pencil fall from his hand as he heard someone else enter the room - the linoleum ground not muffling the sound of footfalls.
“I’ve decided to work here,” Suzaku said, smiling as he entered the room, “it’s a nice place and I’ve been hoping-” he checked to see whether Rivalz was still there or not -- he was gone, thankfully, ”to get to know you better.”
“You’re not serious,” Lelouch said. “Tell me this is a bad joke.”
Because he really had no desire to get to know someone better, who a month ago, had stuck his dick into his ass in front of cameras and lights. Really. Didn’t matter that it was a former childhood friend.
“No, it isn’t,” Suzaku answered and bit back the urge the laugh. The look on Lelouch’s face - that perfectly scandalised look that only a true aristocrat could have mustered. And the way he was folding and unfolding those hands, his movements still elegant despite the obvious anger and indignation he had to be feeling.
“I thought I made it quite clear what I thought you about yesterday,” Lelouch said, sighing loudly despite himself. “You just can’t take no for answer, can you?”
Suzaku really had to suppress a smile from spreading over his features. Lelouch was still the same then: still painfully and fittingly witty. His mouth still a blade that could cut deep wounds. Like a fierce kitten, Suzaku had often thought when he’d been younger.
“Just like you can’t admit to weaknesses, I guess, Lelouch Lamperouge - or should I say, Vi Britannia?”
“Are you trying to blackmail me, Suzaku?” Lelouch asked. “Is that it? And where did you get that info from the - internet?”
“No. I just want to know what drove the son of Charles Vi Britannia into enough despair that he - foolishly - ended up at place he shouldn’t have,” Suzaku paused, looking at Lelouch’s face - seeing the slight mortification and pain there, ”It’s just that the boy I used to know would have rather died than sold himself like that. What would Nunnally think, if she knew?”
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Suzaku’s felt his heart lurching - an invisible punch being landed against his guts.
“I didn’t at once. I don’t think you did at first, either. But then,” Suzaku smiled again this time - wistfully - ”it’s not like you’d expect your childhood friend to end up working at a porn company.”
“I never thought I’d meet you under such circumstances,” Lelouch said, his voice suddenly sad and eyes downcast, ”I never thought you’d become that sort of person.”
-who’d sell his entire pride just to waste his life away, Lelouch wanted to say, but bit back that comment.
Suzaku didn’t ask Lelouch to specify because he knew - knew that, if he’d been his younger self and saw what he’d become right now - he’d probably be just as disgusted as Lelouch was. He could deal with his own self-hatred but seeing the way Lelouch perceived him now was more horrible than he’d imagined possible.
“You were so proud, Suzaku. So strong. I never thought you’d fall like this.”
“You sound like you used to admire me once.” And Suzaku suddenly felt like crying because he’d forgotten Lelouch, had forgotten how much he’d liked him once - how he’d, in fact, admired the raw intelligence in a boy four years his junior. Someone he’d considered an equal back then, even though Lelouch had been shorter and his voice still that of a child’s.
(He’d grown up quite fine, his voice a deep baritone now, and his slender frame only highlighting the natural elegance that had always surrounded him).
“I - I did,” Lelouch admitted, “not only because you were older or faster than anyone else I knew, but because you didn’t treat me like all the other stupid kids did during the parties.” A beat. “You were always -”
“A bit of a bully? At first,” Suzaku added and then grinned. “I remember how I asked whether you were a girl when we first met.”
“And I said your English sucked. Or something like that,” Lelouch said, his mouth twisting into an involuntary smile. They shouldn’t be smiling, he thought. Not after -
(but for a moment it was nearly as if time had come to a halt and they were kids again).
“But then we got along, yeah. After Nunnally-”
“Yeah, after she had her accident. You were actually the only one who wasn’t afraid to come closer to her, but treated her - like a person.”
Suzaku felt the urge to leave now because he heard the unspoken accusation in Lelouch’s voice and knew that - that night, that horrible night - he’d not once seen Lelouch as a person. But he couldn’t. Not yet.
“Do you hate me that much now, Lelouch?”
Eyes widening, Lelouch looked up at Suzaku, saw the raw emotion in those green eyes and the regret, the shame and self-hatred -- burning so vividly that Lelouch wanted to hit something.
(Don’t look at me like that, you idiot.)
Lelouch laughed hollowly. “No, not hate - I’m just … sad. The whole thing is just a level too fucked-up for me, Suzaku.” He didn’t add the unspoken: “I could never hate you, Suzaku - not you,” because he knew that Suzaku could it see plainly spelled out on his face.
“I’m sorry.” And Suzaku really meant it.
***
Anon will probably post a third part (anon added "porn" instead of part at first - Freudian slip which suggests that there will be porn in the next part XD). Where things will really get better. Not worse. And with less italics because anon hates italics now.
Comments are appreciated - though anon has no idea if this is any good
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please finish this, okay?
sending you much virtual love!
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I love the dichotomy of Suzkau being a 'success' and a star, but hating every moment of it. I love how the more Lelouch humbles himself, the prouder he becomes (and the more admirable, perhaps). I love Rivalz's compassion and complete incomprehension. I love Gino's patience and insight and ability not to push.
...I kinda want to hear from Nunnally. And what happened to the Vi Britannias (and the Kururugis for that matter)? I love the way this is progressing, the slow but steady build-up to something either wonderful or, potentially, heartbreaking.
In short; waiting with bated breath for part 3. ♥
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Oh Lelouch, just how close did you come to doing the exact same thing?
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Thank you for writing.
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Pretty please?
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