"For Choices" Chpt 7 (Gilmore Girls)
Wow. That was an even longer wait, wasn't it? Ugh I HATE school! And being sick. There was that, too. Freaking stomach flu. Ick. Anyway, here you go! Finally! For anyone who wants to kill me for anything from this point in, please just hang in there...I promise there's a point to everything. Okidoki then...enjoy! LOL and please do review so I know ya'll are still around. :P Thanks so much!
Chapter 7
When Rory woke up, she didn't know where she was. She saw the red digital numbers glaring at her from the generic nightstand, telling her that it was just after five thirty in the morning.
But five thirty in the morning where?
Then she realized that she was naked under the covers, and she could here the gentle in and out of someone breathing in sleep at her back.
Logan.
It came back to her, and she turned over slowly to find him, face buried in his pillow beside her.
Oh god.
You haven't changed much, have you?
Rory climbed quickly but quietly of the bed and gathered her clothes, dressing shakily. Maybe if she could get out of here without waking him she could pretend it had never happened. She could forget it. Logan didn't know where she lived, exactly. He hadn't even written the check yet. She wasn't even sure he'd actually found the checkbook.
But that didn't matter. She didn't need the money, though he would probably send it to her address in Stars Hollow anyway. What if he looked for her there?
Oh god, oh god, oh god. What was she doing here?
Her clothes were still stained from the coffee, but they were dry, if maybe a little stiff. She could get home, anyway. She almost made it, but she heard her name as she went to pick up her things.
“Rory? What are you doing?”
She spun on him, suddenly angry. “I'm leaving.”
Logan sat up, suddenly more awake. “What? Why?”
Rory picked up her computer bag and purse, not looking at him. “Because I won't be that girl! I'm not supposed to be that girl.”
He frowned at her, climbing out of bed and pulling the sheet with him to hold around himself. “What girl?”
“The one who does this! The one who just...lets this happen-falls into bed with old boyfriends. God, I did it once, and-“ She stopped there, breath and heart rate speeding up, horrified that she'd let that slip. Dean wasn't something that had ever come up with Logan, really. Jess, either. He didn't know much of anything about her relational past.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She held her bags tightly over her shoulder and turned for the door.
“Rory, wait!”
The hand on her arm didn't work this time, and she shook it off. “No! I shouldn't even be here! This was stupid. I have to go.” She pulled the door open and swept out before she change her mind or look back at him and see the hurt she knew would be there. She left him standing in the entryway of the hotel room, unable to follow her in his current state of undress. She ran, hoping he wouldn't pull anything on in time to follow her.
If he did, she didn't hear him calling after her.
The drive to Stars Hollow had never seemed longer, and yet it was short enough that she didn't remember she still looked a wreck in her stained clothes until she pulled up at the house. It was after six, and the jeep was gone. Luke's truck wasn't there either, but that wasn't surprising. He would be at the diner by now. Her mother's absence was more confusing, but her only conclusion was that Lorelai was at Luke or at work already.
It was inconvenient, seeing as all she wanted right now was her mother. But she couldn't go to find her immediately, if she was anywhere other people would see her.
Rory ran inside and found clothes to wear, and headed back for town. The diner was closest; hopefully Lorelai was still there eating breakfast. She didn't feel like walking all the way to the inn, and it would take almost as long to come back for her car if she wasn't in town at the diner.
She wanted her mother, and she wanted her now.
But apparently she was being punished already. She burst into the diner to find it bustling with the 6 a.m. crowd, but no Lorelai Gilmore.
Luke came out from behind the counter as the crowd went back to eating after glancing at her. “Rory? What's going on? I didn't know you were coming home this weekend.”
She staggered back a step, lightheaded. “I wasn't...” she answered weakly.
“Is something wrong?” he asked quietly, moving closer and putting out hands to steady her.
“Where's Mom?”
“She's at the inn. They had an early meeting today.”
“But she should be here,” Rory protested. “She shouldn't have a meeting today; she should be here. I need her here...” she trailed, blinking rapidly.
“Rory?” Luke's voice went up in pitch. She knew it was only his reaction to upset women, she she hardly noticed at all. He seemed to realize she was on the verge of a breakdown, and immediately began to ease her toward the door to the stairs. “Come on...”
She followed him blindly, barely noticing where her feet went and nearly tripping on a chair in the process. Luke guided her by the shoulders, and the first sob broke free as he got her through the curtain and into the stairwell. Her legs didn't make it any farther than the second step.
“Whoa!” Luke came down with her, easing her to the wooden steps and wrapping his arms around her uncertainly. Rory sobbed into his shoulder, wishing she could stop the embarrassing display but powerless to do so.
“Rory, what is it?” he asked, quite obviously uncomfortable.
She couldn't tell him. She could barely breathe.
Luke sat with her for a minute or two, but then let go of her and stood. “W-wait. Just a minute.” Maybe he had to warn Lane and Caesar that he might be a while. Rory hated to intrude, but she wasn't really thinking about that right now.
She wasn't sure how long it was until the curtain briefly opened again, and warm arms took her in once more. She couldn't look at him, but with with her eyes squeezed shut as she cried she let him hold her, hoping this would blow over soon and she could find her mother. She wondered how she was going to get Luke to let her leave without an explanation. She couldn't talk to him about this....
But she was grateful he was there.
When the sobs faded to hiccups Rory let her eyes open-and realized that the legs she was looking at were much too long.
She sat up quickly, swiping at her face with her sleeve almost as an afterthought as she looked in shock at who was beside her now. “Dean?”
He winced. “Yeah...”
“W-what...”
“Luke had several new customers coming in and needed to get back to work...I was just coming in, too; I guess I was convenient.”
“Because it certainly wasn't that he likes you,” she said dryly.
“That too.” Dean let his arms fall away, but he was looking at her in concern. “Are you okay?”
Rory barked out something between a laugh and another sob. “Not really.” She swallowed. “You didn't have to....”
“I know,” he said quickly. “It's okay.”
“You're sure?”
“I'm sure,” he said honestly.
She let out a breath and offered a tentative thanks, to which he only shrugged. “You don't have to stay,” Rory said then, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that he was there in the first place.
Dean looked at her for a moment. “You don't need anything?”
She crossed her arms tightly over herself and shook her head.
“I don't guess you want to tell me what's going on?”
She grimaced and shook her head again, looking away. “I just...I did something brilliantly stupid.”
He shifted uncomfortably on the steps, which was much too low for the length of his legs. “Well...I guess we all do those things.”
Rory opened her mouth and shut it again. She'd been about to say you have no idea, but he did. They both did. “Why do you care?” she asked instead.
Dean blinked at her. “What?”
She shifted to the edge of the stair, away from him enough that she could get a good look at him. “Why do you care? You...you shouldn't have to care. After everything...you shouldn't have to care,” she finished lamely, unable to word it better.
She wasn't even sure exactly what she was saying. But the feeling of amazement that Dean had ever even talked to her when he made it back to town was still there-compounded by the fact that he'd been nice to her. Yes, a little distant, which wasn't unexpected, but nice. She didn't know exactly where the feeling that he shouldn't was coming from. Something just told her so.
Yet here he was, and he seemed to care. After all the shit they'd both been through, he still cared.
Dean frowned a little, as if trying to decide the answer for himself, and for a moment or two he seemed to be in deep thought.
“Because I'm your friend,” he said finally.
Rory swallowed. “Are you? We've seen each other all of three or four times in the last, what, five years? And all of those were in the past three months, and all of them by chance alone. That doesn't exactly qualify as friendship material.”
He shrugged. “Not yet...but it could be a start, if you want.” She stared at him uncertainly, and he continued. “Look, I'm home for the summer, and even though you're in Hartford it's obvious you come here often, and I figure if we're apparently going to be bumping into each other anyway...we might want to give it a try.”
“Another try,” she corrected, with what small amount of humor she could muster.
“True,” he admitted.
She would have been more cautious only a week ago, but now that she didn't know if Jess would ever call her back, and feeling certain that Logan would hate her forever, Rory realized that she could use a friend right now.
No complications. Complications were the last thing she needed.
But a friend in Dean she felt she could welcome. It had been long enough, hadn't it?
She forced a smile she didn't feel, but that didn't mean it was a lie. “Maybe you're right.”
Dean smiled a little in return. “Friends then?” He seemed a little tentative about it himself, and she couldn't blame him for that.
But she wanted it.
“Sure.”
When Luke called Lorelai dropped everything and drove back to the diner, leaving the others to watch the Dragonfly. When she hurried in Luke was hovering near the entrance to the stairs, and when she approached he nodded toward the curtain, telling her where Rory was.
“What's going on?” she whispered.
“I wish I knew. She came in looking pretty damn freaked out about something, and I barely got her back there before she burst into tears. I wanted to help, but I'm just not good with that stuff, and then Dean came in...”
“Dean?”
“He went in there with her. I didn't know what else to do.”
Lorelai patted his arm and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for trying. I'll see what I can do.”
“I hope she's all right. I didn't really think about it being Dean; he was just kind of convenient...”
“Don't worry about it. Get back to work; your 6 a.m. crowd is thinning out, but you've still got plenty of people in here.”
Luke let out a breath. “Yeah. Okay.” He moved off, and Lorelai stepped into the stairwell, knocking on the wall on the inside to announce her presence.
Rory and Dean were both there, sitting on the second step, and they looked up at the sound.
“Mom!” Rory stood quickly and hugged her, and Lorelai held on tightly.
“Luke called me. What's going on, honey?”
Her daughter swallowed. “Can we go home first?”
“Okay...” Keeping an arm around Rory, Lorelai looked down again at the young man that took up entirely too much room for the base of the small stairwell. “Dean. We meet again. Finally,” she said in amusement.
He stood, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Yeah...it's been too long.”
“Heard you crashed my wedding.”
“If you want to call it that.”
“Of course I want to call it that; it's more fun that way.”
Dean smirked. “Of course.” Lorelai smiled briefly, and gently eased her daughter toward the curtain. “Take care,” he added. Rory gave him an appreciative glance, causing her mother to wonder exactly what had gone on before she arrived.
“You too,” Lorelai answered. Then she squeezed her daughter's shoulders and bundled her home.
Lorelai did everything Rory had expected of her. She drove them home, even though it was only a moment away, got her inside and put on a pot of coffee. She didn't say anything until Rory had a mug in her hands, and that was when she eased herself onto the couch beside her daughter and looked at her intently.
“So.”
“So...” Rory trailed.
“I think this is the part where you tell me what happened back there.”
She let out a breath. “Figured that.”
Lorelai took a sip of her own coffee. “I'm right here, sweetheart.”
And there was really no other way to do it than to jump right in. She stared into her mug and swallowed. “Well...Logan's in town, for starters.”
“Did your grandmother finally decide to call you about that yourself? I'm sorry honey; I would have let you know as soon as she told me yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't reach you.”
Rory snorted. “No, I don't guess you could.”
She could just feel her mother frown in confusion at that. “Rory? What is it?”
“I uh...I ran into him.”
“Oh...I'm sorry; it didn't go well, did it?”
“Oh, it went pretty well there for a while there.”
Lorelai was silent, but Rory couldn't tell if it was because she understood or because she didn't. Finally she looked at her mother, and Lorelai looked back. Finally her eyebrows went up.
“Oh. Oh. Oh, Rory...”
“I never meant for anything to happen. It was the last thing on my mind, but he spilled coffee all over me and he didn't have his check book and we ended up in his hotel room, and we were arguing, and...I shouldn't have let it happen.” She grimaced. “What am I supposed to do? I know him. I know he'll look for me. He'll want to make it right, and he can't.”
Lorelai look at her for a moment. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes. I thought I was, and then last night I wasn't, but...I'm sure. We can't go back, mom. It's just...I think I would have married him before if it was meant to be. I loved him-I love him-but I can't spend the rest of my life with him. I couldn't explain it then and I can't now, but it's just not...right.”
Her mother pulled her in with an arm around her shoulders. “You haven't found the one you don't want to hesitate about. That's okay. You've got time. I mean hey, look how long it took me.”
Rory groaned. “Thanks for the encouragement.
“Hey, I'm not that old.”
“I know, I know...” She curled up against her mother. “I just feel like a horrible person. Again.”
Lorelai held her close and rubbed her shoulders. “You are not a horrible person. You just made a mistake.”
“Well when am I going to stop making them,” she grumbled. “At least the big ones...”
Her mother sighed. “I don't think there's ever a point where we're not at risk of making those. But hey, no pity parties. You've got an advantage; you're a good kid. You'll be okay.”
“You promise?” She didn't know why, but as much as her mother had always been at making her feel grown-up and included and equal, Lorelai had always been able to make her feel like a child again, too-small and safe and warm and loved. It wasn't such a bad thing right now.
Lorelai kissed her forehead. “I promise.”
Rory insisted that her mother get back to work, and headed back to her apartment to curl up in bed and read. Lorelai had offered to stay home, watch movies with her at the house, and help her eat as much ice cream as they could stuff their faces with, but she hadn't wanted to keep her mother from the inn. She felt bad enough already.
Talking to her mother had helped, but right now she just wanted to...forget. Staying home in Stars Hollow and keeping Lorelai from work would have been out of the ordinary. It would have been fun, but it wouldn't have helped her forget. Staying in her apartment and reading was normal; that would help her forget.
Maybe if she pretended it had never happened it would all blow over. She wasn't naive enough to think it would all disappear...but maybe just forgetting for a while would be enough to keep her sane. So she went back to her apartment, wrote a few paragraphs of her next assignment, and picked up a book.
The forgetting was working, until she remembered.
Rory was in the middle of a paragraph when she dropped the book and snatched her phone from the nightstand. She all but jumped off of the bed, pacing until her mother picked up.
“Hey. Rory? What's up; how are you doing?”
“Oh my god, Mom, we weren't even safe!”
There was silence for a moment. “You and Logan? Last night?”
“Yes! I was so upset I'd let it happen in the first place I wasn't even thinking about it before, but we weren't Oh god, we weren't...”
“You're sure? You're not on a pill or anything...?”
“There hasn't been reason to worry about anything for almost two years, Mom. There was no point in continuing to pay for them if I didn't need them!
“Rory, sweetie, calm down. This doesn't have to mean anything. It happened to me and Luke three or four years ago, remember? After the party when the article on the inn came out? We were drunk, and I wasn't on anything, and we forgot about everything else, and nothing happened. It was fine. You'll be fine.”
“But what if I'm not? What if I'm not that lucky? You weren't the first time. Thus my existence.”
“I don't know what to tell you, Rory. There's nothing either of us can do right now.”
“I know that!” She trudged into the main room and dropped onto the couch from her childhood. It wasn't comfortable, but it was familiar. She curled up in its corner and closed her eyes.
It took a moment before her mother said anything else. “Do you want me to come over there?” she asked gently.
Rory shook her head at first, and then stopped. One, it couldn't be seen over the phone, and two, her head hurt now. “No...it's okay. Thanks.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but...you're right; you can't do anything. I've got an article I can work on, I'll...just do that. Working is good.”
“For you, maybe,” Lorelai teased.
“It should not be underestimated as a calming mechanism.”
“And here I was all annoyed at needing to do it on a Saturday.”
“Yeah, what was up with that anyway?”
“Business is good; it's just busy at inn. They need me whenever I can be there, and Luke's still at the diner on Saturdays, so there's not much of a reason not to go into work if I can...”
“My mother, the enterprising business owner.”
“You better believe it! Well, half business owner, but let's not spoil the fun.”
Rory smirked, coming close enough to a giggle to feel a little better. “Thanks, Mom.”
“For what? This isn't for you; tireless sarcasm is my job.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah...I know. So you don't want me to come over?”
“I'll be okay for now.”
“All right...Hang in there, kid. I love you.”
“Love you too, mom.”
The week passed much too slowly, but working did help. Still, Jess still didn't call, and that didn't help. In his absence Rory found herself thinking of Dean. It had been so long since she'd let herself think about him at all that it was strange to find herself wanting to see him.
He wanted to be her friend...and a friend she could use right now.
But she couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone, even though she knew she could probably reach him at his house. Maybe it was the fear of one of his parents picking up, or maybe it was something else, but she didn't call.
Though she wondered if Dean would have called her if he'd known her number.
Rory left her apartment Friday afternoon with the intention of heading to Stars Hollow, but stopped as soon as she'd stepped out the front door of the building.
Jess was leaning against the iron railing, looking up toward her window.
He looked toward her when he heard the door shut, and his eyebrows went up. “Hey...I was about to buzz up, or...call you...or something. I just...didn't know if you'd let me in.”
Rory swallowed and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. “Why wouldn't I let you in?”
He grimaced. “I was kind of an ass before I left last time.”
“You had an excuse to be upset...”
Jess shook his head. “No I didn't. Not really. I shouldn't have even thought...” He trailed off and looked away for a moment. “Look, I'm sorry.”
“Me too,” she said quietly.
He gave a weak smile, and after a moment Rory hugged him. She held on for a long, long time, and it felt good to finally not have to worry about anything anymore. Not with Jess.
Eventually he gave her one more squeeze and let go, and she stepped back too. “I wish I had more time to make it up to you,” he sighed. “But I've got a flight out in the morning.”
Rory smiled, and she was relatively sure it was the first time in several days. “I could always use a good cup of coffee.” That, and the only coffee shop within walking distance-the one she and Jess had been in two weeks ago-was nowhere near the one where she'd run into Logan. She could always use coffee, and now she could always use coffee from anywhere but there.
“Of you, that much is true. Apparently there is no such thing as too much coffee.”
“Never.”
Jess took her arm and led her down the steps to the sidewalk. “Then coffee it is.”
Chapter 7
When Rory woke up, she didn't know where she was. She saw the red digital numbers glaring at her from the generic nightstand, telling her that it was just after five thirty in the morning.
But five thirty in the morning where?
Then she realized that she was naked under the covers, and she could here the gentle in and out of someone breathing in sleep at her back.
Logan.
It came back to her, and she turned over slowly to find him, face buried in his pillow beside her.
Oh god.
You haven't changed much, have you?
Rory climbed quickly but quietly of the bed and gathered her clothes, dressing shakily. Maybe if she could get out of here without waking him she could pretend it had never happened. She could forget it. Logan didn't know where she lived, exactly. He hadn't even written the check yet. She wasn't even sure he'd actually found the checkbook.
But that didn't matter. She didn't need the money, though he would probably send it to her address in Stars Hollow anyway. What if he looked for her there?
Oh god, oh god, oh god. What was she doing here?
Her clothes were still stained from the coffee, but they were dry, if maybe a little stiff. She could get home, anyway. She almost made it, but she heard her name as she went to pick up her things.
“Rory? What are you doing?”
She spun on him, suddenly angry. “I'm leaving.”
Logan sat up, suddenly more awake. “What? Why?”
Rory picked up her computer bag and purse, not looking at him. “Because I won't be that girl! I'm not supposed to be that girl.”
He frowned at her, climbing out of bed and pulling the sheet with him to hold around himself. “What girl?”
“The one who does this! The one who just...lets this happen-falls into bed with old boyfriends. God, I did it once, and-“ She stopped there, breath and heart rate speeding up, horrified that she'd let that slip. Dean wasn't something that had ever come up with Logan, really. Jess, either. He didn't know much of anything about her relational past.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She held her bags tightly over her shoulder and turned for the door.
“Rory, wait!”
The hand on her arm didn't work this time, and she shook it off. “No! I shouldn't even be here! This was stupid. I have to go.” She pulled the door open and swept out before she change her mind or look back at him and see the hurt she knew would be there. She left him standing in the entryway of the hotel room, unable to follow her in his current state of undress. She ran, hoping he wouldn't pull anything on in time to follow her.
If he did, she didn't hear him calling after her.
The drive to Stars Hollow had never seemed longer, and yet it was short enough that she didn't remember she still looked a wreck in her stained clothes until she pulled up at the house. It was after six, and the jeep was gone. Luke's truck wasn't there either, but that wasn't surprising. He would be at the diner by now. Her mother's absence was more confusing, but her only conclusion was that Lorelai was at Luke or at work already.
It was inconvenient, seeing as all she wanted right now was her mother. But she couldn't go to find her immediately, if she was anywhere other people would see her.
Rory ran inside and found clothes to wear, and headed back for town. The diner was closest; hopefully Lorelai was still there eating breakfast. She didn't feel like walking all the way to the inn, and it would take almost as long to come back for her car if she wasn't in town at the diner.
She wanted her mother, and she wanted her now.
But apparently she was being punished already. She burst into the diner to find it bustling with the 6 a.m. crowd, but no Lorelai Gilmore.
Luke came out from behind the counter as the crowd went back to eating after glancing at her. “Rory? What's going on? I didn't know you were coming home this weekend.”
She staggered back a step, lightheaded. “I wasn't...” she answered weakly.
“Is something wrong?” he asked quietly, moving closer and putting out hands to steady her.
“Where's Mom?”
“She's at the inn. They had an early meeting today.”
“But she should be here,” Rory protested. “She shouldn't have a meeting today; she should be here. I need her here...” she trailed, blinking rapidly.
“Rory?” Luke's voice went up in pitch. She knew it was only his reaction to upset women, she she hardly noticed at all. He seemed to realize she was on the verge of a breakdown, and immediately began to ease her toward the door to the stairs. “Come on...”
She followed him blindly, barely noticing where her feet went and nearly tripping on a chair in the process. Luke guided her by the shoulders, and the first sob broke free as he got her through the curtain and into the stairwell. Her legs didn't make it any farther than the second step.
“Whoa!” Luke came down with her, easing her to the wooden steps and wrapping his arms around her uncertainly. Rory sobbed into his shoulder, wishing she could stop the embarrassing display but powerless to do so.
“Rory, what is it?” he asked, quite obviously uncomfortable.
She couldn't tell him. She could barely breathe.
Luke sat with her for a minute or two, but then let go of her and stood. “W-wait. Just a minute.” Maybe he had to warn Lane and Caesar that he might be a while. Rory hated to intrude, but she wasn't really thinking about that right now.
She wasn't sure how long it was until the curtain briefly opened again, and warm arms took her in once more. She couldn't look at him, but with with her eyes squeezed shut as she cried she let him hold her, hoping this would blow over soon and she could find her mother. She wondered how she was going to get Luke to let her leave without an explanation. She couldn't talk to him about this....
But she was grateful he was there.
When the sobs faded to hiccups Rory let her eyes open-and realized that the legs she was looking at were much too long.
She sat up quickly, swiping at her face with her sleeve almost as an afterthought as she looked in shock at who was beside her now. “Dean?”
He winced. “Yeah...”
“W-what...”
“Luke had several new customers coming in and needed to get back to work...I was just coming in, too; I guess I was convenient.”
“Because it certainly wasn't that he likes you,” she said dryly.
“That too.” Dean let his arms fall away, but he was looking at her in concern. “Are you okay?”
Rory barked out something between a laugh and another sob. “Not really.” She swallowed. “You didn't have to....”
“I know,” he said quickly. “It's okay.”
“You're sure?”
“I'm sure,” he said honestly.
She let out a breath and offered a tentative thanks, to which he only shrugged. “You don't have to stay,” Rory said then, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that he was there in the first place.
Dean looked at her for a moment. “You don't need anything?”
She crossed her arms tightly over herself and shook her head.
“I don't guess you want to tell me what's going on?”
She grimaced and shook her head again, looking away. “I just...I did something brilliantly stupid.”
He shifted uncomfortably on the steps, which was much too low for the length of his legs. “Well...I guess we all do those things.”
Rory opened her mouth and shut it again. She'd been about to say you have no idea, but he did. They both did. “Why do you care?” she asked instead.
Dean blinked at her. “What?”
She shifted to the edge of the stair, away from him enough that she could get a good look at him. “Why do you care? You...you shouldn't have to care. After everything...you shouldn't have to care,” she finished lamely, unable to word it better.
She wasn't even sure exactly what she was saying. But the feeling of amazement that Dean had ever even talked to her when he made it back to town was still there-compounded by the fact that he'd been nice to her. Yes, a little distant, which wasn't unexpected, but nice. She didn't know exactly where the feeling that he shouldn't was coming from. Something just told her so.
Yet here he was, and he seemed to care. After all the shit they'd both been through, he still cared.
Dean frowned a little, as if trying to decide the answer for himself, and for a moment or two he seemed to be in deep thought.
“Because I'm your friend,” he said finally.
Rory swallowed. “Are you? We've seen each other all of three or four times in the last, what, five years? And all of those were in the past three months, and all of them by chance alone. That doesn't exactly qualify as friendship material.”
He shrugged. “Not yet...but it could be a start, if you want.” She stared at him uncertainly, and he continued. “Look, I'm home for the summer, and even though you're in Hartford it's obvious you come here often, and I figure if we're apparently going to be bumping into each other anyway...we might want to give it a try.”
“Another try,” she corrected, with what small amount of humor she could muster.
“True,” he admitted.
She would have been more cautious only a week ago, but now that she didn't know if Jess would ever call her back, and feeling certain that Logan would hate her forever, Rory realized that she could use a friend right now.
No complications. Complications were the last thing she needed.
But a friend in Dean she felt she could welcome. It had been long enough, hadn't it?
She forced a smile she didn't feel, but that didn't mean it was a lie. “Maybe you're right.”
Dean smiled a little in return. “Friends then?” He seemed a little tentative about it himself, and she couldn't blame him for that.
But she wanted it.
“Sure.”
When Luke called Lorelai dropped everything and drove back to the diner, leaving the others to watch the Dragonfly. When she hurried in Luke was hovering near the entrance to the stairs, and when she approached he nodded toward the curtain, telling her where Rory was.
“What's going on?” she whispered.
“I wish I knew. She came in looking pretty damn freaked out about something, and I barely got her back there before she burst into tears. I wanted to help, but I'm just not good with that stuff, and then Dean came in...”
“Dean?”
“He went in there with her. I didn't know what else to do.”
Lorelai patted his arm and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for trying. I'll see what I can do.”
“I hope she's all right. I didn't really think about it being Dean; he was just kind of convenient...”
“Don't worry about it. Get back to work; your 6 a.m. crowd is thinning out, but you've still got plenty of people in here.”
Luke let out a breath. “Yeah. Okay.” He moved off, and Lorelai stepped into the stairwell, knocking on the wall on the inside to announce her presence.
Rory and Dean were both there, sitting on the second step, and they looked up at the sound.
“Mom!” Rory stood quickly and hugged her, and Lorelai held on tightly.
“Luke called me. What's going on, honey?”
Her daughter swallowed. “Can we go home first?”
“Okay...” Keeping an arm around Rory, Lorelai looked down again at the young man that took up entirely too much room for the base of the small stairwell. “Dean. We meet again. Finally,” she said in amusement.
He stood, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Yeah...it's been too long.”
“Heard you crashed my wedding.”
“If you want to call it that.”
“Of course I want to call it that; it's more fun that way.”
Dean smirked. “Of course.” Lorelai smiled briefly, and gently eased her daughter toward the curtain. “Take care,” he added. Rory gave him an appreciative glance, causing her mother to wonder exactly what had gone on before she arrived.
“You too,” Lorelai answered. Then she squeezed her daughter's shoulders and bundled her home.
Lorelai did everything Rory had expected of her. She drove them home, even though it was only a moment away, got her inside and put on a pot of coffee. She didn't say anything until Rory had a mug in her hands, and that was when she eased herself onto the couch beside her daughter and looked at her intently.
“So.”
“So...” Rory trailed.
“I think this is the part where you tell me what happened back there.”
She let out a breath. “Figured that.”
Lorelai took a sip of her own coffee. “I'm right here, sweetheart.”
And there was really no other way to do it than to jump right in. She stared into her mug and swallowed. “Well...Logan's in town, for starters.”
“Did your grandmother finally decide to call you about that yourself? I'm sorry honey; I would have let you know as soon as she told me yesterday afternoon, but I couldn't reach you.”
Rory snorted. “No, I don't guess you could.”
She could just feel her mother frown in confusion at that. “Rory? What is it?”
“I uh...I ran into him.”
“Oh...I'm sorry; it didn't go well, did it?”
“Oh, it went pretty well there for a while there.”
Lorelai was silent, but Rory couldn't tell if it was because she understood or because she didn't. Finally she looked at her mother, and Lorelai looked back. Finally her eyebrows went up.
“Oh. Oh. Oh, Rory...”
“I never meant for anything to happen. It was the last thing on my mind, but he spilled coffee all over me and he didn't have his check book and we ended up in his hotel room, and we were arguing, and...I shouldn't have let it happen.” She grimaced. “What am I supposed to do? I know him. I know he'll look for me. He'll want to make it right, and he can't.”
Lorelai look at her for a moment. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes. I thought I was, and then last night I wasn't, but...I'm sure. We can't go back, mom. It's just...I think I would have married him before if it was meant to be. I loved him-I love him-but I can't spend the rest of my life with him. I couldn't explain it then and I can't now, but it's just not...right.”
Her mother pulled her in with an arm around her shoulders. “You haven't found the one you don't want to hesitate about. That's okay. You've got time. I mean hey, look how long it took me.”
Rory groaned. “Thanks for the encouragement.
“Hey, I'm not that old.”
“I know, I know...” She curled up against her mother. “I just feel like a horrible person. Again.”
Lorelai held her close and rubbed her shoulders. “You are not a horrible person. You just made a mistake.”
“Well when am I going to stop making them,” she grumbled. “At least the big ones...”
Her mother sighed. “I don't think there's ever a point where we're not at risk of making those. But hey, no pity parties. You've got an advantage; you're a good kid. You'll be okay.”
“You promise?” She didn't know why, but as much as her mother had always been at making her feel grown-up and included and equal, Lorelai had always been able to make her feel like a child again, too-small and safe and warm and loved. It wasn't such a bad thing right now.
Lorelai kissed her forehead. “I promise.”
Rory insisted that her mother get back to work, and headed back to her apartment to curl up in bed and read. Lorelai had offered to stay home, watch movies with her at the house, and help her eat as much ice cream as they could stuff their faces with, but she hadn't wanted to keep her mother from the inn. She felt bad enough already.
Talking to her mother had helped, but right now she just wanted to...forget. Staying home in Stars Hollow and keeping Lorelai from work would have been out of the ordinary. It would have been fun, but it wouldn't have helped her forget. Staying in her apartment and reading was normal; that would help her forget.
Maybe if she pretended it had never happened it would all blow over. She wasn't naive enough to think it would all disappear...but maybe just forgetting for a while would be enough to keep her sane. So she went back to her apartment, wrote a few paragraphs of her next assignment, and picked up a book.
The forgetting was working, until she remembered.
Rory was in the middle of a paragraph when she dropped the book and snatched her phone from the nightstand. She all but jumped off of the bed, pacing until her mother picked up.
“Hey. Rory? What's up; how are you doing?”
“Oh my god, Mom, we weren't even safe!”
There was silence for a moment. “You and Logan? Last night?”
“Yes! I was so upset I'd let it happen in the first place I wasn't even thinking about it before, but we weren't Oh god, we weren't...”
“You're sure? You're not on a pill or anything...?”
“There hasn't been reason to worry about anything for almost two years, Mom. There was no point in continuing to pay for them if I didn't need them!
“Rory, sweetie, calm down. This doesn't have to mean anything. It happened to me and Luke three or four years ago, remember? After the party when the article on the inn came out? We were drunk, and I wasn't on anything, and we forgot about everything else, and nothing happened. It was fine. You'll be fine.”
“But what if I'm not? What if I'm not that lucky? You weren't the first time. Thus my existence.”
“I don't know what to tell you, Rory. There's nothing either of us can do right now.”
“I know that!” She trudged into the main room and dropped onto the couch from her childhood. It wasn't comfortable, but it was familiar. She curled up in its corner and closed her eyes.
It took a moment before her mother said anything else. “Do you want me to come over there?” she asked gently.
Rory shook her head at first, and then stopped. One, it couldn't be seen over the phone, and two, her head hurt now. “No...it's okay. Thanks.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but...you're right; you can't do anything. I've got an article I can work on, I'll...just do that. Working is good.”
“For you, maybe,” Lorelai teased.
“It should not be underestimated as a calming mechanism.”
“And here I was all annoyed at needing to do it on a Saturday.”
“Yeah, what was up with that anyway?”
“Business is good; it's just busy at inn. They need me whenever I can be there, and Luke's still at the diner on Saturdays, so there's not much of a reason not to go into work if I can...”
“My mother, the enterprising business owner.”
“You better believe it! Well, half business owner, but let's not spoil the fun.”
Rory smirked, coming close enough to a giggle to feel a little better. “Thanks, Mom.”
“For what? This isn't for you; tireless sarcasm is my job.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah...I know. So you don't want me to come over?”
“I'll be okay for now.”
“All right...Hang in there, kid. I love you.”
“Love you too, mom.”
The week passed much too slowly, but working did help. Still, Jess still didn't call, and that didn't help. In his absence Rory found herself thinking of Dean. It had been so long since she'd let herself think about him at all that it was strange to find herself wanting to see him.
He wanted to be her friend...and a friend she could use right now.
But she couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone, even though she knew she could probably reach him at his house. Maybe it was the fear of one of his parents picking up, or maybe it was something else, but she didn't call.
Though she wondered if Dean would have called her if he'd known her number.
Rory left her apartment Friday afternoon with the intention of heading to Stars Hollow, but stopped as soon as she'd stepped out the front door of the building.
Jess was leaning against the iron railing, looking up toward her window.
He looked toward her when he heard the door shut, and his eyebrows went up. “Hey...I was about to buzz up, or...call you...or something. I just...didn't know if you'd let me in.”
Rory swallowed and adjusted her purse on her shoulder. “Why wouldn't I let you in?”
He grimaced. “I was kind of an ass before I left last time.”
“You had an excuse to be upset...”
Jess shook his head. “No I didn't. Not really. I shouldn't have even thought...” He trailed off and looked away for a moment. “Look, I'm sorry.”
“Me too,” she said quietly.
He gave a weak smile, and after a moment Rory hugged him. She held on for a long, long time, and it felt good to finally not have to worry about anything anymore. Not with Jess.
Eventually he gave her one more squeeze and let go, and she stepped back too. “I wish I had more time to make it up to you,” he sighed. “But I've got a flight out in the morning.”
Rory smiled, and she was relatively sure it was the first time in several days. “I could always use a good cup of coffee.” That, and the only coffee shop within walking distance-the one she and Jess had been in two weeks ago-was nowhere near the one where she'd run into Logan. She could always use coffee, and now she could always use coffee from anywhere but there.
“Of you, that much is true. Apparently there is no such thing as too much coffee.”
“Never.”
Jess took her arm and led her down the steps to the sidewalk. “Then coffee it is.”