Pick yourself up
I've been feeling the effects of Winter pretty hard lately. Since I got my paramedic card in September, I've spent somewhere around 240 hours of time training and interning, with hopes to get cleared. In January, I took a break to concentrate on school but recently I've been hitting the training pretty hard. I guess the paramedic refresher course has given me some enthusiasm back.
Once I get into some kind of groove, I take a break and lose all my momentum. Then when I start training again, I pretty much start from square one. Do that enough times and your motivation starts to tank. Add in the fact that I can't drive the ambulances; I'm feel pretty useless at the ambulance base these days.
After a few busy shifts, with minimal progress, I'm starting to really doubt my abilities. Again. This could be the Winter blahs talking, or it could be realism rearing its ugly head. Either way, I'm extremely frustrated. The longer I take time off, the more I'm forgetting and having to re-learn.
There's only so many times I feel that I can go full force with as much drive as I have. Each time I try again, I seem to be less and less confident in myself. When this was once considered my only passion and a possible career, it's painful to feel this way. I was very close to giving up today. Very close.
Having to explain to people why I have not yet been cleared to work on my own is embarrassing.
I've been keeping a close eye on my self-sabotage tendencies. Lately, thoughts of my plans after graduation have been at times overwhelming, enough to prevent me from sleeping. There are so many options, so many paths to consider.
A trip to California couldn't have come at a better time. I leave tomorrow.
Scattered. Defeated. Exhausted.
Once I get into some kind of groove, I take a break and lose all my momentum. Then when I start training again, I pretty much start from square one. Do that enough times and your motivation starts to tank. Add in the fact that I can't drive the ambulances; I'm feel pretty useless at the ambulance base these days.
After a few busy shifts, with minimal progress, I'm starting to really doubt my abilities. Again. This could be the Winter blahs talking, or it could be realism rearing its ugly head. Either way, I'm extremely frustrated. The longer I take time off, the more I'm forgetting and having to re-learn.
There's only so many times I feel that I can go full force with as much drive as I have. Each time I try again, I seem to be less and less confident in myself. When this was once considered my only passion and a possible career, it's painful to feel this way. I was very close to giving up today. Very close.
Having to explain to people why I have not yet been cleared to work on my own is embarrassing.
I've been keeping a close eye on my self-sabotage tendencies. Lately, thoughts of my plans after graduation have been at times overwhelming, enough to prevent me from sleeping. There are so many options, so many paths to consider.
A trip to California couldn't have come at a better time. I leave tomorrow.
Scattered. Defeated. Exhausted.