Live and learn
While I've enjoyed exploring the area and have built a comfortable and stable career and home, it has been a struggle. In the last 18 months or so of living in San Diego, I've learned quite a few life lessons: How to deal with personalities I don't get along with, when to pick battles, letting go of details, when to hold my tongue in the interest of peace, etc. The biggest challenge I have been facing while living here has been social.
Fortunately, upon my arrival in town I was thrown into a large social setting. From this party and others, I met a lot of people who I am still friendly with, but I am having difficulty establishing core friendships; a problem I've never had before. In the past I've had groups, such as ambulance, fire department and scouting, that offered a meaningful purpose to bond over. I spent the last 10 years defining myself and my friendships over these activities, but they just aren't options anymore. I had to start from scratch and found myself questioning my core interests and beliefs. It is difficult to convey yourself when meeting someone new when you aren't sure who you are anymore.
Shortly after arriving in town, I lost my job. Being fresh out of college, my developed self-confidence slipped away over the next few months of unemployment. Several supposed friendships withered and I couldn't figure out why. Being the introvert, I looked internally for answers, reasons. I went from being the semi-interesting new person to just another jaded guy. I withdrew, feeling out of control. I stopped obsessing over social relations and I concentrated on my career. I spent entire weekends at Starbucks studying new frameworks and approaches for my job. I took on more responsibilities at work and stayed late many nights attempting to conquer complicated issues. I restored much of my confidence by challenging myself to be better and I think this is relevant to most areas in life.
Instead of always looking inward or blaming west coast culture when I don't understand a social discrepancy, I considered other factors. Slowly I started noticing that I wasn't the only person having such difficulties; everyone has them. This was a huge realization that has helped to restore some sanity. In high school someone had to take the initiative to plan activities or they wouldn't happen. In college, there was always something happening, so that initiative atrophied. I started reaching out more. I concentrated on fostering some friendships while I reluctantly let others go. I stopped taking it personally if nobody shares my enthusiasm towards an interest or if someone doesn't enjoy an event I organized attendance to but had no control over. I am building my core friendships on the west coast, slowly but surely.
I'm still cynical, oversensitive, and under-confident, but I accept that this is all part of my journey to self-actualization. I suppose life lessons wouldn't be learned if it weren't for trial and error. Most of my distaste for living here comes from these hardships, I just hope I don't associate this city negatively because of them.
Fortunately, upon my arrival in town I was thrown into a large social setting. From this party and others, I met a lot of people who I am still friendly with, but I am having difficulty establishing core friendships; a problem I've never had before. In the past I've had groups, such as ambulance, fire department and scouting, that offered a meaningful purpose to bond over. I spent the last 10 years defining myself and my friendships over these activities, but they just aren't options anymore. I had to start from scratch and found myself questioning my core interests and beliefs. It is difficult to convey yourself when meeting someone new when you aren't sure who you are anymore.
Shortly after arriving in town, I lost my job. Being fresh out of college, my developed self-confidence slipped away over the next few months of unemployment. Several supposed friendships withered and I couldn't figure out why. Being the introvert, I looked internally for answers, reasons. I went from being the semi-interesting new person to just another jaded guy. I withdrew, feeling out of control. I stopped obsessing over social relations and I concentrated on my career. I spent entire weekends at Starbucks studying new frameworks and approaches for my job. I took on more responsibilities at work and stayed late many nights attempting to conquer complicated issues. I restored much of my confidence by challenging myself to be better and I think this is relevant to most areas in life.
Instead of always looking inward or blaming west coast culture when I don't understand a social discrepancy, I considered other factors. Slowly I started noticing that I wasn't the only person having such difficulties; everyone has them. This was a huge realization that has helped to restore some sanity. In high school someone had to take the initiative to plan activities or they wouldn't happen. In college, there was always something happening, so that initiative atrophied. I started reaching out more. I concentrated on fostering some friendships while I reluctantly let others go. I stopped taking it personally if nobody shares my enthusiasm towards an interest or if someone doesn't enjoy an event I organized attendance to but had no control over. I am building my core friendships on the west coast, slowly but surely.
I'm still cynical, oversensitive, and under-confident, but I accept that this is all part of my journey to self-actualization. I suppose life lessons wouldn't be learned if it weren't for trial and error. Most of my distaste for living here comes from these hardships, I just hope I don't associate this city negatively because of them.