suitcases chapter 29
Chapter 29
Sian pov
“I can’t believe you had sex with someone that wasn’t me” I heard her whimper as I started crying. “Soph” I croaked out as she snapped her head up.
“Why” she yelped as I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry” I whispered. “I don’t understand you, if you knew deep down in your heart that you still wanted this…us…Why did you sleep with her? Why? I have always been faithful to you… I mean I might’ve kissed other people when we were separated, but never have I ever slept with anyone that wasn’t you” she screamed at me as I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Because to me Sian, you are everything and since the day that I met you I didn’t want to sleep with anyone but you!” she sobbed as I went over to her.
I wanted to comfort her, tell her everything was alright. But she flinched at my touch. “I’m sorry Soph… I never wanted to hurt you” I said to her as she scoffed. “Sian you’ve been doing nothing but…. And I know I’ve been hurting you too, but…God why did….” She started stuttering.
“Sophie..” I started saying as she cut me off. “Do you love her?” she asked me as I looked down shrugging slowly. “Does she even know anything about you… does she know your favorite flowers?…. Does she know that you have nightmares every single night lately?…” she said as I frowned. “Don’t even try to deny I can hear you scream at night Sian… does she even know about St. Claire’s… Does she?!! Does she know you and I met in a Looney bin ay” she yelled at me as I felt myself getting smaller.
“No” I whispered as she dropped her head sighing. “I hate you for doing this” she stated as I cringed at her words. She’d never spoken to me like this.
“You want the truth Soph? Fine I’ll give it to you! Yeah I slept with her, to erase you… I tried to erase you from my heart Sophie! I’m trying to get out of this hold you have on me…. I hate it, I hate it so much… I love you and for months you got away with everything because of it” I yelled at her as she sat down at the table. “Don’t start this again… we’ve been over this before” she stated quietly.
…
“Sian! Sian open up!!” I heard Sophie banging against my door as I slid down to the ground closing my eyes.
“Sian for god sakes, I just want to talk! Please baby….I love you, I’ll change I promise” she cried at the apartments door. “Please” she whispered as she sighed. “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice” she said as I heard the lock turn. I tried to keep the door shut but she managed to overcame my power and entered the apartment.
“Why are you doing this” she whimpered at me. “I said everything I needed to say last night… please Sophie I can’t…I can’t breathe having you here” I said to her breathing in shakily. “I’m so sorry Sian” she said as I let my tears stream. “Please just… we can work this out, just give me one more chance. What do you have to lose” she pleaded as she cupped my face leaning her forehead against mine. “Soph” I sobbed as I felt her lips brush against mine. “Tell me you don’t love me… and I’ll go” she said as I started sobbing harder. She pulled me into a hug whispering soothing words in my ear.
“I’m so sorry baby” she kept repeating as she stroked my head. “I love you” I whimpered as she met my eyes. “I love you too… I’ll work on whatever you feel that needs to be worked on” she smiled pleading me with her eyes as I dropped my gaze. “I don’t think I can do this again Sophie…. I love you… but that’s just the thing, you treat me like shit and you get away with it because I love you so much” I cried as pursed her lips. “I need to stop…. I need to get past this ... you, because if I don’t, you’ll destroy me” I stated as she flinched at my words.
“I don’t think I can give you a second chance” I whispered letting my tears fall. “Sian” she whimpered as I started sobbing again. “No…I’m sorry if I’m hurting you like this… I can’t stand the fact that I would ever hurt you, but I need to be selfish right now or I’ll end up losing myself in you” I gulped at my words as Sophie flinched crying her heart out.
……..
“We’ll need to make a planning for the kids” I stated quietly after a while. “Yeah” Sophie breathed as she looked at me. Her face was puffy and stained with dried tears. “One week me and then one week you” I said shakily as she nodded. “When are we going to tell them that we’re…” she said as she started sobbing quietly again. “We’ll tell them tomorrow that we’re separating” I said as my voice broke at the end.
“Sian… is there any chance that you would come back” she started again as I closed my eyes and breathed in. “I’ll give you space if that’s what you need but..” she said as I cut her off. “Soph.. right now… I would say no… I can’t imagine going through it again… maybe in the future… I don’t know” I sighed.
…
“You’re right we have… but it’s still there… I slept with Laura, cause with her I’d never get hurt like I did with you. I thought getting away from you would make me feel less trapped in your grip, but it only made it worse. I tried getting over you, I tried convincing myself that I was in love with Laura, but every time you were there, sucking me right back in. I gave myself to you… and now even though I want myself back, I can’t get find myself.” I cried.
“How do you think I feel? I feel guilty every single day for what I did… and you punished me back, in every single way you thought possible. Haven’t I had enough… didn’t I do my time Sian?” She shouted at me as I could feel her venom. “I love you but like you said there’s only so much someone can take from the person they love” she said to me as I felt the whole in my stomach getting bigger.
“I’ve hurt you… you’ve hurt me… you’ve finally succeeded Sian! You broke me, just like I did with you. The only difference is I didn’t do it to hurt you deliberately, I regretted it the minute I realized what had happened, I still regret it every minute of every day… but look at you… you did it out of spite” she spat at me as I started crying harder. “So what does it feel like to finally have settled the score? Are you happy!” she shouted at me as I frowned.
“No! Of course not” I yelped at her as she dropped down on the couch. I crutched in front of her as I put my hands on her knees. “That’s just the thing Soph, I had to leave you for you to realize what you were doing. And I don’t know what hurts the most you treating me like shit or you too oblivious to see it….maybe you didn’t want to see it….I am sorry Soph” I whispered as she didn’t look at me for ages.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“I don’t think you should stay here any longer” she said breaking the silence after 2 hours as I sat up. “What? No… I’m staying” I stated as she sighed. “It’s not a choice Sian…I’m signing those divorce papers and I’m giving you a couple days time to get out” she stated coldly.
“Sophie, I’m not leaving you alone…. You have an operation coming up in 2 weeks” I said to her as she shrugged. “I don’t want you here anymore Sian” she stated as I got up. “Soph…” I started saying as she cut me off.
“Just let it go Sian…that’s what you wanted right… for me to give up, well you finally done it, you finally got me to give up on you completely” she said as I tried to hide my tears. “Wait… what about the kids, what about Christmas and stuff” I said to her as she sighed.
“Christmas is in a month Sian… I’m sure we can manage to be in the same room for a couple hours on Christmas eve and morning” she stated as I nodded. “I’m sorry” I said once more as she sighed. “That word doesn’t really mean that much anymore in this relationship does it” She stated as she went upstairs.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
2 weeks later
“Hello” I said as the phone rang. I was so scared when I heard someone identify them as a nurse at the hospital where Sophie was admitted to.
“Wait…what do you mean? I thought her surgery was in 3 days… oh right… yeah of course I will, I’ll bring the insurance information... Thank you” I said to her as I hang up. I quickly took my keys and called Derek saying I would drop of the kids at his.
“Hi” I said as he opened the door and embraced me into a hug. “Is she alright” he asked as I shrugged. “I don’t know” I said quietly as the kids ran into the house. “Keep me updated okay?” he said to me as I nodded.
…..
“Hi I’m looking for Sophie Webster” I said to the nurse as she directed me to Sophie’s room. I rushed to her side as she seemed a bit out of it. “Hey sleepy head” I said tenderly as she diverted her gaze.
“What are you doing here” she said her voice sounding hoarse. “Soph… you’re having your operation today… I wanted to be here, wait till you got back and…” I started saying as she cut me off. “I don’t want you here Sian” She said angrily as I frowned.
“Well tough cause I’m staying” I stated as she sighed. “Fine…Suit yourself” she said as she turned her body away from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me your operation was rescheduled” I asked her as she shrugged. “Like I said I don’t want you here” she stated quietly as I breathed out shakily trying to hold in my tears.
.....
“Alright ready to go Mrs. Webster” the nurse said. “Ms…it’s gonna be miss in a while” she stated as I felt myself getting angry. The moment my eyes locked with her though the anger seemed to fade away. I rushed to her side and pressed my lips against hers. “Don’t you dare die on that table” I whispered to her as she pulled her face away. “You should go home Sian” she said coldly as I frowned.
“Sophie you could die and you want me to go” I asked bewiledered as she sighed. “Yeah…Just go… I don’t want you here” she said as they started taking her away. “I love you” I whispered as she turned her gaze rolling her eyes. “That’s 10 minutes on the naughty step for lying to me Sian” she said as I started crying harder.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… “Mrs. Webster…” A nurse was calling me as I snapped my head up and was met by a pair of brown eyes. “Ches…” I said as I got up hugging him fiercely.
“You came back” I said to him as he held me tight. “What’s been happening Sian” he asked me as I sighed. “Oh Ches…” I sighed as the nurse kept staring at me.
“Can I help you” I asked nervously. “I just wanted to say that the operation went successfully and she’ll be out in an hour” she smiled as I sighed in relief.
“Thank God” I whispered. “Sian…” Chesney gave me a questioning look. I started explaining everything to him, from the cancer to the divorce.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Jesus Sian” he finally voiced as I sighed looking down. “I know” I muttered as Sophie’s bed was wheeled in, with her lying in it still unconscious. “She doesn’t want to see me” I stated as we were looking at her. “Maybe I should just go” I said sadly. “Sian are you sure” he asked me as I sighed. “Do I even have a choice to be sure?… look after her okay” I said as he nodded looking at me while I exited the room.
Sian pov
“I can’t believe you had sex with someone that wasn’t me” I heard her whimper as I started crying. “Soph” I croaked out as she snapped her head up.
“Why” she yelped as I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry” I whispered. “I don’t understand you, if you knew deep down in your heart that you still wanted this…us…Why did you sleep with her? Why? I have always been faithful to you… I mean I might’ve kissed other people when we were separated, but never have I ever slept with anyone that wasn’t you” she screamed at me as I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. “Because to me Sian, you are everything and since the day that I met you I didn’t want to sleep with anyone but you!” she sobbed as I went over to her.
I wanted to comfort her, tell her everything was alright. But she flinched at my touch. “I’m sorry Soph… I never wanted to hurt you” I said to her as she scoffed. “Sian you’ve been doing nothing but…. And I know I’ve been hurting you too, but…God why did….” She started stuttering.
“Sophie..” I started saying as she cut me off. “Do you love her?” she asked me as I looked down shrugging slowly. “Does she even know anything about you… does she know your favorite flowers?…. Does she know that you have nightmares every single night lately?…” she said as I frowned. “Don’t even try to deny I can hear you scream at night Sian… does she even know about St. Claire’s… Does she?!! Does she know you and I met in a Looney bin ay” she yelled at me as I felt myself getting smaller.
“No” I whispered as she dropped her head sighing. “I hate you for doing this” she stated as I cringed at her words. She’d never spoken to me like this.
“You want the truth Soph? Fine I’ll give it to you! Yeah I slept with her, to erase you… I tried to erase you from my heart Sophie! I’m trying to get out of this hold you have on me…. I hate it, I hate it so much… I love you and for months you got away with everything because of it” I yelled at her as she sat down at the table. “Don’t start this again… we’ve been over this before” she stated quietly.
…
“Sian! Sian open up!!” I heard Sophie banging against my door as I slid down to the ground closing my eyes.
“Sian for god sakes, I just want to talk! Please baby….I love you, I’ll change I promise” she cried at the apartments door. “Please” she whispered as she sighed. “I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice” she said as I heard the lock turn. I tried to keep the door shut but she managed to overcame my power and entered the apartment.
“Why are you doing this” she whimpered at me. “I said everything I needed to say last night… please Sophie I can’t…I can’t breathe having you here” I said to her breathing in shakily. “I’m so sorry Sian” she said as I let my tears stream. “Please just… we can work this out, just give me one more chance. What do you have to lose” she pleaded as she cupped my face leaning her forehead against mine. “Soph” I sobbed as I felt her lips brush against mine. “Tell me you don’t love me… and I’ll go” she said as I started sobbing harder. She pulled me into a hug whispering soothing words in my ear.
“I’m so sorry baby” she kept repeating as she stroked my head. “I love you” I whimpered as she met my eyes. “I love you too… I’ll work on whatever you feel that needs to be worked on” she smiled pleading me with her eyes as I dropped my gaze. “I don’t think I can do this again Sophie…. I love you… but that’s just the thing, you treat me like shit and you get away with it because I love you so much” I cried as pursed her lips. “I need to stop…. I need to get past this ... you, because if I don’t, you’ll destroy me” I stated as she flinched at my words.
“I don’t think I can give you a second chance” I whispered letting my tears fall. “Sian” she whimpered as I started sobbing again. “No…I’m sorry if I’m hurting you like this… I can’t stand the fact that I would ever hurt you, but I need to be selfish right now or I’ll end up losing myself in you” I gulped at my words as Sophie flinched crying her heart out.
……..
“We’ll need to make a planning for the kids” I stated quietly after a while. “Yeah” Sophie breathed as she looked at me. Her face was puffy and stained with dried tears. “One week me and then one week you” I said shakily as she nodded. “When are we going to tell them that we’re…” she said as she started sobbing quietly again. “We’ll tell them tomorrow that we’re separating” I said as my voice broke at the end.
“Sian… is there any chance that you would come back” she started again as I closed my eyes and breathed in. “I’ll give you space if that’s what you need but..” she said as I cut her off. “Soph.. right now… I would say no… I can’t imagine going through it again… maybe in the future… I don’t know” I sighed.
…
“You’re right we have… but it’s still there… I slept with Laura, cause with her I’d never get hurt like I did with you. I thought getting away from you would make me feel less trapped in your grip, but it only made it worse. I tried getting over you, I tried convincing myself that I was in love with Laura, but every time you were there, sucking me right back in. I gave myself to you… and now even though I want myself back, I can’t get find myself.” I cried.
“How do you think I feel? I feel guilty every single day for what I did… and you punished me back, in every single way you thought possible. Haven’t I had enough… didn’t I do my time Sian?” She shouted at me as I could feel her venom. “I love you but like you said there’s only so much someone can take from the person they love” she said to me as I felt the whole in my stomach getting bigger.
“I’ve hurt you… you’ve hurt me… you’ve finally succeeded Sian! You broke me, just like I did with you. The only difference is I didn’t do it to hurt you deliberately, I regretted it the minute I realized what had happened, I still regret it every minute of every day… but look at you… you did it out of spite” she spat at me as I started crying harder. “So what does it feel like to finally have settled the score? Are you happy!” she shouted at me as I frowned.
“No! Of course not” I yelped at her as she dropped down on the couch. I crutched in front of her as I put my hands on her knees. “That’s just the thing Soph, I had to leave you for you to realize what you were doing. And I don’t know what hurts the most you treating me like shit or you too oblivious to see it….maybe you didn’t want to see it….I am sorry Soph” I whispered as she didn’t look at me for ages.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“I don’t think you should stay here any longer” she said breaking the silence after 2 hours as I sat up. “What? No… I’m staying” I stated as she sighed. “It’s not a choice Sian…I’m signing those divorce papers and I’m giving you a couple days time to get out” she stated coldly.
“Sophie, I’m not leaving you alone…. You have an operation coming up in 2 weeks” I said to her as she shrugged. “I don’t want you here anymore Sian” she stated as I got up. “Soph…” I started saying as she cut me off.
“Just let it go Sian…that’s what you wanted right… for me to give up, well you finally done it, you finally got me to give up on you completely” she said as I tried to hide my tears. “Wait… what about the kids, what about Christmas and stuff” I said to her as she sighed.
“Christmas is in a month Sian… I’m sure we can manage to be in the same room for a couple hours on Christmas eve and morning” she stated as I nodded. “I’m sorry” I said once more as she sighed. “That word doesn’t really mean that much anymore in this relationship does it” She stated as she went upstairs.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
2 weeks later
“Hello” I said as the phone rang. I was so scared when I heard someone identify them as a nurse at the hospital where Sophie was admitted to.
“Wait…what do you mean? I thought her surgery was in 3 days… oh right… yeah of course I will, I’ll bring the insurance information... Thank you” I said to her as I hang up. I quickly took my keys and called Derek saying I would drop of the kids at his.
“Hi” I said as he opened the door and embraced me into a hug. “Is she alright” he asked as I shrugged. “I don’t know” I said quietly as the kids ran into the house. “Keep me updated okay?” he said to me as I nodded.
…..
“Hi I’m looking for Sophie Webster” I said to the nurse as she directed me to Sophie’s room. I rushed to her side as she seemed a bit out of it. “Hey sleepy head” I said tenderly as she diverted her gaze.
“What are you doing here” she said her voice sounding hoarse. “Soph… you’re having your operation today… I wanted to be here, wait till you got back and…” I started saying as she cut me off. “I don’t want you here Sian” She said angrily as I frowned.
“Well tough cause I’m staying” I stated as she sighed. “Fine…Suit yourself” she said as she turned her body away from me.
“Why didn’t you tell me your operation was rescheduled” I asked her as she shrugged. “Like I said I don’t want you here” she stated quietly as I breathed out shakily trying to hold in my tears.
.....
“Alright ready to go Mrs. Webster” the nurse said. “Ms…it’s gonna be miss in a while” she stated as I felt myself getting angry. The moment my eyes locked with her though the anger seemed to fade away. I rushed to her side and pressed my lips against hers. “Don’t you dare die on that table” I whispered to her as she pulled her face away. “You should go home Sian” she said coldly as I frowned.
“Sophie you could die and you want me to go” I asked bewiledered as she sighed. “Yeah…Just go… I don’t want you here” she said as they started taking her away. “I love you” I whispered as she turned her gaze rolling her eyes. “That’s 10 minutes on the naughty step for lying to me Sian” she said as I started crying harder.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… “Mrs. Webster…” A nurse was calling me as I snapped my head up and was met by a pair of brown eyes. “Ches…” I said as I got up hugging him fiercely.
“You came back” I said to him as he held me tight. “What’s been happening Sian” he asked me as I sighed. “Oh Ches…” I sighed as the nurse kept staring at me.
“Can I help you” I asked nervously. “I just wanted to say that the operation went successfully and she’ll be out in an hour” she smiled as I sighed in relief.
“Thank God” I whispered. “Sian…” Chesney gave me a questioning look. I started explaining everything to him, from the cancer to the divorce.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Jesus Sian” he finally voiced as I sighed looking down. “I know” I muttered as Sophie’s bed was wheeled in, with her lying in it still unconscious. “She doesn’t want to see me” I stated as we were looking at her. “Maybe I should just go” I said sadly. “Sian are you sure” he asked me as I sighed. “Do I even have a choice to be sure?… look after her okay” I said as he nodded looking at me while I exited the room.