Like when we were kids
It's agonizing how memory distorts fact, or just boldy lies to your face, or forgets. I can't remember who I was or what made me the asshole I am today. I have a home video of me, three years old maybe, running around with water ballons under a blinding sun, laughing. A moment later the scene changes. I am crying as my sister blows out her birthday candles in a black, shadowy kitchen. I try to remember that moment. What was I thinking? How did these events put me here, now, watching this? Was I happy then? Am I happy now?
The rhetoical questions are meaningless; their answers are unfathomable. I do know that, regardless, I am now a pretentious cock who says shit like 'unfathomable' and 'pretentious,' probably encouraged by egotism or insecurites that push me to cram my language with the largest words I can think of.
I want a purpose. I want to experience something, to feel anything that I haven't felt yet. To go somewhere I have't seen. I want to be surprised. My present is filled with the generic mourning of a self-pitying teenager. I want to grow up.
Or I want to be three years old again. But I'm not sure if that was all it was cracked up to be...
I'm sure I'll forget this feeling, this moment, before too long. I guess I'm looking forward to that. But then once I have forgotten, I know I'll wish I could remember it. Damn conundrums.
The rhetoical questions are meaningless; their answers are unfathomable. I do know that, regardless, I am now a pretentious cock who says shit like 'unfathomable' and 'pretentious,' probably encouraged by egotism or insecurites that push me to cram my language with the largest words I can think of.
I want a purpose. I want to experience something, to feel anything that I haven't felt yet. To go somewhere I have't seen. I want to be surprised. My present is filled with the generic mourning of a self-pitying teenager. I want to grow up.
Or I want to be three years old again. But I'm not sure if that was all it was cracked up to be...
I'm sure I'll forget this feeling, this moment, before too long. I guess I'm looking forward to that. But then once I have forgotten, I know I'll wish I could remember it. Damn conundrums.