Even Cowgirls Get The Blues...
So today, as far as a non-school day goes, was awful. I won't bore you with a play-by-play, but take my word for it. It blew. It blew chunks. It puked. In the row behind me....
But I am upset enough to leave everyone with a depressing thought that's been knawing at my brain for a long time in a nagging, sporatic, reoccuring way. And I'm going to freely use the second person because if you are reading this, it absolutely applies to you:
It's a sad fate that, without exception, whatever relationship I have with you now will be nothing after we go seperate ways, whether it be this summer (seniors) or next year (when I graduate). Whatever you mean to me will be lost... whether in a month or in a dozen years or by the time I'm on my death bed. If we ever meet again, it'll be awkward. We'll exchange uncertain glances from across a subway car until one of us works up the nerve to open up conversation. The talk will be clumsy, our toungues and mouths working against us as our brain tries to remember this ghost, who you were, what you were like. The final impression will leave us wondering just what it was we saw in eachother when we were young, how could we even stand each other's company, if it's possible for someone to change so much. For formality sake, we exchange numbers. "We really must have lunch sometime... really catch up..." we say, knowing full well it won't happen, that this bizzare exchange was more than enough to satiate our desire to have our high school memories unearthed. And that's it. We bury each others bodies. We're done.
What hurts me the most about this idea is how doomed it makes me feel. I could love someone so much now, be in love with them, but it would be meaningless. It would just be some fantasy. My fate is sealed: I'll get married, have a family, and go to my job Monday-Friday. What frightens me the most, I suppose, is how hellish that sounds. And to be without the friends I have now... it actually scares me a little bit.
But I'm thankful for what I have now, the friends I have, the life I have. I don't know what made me such a sentimentalist tonight, but hey. Shit happens.
Goodnight, y'all.
But I am upset enough to leave everyone with a depressing thought that's been knawing at my brain for a long time in a nagging, sporatic, reoccuring way. And I'm going to freely use the second person because if you are reading this, it absolutely applies to you:
It's a sad fate that, without exception, whatever relationship I have with you now will be nothing after we go seperate ways, whether it be this summer (seniors) or next year (when I graduate). Whatever you mean to me will be lost... whether in a month or in a dozen years or by the time I'm on my death bed. If we ever meet again, it'll be awkward. We'll exchange uncertain glances from across a subway car until one of us works up the nerve to open up conversation. The talk will be clumsy, our toungues and mouths working against us as our brain tries to remember this ghost, who you were, what you were like. The final impression will leave us wondering just what it was we saw in eachother when we were young, how could we even stand each other's company, if it's possible for someone to change so much. For formality sake, we exchange numbers. "We really must have lunch sometime... really catch up..." we say, knowing full well it won't happen, that this bizzare exchange was more than enough to satiate our desire to have our high school memories unearthed. And that's it. We bury each others bodies. We're done.
What hurts me the most about this idea is how doomed it makes me feel. I could love someone so much now, be in love with them, but it would be meaningless. It would just be some fantasy. My fate is sealed: I'll get married, have a family, and go to my job Monday-Friday. What frightens me the most, I suppose, is how hellish that sounds. And to be without the friends I have now... it actually scares me a little bit.
But I'm thankful for what I have now, the friends I have, the life I have. I don't know what made me such a sentimentalist tonight, but hey. Shit happens.
Goodnight, y'all.