(no subject)
THE CLOSET DRAMA
Or, What To Wear?
A drama in verse, composed by a Sad Pauper, two evenings before an important interview
Dramatis Personae
ANNA, a young woman
CLOSET, her closet
ACT 1, SCENE 1
[Enter ANNA.]
ANNA: Oh Closet mine, I come to thee in hope.
Thou hast in long years past revealed such cloth's
Of varying shapes and sizes, types and makes
To suit not only me, but also too my friends,
My housemates dear, and strangers on the street
For all occasions, costume balls, fêtes, hikes,
and trips to cafés, there to chic-ly lounge.
Preponderance of ruffles there may be
Within thy bowels, also fair long skirts,
and blouses that display the female bosom,
Perhaps a few too many patterns bold
and colors that proclaim the wearer's cheer.
And yet, oh Closet, I have faith in thee,
No quav'ring doubt gnaws at my confidence.
Produce thou, then, an outfit fit for this
My first interview for an office job!
CLOSET: Alas! My mistress, though I've served you long
And faithfully, I hope, and with success
I cannot give what you have never bought
Nor e're concealed in my capacious chest.
You wish a blouse, not over-large, nor yet
Of smallness that reveals immodestly?
A skirt, not long, but yet of such a length
So as to hide your rounded thigh and knee?
And shoes that, while not sneakers, seem to say
That you come not intending to beguile
By tottering heels, peeping toes and such
Your future boss? (For t'would be in poor style.)
And furthermore, for fear of seeming clownish
Must all these things be dyed in sober hues
No yellows bright nor reds flamboyant
But such as Earnestness herself might choose?
ANNA: Thou speak'st exactly, darling Closet mine,
And neatly voiced my thought before I spoke.
Moreover, I must also pause to note
You're rhyming your iambic! Most impressive.
I would but add to that list you have named
The stipulation, be it not too hard
That such as you produce for this occasion
Be at least a little stylish.
For I am young and vain, and would not like
To appear frumpy, though I must be modest.
CLOSET: Oh Mistress Anna, I must beg you, cease!
No more conditions -- t'will, I fear, be fruitless.
For I have nothing such as we have named
And must send you off shirtless, skirtless, bootless!
ANNA: What sayest thou? Would'st have me go naked?
T'would be, I fear, a rather grave offence
Against my former teachers and my school
To appear nude when they debate my hiring.
CLOSET: And yet, if such conditions as I named
Be truly needful, I confess I've naught
Within the confines of my bulging breast
For you to seem as office workers ought.
In all your soujourns to and from Goodwill
You've brought back fluffy skirts and battered heels,
Shirts in glorious stripes and 'broidery bold
And dresses over which the lustful keel.
Amongst these riches, many holes abound
And stains, for all were bought at such a price
As would not serve to buy a single suit
Of decent quality, nor yet a bag of rice.
Search though you may within my well-stuffed walls
Tearing clothes from hangers in your rage
Yet will you find nothing inside to suit
The solemn rites in which you will engage.
ANNA: Mine ears! Mine eyes! Can it be true? Can thou
Who hast e're now provided all I need
Have truly nothing I can wear on Tuesday?
What shall I do? Oh help! Oh woe is me!
CLOSET: Perhaps tomorrow you could buy a suit?
ANNA: This sensible suggestion gives me pain
For such requires going to a store,
A real one, not the Goodwill, where they'll charge
What clothing's actually worth! These four long years
I've scarce set foot in such a place as that.
CLOSET: But if you get the job, you'll have the money
For things like suits, though they be priced at cost.
ANNA: And if I don't? What then? I shall have paid
And yet not got the post!
CLOSET: You'll have the suit.
'Twill serve for other interviews to come.
Perhaps auditions also. Come now, Mistress,
Dry your sulky tears of disappointment
And face the morrow's shopping with brave heart.
ANNA: I won't! I shan't! I'll wear what you can give.
Convention be damned, I will not buy a suit.
CLOSET: A grave mistake, I fear --
ANNA: Shut up. You've failed.
I'm going now to sleep. Think well on this.
Tomorrow, Closet, we shall speak again
And if thou still hast nothing meet to give
I'll clean thee out, give all my clothes away,
And go to find a nudist camp to live in.
[Exit ANNA. The CLOSET sighs and goes to sleep.]
END SCENE 1.
Or, What To Wear?
A drama in verse, composed by a Sad Pauper, two evenings before an important interview
Dramatis Personae
ANNA, a young woman
CLOSET, her closet
ACT 1, SCENE 1
[Enter ANNA.]
ANNA: Oh Closet mine, I come to thee in hope.
Thou hast in long years past revealed such cloth's
Of varying shapes and sizes, types and makes
To suit not only me, but also too my friends,
My housemates dear, and strangers on the street
For all occasions, costume balls, fêtes, hikes,
and trips to cafés, there to chic-ly lounge.
Preponderance of ruffles there may be
Within thy bowels, also fair long skirts,
and blouses that display the female bosom,
Perhaps a few too many patterns bold
and colors that proclaim the wearer's cheer.
And yet, oh Closet, I have faith in thee,
No quav'ring doubt gnaws at my confidence.
Produce thou, then, an outfit fit for this
My first interview for an office job!
CLOSET: Alas! My mistress, though I've served you long
And faithfully, I hope, and with success
I cannot give what you have never bought
Nor e're concealed in my capacious chest.
You wish a blouse, not over-large, nor yet
Of smallness that reveals immodestly?
A skirt, not long, but yet of such a length
So as to hide your rounded thigh and knee?
And shoes that, while not sneakers, seem to say
That you come not intending to beguile
By tottering heels, peeping toes and such
Your future boss? (For t'would be in poor style.)
And furthermore, for fear of seeming clownish
Must all these things be dyed in sober hues
No yellows bright nor reds flamboyant
But such as Earnestness herself might choose?
ANNA: Thou speak'st exactly, darling Closet mine,
And neatly voiced my thought before I spoke.
Moreover, I must also pause to note
You're rhyming your iambic! Most impressive.
I would but add to that list you have named
The stipulation, be it not too hard
That such as you produce for this occasion
Be at least a little stylish.
For I am young and vain, and would not like
To appear frumpy, though I must be modest.
CLOSET: Oh Mistress Anna, I must beg you, cease!
No more conditions -- t'will, I fear, be fruitless.
For I have nothing such as we have named
And must send you off shirtless, skirtless, bootless!
ANNA: What sayest thou? Would'st have me go naked?
T'would be, I fear, a rather grave offence
Against my former teachers and my school
To appear nude when they debate my hiring.
CLOSET: And yet, if such conditions as I named
Be truly needful, I confess I've naught
Within the confines of my bulging breast
For you to seem as office workers ought.
In all your soujourns to and from Goodwill
You've brought back fluffy skirts and battered heels,
Shirts in glorious stripes and 'broidery bold
And dresses over which the lustful keel.
Amongst these riches, many holes abound
And stains, for all were bought at such a price
As would not serve to buy a single suit
Of decent quality, nor yet a bag of rice.
Search though you may within my well-stuffed walls
Tearing clothes from hangers in your rage
Yet will you find nothing inside to suit
The solemn rites in which you will engage.
ANNA: Mine ears! Mine eyes! Can it be true? Can thou
Who hast e're now provided all I need
Have truly nothing I can wear on Tuesday?
What shall I do? Oh help! Oh woe is me!
CLOSET: Perhaps tomorrow you could buy a suit?
ANNA: This sensible suggestion gives me pain
For such requires going to a store,
A real one, not the Goodwill, where they'll charge
What clothing's actually worth! These four long years
I've scarce set foot in such a place as that.
CLOSET: But if you get the job, you'll have the money
For things like suits, though they be priced at cost.
ANNA: And if I don't? What then? I shall have paid
And yet not got the post!
CLOSET: You'll have the suit.
'Twill serve for other interviews to come.
Perhaps auditions also. Come now, Mistress,
Dry your sulky tears of disappointment
And face the morrow's shopping with brave heart.
ANNA: I won't! I shan't! I'll wear what you can give.
Convention be damned, I will not buy a suit.
CLOSET: A grave mistake, I fear --
ANNA: Shut up. You've failed.
I'm going now to sleep. Think well on this.
Tomorrow, Closet, we shall speak again
And if thou still hast nothing meet to give
I'll clean thee out, give all my clothes away,
And go to find a nudist camp to live in.
[Exit ANNA. The CLOSET sighs and goes to sleep.]
END SCENE 1.