(no subject)
All registered for courses, although knowing me the schedule will change-- I haven't stayed in the same classes I started with for a single semester yet. As it stands, I am taking:
Chemistry II
Cell Biology and Genetics II
Principles of Learning and Behavior (a 5-credit course, which basically translates into craploads of tests and homework)
History of 19th century Music
I may drop the Cell Bio to take Accelerated German in the same time slot, but that leaves me with two five-credit courses, and I don't know if I can deal with that, given that I've heard music history is time-intensive and I know Chem II will positively bust my sorry ass.
The last few weeks have been unbelieveably draining. I don't understand it -- I have dozens of adorable friends, my family is fine, my grades are okay (although I'm frustrated about the B- in chem and the B+ in music theory), I'm healthy, I've gotten several major musical compliments lately. And yet something inside me is convinced that doom, loneliness and failure are inevitably around the corner, and that every time I get a B on a test or arrive somewhere late or, like, eat too many potato chips, I'm bringing myself that much closer to ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND DESOLATION AND SPIRITUAL DISMEMBERMENT. And then I go cry about that for a while.
I seem to be constitutionally unable to appreciate my phenomenal luck, happiness, and privilege. I'm as up and down and all around as I've always been, except that now that I'm not actually depressed the way I was for so much of middle and high school, the ups are more up... which makes the downs all the more startling and irrational.
Blah. ANGST. How I hate you.
Anyway... going home for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to smell the beautiful November LA smog and hang around with my family and cook and nap and snuggle the dog. Domestic bliss. Ahhh.
Chemistry II
Cell Biology and Genetics II
Principles of Learning and Behavior (a 5-credit course, which basically translates into craploads of tests and homework)
History of 19th century Music
I may drop the Cell Bio to take Accelerated German in the same time slot, but that leaves me with two five-credit courses, and I don't know if I can deal with that, given that I've heard music history is time-intensive and I know Chem II will positively bust my sorry ass.
The last few weeks have been unbelieveably draining. I don't understand it -- I have dozens of adorable friends, my family is fine, my grades are okay (although I'm frustrated about the B- in chem and the B+ in music theory), I'm healthy, I've gotten several major musical compliments lately. And yet something inside me is convinced that doom, loneliness and failure are inevitably around the corner, and that every time I get a B on a test or arrive somewhere late or, like, eat too many potato chips, I'm bringing myself that much closer to ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND DESOLATION AND SPIRITUAL DISMEMBERMENT. And then I go cry about that for a while.
I seem to be constitutionally unable to appreciate my phenomenal luck, happiness, and privilege. I'm as up and down and all around as I've always been, except that now that I'm not actually depressed the way I was for so much of middle and high school, the ups are more up... which makes the downs all the more startling and irrational.
Blah. ANGST. How I hate you.
Anyway... going home for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to smell the beautiful November LA smog and hang around with my family and cook and nap and snuggle the dog. Domestic bliss. Ahhh.