Aftermath, Part Four
Series: Finding
Title: Aftermath, Part Four
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Characters: Jayne/River
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Organizational Post for Aftermath: follows directly after stand-down order at Mr. Universe's moon. Fills in between the pieces of the Five Times memes... Mal kept bugging Jayne for what happened...
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
Aftermath Part Four
He felt it, felt fire coursing through his veins. Not the figurative sensation of heat, but the agony of flame eating him from the inside. He struggled to wake, to move, to escape the burn. He couldn’t move, no sound could pass his parched lips. Throat constricted with the smoke of the blaze in his body. Behind closed eyes, he felt himself turning to ash and smoke as the fire ate away all that was him.
And he could do nothing.
“He seems to be staying under longer than you expected Doctor?” Zoë questioned as she came through the infirmary to check on Jayne two days after the incident with Badger and the shooting.
Simon shook his head in slight confusion as he checked the readings on the monitors. “I know Zoë, I don’t have an explanation for you… he is simply not waking up. All the readings are normal, better than normal in fact, as is usual for him. But I don’t know why he is still unconscious.”
Zoë looked down at the quiescent mercenary, not liking his continued lack of awareness. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw him out for more than a few hours. It made her uncomfortable in ways she wasn’t sure she could or would want to articulate. Except she knew Serenity needed more of her crew not on injury leave.
“Doctor, tell me true, how badly was he injured? There was an awful lot of blood on the street when I found him…?” Zoë asked softly, hand gently reaching out towards Jayne, stopping before making contact and withdrawing, seeing River slip in beside her. The young woman studied the large man. Eyes flicked across his face, down to the dressing visible across his shoulder and then to the larger bandage around his thigh. An IV still fed into his right arm, red bag hanging suspended next to him.
“Well, the thigh was a through and through, lots of blood loss no question, but he was lucky it just nicked his femoral artery. He would have been dead in minutes if it had been a cleaner shot. It helped that he tourniqueted it as soon as he did, even though I usually discourage tourniquets… cuts off the circulation. He would have lost the leg if he hadn’t gotten back here when he did though. ..” Simon checked Jayne’s pupil response to a pen light, nothing.
“Doctor…” Zoë pressed Simon for more.
“He was lucky Zoë, the injuries really aren’t what are keeping him here. The shoulder was torn across, but again, nothing he hasn’t had worse before. I really don’t know.” Simon looked at the tall woman, trying to convey his mystification.
“Told you, wouldn’t listen… fire will come out again… red brings the blue to darkness… you won’t like it…” River said to Simon, tone accusing. He didn’t know how to take his sister’s vehemence.
“Mei mei, I don’t understand… What won’t I like?” Simon was befuddled, a state he despised and yet found himself in far too often.
“You added fuel to the fire, made one like the other without the controls…” She stopped looking at Jayne and turned to her brother, “He will be mad when he wakes up.”
Simon nearly laughed until he saw the utter seriousness of her face. “River, Jayne is always mad when he wakes up, especially when he is injured. It is his way of being, well, himself.” Simon tried to sooth his sister.
“No, he will be different, he is more, less, changed… time will now pass in intervals too unpredictable to calculate.” She turned back to Jayne, sadness in her every movement. Reached out and gently laid her hand on his cheek, gazed for a time at him. “It will get easier, I promise.” She whispered softly, only Zoë heard her unless Jayne was able to hear in his unconscious state.
~~~~~
When he woke it was deep night, the darkest period between dark and dawn. Simon was asleep on the couch in the lounge, so he did not see the big man lurch upright, gasping for breath. Sweat glistened on his brow, hair was matted to his head. His eyes stole around the room, looking for the fire he thought he could smell, the smokiness filling his senses.
Nothing, the infirmary was clean and neat as always, nothing but cool metal walls and orderly supplies. He saw the IV line descending into his arm, the red bag above him almost empty.
Serenity was on night power, he could feel the hum of the generators through the floor; hear the hiss of the air circulators. They were still grounded on Persephone, he could smell the dry/sweet smells of the Docks. Fuel odors hung over the usual smells of the old Firefly; rust, oil, cooked soy protein, and apples. Apples? His nose tickled at that. Smoke and apples.
Without regard for the care that Simon had been using to resupply Jayne with lost blood, he tore the IV out of his arm, and swung his legs over the side of the medical bed. He barely restrained himself from an exclamation of pain when he put weight on the injured leg.
Ignoring the pain of the healing gunshot wound to his leg, Jayne drew himself upright, feeling the fire still in his veins, still burning. He shook his head, sweat stung his eyes. He followed the scent of apples, the smoke itself trapped in his awareness. He moved silently, feet bare, metal grating feeling cool and soothing to his overheated senses.
Apples, there were apples somewhere. He followed the trail, out and up the stairs to the galley. Dim lights through the ship lit a shadowy path. His feet knew the way but were unfamiliar with the touch of the ship with no barriers. Bare feet felt the metal plates, cooling as he tread. He spared no thoughts for the new sensation, committed only to finding the source of the scent that overpowered everything but the smokiness.
~~~~~
She had taken to traveling around Serenity when everyone slept; it was quieter then, no one was bustling about repairing the broken Firefly. She would caress the walls as she passed, feel the return of life to the iron bird. Each night new connections were made, fluids flowed through more of the ship. She smiled at the new discoveries. When the water systems were reconnected the audible pop and creak of pipes carrying the life fluid again warmed her.
Turning into the galley, she nearly collided with Jayne. He was hunting for her, she could see it even though she couldn’t feel past the smoke in his thoughts.
They stopped moving, she studied him carefully, slightly anxious at her inability to read him. His look alone would have sent anyone else into retreat. Instead, River leaned in closer, looked up into his eyes intently, “Will be different now… will feel what she does in her veins, become like her, will come to her when temporal cycles dictate… adding fire to the flame.”
Jayne shook his head, confused, pulled back, “Don’t know which tree ya fell outta this time, but I ain’t nothin’ like you Crazy person. Ruttin’ told ya before, I ain’t gonna be there lookin’ fer ya when ya go all monkeyshit again…”
“Won’t, not crazy anymore. Found the safe place to go…” River smiled at that.
“Well, like I said, don’t go ta lookin’ for it from me.” Jayne started to turn away from her, irritated that all he could do was think how much she smelled like apples. It made him worry that he might be going crazy himself.
“You saved Zoë, made her safe… said little man in a hat wouldn’t be allowed to have her…” Jayne whipped back around towards River, eyes growing darker.
“Ya don’t know what yer talkin’ ‘bout.” He growled out, not wanting the girl to know his original reason for going out was his own effort at dealing with Badger. Dealings that went wrong when Badger threatened to come and take River from Serenity. Jayne didn’t want to think to hard on why that had bothered him so much. Meant that he would have to look at the last few weeks since Miranda from a different perspective that he wasn’t ready to acknowledge.
Now, the only thing that he wanted to think on was why he had flames coursing through his veins, burning sensation he had never felt before. Taste in his mouth of char and blood and death. He looked at the girl/woman and wonders what her blood feels like to her. Thoughts come to a crashing, tumbling halt… He was wondering how her blood felt? Jayne recoiled from himself, from her… stepped backwards too quickly on his injured leg, stumbled and slipped against the doorframe. River didn’t approach him, watched him grab at the frame, twisting his shoulders as he struggled to maintain his feet. Her eyes saddened.
“He will see now, will know what happens in the paths of red, not just girl being crazy.” River made the pronouncement, voice pitched low.
“What are ya goin’ on about?” Jayne blurted out, not meaning to.
“Simon gave you her blood… gave you a view of her insides no one else has. Will feel, be let free to feel… no controls.” She said that last part in an inaudible whisper.
Jayne snorted to cover his unease, not liking the sound of River’s prediction. He felt angry, frustrated, pain… he didn’t realize then that he would be feeling all those things for months until he could shake the red off of his perceptions. Until the girl became a woman to him, and drew him out. Until then, he would close everyone out, shut the doors of perception, let no one see who he was becoming. He even closed himself away.
Wasn’t until Mal called him on it nearly eight months later that he remembered that he hadn’t always felt angry and infuriated. Remembered that there was a time he had been just a man, simple and straightforward.
Right then though, Mal was still recovering, he wasn’t even on the ship yet, and Jayne had become the man everyone turned to for decisions. Zoë was trapped in her own cycle of regret and recovery that would take her down paths of recrimination that no one could free her from. Simon reluctantly saw Jayne was handling the responsibility of getting Serenity airborne again much more competently than he could have foreseen. Kaylee was just happy to be working, fresh in discovering that Simon was interested in her as well. And Inara, Inara was using her considerable contacts and influence with local officials to smooth the repairs on Serenity as much as possible.
The problem of the converter still remained after Badger had turned down Jayne and Zoë in their quest to acquire a replacement. And now Jayne was shifting again. The ground under his feet was becoming slippery.
~~~~~
Simon found Jayne early when he came awake and saw the big man wasn’t in the infirmary anymore. Jayne had fallen asleep on the couch off the galley.
“You really need to be in the infirmary.” Simon said as gently as possible to the merc as he woke him up.
“Hu?… hmmm…What?” Jayne mumbled in reply. Rubbed his eyes irritably, trying to clear them from a persistent red haze.
“You need to be in the infirmary so I can monitor your injuries… and you could use more…” Simon was beginning to go on in his doctor voice, the voice that Jayne only heard as a monotonous hum.
“Well, I ain’t goin’ Doc, yer just gonna have ta mon-itor from here.” Jayne grumbled. He needed to be getting back to work, didn’t want to be hampered by the pansy ass idea of laying around being poked and prodded.
“I am not comfortable with…” Simon tried to continue only to be cut off by Jayne.
“Well, we all know that Doc., hell ya make the rest a us all uncomfortable with yer go se.” Jayne teased ungently, pushing his way past the smaller man. “I’m goin’ ta work, ya ain’t gonna be getting’ any more monitorin’ time now…” Jayne made his way to his bunk and somehow made it down with only one good arm and leg.
Do the job, that was Mal’s motto, and now Simon decided it appeared to have become Jayne’s as well. He rocked back on his heels as he watched the merc limp out; wondered who the big man was revealing. Not sure he was unhappy about the change to be truthful. And that in and of itself surprised him.
~~~~
“Gorramnit Zoë, we gotta get that converter, and Mr. Cairo is the only hun dahn on this rock who’s got any…” Jayne snarled out after Zoë’s multiple rejections of the idea.
“We ain’t goin’ to Mr. Cairo, not ever going to be that desperate for no one thing.” Zoë replied, more vehemence in her voice than any of them had heard in a long time.
They were gathered for dinner around the table, Zoë, Jayne, Simon, Kaylee, Inara and River. Mal was still in the med shuttle and the conversation was growing heated.
“I’m goin’ tomorrow, need the part, no way we’re goin’ anywhere without it.” Jayne stated bluntly.
“I don’t think… I mean… you are still recovering…” Simon tried to sound certain, but faltered at the look of recrimination from his sister. “Mei mei, he was shot, and even an ape-man needs time…”
“Doc get off your go se high horse for once and bi zui.” Jayne snapped back, “We done gottin’ past that or we ain’t goin’ no where…” Jayne stared Simon down, treating the younger man to a view of Jayne’s place on the crew now. The chain of command really did include Jayne, and much higher up the rankings than Simon. Zoë and Inara didn’t try to stop Jayne from asserting himself this time, and that made Simon back down more than anything Jayne could say.
Jayne turned back to Zoë, “We need it, I’m goin’ ta get it. There ain’t no more to it than that.” He finished and dug back into his dinner.
“Jayne, you know more than I do what Mr. Cairo will ask in return… he scares Badger…”
“Well, that ain’t hard, little piss’ant’s pretty easy ta scare.” Jayne replied around a mouthful off food.
“And that would be why Badger shot you? Near killed you in fact.” Zoë retorted.
Jayne snorted in disgust, “Two-bit little lordling don’t know how ta do a job right is how I see it.”
“He nearly killed you Jayne!” Inara interrupted.
“But he didn’t now did he?” Jayne turned to the pale Companion. “I’m here, ain’t gonna let Badger be more than he is.”
Inara was surprised at how being in a position of command had actually made Jayne less of a ignorant merc and more of a hard-headed decision maker, more like Mal than she could ever expected. She sighed, tilted her head in acquiescence. “Maybe so, but I think we are all seriously concerned that being driven to work with Mr. Cairo is not in our best interests.”
“Won’t be a problem… Mr. Cairo will deal.” Jayne said with finality, “He owes me.”
Everyone stopped in mid-chew, mid-movement and just stared at Jayne who didn’t acknowledge any of their looks. He ate with total attention on his food.
Zoë spoke very clearly, very slowly, “What would the biggest slaver, drug-lord and Alliance dirty work contact have that he would be owing you for Jayne?”
Without looking up from his food, talking past a mouthful, “Wet work… done him a job some years back… never got paid.”
“And why would he pay now?” Inara asked.
“Cause I’ll kill him if’n he don’t.” Jayne responded curtly.
“Jayne, you can’t just…just walk in a say that to him… I mean, this is the man we all heard about when we were being bad kids… nighttime stories, you know…” Kaylee said, words falling fast from her lips.
“I can, and I’m gonna. Ya need that converter, right?” Jayne turned to the visibly upset mechanic.
“Well, yeah, but… but there’s gotta be another way ta get one?”
“You tell me what it is Kaylee-girl and I’ll go do it, but I know there ain’t none a them just layin’ around. Ain’t a ‘Nothin’ part.” He finished a bit harshly. Kaylee nearly burst into tears at that direct comment about the catalyzer from nearly a year ago.
“You still haven’t explained why he is going to just give you the part.” Zoë said icily.
“Two a’ them actually.” Jayne went back to his food again. “Two converters. Kaylee done been warblin’ for ‘em… So, will need ta get ‘em.”
River had watched the whole exchange carefully, could read Zoë’s confusion. The First Mate couldn’t fit the new information about the merc in with the old. Her thoughts jumbled and jostled each other. Inara was reciting a prayer of guidance and calm, trying to remain passive in expression despite wanting to know more about Jayne’s dealings with the worst crime lord in the ‘verse. No one dealt with Mr. Cairo that did not need to, and here Jayne was saying he had, and had walked away being owed for the work. This did not fit into anyone’s paradigm for the big man.
Kaylee didn’t want everyone arguing, but she knew Jayne was right, Serenity needed the parts and that was that. Simon was just trying to slot new information in with the old, not knowing who Mr. Cairo was.
“Umm, I know I am missing more than a little about this Mr. Cairo… but why…” Simon began.
“Cause I got his little girl out of that ‘school’ yer sister was in.” Jayne answered bluntly, throwing his fork down. “Got ‘er out, killed a bunch a folks ta do it, near killed her too… but got her out. That what ya wanted to know Doc!” Jayne snapped at the paling young man.
River recoiled, hands covered her ears, head ducked, “No, no… didn’t want…”
“Jayne! You’re scaring River!” Inara had gathered the girl in her arms, shushing her.
“You never said anything…how could you say nothing...when you knew…” Simon angrily demanded, fury in his voice clear.
“Cause there weren’t nothin’ ta been told ‘fore now… all noble and darin’ what ya done fer yer sister, but tellin’ ya more… well, that wouldn’t a done a bit a nothin’ now would it?” Jayne retorted with a snort.
“You didn’t think…” Zoë began.
“NO, I didn’t Zo! And there ain’t no no how it woulda done ya a bit a good ta know. Woulda gotten tossed out the air lock if Mal found out, and there weren’t nothin’ Mal needed to know anyhow. I did the job, been waitin’ ta get paid til it were worth it… Seems like now would be that time, dong ma?” Jayne bit off further comments as he pushed back from the table, leaving his plate where it was and stalking out with a minimal limp.
There was a silent pause before Inara and Zoë made eye contact. “He ain’t wrong.” Zoë began.
“But is it really wise for him to go to Mr. Cairo?” Inara asked softly, still stroking the upset River’s hair.
“No, but I am not seein’ as we have a choice in it. Badger made it clear he wouldn’t deal.” Zoë replied, irritation in her voice.
“Why would the Captain toss Jayne if he found out he had worked for Mr. Cairo?” Kaylee asked softly.
“No one works for Mr. Cairo and then leaves without being found and killed, along with whoever they are with. Not unlike Operatives. Only on the other side of the law most times. Even the Alliance leaves a wide berth for Mr. Cairo.” Zoë answered quietly.
“Umm, who exactly is this Mr. Cairo?” Simon asked uncertainly, “He can’t be as bad…”
“Worse Doctor. He may have a little girl like your sister here, but that would be the only thing about him that is human. Imagine a Reaver who ain’t insane, who don’t eat your flesh, he just takes all that is worth anything from anything he touches. Men like him can’t exist with others like them. Jayne going to him is as close to a death sentence as I know… let’s just hope the girl is worth as much to him as River is to you Doctor.” Zoë finished, clearly not wanting to speak more about it.
~~~~~
“Coming.” River said bluntly to Jayne as he was buckling on his gun and checking it for ammo. Unnecessary checking, but one he did every time he left the ship.
“No yer not.” He grumbled back.
“Yes, am coming, will be useful.” She replied.
“No. Yer. Not.” He answered, clipping each word as he said it.
“Will remind him why he must repay the debt.” She whispered sidling up close to the mercenary.
“Gorramnit girl, get away from me!” Jayne almost jumped back at her close proximity. “Ya ain’t comin’, not arguin’ with ya.”
“Can’t stop me.” She said almost sadly.
He considered that for a beat. “Awright then, but ya ain’t bringin’ a gun…”
“Don’t need one.” She answered, eyes almost black with unshed emotion.
“No, I don’t guess ya do.” Jayne replied, voice barely hiding admiration. River looked up at him, surprised to hear him sound that way. She wished not for the last time, that she could see his thoughts, feel the texture of them like she could everyone else. All she got when she peered into the recesses was dark, fog roiling away from her touch. It compelled her like very little else did. She wondered if he could feel his blood flow through him like she could feel hers.
“Ya ready?” He asked after what felt like an interminable time.
“As ever.”
Title: Aftermath, Part Four
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Characters: Jayne/River
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Organizational Post for Aftermath: follows directly after stand-down order at Mr. Universe's moon. Fills in between the pieces of the Five Times memes... Mal kept bugging Jayne for what happened...
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
Aftermath Part Four
He felt it, felt fire coursing through his veins. Not the figurative sensation of heat, but the agony of flame eating him from the inside. He struggled to wake, to move, to escape the burn. He couldn’t move, no sound could pass his parched lips. Throat constricted with the smoke of the blaze in his body. Behind closed eyes, he felt himself turning to ash and smoke as the fire ate away all that was him.
And he could do nothing.
“He seems to be staying under longer than you expected Doctor?” Zoë questioned as she came through the infirmary to check on Jayne two days after the incident with Badger and the shooting.
Simon shook his head in slight confusion as he checked the readings on the monitors. “I know Zoë, I don’t have an explanation for you… he is simply not waking up. All the readings are normal, better than normal in fact, as is usual for him. But I don’t know why he is still unconscious.”
Zoë looked down at the quiescent mercenary, not liking his continued lack of awareness. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw him out for more than a few hours. It made her uncomfortable in ways she wasn’t sure she could or would want to articulate. Except she knew Serenity needed more of her crew not on injury leave.
“Doctor, tell me true, how badly was he injured? There was an awful lot of blood on the street when I found him…?” Zoë asked softly, hand gently reaching out towards Jayne, stopping before making contact and withdrawing, seeing River slip in beside her. The young woman studied the large man. Eyes flicked across his face, down to the dressing visible across his shoulder and then to the larger bandage around his thigh. An IV still fed into his right arm, red bag hanging suspended next to him.
“Well, the thigh was a through and through, lots of blood loss no question, but he was lucky it just nicked his femoral artery. He would have been dead in minutes if it had been a cleaner shot. It helped that he tourniqueted it as soon as he did, even though I usually discourage tourniquets… cuts off the circulation. He would have lost the leg if he hadn’t gotten back here when he did though. ..” Simon checked Jayne’s pupil response to a pen light, nothing.
“Doctor…” Zoë pressed Simon for more.
“He was lucky Zoë, the injuries really aren’t what are keeping him here. The shoulder was torn across, but again, nothing he hasn’t had worse before. I really don’t know.” Simon looked at the tall woman, trying to convey his mystification.
“Told you, wouldn’t listen… fire will come out again… red brings the blue to darkness… you won’t like it…” River said to Simon, tone accusing. He didn’t know how to take his sister’s vehemence.
“Mei mei, I don’t understand… What won’t I like?” Simon was befuddled, a state he despised and yet found himself in far too often.
“You added fuel to the fire, made one like the other without the controls…” She stopped looking at Jayne and turned to her brother, “He will be mad when he wakes up.”
Simon nearly laughed until he saw the utter seriousness of her face. “River, Jayne is always mad when he wakes up, especially when he is injured. It is his way of being, well, himself.” Simon tried to sooth his sister.
“No, he will be different, he is more, less, changed… time will now pass in intervals too unpredictable to calculate.” She turned back to Jayne, sadness in her every movement. Reached out and gently laid her hand on his cheek, gazed for a time at him. “It will get easier, I promise.” She whispered softly, only Zoë heard her unless Jayne was able to hear in his unconscious state.
~~~~~
When he woke it was deep night, the darkest period between dark and dawn. Simon was asleep on the couch in the lounge, so he did not see the big man lurch upright, gasping for breath. Sweat glistened on his brow, hair was matted to his head. His eyes stole around the room, looking for the fire he thought he could smell, the smokiness filling his senses.
Nothing, the infirmary was clean and neat as always, nothing but cool metal walls and orderly supplies. He saw the IV line descending into his arm, the red bag above him almost empty.
Serenity was on night power, he could feel the hum of the generators through the floor; hear the hiss of the air circulators. They were still grounded on Persephone, he could smell the dry/sweet smells of the Docks. Fuel odors hung over the usual smells of the old Firefly; rust, oil, cooked soy protein, and apples. Apples? His nose tickled at that. Smoke and apples.
Without regard for the care that Simon had been using to resupply Jayne with lost blood, he tore the IV out of his arm, and swung his legs over the side of the medical bed. He barely restrained himself from an exclamation of pain when he put weight on the injured leg.
Ignoring the pain of the healing gunshot wound to his leg, Jayne drew himself upright, feeling the fire still in his veins, still burning. He shook his head, sweat stung his eyes. He followed the scent of apples, the smoke itself trapped in his awareness. He moved silently, feet bare, metal grating feeling cool and soothing to his overheated senses.
Apples, there were apples somewhere. He followed the trail, out and up the stairs to the galley. Dim lights through the ship lit a shadowy path. His feet knew the way but were unfamiliar with the touch of the ship with no barriers. Bare feet felt the metal plates, cooling as he tread. He spared no thoughts for the new sensation, committed only to finding the source of the scent that overpowered everything but the smokiness.
~~~~~
She had taken to traveling around Serenity when everyone slept; it was quieter then, no one was bustling about repairing the broken Firefly. She would caress the walls as she passed, feel the return of life to the iron bird. Each night new connections were made, fluids flowed through more of the ship. She smiled at the new discoveries. When the water systems were reconnected the audible pop and creak of pipes carrying the life fluid again warmed her.
Turning into the galley, she nearly collided with Jayne. He was hunting for her, she could see it even though she couldn’t feel past the smoke in his thoughts.
They stopped moving, she studied him carefully, slightly anxious at her inability to read him. His look alone would have sent anyone else into retreat. Instead, River leaned in closer, looked up into his eyes intently, “Will be different now… will feel what she does in her veins, become like her, will come to her when temporal cycles dictate… adding fire to the flame.”
Jayne shook his head, confused, pulled back, “Don’t know which tree ya fell outta this time, but I ain’t nothin’ like you Crazy person. Ruttin’ told ya before, I ain’t gonna be there lookin’ fer ya when ya go all monkeyshit again…”
“Won’t, not crazy anymore. Found the safe place to go…” River smiled at that.
“Well, like I said, don’t go ta lookin’ for it from me.” Jayne started to turn away from her, irritated that all he could do was think how much she smelled like apples. It made him worry that he might be going crazy himself.
“You saved Zoë, made her safe… said little man in a hat wouldn’t be allowed to have her…” Jayne whipped back around towards River, eyes growing darker.
“Ya don’t know what yer talkin’ ‘bout.” He growled out, not wanting the girl to know his original reason for going out was his own effort at dealing with Badger. Dealings that went wrong when Badger threatened to come and take River from Serenity. Jayne didn’t want to think to hard on why that had bothered him so much. Meant that he would have to look at the last few weeks since Miranda from a different perspective that he wasn’t ready to acknowledge.
Now, the only thing that he wanted to think on was why he had flames coursing through his veins, burning sensation he had never felt before. Taste in his mouth of char and blood and death. He looked at the girl/woman and wonders what her blood feels like to her. Thoughts come to a crashing, tumbling halt… He was wondering how her blood felt? Jayne recoiled from himself, from her… stepped backwards too quickly on his injured leg, stumbled and slipped against the doorframe. River didn’t approach him, watched him grab at the frame, twisting his shoulders as he struggled to maintain his feet. Her eyes saddened.
“He will see now, will know what happens in the paths of red, not just girl being crazy.” River made the pronouncement, voice pitched low.
“What are ya goin’ on about?” Jayne blurted out, not meaning to.
“Simon gave you her blood… gave you a view of her insides no one else has. Will feel, be let free to feel… no controls.” She said that last part in an inaudible whisper.
Jayne snorted to cover his unease, not liking the sound of River’s prediction. He felt angry, frustrated, pain… he didn’t realize then that he would be feeling all those things for months until he could shake the red off of his perceptions. Until the girl became a woman to him, and drew him out. Until then, he would close everyone out, shut the doors of perception, let no one see who he was becoming. He even closed himself away.
Wasn’t until Mal called him on it nearly eight months later that he remembered that he hadn’t always felt angry and infuriated. Remembered that there was a time he had been just a man, simple and straightforward.
Right then though, Mal was still recovering, he wasn’t even on the ship yet, and Jayne had become the man everyone turned to for decisions. Zoë was trapped in her own cycle of regret and recovery that would take her down paths of recrimination that no one could free her from. Simon reluctantly saw Jayne was handling the responsibility of getting Serenity airborne again much more competently than he could have foreseen. Kaylee was just happy to be working, fresh in discovering that Simon was interested in her as well. And Inara, Inara was using her considerable contacts and influence with local officials to smooth the repairs on Serenity as much as possible.
The problem of the converter still remained after Badger had turned down Jayne and Zoë in their quest to acquire a replacement. And now Jayne was shifting again. The ground under his feet was becoming slippery.
~~~~~
Simon found Jayne early when he came awake and saw the big man wasn’t in the infirmary anymore. Jayne had fallen asleep on the couch off the galley.
“You really need to be in the infirmary.” Simon said as gently as possible to the merc as he woke him up.
“Hu?… hmmm…What?” Jayne mumbled in reply. Rubbed his eyes irritably, trying to clear them from a persistent red haze.
“You need to be in the infirmary so I can monitor your injuries… and you could use more…” Simon was beginning to go on in his doctor voice, the voice that Jayne only heard as a monotonous hum.
“Well, I ain’t goin’ Doc, yer just gonna have ta mon-itor from here.” Jayne grumbled. He needed to be getting back to work, didn’t want to be hampered by the pansy ass idea of laying around being poked and prodded.
“I am not comfortable with…” Simon tried to continue only to be cut off by Jayne.
“Well, we all know that Doc., hell ya make the rest a us all uncomfortable with yer go se.” Jayne teased ungently, pushing his way past the smaller man. “I’m goin’ ta work, ya ain’t gonna be getting’ any more monitorin’ time now…” Jayne made his way to his bunk and somehow made it down with only one good arm and leg.
Do the job, that was Mal’s motto, and now Simon decided it appeared to have become Jayne’s as well. He rocked back on his heels as he watched the merc limp out; wondered who the big man was revealing. Not sure he was unhappy about the change to be truthful. And that in and of itself surprised him.
~~~~
“Gorramnit Zoë, we gotta get that converter, and Mr. Cairo is the only hun dahn on this rock who’s got any…” Jayne snarled out after Zoë’s multiple rejections of the idea.
“We ain’t goin’ to Mr. Cairo, not ever going to be that desperate for no one thing.” Zoë replied, more vehemence in her voice than any of them had heard in a long time.
They were gathered for dinner around the table, Zoë, Jayne, Simon, Kaylee, Inara and River. Mal was still in the med shuttle and the conversation was growing heated.
“I’m goin’ tomorrow, need the part, no way we’re goin’ anywhere without it.” Jayne stated bluntly.
“I don’t think… I mean… you are still recovering…” Simon tried to sound certain, but faltered at the look of recrimination from his sister. “Mei mei, he was shot, and even an ape-man needs time…”
“Doc get off your go se high horse for once and bi zui.” Jayne snapped back, “We done gottin’ past that or we ain’t goin’ no where…” Jayne stared Simon down, treating the younger man to a view of Jayne’s place on the crew now. The chain of command really did include Jayne, and much higher up the rankings than Simon. Zoë and Inara didn’t try to stop Jayne from asserting himself this time, and that made Simon back down more than anything Jayne could say.
Jayne turned back to Zoë, “We need it, I’m goin’ ta get it. There ain’t no more to it than that.” He finished and dug back into his dinner.
“Jayne, you know more than I do what Mr. Cairo will ask in return… he scares Badger…”
“Well, that ain’t hard, little piss’ant’s pretty easy ta scare.” Jayne replied around a mouthful off food.
“And that would be why Badger shot you? Near killed you in fact.” Zoë retorted.
Jayne snorted in disgust, “Two-bit little lordling don’t know how ta do a job right is how I see it.”
“He nearly killed you Jayne!” Inara interrupted.
“But he didn’t now did he?” Jayne turned to the pale Companion. “I’m here, ain’t gonna let Badger be more than he is.”
Inara was surprised at how being in a position of command had actually made Jayne less of a ignorant merc and more of a hard-headed decision maker, more like Mal than she could ever expected. She sighed, tilted her head in acquiescence. “Maybe so, but I think we are all seriously concerned that being driven to work with Mr. Cairo is not in our best interests.”
“Won’t be a problem… Mr. Cairo will deal.” Jayne said with finality, “He owes me.”
Everyone stopped in mid-chew, mid-movement and just stared at Jayne who didn’t acknowledge any of their looks. He ate with total attention on his food.
Zoë spoke very clearly, very slowly, “What would the biggest slaver, drug-lord and Alliance dirty work contact have that he would be owing you for Jayne?”
Without looking up from his food, talking past a mouthful, “Wet work… done him a job some years back… never got paid.”
“And why would he pay now?” Inara asked.
“Cause I’ll kill him if’n he don’t.” Jayne responded curtly.
“Jayne, you can’t just…just walk in a say that to him… I mean, this is the man we all heard about when we were being bad kids… nighttime stories, you know…” Kaylee said, words falling fast from her lips.
“I can, and I’m gonna. Ya need that converter, right?” Jayne turned to the visibly upset mechanic.
“Well, yeah, but… but there’s gotta be another way ta get one?”
“You tell me what it is Kaylee-girl and I’ll go do it, but I know there ain’t none a them just layin’ around. Ain’t a ‘Nothin’ part.” He finished a bit harshly. Kaylee nearly burst into tears at that direct comment about the catalyzer from nearly a year ago.
“You still haven’t explained why he is going to just give you the part.” Zoë said icily.
“Two a’ them actually.” Jayne went back to his food again. “Two converters. Kaylee done been warblin’ for ‘em… So, will need ta get ‘em.”
River had watched the whole exchange carefully, could read Zoë’s confusion. The First Mate couldn’t fit the new information about the merc in with the old. Her thoughts jumbled and jostled each other. Inara was reciting a prayer of guidance and calm, trying to remain passive in expression despite wanting to know more about Jayne’s dealings with the worst crime lord in the ‘verse. No one dealt with Mr. Cairo that did not need to, and here Jayne was saying he had, and had walked away being owed for the work. This did not fit into anyone’s paradigm for the big man.
Kaylee didn’t want everyone arguing, but she knew Jayne was right, Serenity needed the parts and that was that. Simon was just trying to slot new information in with the old, not knowing who Mr. Cairo was.
“Umm, I know I am missing more than a little about this Mr. Cairo… but why…” Simon began.
“Cause I got his little girl out of that ‘school’ yer sister was in.” Jayne answered bluntly, throwing his fork down. “Got ‘er out, killed a bunch a folks ta do it, near killed her too… but got her out. That what ya wanted to know Doc!” Jayne snapped at the paling young man.
River recoiled, hands covered her ears, head ducked, “No, no… didn’t want…”
“Jayne! You’re scaring River!” Inara had gathered the girl in her arms, shushing her.
“You never said anything…how could you say nothing...when you knew…” Simon angrily demanded, fury in his voice clear.
“Cause there weren’t nothin’ ta been told ‘fore now… all noble and darin’ what ya done fer yer sister, but tellin’ ya more… well, that wouldn’t a done a bit a nothin’ now would it?” Jayne retorted with a snort.
“You didn’t think…” Zoë began.
“NO, I didn’t Zo! And there ain’t no no how it woulda done ya a bit a good ta know. Woulda gotten tossed out the air lock if Mal found out, and there weren’t nothin’ Mal needed to know anyhow. I did the job, been waitin’ ta get paid til it were worth it… Seems like now would be that time, dong ma?” Jayne bit off further comments as he pushed back from the table, leaving his plate where it was and stalking out with a minimal limp.
There was a silent pause before Inara and Zoë made eye contact. “He ain’t wrong.” Zoë began.
“But is it really wise for him to go to Mr. Cairo?” Inara asked softly, still stroking the upset River’s hair.
“No, but I am not seein’ as we have a choice in it. Badger made it clear he wouldn’t deal.” Zoë replied, irritation in her voice.
“Why would the Captain toss Jayne if he found out he had worked for Mr. Cairo?” Kaylee asked softly.
“No one works for Mr. Cairo and then leaves without being found and killed, along with whoever they are with. Not unlike Operatives. Only on the other side of the law most times. Even the Alliance leaves a wide berth for Mr. Cairo.” Zoë answered quietly.
“Umm, who exactly is this Mr. Cairo?” Simon asked uncertainly, “He can’t be as bad…”
“Worse Doctor. He may have a little girl like your sister here, but that would be the only thing about him that is human. Imagine a Reaver who ain’t insane, who don’t eat your flesh, he just takes all that is worth anything from anything he touches. Men like him can’t exist with others like them. Jayne going to him is as close to a death sentence as I know… let’s just hope the girl is worth as much to him as River is to you Doctor.” Zoë finished, clearly not wanting to speak more about it.
~~~~~
“Coming.” River said bluntly to Jayne as he was buckling on his gun and checking it for ammo. Unnecessary checking, but one he did every time he left the ship.
“No yer not.” He grumbled back.
“Yes, am coming, will be useful.” She replied.
“No. Yer. Not.” He answered, clipping each word as he said it.
“Will remind him why he must repay the debt.” She whispered sidling up close to the mercenary.
“Gorramnit girl, get away from me!” Jayne almost jumped back at her close proximity. “Ya ain’t comin’, not arguin’ with ya.”
“Can’t stop me.” She said almost sadly.
He considered that for a beat. “Awright then, but ya ain’t bringin’ a gun…”
“Don’t need one.” She answered, eyes almost black with unshed emotion.
“No, I don’t guess ya do.” Jayne replied, voice barely hiding admiration. River looked up at him, surprised to hear him sound that way. She wished not for the last time, that she could see his thoughts, feel the texture of them like she could everyone else. All she got when she peered into the recesses was dark, fog roiling away from her touch. It compelled her like very little else did. She wondered if he could feel his blood flow through him like she could feel hers.
“Ya ready?” He asked after what felt like an interminable time.
“As ever.”