Aftermath, Part One
Series; Finding
Title: Aftermath, Part One
Rating: PG-13 for ouch
Spoiler: Post-BDM!
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes:So, I was supposed to be posting the next of the Five No's from
bookaddict43 's prompt, but nope, that is not what happened. So bear with me!This is an insert between the Second and Third time Jayne says no to River, cause Mal wanted to know…
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
Aftermath, Part One
When the orders to stand down came, River cast her gaze from the crew to the soldiers and back again. She processed the situation and knew that any action on her part would endanger those who she had come to think of as family. She felt the violence of battle leave, felt her strength flow back to him. She had borrowed the flames, the power and used it to wreak death upon the mad ones. Now that they were gone, the power flowed back along the threads to him and Jayne somehow had gotten to River as she twisted into a swirling collapse, his arms wrapping around her and cradling her to his chest, safe.
“Shhh, I got ya… not lettin’ ya go.” He murmured in her ear, voice low and growly. She tried to follow his voice, to find him in the mists surrounding her mind. There was nothing there, just her own thoughts. He kept rumbling, murmuring no words, just sounds. She grasped at the sound, felt the vibration of his chest against hers and she anchored to it. When he stopped rumbling, a wall of silence slammed into her and she let out an involuntary mewl of pain. “It’s all right, I got ya… its over… don’t gotta fight no more… its over Little Crazy.” She relaxed as his voice filled the silence, took away the pain of the nothingness. He held her close and kept the growling rumble when a medic came to see to them.
“I’m a’right, go see ta the others..” He snarled at the anxious soldier. He had felt her tighten in his arms when the man had come close. “Shhh, it’s a’right Girlie… I’m here, I ain’t leavin’…”
~~~~~
The tableau was set for a fight, and when the order to stand down interrupted that no one had an alternate plan. The medics had done what they could to stabilize and treat their immediate injuries. Mal, Simon, and Kaylee all had to be moved to a Med shuttle. Zoë was triaged on site and tried to claim she would be fine without any further help. Crumbling as she tried to stand after her pronouncement made it clear she would require further aid.
Inara and Jayne were left, Jayne holding River in his arms, all folded up like a rag doll, boneless and limp. Her head rested on his right shoulder, away from the bloodied gunshot wound he had sustained. It felt superficial so he waved off the medic when he came back after dealing with Mal and the others.
“I should go with them…” Inara started, but her perfectly trained voice caught in her throat.
“Go on, I got Girlie here.. make sure them hun dahn’s do their job right.” Jayne replied in surprisingly soft tones. Inara was grateful for his lack of bellicosity.
“Thank you Jayne. I will return to Serenity when I know what everyone’s status is.”
He nodded, neither one of them needed to say that River would be safer away from the Alliance troops. Inara followed a medic when he beckoned to her. Jayne turned and walked on silent feet away from the carnage of River’s battle. He catalogued automatically how many were dead and how they had died. His lip curled in disgust at the smell of decay that surrounded the dead bodies. They had been most of the way dead before River had finished the job. Rot and infection tainted the air with a yellowed miasma according to his nose. Jayne had always been able to follow a trail easily because he was so attuned to what he smelled as well as the visual clues. Right then he wished he didn’t have that skill. He was only slightly surprised at the volume of dead Reavers, knowing what he had seen in the Maidenhead. Unknowingly he squeezed River to him more tightly, some long dormant part of him wanting to protect her from the reality of what had happened. It was only a moment and he didn’t even feel himself do it.
River, in her post-battle collapse felt nothing but Jayne cradling her to him as he carried her to Serenity; heard nothing in her mind, no voices, no screaming, none of the rage from the Reavers. She felt his arms tighten around her, his heart rate increase, the heat from his body grew stronger, enveloped her in a cocoon of warmth. She felt cold, chilled and it was soothing to have his touch to warm her. It made her realize she was still alive, blood moved through her body, carrying oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide… all the necessities of life, of continued living, was there in the red liquid. She focused on a point in Jayne’s neck, felt him against her cheek. The repeated pulsar of life captured her attention. She followed the trail of the pulse up towards his face. Sweat, grime, and blood in streaks gave him a more fearsome aspect than usual. She felt, rather than saw, soldiers step out of their way merely from the snarling bestiality of his expression. They saw only death headed their way. River saw life, felt it more clearly than she ever had. He was alive, he was silent to her mind, but he blanketed them both in a protective haze of life.
He carried her up the stairs to the catwalk and she noticed the shuttle door before her.
“No… no… not a shuttle ride…” She nearly squeaked in panic. Her body began to tighten to struggle out of his grip. She could hear his words in her memory, “No trouble now little crazy person. We’re going for a nice shuttle ride…” She had knocked him out then. She couldn’t hear his thoughts, was reacting as though he still may follow through on his threat. A tiny voice in the very far back of her mind denied that as a possibility.
“Nah, stop yer wrigglin’” Jayne grunted when one of her feet connected with his upper thigh uncomfortably close to his man-parts… “We’re ain’t goin’ ta the shuttle,” She kicked him again, “Just quit it would ya! We ain’t goin’ to the shuttle.” He snapped back, giving her a shake like a recalcitrant child. He passed the shuttle and made his way to the crew quarters. Figured Kaylee’s bunk would be the best place for now. Was girlie enough and he knew they were friends so the crazy girl had spent time down there before.
He somehow got her down the stairs as she had gone all limp again after he passed the shuttle.
“Aw’right then, ya just stay here til I get back. I just gotta check on some things.”
Curled up against the wall along the back of Kaylee’s bed, River nodded silently.
“I won’t be long, will get ya some clean clothes ta change into… don’t be wanderin’ off nowhere, dong ma?” He asked as he looked at her with hard eyes. He didn’t want her to leave the room and he wanted her to know he was serious. “You don’t get ta scrub the deck with my pi gyu for a third time Girlie. If I find ya out and around I will bring ya back here, ya hear me?!” He grumbled as he climbed back out of the bunk.
Jayne had seen the amount of destruction to Serenity even in a quick walk through with a girl trying to kick him in his nethers, so he was prepared for the worst he thought. The galley was strewn with everything not welded to the walls or riveted down, but mostly just a disorganized mess. He continued to the engine room, even though he hardly understood what it was that made Serenity fly. Tools were flung about like when Kaylee was in the midst of some elaborate repair or some bit of mechanic’s magic. But the main rotor was still in its cradle, he could see that, and it spun on its bearings when he tested it. He figured that was a good thing.
Looking down into the cargo bay, the walls were all intact as was the floor, or so it seemed. What little cargo they had and Jayne’s weight bench and barbells were lying about helter skelter. Exploded duct work and cable runs were hanging down over head, some sort of liquid, oil coolant from the smell of it, dripped from multiple places. Outside he had seen the trail of ship parts, the extenders were torn off their housings, thrusters nowhere nearby. Serenity was well and truly torn apart, the machine and the family she carried. It wasn’t going to be a quick repair job to get Serenity space worthy again, or to put the crew back together. He shook his head at that thought. Knew that Mal would want to repair the ship as soon as the doctors let him out of their care. Wasn’t sure if Mal would be able to put the rest of them back as well. The family, as Jayne had slowly realized, was as integral to Serenity as the machine. Looking down on the wreckage in the cargo bay, he stopped for a thought to form. The thought that he wouldn’t leave, he would stay with the crew for as long as Mal wanted him. He needed to stay. Life weren’t what it had been. He wasn’t who he had been. He didn’t realize yet what that would mean. Wasn’t the type to think that far ahead, or that deeply. Do the job, that was the thing. Do the job.
Turning, he made his way back to the bridge, knowing he would find that which he least wanted to see. He wasn’t prepared for the sight of the little man, the pilot, Wash, trapped in his chair. Jayne walked over on cat’s feet, quietly reached out to touch Wash. He laid his large hand on the pilot’s cold shoulder, felt the stillness, the life no longer there. Closing his eyes, Jayne began reciting under his breath a few words, “Our Lord which art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven...” The words returned to him from his long ago youth. He had gone to church every Sunday of his life until he shipped off the border moon he called home. The words of the prayers sometimes still found their way to his lips at unbidden moments. No hesitation, he recited them from memory flawlessly, he knew what the prayer meant to them that believed, had learned it before he could walk almost. Weren’t just empty words with no meaning. “And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.”
When he finished, he looked down on his crew mate, and he realized to late, his friend. With a final gentle squeeze, Jayne released his shoulder. Looking in the lockers behind the pilot, he found an old army blanket and gently wrapped it around the silent man, covering him from the harshness of the world. Wash would wait for Jayne to return with help to bring him to his rest.
Going back to the world of people he could do something for, Jayne retrieved a dress and some shorts for River from her room. He tried to not look to closely in her drawers or care about what he grabbed for her. On the way past Doc’s room he snatched a clean towel and some soap. Girlie would want to wash up he figured. Still in gathering mode, Jayne went and found some protein chips and can of some drink Doc insisted was bad for a body, but right about then Jayne decided it was better than nothing.
~~~~~
River tried to follow him in her mind when he moved around the ship but all she got was a hazy image of a feral animal snuffling around the halls and rooms of her brain. She relied on her hearing to tell her where he was so she knew when he was coming back, the tread of his step, cat quiet but still clear to her, was different than when he gone by on his way to the bridge. She had heard him stop there, silence surrounded him, the bridge hum and hiss of power absent. She heard the stillness of nothing as she reached out for the presence that should be Wash. There was nothing, just a fleeting sensation of warmth on her mental Wash person’s shoulder and then a flow of words drawing comfort to them in their familiarity. With her Wash image, she could hear Jayne’s voice intoning the prayer, speaking clear and low, no hesitation, unlike when he spoke from memory in public. That was a new piece of interesting for her to analyze later, when everything was silent again…
~~~~~
He knocked on Kaylee’s hatch before descending to see how the crazy person was doing.
“Hey, Girlie, I got ya somethin’ ta eat and some clean cloths. Here’s soap and such…” He put all the stuff he gathered on the bed next to her. Looked around the bunk almost nervous now that he had accomplished his mission of getting her stuff and checking on the status of the ship.
Wiping his hands together, he backed towards the ladder out. River looked up from the clothes and toiletries to Jayne.
“Thank you… not well… not sure where thoughts are…”
“Go ahead now and get yerself cleaned up a bit… water may still be warm, Kaylee always kept her water warm, used ta complain somethin’ awful when the heater didn’t work…Mal would say he would get her a new one, one a’ these days…and well, you know Mal, just never seemed ta happen…”
“He can leave, she knows how to wash and change herself.” River smiled at him benignly, the most lucid she had looked since before the flight from Miranda to Mr. Universe’s. Jayne nearly sighed in relief, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the Doc and his sister shared. River giggled in spite of herself at the relief on the filthy mercenaries face.
“Don’t laugh at me little crazy person! How am I s’posed ta know what ya do with yer brother…’ He spluttered, knowing how stupid it sounded when he said it out loud.
“Not crazy, mad ones voices are quiet… “ She cocked her head as she looked at Jayne, “Hear no voices when near the smoke, clouds all, soothing in it’s blanketing. Smells nice.” She smiled widely at him.
“I dunno what ya think smells nice, cause it smells like rotten socks in here right now…” He retreated up the ladder as he spoke. “I will be up here if’n ya need anythin’. Just holler…” He closed the hatch behind himself and slumped against the wall, eyes closed, trying to breath and quiet his racing heart. He couldn’t explain what it was that happening. The sight of all the dead Reavers, his crewmates injured, Wash dead, was making him light headed and angry at the same time.
Just then, three Alliance men came up the stairs and rounded the corner to go to the bridge. They were face to face with an automatic pistol as soon as they did.
“Ya can just turn yerselves back around.” Jayne growled out past clenched teeth. His arm was straight, pistol gripped lightly, finger curled around the trigger gently.
Two of the three backed away, the officer in charge held his ground. “I have orders to do an initial survey of the damage to this ship. Step aside.”
“Yer not ex-am-inin’ anythin’ past here, unless ya want yer men ta see the insides a’ yer brain on the outside.” Jayne kept the gun pointed directly between the officer’s eyes as he spoke.
With a moment’s consideration, the officer nodded and backed down. The three left as quickly as they had come. Jayne stood with the gun in his hand, outstretched until he heard the sound of their footsteps fade away and they were off Serenity. Pulling the trigger, the hammer fell with an empty click in the spent weapon. “Bang, yer dead.” He grimly joked before he slid to the floor next to Kaylee’s hatch.
Jayne stirred himself to rise after a few minutes had passed. He felt pretty confident that no one else would be coming to ‘survey’ the ship. He dared a quick peek down into Kaylee’s bunk to see how the little crazy person was doing. River was curled up in some blankets, wearing the clean dress he had brought for her. Jayne sighed quietly with relief. He wanted to go clean up himself and it was easier knowing she was asleep while he did.
His own bunk looked like it had been tossed for incriminating evidence; blankets, tools, drawers, all disarrayed. The only things still in place were his guns. He had made sure to secure them solidly to the wall for just that reason; would be no good to have weapons flying about, could damage them.
Absent mindedly he ran a basin of water and found a wash cloth. A glance in the mirror confirmed his suspicions, blood and gore, grime and sweat. He saw the evidence of the last several days in the streaks on his face, the blood on his shirt, the pain across his shoulder from the bullet wound. He wasn’t sure he recognized the man looking back at him. He was older, angrier, more frightened than who he had been. And bigger. That was the surprise, he saw more of a man looking back at him than before; less boyish selfishness, more the trapped awareness of a grown man. Jayne snarled impotently, he realized his own limits had been pushed and he wanted to retreat back. Bitterness filled his throat when he knew he wouldn’t be able to. A simmering unease came over him, cowled him in its unforgiving grasp. He struck out at the image of the man looking back at him, trapped, unable to change the past, unwilling to step forward easily. The mirror shattered, sprinkling glass in a spray of reflective little men looking at him. He wouldn’t be replacing the mirror.
~~~~~
She slept, dreaming of bonfires, forest fires, fires sweeping across open grasslands. All sparked by a single tiny flame. She flew over the fires, clothed in smoke. Hidden in it. Cloaked from the searching eyes of… there, the bear shambling along the edge of the charred forest. He was smashing trees down with his front paws, clawing upwards and pushing the burnt out trunks to the ground in crashes of leaden wood, puffs of ash and cinder billowing up around the fallen mighty. Roaring in confused rage, the bear destroyed trees left and right, tore them to kindling. His voice was raw and primal, broadcasting his distress far across the dreamscape. She flinched back when he bellowed out a cry of pain in the midst of his rage. He wilted before her eyes, grew foggy, translucent. She gasped at him vanishing before her, No, must not let him fade away, never fade away. Soaring around over the misty bear, she reached out a tendril of thought, of feeling to him… and hit a wall of red, of blood pounding behind her eyes making her head ache, throwing her back into an invisible updraft from the heated fire trail.
River woke with a start, pulse racing. She sat up quickly, wrapping the blanket tightly around her, trying to pull some of Kaylee’s happy thoughts to her. Serenity was silent, the emergency lights running silently on battery power only, no throb of life from the engine, the oils and fluids that ran in her circulatory system still. A distant hum of air circulators could just be heard above her own racing heartbeat. She looked around the bunk. It was a strewn with Kaylee’s things, the parasol leaning against the wall, big pink hoop dress in a pile of crinkly fabric at the foot of the bed. Bits of Kaylee’s life lay around in unrelated piles. River curled her nose at the smell of a bottle of some sticky sweet perfume that had smashed against the pedestal of the sink. It disguised the other smells usually present, engine grease, flowery incense, bleach and sunshine. River didn’t know how to describe the scent that was Kaylee except as sunshine. The mechanic was all light and air and warmth. Sunshine. When she had first leapt out of her box, she had felt a piece that was missing, a shiny woman who could bring light to any room. Later, when they were both awake and aware, River had come to revel in that company. In her mind, Kaylee was Shiny, always there to find the light.
River curled up into a tighter ball, knotting her fists in the blanket, determined not to cry again. She listened for Serenity, for anything to tell her everything was well even as she knew it wasn’t. A hand of worry closed on her heart- where was Jayne? Had he left? Had the Alliance come and taken him away? Were they going to come for her next? He had told her to stay here, to wait here for him… but how long? When would he return. She reached out her consciousness past herself, seeking him.
~~~~~
He had made the mistake of sitting down for a moment on the edge of his bunk after cleaning up. He had just put a bandage over the bullet wound, bullet wasn’t lodged there, it wasn’t bleeding any more, so he decided would let a medic look at it later if it started to bother him. There were a bunch of other, smaller injuries, cuts and scrapes mostly. He cleaned them and left them be. He didn’t have the energy to worry about it just then. At the back of his mind a little voice tried to impress upon him that it was unlike him to not take care of injuries. Usually made for easier healing. Might be why he was still alive after more than twenty years of being a mercenary. The voice was insistent, trying to be heard over the haze of exhaustion. A larger voice muffled the logical little voice. Jayne promised himself he would only close his eyes for a minute.
The dream crashed into him as soon as he lost consciousness. Screaming bodies threw themselves at him, he felt burning trails of pain score across his body. Tearing at him as he struggled to fight back, writhing in their grasp, kicking and punching, roaring as he fought back. It was not enough, he could feel they had him, would pull him apart as he fell. A lull would fall over him, he would watch as he drifted up and away from the scene. A moment, and he would snap back to the beginning again, fresh agonies, battles of hands and feet and teeth tearing into him again. Drifting away at the end and then returning to the start, attacking faster, tearing more violently, afraid to fail because the clock would reset to do it again. And it did, until he lost track of what was happening, until he began to fade away from the dream, fade away from everything. A new, searing cold penetrated his dream awareness, thrusting him sideways back to his own body, his own awareness.. .
Jayne woke with a start. Sat up fast and alert. He had always been able to react to danger swiftly, find the source and eliminate it if necessary. Later he would allow himself to wake slowly, grouchily as a bear coming out of hibernation. But this time he was on his feet, hunting around for that which woke him. Eyes scanning his bunk, listening for sounds from outside, smelling for evidence of others. Nothing. There was nothing that could explain his sudden wakefulness. Then he remembered River.
With a quickness belying his size, Jayne was out of his bunk and over to Kaylee’s, knocking on the hatch as he opened it and descended. He wasn’t waiting for permission this time. He saw the little crazy person huddled in the corner of the bunk, curling and uncurling her fists in the blanket.
“Ya aw’right?” He stopped at the foot of the ladder, leaning towards her slightly, looking around for danger. He could smell the fear coming off of her, the slightly sour sweat under the soap and detergent smells. The broken perfume bottle by the sink filled the rest of the air with sweet sticky flower smell. He curled his nose in distaste. It was all wrong around the crazy person, wasn’t her smell at all. Apples, always sweet tart apples would drift subtly from her under all the other smells he was constantly filtering. He didn’t stop to ask the voice jumping up and down in his mind why he remembered that more than anything else. Wouldn’t want the answer, not yet.
“No one, no one here…”
“Yah, cause I ain’t standin’ right here moonbrain…”
“Thoughts hiding behind a mirror of glass… pulse of life not surrounding, filling spaces… can not see behind the veil… The reveal.. is present…you came back.” She looked at him for the first time, eyes focusing on his. Brown to blue they were caught in a moment. He saw her liquid depths, the cool space behind the brown. His eyes darkened, an awareness threatened to surface, an awareness he shoved away to join the muffled little voice in his mind. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts.
“A’ course I came back, I told ya I would.”
“He came without being called.” She cocked her head at him, considering that.
“Ya, well, I thought I heard ya.” Jayne stuttered in reply, not wanting to tell her he had dozed off and woken with a powerful need to check on her. The little voice wanted to jump up triumphantly except he clamped down on it so hard its voice squeaked and gave out.
“Thank you.”
“Right, well, I gotta see what is happenin’ with the rest o’ ‘em… you be ok here?” He tried to sound relaxed, confident. It came out tight and maybe a little nervous. Needed to know what was happening with the crew, with the future.
“It is worth fighting for…” River whispered to the air after he left the bunk. A smile on her face lit up the pronouncement with hope.
Will continue in Part Two… what happens next?
Title: Aftermath, Part One
Rating: PG-13 for ouch
Spoiler: Post-BDM!
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes:So, I was supposed to be posting the next of the Five No's from
bookaddict43 's prompt, but nope, that is not what happened. So bear with me!This is an insert between the Second and Third time Jayne says no to River, cause Mal wanted to know…
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
Aftermath, Part One
When the orders to stand down came, River cast her gaze from the crew to the soldiers and back again. She processed the situation and knew that any action on her part would endanger those who she had come to think of as family. She felt the violence of battle leave, felt her strength flow back to him. She had borrowed the flames, the power and used it to wreak death upon the mad ones. Now that they were gone, the power flowed back along the threads to him and Jayne somehow had gotten to River as she twisted into a swirling collapse, his arms wrapping around her and cradling her to his chest, safe.
“Shhh, I got ya… not lettin’ ya go.” He murmured in her ear, voice low and growly. She tried to follow his voice, to find him in the mists surrounding her mind. There was nothing there, just her own thoughts. He kept rumbling, murmuring no words, just sounds. She grasped at the sound, felt the vibration of his chest against hers and she anchored to it. When he stopped rumbling, a wall of silence slammed into her and she let out an involuntary mewl of pain. “It’s all right, I got ya… its over… don’t gotta fight no more… its over Little Crazy.” She relaxed as his voice filled the silence, took away the pain of the nothingness. He held her close and kept the growling rumble when a medic came to see to them.
“I’m a’right, go see ta the others..” He snarled at the anxious soldier. He had felt her tighten in his arms when the man had come close. “Shhh, it’s a’right Girlie… I’m here, I ain’t leavin’…”
~~~~~
The tableau was set for a fight, and when the order to stand down interrupted that no one had an alternate plan. The medics had done what they could to stabilize and treat their immediate injuries. Mal, Simon, and Kaylee all had to be moved to a Med shuttle. Zoë was triaged on site and tried to claim she would be fine without any further help. Crumbling as she tried to stand after her pronouncement made it clear she would require further aid.
Inara and Jayne were left, Jayne holding River in his arms, all folded up like a rag doll, boneless and limp. Her head rested on his right shoulder, away from the bloodied gunshot wound he had sustained. It felt superficial so he waved off the medic when he came back after dealing with Mal and the others.
“I should go with them…” Inara started, but her perfectly trained voice caught in her throat.
“Go on, I got Girlie here.. make sure them hun dahn’s do their job right.” Jayne replied in surprisingly soft tones. Inara was grateful for his lack of bellicosity.
“Thank you Jayne. I will return to Serenity when I know what everyone’s status is.”
He nodded, neither one of them needed to say that River would be safer away from the Alliance troops. Inara followed a medic when he beckoned to her. Jayne turned and walked on silent feet away from the carnage of River’s battle. He catalogued automatically how many were dead and how they had died. His lip curled in disgust at the smell of decay that surrounded the dead bodies. They had been most of the way dead before River had finished the job. Rot and infection tainted the air with a yellowed miasma according to his nose. Jayne had always been able to follow a trail easily because he was so attuned to what he smelled as well as the visual clues. Right then he wished he didn’t have that skill. He was only slightly surprised at the volume of dead Reavers, knowing what he had seen in the Maidenhead. Unknowingly he squeezed River to him more tightly, some long dormant part of him wanting to protect her from the reality of what had happened. It was only a moment and he didn’t even feel himself do it.
River, in her post-battle collapse felt nothing but Jayne cradling her to him as he carried her to Serenity; heard nothing in her mind, no voices, no screaming, none of the rage from the Reavers. She felt his arms tighten around her, his heart rate increase, the heat from his body grew stronger, enveloped her in a cocoon of warmth. She felt cold, chilled and it was soothing to have his touch to warm her. It made her realize she was still alive, blood moved through her body, carrying oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide… all the necessities of life, of continued living, was there in the red liquid. She focused on a point in Jayne’s neck, felt him against her cheek. The repeated pulsar of life captured her attention. She followed the trail of the pulse up towards his face. Sweat, grime, and blood in streaks gave him a more fearsome aspect than usual. She felt, rather than saw, soldiers step out of their way merely from the snarling bestiality of his expression. They saw only death headed their way. River saw life, felt it more clearly than she ever had. He was alive, he was silent to her mind, but he blanketed them both in a protective haze of life.
He carried her up the stairs to the catwalk and she noticed the shuttle door before her.
“No… no… not a shuttle ride…” She nearly squeaked in panic. Her body began to tighten to struggle out of his grip. She could hear his words in her memory, “No trouble now little crazy person. We’re going for a nice shuttle ride…” She had knocked him out then. She couldn’t hear his thoughts, was reacting as though he still may follow through on his threat. A tiny voice in the very far back of her mind denied that as a possibility.
“Nah, stop yer wrigglin’” Jayne grunted when one of her feet connected with his upper thigh uncomfortably close to his man-parts… “We’re ain’t goin’ ta the shuttle,” She kicked him again, “Just quit it would ya! We ain’t goin’ to the shuttle.” He snapped back, giving her a shake like a recalcitrant child. He passed the shuttle and made his way to the crew quarters. Figured Kaylee’s bunk would be the best place for now. Was girlie enough and he knew they were friends so the crazy girl had spent time down there before.
He somehow got her down the stairs as she had gone all limp again after he passed the shuttle.
“Aw’right then, ya just stay here til I get back. I just gotta check on some things.”
Curled up against the wall along the back of Kaylee’s bed, River nodded silently.
“I won’t be long, will get ya some clean clothes ta change into… don’t be wanderin’ off nowhere, dong ma?” He asked as he looked at her with hard eyes. He didn’t want her to leave the room and he wanted her to know he was serious. “You don’t get ta scrub the deck with my pi gyu for a third time Girlie. If I find ya out and around I will bring ya back here, ya hear me?!” He grumbled as he climbed back out of the bunk.
Jayne had seen the amount of destruction to Serenity even in a quick walk through with a girl trying to kick him in his nethers, so he was prepared for the worst he thought. The galley was strewn with everything not welded to the walls or riveted down, but mostly just a disorganized mess. He continued to the engine room, even though he hardly understood what it was that made Serenity fly. Tools were flung about like when Kaylee was in the midst of some elaborate repair or some bit of mechanic’s magic. But the main rotor was still in its cradle, he could see that, and it spun on its bearings when he tested it. He figured that was a good thing.
Looking down into the cargo bay, the walls were all intact as was the floor, or so it seemed. What little cargo they had and Jayne’s weight bench and barbells were lying about helter skelter. Exploded duct work and cable runs were hanging down over head, some sort of liquid, oil coolant from the smell of it, dripped from multiple places. Outside he had seen the trail of ship parts, the extenders were torn off their housings, thrusters nowhere nearby. Serenity was well and truly torn apart, the machine and the family she carried. It wasn’t going to be a quick repair job to get Serenity space worthy again, or to put the crew back together. He shook his head at that thought. Knew that Mal would want to repair the ship as soon as the doctors let him out of their care. Wasn’t sure if Mal would be able to put the rest of them back as well. The family, as Jayne had slowly realized, was as integral to Serenity as the machine. Looking down on the wreckage in the cargo bay, he stopped for a thought to form. The thought that he wouldn’t leave, he would stay with the crew for as long as Mal wanted him. He needed to stay. Life weren’t what it had been. He wasn’t who he had been. He didn’t realize yet what that would mean. Wasn’t the type to think that far ahead, or that deeply. Do the job, that was the thing. Do the job.
Turning, he made his way back to the bridge, knowing he would find that which he least wanted to see. He wasn’t prepared for the sight of the little man, the pilot, Wash, trapped in his chair. Jayne walked over on cat’s feet, quietly reached out to touch Wash. He laid his large hand on the pilot’s cold shoulder, felt the stillness, the life no longer there. Closing his eyes, Jayne began reciting under his breath a few words, “Our Lord which art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven...” The words returned to him from his long ago youth. He had gone to church every Sunday of his life until he shipped off the border moon he called home. The words of the prayers sometimes still found their way to his lips at unbidden moments. No hesitation, he recited them from memory flawlessly, he knew what the prayer meant to them that believed, had learned it before he could walk almost. Weren’t just empty words with no meaning. “And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.”
When he finished, he looked down on his crew mate, and he realized to late, his friend. With a final gentle squeeze, Jayne released his shoulder. Looking in the lockers behind the pilot, he found an old army blanket and gently wrapped it around the silent man, covering him from the harshness of the world. Wash would wait for Jayne to return with help to bring him to his rest.
Going back to the world of people he could do something for, Jayne retrieved a dress and some shorts for River from her room. He tried to not look to closely in her drawers or care about what he grabbed for her. On the way past Doc’s room he snatched a clean towel and some soap. Girlie would want to wash up he figured. Still in gathering mode, Jayne went and found some protein chips and can of some drink Doc insisted was bad for a body, but right about then Jayne decided it was better than nothing.
~~~~~
River tried to follow him in her mind when he moved around the ship but all she got was a hazy image of a feral animal snuffling around the halls and rooms of her brain. She relied on her hearing to tell her where he was so she knew when he was coming back, the tread of his step, cat quiet but still clear to her, was different than when he gone by on his way to the bridge. She had heard him stop there, silence surrounded him, the bridge hum and hiss of power absent. She heard the stillness of nothing as she reached out for the presence that should be Wash. There was nothing, just a fleeting sensation of warmth on her mental Wash person’s shoulder and then a flow of words drawing comfort to them in their familiarity. With her Wash image, she could hear Jayne’s voice intoning the prayer, speaking clear and low, no hesitation, unlike when he spoke from memory in public. That was a new piece of interesting for her to analyze later, when everything was silent again…
~~~~~
He knocked on Kaylee’s hatch before descending to see how the crazy person was doing.
“Hey, Girlie, I got ya somethin’ ta eat and some clean cloths. Here’s soap and such…” He put all the stuff he gathered on the bed next to her. Looked around the bunk almost nervous now that he had accomplished his mission of getting her stuff and checking on the status of the ship.
Wiping his hands together, he backed towards the ladder out. River looked up from the clothes and toiletries to Jayne.
“Thank you… not well… not sure where thoughts are…”
“Go ahead now and get yerself cleaned up a bit… water may still be warm, Kaylee always kept her water warm, used ta complain somethin’ awful when the heater didn’t work…Mal would say he would get her a new one, one a’ these days…and well, you know Mal, just never seemed ta happen…”
“He can leave, she knows how to wash and change herself.” River smiled at him benignly, the most lucid she had looked since before the flight from Miranda to Mr. Universe’s. Jayne nearly sighed in relief, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the Doc and his sister shared. River giggled in spite of herself at the relief on the filthy mercenaries face.
“Don’t laugh at me little crazy person! How am I s’posed ta know what ya do with yer brother…’ He spluttered, knowing how stupid it sounded when he said it out loud.
“Not crazy, mad ones voices are quiet… “ She cocked her head as she looked at Jayne, “Hear no voices when near the smoke, clouds all, soothing in it’s blanketing. Smells nice.” She smiled widely at him.
“I dunno what ya think smells nice, cause it smells like rotten socks in here right now…” He retreated up the ladder as he spoke. “I will be up here if’n ya need anythin’. Just holler…” He closed the hatch behind himself and slumped against the wall, eyes closed, trying to breath and quiet his racing heart. He couldn’t explain what it was that happening. The sight of all the dead Reavers, his crewmates injured, Wash dead, was making him light headed and angry at the same time.
Just then, three Alliance men came up the stairs and rounded the corner to go to the bridge. They were face to face with an automatic pistol as soon as they did.
“Ya can just turn yerselves back around.” Jayne growled out past clenched teeth. His arm was straight, pistol gripped lightly, finger curled around the trigger gently.
Two of the three backed away, the officer in charge held his ground. “I have orders to do an initial survey of the damage to this ship. Step aside.”
“Yer not ex-am-inin’ anythin’ past here, unless ya want yer men ta see the insides a’ yer brain on the outside.” Jayne kept the gun pointed directly between the officer’s eyes as he spoke.
With a moment’s consideration, the officer nodded and backed down. The three left as quickly as they had come. Jayne stood with the gun in his hand, outstretched until he heard the sound of their footsteps fade away and they were off Serenity. Pulling the trigger, the hammer fell with an empty click in the spent weapon. “Bang, yer dead.” He grimly joked before he slid to the floor next to Kaylee’s hatch.
Jayne stirred himself to rise after a few minutes had passed. He felt pretty confident that no one else would be coming to ‘survey’ the ship. He dared a quick peek down into Kaylee’s bunk to see how the little crazy person was doing. River was curled up in some blankets, wearing the clean dress he had brought for her. Jayne sighed quietly with relief. He wanted to go clean up himself and it was easier knowing she was asleep while he did.
His own bunk looked like it had been tossed for incriminating evidence; blankets, tools, drawers, all disarrayed. The only things still in place were his guns. He had made sure to secure them solidly to the wall for just that reason; would be no good to have weapons flying about, could damage them.
Absent mindedly he ran a basin of water and found a wash cloth. A glance in the mirror confirmed his suspicions, blood and gore, grime and sweat. He saw the evidence of the last several days in the streaks on his face, the blood on his shirt, the pain across his shoulder from the bullet wound. He wasn’t sure he recognized the man looking back at him. He was older, angrier, more frightened than who he had been. And bigger. That was the surprise, he saw more of a man looking back at him than before; less boyish selfishness, more the trapped awareness of a grown man. Jayne snarled impotently, he realized his own limits had been pushed and he wanted to retreat back. Bitterness filled his throat when he knew he wouldn’t be able to. A simmering unease came over him, cowled him in its unforgiving grasp. He struck out at the image of the man looking back at him, trapped, unable to change the past, unwilling to step forward easily. The mirror shattered, sprinkling glass in a spray of reflective little men looking at him. He wouldn’t be replacing the mirror.
~~~~~
She slept, dreaming of bonfires, forest fires, fires sweeping across open grasslands. All sparked by a single tiny flame. She flew over the fires, clothed in smoke. Hidden in it. Cloaked from the searching eyes of… there, the bear shambling along the edge of the charred forest. He was smashing trees down with his front paws, clawing upwards and pushing the burnt out trunks to the ground in crashes of leaden wood, puffs of ash and cinder billowing up around the fallen mighty. Roaring in confused rage, the bear destroyed trees left and right, tore them to kindling. His voice was raw and primal, broadcasting his distress far across the dreamscape. She flinched back when he bellowed out a cry of pain in the midst of his rage. He wilted before her eyes, grew foggy, translucent. She gasped at him vanishing before her, No, must not let him fade away, never fade away. Soaring around over the misty bear, she reached out a tendril of thought, of feeling to him… and hit a wall of red, of blood pounding behind her eyes making her head ache, throwing her back into an invisible updraft from the heated fire trail.
River woke with a start, pulse racing. She sat up quickly, wrapping the blanket tightly around her, trying to pull some of Kaylee’s happy thoughts to her. Serenity was silent, the emergency lights running silently on battery power only, no throb of life from the engine, the oils and fluids that ran in her circulatory system still. A distant hum of air circulators could just be heard above her own racing heartbeat. She looked around the bunk. It was a strewn with Kaylee’s things, the parasol leaning against the wall, big pink hoop dress in a pile of crinkly fabric at the foot of the bed. Bits of Kaylee’s life lay around in unrelated piles. River curled her nose at the smell of a bottle of some sticky sweet perfume that had smashed against the pedestal of the sink. It disguised the other smells usually present, engine grease, flowery incense, bleach and sunshine. River didn’t know how to describe the scent that was Kaylee except as sunshine. The mechanic was all light and air and warmth. Sunshine. When she had first leapt out of her box, she had felt a piece that was missing, a shiny woman who could bring light to any room. Later, when they were both awake and aware, River had come to revel in that company. In her mind, Kaylee was Shiny, always there to find the light.
River curled up into a tighter ball, knotting her fists in the blanket, determined not to cry again. She listened for Serenity, for anything to tell her everything was well even as she knew it wasn’t. A hand of worry closed on her heart- where was Jayne? Had he left? Had the Alliance come and taken him away? Were they going to come for her next? He had told her to stay here, to wait here for him… but how long? When would he return. She reached out her consciousness past herself, seeking him.
~~~~~
He had made the mistake of sitting down for a moment on the edge of his bunk after cleaning up. He had just put a bandage over the bullet wound, bullet wasn’t lodged there, it wasn’t bleeding any more, so he decided would let a medic look at it later if it started to bother him. There were a bunch of other, smaller injuries, cuts and scrapes mostly. He cleaned them and left them be. He didn’t have the energy to worry about it just then. At the back of his mind a little voice tried to impress upon him that it was unlike him to not take care of injuries. Usually made for easier healing. Might be why he was still alive after more than twenty years of being a mercenary. The voice was insistent, trying to be heard over the haze of exhaustion. A larger voice muffled the logical little voice. Jayne promised himself he would only close his eyes for a minute.
The dream crashed into him as soon as he lost consciousness. Screaming bodies threw themselves at him, he felt burning trails of pain score across his body. Tearing at him as he struggled to fight back, writhing in their grasp, kicking and punching, roaring as he fought back. It was not enough, he could feel they had him, would pull him apart as he fell. A lull would fall over him, he would watch as he drifted up and away from the scene. A moment, and he would snap back to the beginning again, fresh agonies, battles of hands and feet and teeth tearing into him again. Drifting away at the end and then returning to the start, attacking faster, tearing more violently, afraid to fail because the clock would reset to do it again. And it did, until he lost track of what was happening, until he began to fade away from the dream, fade away from everything. A new, searing cold penetrated his dream awareness, thrusting him sideways back to his own body, his own awareness.. .
Jayne woke with a start. Sat up fast and alert. He had always been able to react to danger swiftly, find the source and eliminate it if necessary. Later he would allow himself to wake slowly, grouchily as a bear coming out of hibernation. But this time he was on his feet, hunting around for that which woke him. Eyes scanning his bunk, listening for sounds from outside, smelling for evidence of others. Nothing. There was nothing that could explain his sudden wakefulness. Then he remembered River.
With a quickness belying his size, Jayne was out of his bunk and over to Kaylee’s, knocking on the hatch as he opened it and descended. He wasn’t waiting for permission this time. He saw the little crazy person huddled in the corner of the bunk, curling and uncurling her fists in the blanket.
“Ya aw’right?” He stopped at the foot of the ladder, leaning towards her slightly, looking around for danger. He could smell the fear coming off of her, the slightly sour sweat under the soap and detergent smells. The broken perfume bottle by the sink filled the rest of the air with sweet sticky flower smell. He curled his nose in distaste. It was all wrong around the crazy person, wasn’t her smell at all. Apples, always sweet tart apples would drift subtly from her under all the other smells he was constantly filtering. He didn’t stop to ask the voice jumping up and down in his mind why he remembered that more than anything else. Wouldn’t want the answer, not yet.
“No one, no one here…”
“Yah, cause I ain’t standin’ right here moonbrain…”
“Thoughts hiding behind a mirror of glass… pulse of life not surrounding, filling spaces… can not see behind the veil… The reveal.. is present…you came back.” She looked at him for the first time, eyes focusing on his. Brown to blue they were caught in a moment. He saw her liquid depths, the cool space behind the brown. His eyes darkened, an awareness threatened to surface, an awareness he shoved away to join the muffled little voice in his mind. He shook his head, clearing his thoughts.
“A’ course I came back, I told ya I would.”
“He came without being called.” She cocked her head at him, considering that.
“Ya, well, I thought I heard ya.” Jayne stuttered in reply, not wanting to tell her he had dozed off and woken with a powerful need to check on her. The little voice wanted to jump up triumphantly except he clamped down on it so hard its voice squeaked and gave out.
“Thank you.”
“Right, well, I gotta see what is happenin’ with the rest o’ ‘em… you be ok here?” He tried to sound relaxed, confident. It came out tight and maybe a little nervous. Needed to know what was happening with the crew, with the future.
“It is worth fighting for…” River whispered to the air after he left the bunk. A smile on her face lit up the pronouncement with hope.
Will continue in Part Two… what happens next?