Elegant Sentiments
Ladies and Gentlemen, your amusing, intriguing, and horrifying articles for the day.
- "Half of all children are below average in intelligence." Yes, this is news. Your friendly neighborhood Statistics Professor was last seen getting a samurai sword to go hunt journalists.
- Look left: Nothing. Look right: A semi carrying 8,500 gallons of gas. I'll do a U-turn right here in his way.
- Apparently paying your employees below poverty-wage salaries means they're not motivated to work. That, or maybe the manager is a fat slob who watches kiddie porn (SFW).
- Irony, Orson Welles make a comeback after 9/11. After all, we always meant to invade Afghanistan Iraq Iran.
- Guess which country supplies weapons to Iran...and everyone else? Go on, guess.
- Oil companies, those almost-starving not-quite-nonprofits, are apparently focused on making money above everything else (such as safety). Here son, just put this newspaper on your nose and you can breathe normally.\
- Samurai swords in Scotland. Tsk tsk. Bad Braveheat Ninja!
- Borat's acceptance speech. Ahhhh...joy, air.
- Office Space was actually prophecy. All hail the red stapler.
- Heads Up! Barack Obama is officially thinking about running for President. Oh Please Krishna let it be true.
- Parting shot from the last Congress: U.S. Citizens can now face military trails. That crinkling sound you here are your rights, and the Constitution, burning.
- President Bush: We can make Iraq a safer place by sending in 20,000 more of our sons to die...right until I'm out of office. This works because killing people, imprisoning and torturing them is the best and only way to pacify a region. Their grieving children, family and friends thank us.
- Oops. On the bright side, you can appeal your parking ticket.
- A bright 8-year-old has more passion and courage than you, I, or anyone else reading this. We should be ashamed of ourselves.