i gotta write shit down, im goin crazy
I'm scared, i should be happy but I'm scared. Anthony said he's not at all interested in Katie, but I'm still not convince. I know he could never really love her or have a relationship with her--she's got a fuckin kid, no way he's going anywhere near her. But I'm still scared that their gonna hook up or the very least do phone sex n all that jazz. I want to trust anthony, I want to believe with all my heart that's he's faithful to me, that after alll that we've been through he's faithful and i'm faithful and we're finally at peace.
I've never in the 3 years I've been with this man had one thought he cheated on me. the 8 months we were separated as an official couple i had my doubts, but I wasnt completely honest either so i cant help that. But now..I keep thinking about all the times he's gone back to her when we were just friends, how he even left a good, sweet girl to go back to that katie-person who was such a horrible person to him. And knowing that he was a man whore, even if it was was in the past bugs me. Because, can someone really never be tempted? Can an alcholic be completely unfazed when offered a beer? sure they'll think "just this once" but it never works out that way.
I love Anthony with all my heart and soul, it sounds cheezy but i do. I loved him before we broke up and i loved him when we had our break. I fought hard to get him back, i fought with constant vigilance (oh lord i just thought of mad-eye) to hear those beautiful words leave his mouth. I was so incredibly happy when he told he he love me the first time in 8 months. I am incredibly happy and feel incredibly blessed every time i see him, because I know not to take his presense for granted. I know what life is like without him and it was hell. it was like i had to exhist but dreaded it. the only reason I didnt quit was the hope for the day it would get better, and lucky for me it did.
But now, this KATIE. This BITCH. I dont care if her man left her with a kid, i dont care if she was beaten. That bitch...she hasnt been with him for 4 years and knowns god damn well he was taken last time they talked. how DARE she send pictures to him? beg to have him back? how DARE she??? Anthony is mine. I fought for him, I won him, i helped him, took care of him. Conforted him when he was in physical pain, talked him down when he was mad, helped him the best i could with academic problems. I stood up for him, against my family, my friends, anyone who said anything. I love that man, I would certainly not be here if it weren't for him. I'd certainly be dead, or in a position that wasnt healthy, who knows i might even still be in contact with that horrible boy, still forced to do things I didnt want to do.
Anthony is the closest thing I've met to a savior. Is that creepy to say? definately, expecially since I'm saying Anthony and savior in the same sentence, i mean jeez--i know anthonys a dick, and doesnt exactly have the cleanest past. But he helped me countless times. hurt me countless times, and healed me countless times.
I could never really let Anthony go. So that's why I'm staying true and fighting strong to keep in anthony's head, so he dares not stray to that piece of trash.
its a ramble i know, but a panic attack at 5 in the morning is no laughing matter.
I've never in the 3 years I've been with this man had one thought he cheated on me. the 8 months we were separated as an official couple i had my doubts, but I wasnt completely honest either so i cant help that. But now..I keep thinking about all the times he's gone back to her when we were just friends, how he even left a good, sweet girl to go back to that katie-person who was such a horrible person to him. And knowing that he was a man whore, even if it was was in the past bugs me. Because, can someone really never be tempted? Can an alcholic be completely unfazed when offered a beer? sure they'll think "just this once" but it never works out that way.
I love Anthony with all my heart and soul, it sounds cheezy but i do. I loved him before we broke up and i loved him when we had our break. I fought hard to get him back, i fought with constant vigilance (oh lord i just thought of mad-eye) to hear those beautiful words leave his mouth. I was so incredibly happy when he told he he love me the first time in 8 months. I am incredibly happy and feel incredibly blessed every time i see him, because I know not to take his presense for granted. I know what life is like without him and it was hell. it was like i had to exhist but dreaded it. the only reason I didnt quit was the hope for the day it would get better, and lucky for me it did.
But now, this KATIE. This BITCH. I dont care if her man left her with a kid, i dont care if she was beaten. That bitch...she hasnt been with him for 4 years and knowns god damn well he was taken last time they talked. how DARE she send pictures to him? beg to have him back? how DARE she??? Anthony is mine. I fought for him, I won him, i helped him, took care of him. Conforted him when he was in physical pain, talked him down when he was mad, helped him the best i could with academic problems. I stood up for him, against my family, my friends, anyone who said anything. I love that man, I would certainly not be here if it weren't for him. I'd certainly be dead, or in a position that wasnt healthy, who knows i might even still be in contact with that horrible boy, still forced to do things I didnt want to do.
Anthony is the closest thing I've met to a savior. Is that creepy to say? definately, expecially since I'm saying Anthony and savior in the same sentence, i mean jeez--i know anthonys a dick, and doesnt exactly have the cleanest past. But he helped me countless times. hurt me countless times, and healed me countless times.
I could never really let Anthony go. So that's why I'm staying true and fighting strong to keep in anthony's head, so he dares not stray to that piece of trash.
its a ramble i know, but a panic attack at 5 in the morning is no laughing matter.