Vicissitudes of Life
Man, vicissitude is seriously a rad word.
Every now and then I catch myself being sooooper moody. In case that information wasn't implicative enough, I've just had one of those aforementioned moments. I was chattin' with someone on the onlines, and we were jibber-jabberin' about this event that's scheduled for my birthday. Although I'm really stoked on the event, I'm also really stoked on the sovereignty of my time on my birthday. Unfortunately for me, the event is sort of an all-or-nothing deal, which would consume my whole birthday, literally. I've already decided not to participate in the event.
So, I'd already had a little bit of a conversation with this person in question about the event in question. Since that conversation, I'd been operating under the belief that said person would be, with regret, eschewing the event to join me for my birthday goings on. Today, this notion was called into serious doubt, if not outright refuted.
Part of my sudden mood swing, I have established, is related to my perception of my motives. I was already feeling a bit frustrated with myself for what I see as my own selfishness related to my birthday. In a way, I feel like I'm letting the people involved in the event down, having participated in and helped organize it previously.
I was really looking forward to have the abovementioned friend with me for MY traditional birthday goings on, but I'm sort of shocked at how bad I felt when I heard that said friend would be choosing the event over me. If that's not selfish, I don't know what is. But, anyways, those things combined; my own feelings of guilt related to non-participation, coupled with the sudden disappointment from the news I received from my friend, had a really strong emotional-equilibrium-upsetting effect.
My friend left a sliver of possibility of joining me rather than the event. It would mean a lot to me, but I don't want to use what I see as some kind of emotional blackmail to influence my friend's decision. On the other hand, I don't want to equivocate about my feelings, and I know I'll be directly queried about it. Quandary quandary quandary!
I've officially committed myself to not letting it have an extended impact on my day, so, I've got that goin' for me. I'm amused, thinking about my ambiguous feelings of guilt generally surrounding my birthday and this event. Of course, the disappointing information from my friend is disappointing in and of itself; how funny that feeling this news is sad would engender new feelings of guilt over my selfishness! Haha, recursive emotions!
Oh, funny. I totally forgot to introduce this entry with the obligatory, "Wow! It's been forever since I updated this thing!"
Every now and then I catch myself being sooooper moody. In case that information wasn't implicative enough, I've just had one of those aforementioned moments. I was chattin' with someone on the onlines, and we were jibber-jabberin' about this event that's scheduled for my birthday. Although I'm really stoked on the event, I'm also really stoked on the sovereignty of my time on my birthday. Unfortunately for me, the event is sort of an all-or-nothing deal, which would consume my whole birthday, literally. I've already decided not to participate in the event.
So, I'd already had a little bit of a conversation with this person in question about the event in question. Since that conversation, I'd been operating under the belief that said person would be, with regret, eschewing the event to join me for my birthday goings on. Today, this notion was called into serious doubt, if not outright refuted.
Part of my sudden mood swing, I have established, is related to my perception of my motives. I was already feeling a bit frustrated with myself for what I see as my own selfishness related to my birthday. In a way, I feel like I'm letting the people involved in the event down, having participated in and helped organize it previously.
I was really looking forward to have the abovementioned friend with me for MY traditional birthday goings on, but I'm sort of shocked at how bad I felt when I heard that said friend would be choosing the event over me. If that's not selfish, I don't know what is. But, anyways, those things combined; my own feelings of guilt related to non-participation, coupled with the sudden disappointment from the news I received from my friend, had a really strong emotional-equilibrium-upsetting effect.
My friend left a sliver of possibility of joining me rather than the event. It would mean a lot to me, but I don't want to use what I see as some kind of emotional blackmail to influence my friend's decision. On the other hand, I don't want to equivocate about my feelings, and I know I'll be directly queried about it. Quandary quandary quandary!
I've officially committed myself to not letting it have an extended impact on my day, so, I've got that goin' for me. I'm amused, thinking about my ambiguous feelings of guilt generally surrounding my birthday and this event. Of course, the disappointing information from my friend is disappointing in and of itself; how funny that feeling this news is sad would engender new feelings of guilt over my selfishness! Haha, recursive emotions!
Oh, funny. I totally forgot to introduce this entry with the obligatory, "Wow! It's been forever since I updated this thing!"