long time no post
ah so what have i been up to lately. other than being self destructive at work i went to see earlimart last night at the troubadour. it was a great show! they had five people up there and they sound was amazing. too bad my ear plug for my left ear wouldn't go in right so i had to hold it in place to stop myself from going deaf. the good thing is that the right ear (the one with tinnitus) was in solid! the opening band was from chicago and called "office". they were very young and 80's sounding. they had two women in the band. the drummer who rocked and this other synthesizer girl who was just annoying the whole time. it just seemed that the band was trying TOO hard. doing all the rock posturing and it came off as really insincere. i think that is something i have a hard time with in music, watching bands that are not sincere.
so the self destructive thing isn't good. my assistant principal asked me straight out why i was going to portland in december and i told her. that i am moving there in july. her big concern was that i was going to leave them high and dry without a literacy coach. if i was going to do that, i would leave now which is what i feel like doing all the time. if only she knew that. i later find out that she immediately went to tell the principal who said something to the effect of "yeah i figured as much". when i realise what i said about 10 minutes later and catch up to the a.p. to tell her not to say anything to anyone, she admits she already told linda (the principal). argh! now i have to deal with that one. so i just went home for the day and let it stew. i went in to talk to the principal about something else on tuesday and the portland thing comes up. she seems disappointed but not surprised because it always seemed like i was "a fish out of water here in la". then she goes on to tell me more stuff i really didn't want to hear about how i am not flexible enough and come off as judgmental. that this is something i need to work on no matter where i go. all i am thinking about is "damn, and i need a letter of recommendation from her!" so i feel like i just burnt my bridge that i am fucked on that end. then on wednesday i had to meet with my actual boss to plan out when she is going to come to observe me and the conversation was really stilted. she is new, and i am nervous around her unlike her predecessor whom i adored. my prior boss julie was the reason i didn't leave this year. i was heartbroken to find out that julie was leaving to become a principal at the end of june, that i almost quit at that moment. now i am being evaluated by some lady i don't know who is in over her head with this job! argh! and once again i have to get a letter of recommendation out of someone i barely know. it all just makes me want to leave right now and move to portland to work at powell's and fuck the education field. argh...
well enough of my whining. i feel that july can't come quick enough and maybe i will just leave before then. i don't know what i can get out of actually finishing my job here except for the fact of actually finishing something that i started. i can't say my letters are going to be great and that i will be able to get a job teaching up there. i kind of feel like maybe this part of my life is over and that maybe i should just cut my losses and go now. i really don't know the "right" thing to do in this situation, so i will just do nothing for now.
jennifer juniper
so the self destructive thing isn't good. my assistant principal asked me straight out why i was going to portland in december and i told her. that i am moving there in july. her big concern was that i was going to leave them high and dry without a literacy coach. if i was going to do that, i would leave now which is what i feel like doing all the time. if only she knew that. i later find out that she immediately went to tell the principal who said something to the effect of "yeah i figured as much". when i realise what i said about 10 minutes later and catch up to the a.p. to tell her not to say anything to anyone, she admits she already told linda (the principal). argh! now i have to deal with that one. so i just went home for the day and let it stew. i went in to talk to the principal about something else on tuesday and the portland thing comes up. she seems disappointed but not surprised because it always seemed like i was "a fish out of water here in la". then she goes on to tell me more stuff i really didn't want to hear about how i am not flexible enough and come off as judgmental. that this is something i need to work on no matter where i go. all i am thinking about is "damn, and i need a letter of recommendation from her!" so i feel like i just burnt my bridge that i am fucked on that end. then on wednesday i had to meet with my actual boss to plan out when she is going to come to observe me and the conversation was really stilted. she is new, and i am nervous around her unlike her predecessor whom i adored. my prior boss julie was the reason i didn't leave this year. i was heartbroken to find out that julie was leaving to become a principal at the end of june, that i almost quit at that moment. now i am being evaluated by some lady i don't know who is in over her head with this job! argh! and once again i have to get a letter of recommendation out of someone i barely know. it all just makes me want to leave right now and move to portland to work at powell's and fuck the education field. argh...
well enough of my whining. i feel that july can't come quick enough and maybe i will just leave before then. i don't know what i can get out of actually finishing my job here except for the fact of actually finishing something that i started. i can't say my letters are going to be great and that i will be able to get a job teaching up there. i kind of feel like maybe this part of my life is over and that maybe i should just cut my losses and go now. i really don't know the "right" thing to do in this situation, so i will just do nothing for now.
jennifer juniper