(no subject)
It's 1:46 in the morning and I am so tired! I want to go lay in my warm bed, but I also want to stay on here and talk to people.
I both love and hate being home, I got to hang out with some people tonight that I hadn't seen in a while and that was fun, but I really really miss my Macomb friends.
I have to go back on Monday because I am going to be initiated on Tues at 9am, I'm so glad that I have friends that are amazing enough to offer me their houses for as long as I need.
Thankfully I can move all of my stuff in on Mon as long as I swear not to try to actually live there until Tues or Wed... I think I can handle that.
Something that makes me really sad though, and that I can't stop thinking about, is how much attention my parents are giving me right now. I went from a 16 to a 6 and they are loving it. I mean they are to the point of scaring me with kindness. My mom took me shopping and bought me $300 worth of clothes. Then my dad paid for my hair to get highlights put in, another $100 without a word except "you deserve it". They are also going to pay for my passport and part of my trip to Europe... AND they are having a huge party for me tomorrow. Another thing is that they are always talking about me. My mom is so proud of me and she is always telling me how good I look. She even encouraged me to think of a bikini.... ME!
This is all really cool, but damn is it sad too. I never got this kind of attention before. I literally had to become half the girl I was before to get any kind of reaction out of my parents. Now, whenver I walk away, I can hear my parents saying stuff like "doesn't she look amazing? she lost 45 lbs in one summer!"
I don't know what to think... I always thought my parents didn't really like me... but now I know that it was true. I have to be skinny in order for them to be proud. Fuck my grades, all I got for all A's in HS was a DVD or something... now I come home with my pants falling off my ass and they offer me the world!
They didn't even ask me how I did it! I think I could of been annorexic and they still would be proud! Thankfully I love food way too much to ever give it up.
I mean, should this worry me?! Is this something we should talk about? Or should I just enjoy the fact that my parents love me now?
Also, my brother has gotten hideous. He has a beer belly and all that uckyness so my parents pretty much ignore him now. My mom made him pay her back for his $35 cologne after he saw the bags upon bags of clothes that she bought me.
I told her that I still planned on losing weight so she shouldn't buy me a whole new wardrobe yet, but she just said she'll keep buying me new clothes as long as I keep losing weight. I think she wants me down to a zero... which is insane. I just bought some pants that are a six and I look at them and they look so damn small it sickens me. Then I put them on and my ass fits perfect and suddenly they are pretty nice.
It's crazy because I look at myself and I cannot really see a difference, but my ENTIRE FAMILY, as in both sides, tells me how wonderful I look. Then they say that I must feel great now since half of me is gone... what am I supposed to think about that? They tell me how gorgeous I am now... what about before?
Also, I've gone to the clubs a few times since I've been home and I get a lot more attention there now... it makes me really appreciate all the people who told me I was hot before.
Thank you to all of you, the fact that you've always loved me means more to me than I can possibly say.
Please know that I am not bitching in any way! I love the way I look now, I'm a lot happier, I think I'm just being paranoid about my family... I suppose we will see soon!
I both love and hate being home, I got to hang out with some people tonight that I hadn't seen in a while and that was fun, but I really really miss my Macomb friends.
I have to go back on Monday because I am going to be initiated on Tues at 9am, I'm so glad that I have friends that are amazing enough to offer me their houses for as long as I need.
Thankfully I can move all of my stuff in on Mon as long as I swear not to try to actually live there until Tues or Wed... I think I can handle that.
Something that makes me really sad though, and that I can't stop thinking about, is how much attention my parents are giving me right now. I went from a 16 to a 6 and they are loving it. I mean they are to the point of scaring me with kindness. My mom took me shopping and bought me $300 worth of clothes. Then my dad paid for my hair to get highlights put in, another $100 without a word except "you deserve it". They are also going to pay for my passport and part of my trip to Europe... AND they are having a huge party for me tomorrow. Another thing is that they are always talking about me. My mom is so proud of me and she is always telling me how good I look. She even encouraged me to think of a bikini.... ME!
This is all really cool, but damn is it sad too. I never got this kind of attention before. I literally had to become half the girl I was before to get any kind of reaction out of my parents. Now, whenver I walk away, I can hear my parents saying stuff like "doesn't she look amazing? she lost 45 lbs in one summer!"
I don't know what to think... I always thought my parents didn't really like me... but now I know that it was true. I have to be skinny in order for them to be proud. Fuck my grades, all I got for all A's in HS was a DVD or something... now I come home with my pants falling off my ass and they offer me the world!
They didn't even ask me how I did it! I think I could of been annorexic and they still would be proud! Thankfully I love food way too much to ever give it up.
I mean, should this worry me?! Is this something we should talk about? Or should I just enjoy the fact that my parents love me now?
Also, my brother has gotten hideous. He has a beer belly and all that uckyness so my parents pretty much ignore him now. My mom made him pay her back for his $35 cologne after he saw the bags upon bags of clothes that she bought me.
I told her that I still planned on losing weight so she shouldn't buy me a whole new wardrobe yet, but she just said she'll keep buying me new clothes as long as I keep losing weight. I think she wants me down to a zero... which is insane. I just bought some pants that are a six and I look at them and they look so damn small it sickens me. Then I put them on and my ass fits perfect and suddenly they are pretty nice.
It's crazy because I look at myself and I cannot really see a difference, but my ENTIRE FAMILY, as in both sides, tells me how wonderful I look. Then they say that I must feel great now since half of me is gone... what am I supposed to think about that? They tell me how gorgeous I am now... what about before?
Also, I've gone to the clubs a few times since I've been home and I get a lot more attention there now... it makes me really appreciate all the people who told me I was hot before.
Thank you to all of you, the fact that you've always loved me means more to me than I can possibly say.
Please know that I am not bitching in any way! I love the way I look now, I'm a lot happier, I think I'm just being paranoid about my family... I suppose we will see soon!