All I want for Christmas is direction...
Life is such a confusing little thing isn’t it? It’s hard for someone like me most of the time. I like to have all the answers, and to know where I stand with people. I crave acceptance and respect. I know it’s my own insecurity that makes me the way that I am, yet I can’t seem to get past my need for approval. I feel like such a child sometimes, crying out for love…the need to make others see the things I love about myself, and for them to love me too. I over-analyze everything. EVERYTHING. I worry constantly. I feel as though there is an endless game of ping-pong taking place in my brain, where the players never rest. I’m so afraid to disappoint people, to disappoint myself. For someone with such a strong personality, it’s hard to believe that deep inside of me is still this little girl who is terrified to screw things up. I want so desperately to be happy that I try too hard. I feel too much, think too long, and love too deep. I can come across as dominant, paranoid, and clingy. I realize all of this about myself, and I know that some aspects of my personality are not ideal in my relationships with others.
I just want to be enough.
Have you ever met someone who just completely takes you by surprise? I’m talking like, unlike anyone you’ve ever met. Someone you can’t read or evaluate or even make an educated guess as to what they’re thinking. People like that are my biggest challenge. I like to know people, to see their thoughts, their emotions. The hardest personality type for me to be comfortable around are those who are emotionally closed off…the ones who hide inside themselves to keep you at a distance. If you get too close, you could hurt them, so they refuse to let you in. It frustrates me, because I just want to make them see how amazing they are, how worthy. I like to restore the faith that someone else took the time to destroy. If everyone I love could just see themselves the way that I see them, they would never know another day of sadness. If they could realize how they make my life worthwhile, then they would never have to doubt themselves again.
Maybe I just want too much. Maybe I’ll just have to accept the fact that sometimes I’m not supposed to have all the answers. Maybe I need to stop doubting myself so much and actually BELIEVE that someone is capable and willing to give just as much as I do. I just want to feel free and happy. I need people who understand me and the way my mind works…I need intellectual stimulation and moments of endless laughter.
The things I want for my life are simple, it’s putting all the pieces together that I’m struggling with. I just want to have it all without the heartache. I feel so scared and alone right now, and I don't want to hurt anymore. I just need to know how it's going to end.
There are things I could have handled differently, but I'll never be sorry for the ones I did right.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say?
You know I might have changed it all...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance
I just want to be enough.
Have you ever met someone who just completely takes you by surprise? I’m talking like, unlike anyone you’ve ever met. Someone you can’t read or evaluate or even make an educated guess as to what they’re thinking. People like that are my biggest challenge. I like to know people, to see their thoughts, their emotions. The hardest personality type for me to be comfortable around are those who are emotionally closed off…the ones who hide inside themselves to keep you at a distance. If you get too close, you could hurt them, so they refuse to let you in. It frustrates me, because I just want to make them see how amazing they are, how worthy. I like to restore the faith that someone else took the time to destroy. If everyone I love could just see themselves the way that I see them, they would never know another day of sadness. If they could realize how they make my life worthwhile, then they would never have to doubt themselves again.
Maybe I just want too much. Maybe I’ll just have to accept the fact that sometimes I’m not supposed to have all the answers. Maybe I need to stop doubting myself so much and actually BELIEVE that someone is capable and willing to give just as much as I do. I just want to feel free and happy. I need people who understand me and the way my mind works…I need intellectual stimulation and moments of endless laughter.
The things I want for my life are simple, it’s putting all the pieces together that I’m struggling with. I just want to have it all without the heartache. I feel so scared and alone right now, and I don't want to hurt anymore. I just need to know how it's going to end.
There are things I could have handled differently, but I'll never be sorry for the ones I did right.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say?
You know I might have changed it all...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd of had to miss the dance