(no subject)
Am still feeling lost, useless, and awkward. It's like adolescence all over again. Except now the stakes are higher. More is expected of me. I'm supposed to have a direction in life, or at least a semblance of an idea. And even if not, I'm supposed to have a handle on my life at present. At least I think so. It always seems like everyone else does. Does everyone feel this awkward? Does everyone feel this lost?
Sometimes I wish I were still the way I was in high school..... histrionic and needy and open about my feelings with anyone who asked how my day was. On the whole, the only time I really talk about my feelings is when I update my blog. Even then, I'm more shut off than I used to be. I've learned to loathe people who use depression as a social tool... and I feel like I'm doing that when I say anything about my problems..... even if I'm only saying anything because I feel like it's eating away at me and I need to say something to SOMEONE.
I don't know why I'm posting this here and not on my blog. I guess I assume that less people read this. Hah. That's a first.... me wanting to limit my audience.
I turned so far inward that I'm turning inside out. I feel like reality is fuzzier than it used to be. I feel like my brain isn't working as fast. I feel like... I feel like...
I'm sick of talking about my feelings.
Sometimes I wish I were still the way I was in high school..... histrionic and needy and open about my feelings with anyone who asked how my day was. On the whole, the only time I really talk about my feelings is when I update my blog. Even then, I'm more shut off than I used to be. I've learned to loathe people who use depression as a social tool... and I feel like I'm doing that when I say anything about my problems..... even if I'm only saying anything because I feel like it's eating away at me and I need to say something to SOMEONE.
I don't know why I'm posting this here and not on my blog. I guess I assume that less people read this. Hah. That's a first.... me wanting to limit my audience.
I turned so far inward that I'm turning inside out. I feel like reality is fuzzier than it used to be. I feel like my brain isn't working as fast. I feel like... I feel like...
I'm sick of talking about my feelings.