you're walking away (please come back)
Title: You’re Walking Away (Please Come Back)
Rating: PG-13
Side pairing/s: Minseok/Jongdae
Length: 3092 words
Summary: When Kyungsoo walks away, Baekhyun wants nothing more but for him to come back.
Notes: this is a pinch hit for the baeksoo exchange sooenaemoured! my entry can be found here / this was written for baekhannies - thank you for your prompts!
The mornings are a lot quieter than before; Baekhyun enters the dark kitchen, carefully stepping onto the floor, trying not to make a sound, the quietness just amplifies with each step that he takes, which is a stark contrast to a week before the fight. About a week (because Baekhyun doesn’t really keep count - the days have passed by so slowly without having Kyungsoo to talk to) since he has last spoken to his husband, since he manages to hold Kyungsoo in his arms every morning before he goes to work. It has been way too long and he misses the gentle voice, even softer hands and the softest lips against his own. Fights with Kyungsoo never ends up this bad but Baekhyun reckons there is always a time for firsts.
First time or not, this must end. Right now.
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says as his husband enters the kitchen. Kyungsoo doesn’t respond immediately but Baekhyun knows he is listening, one hand freezing over the mug of coffee he is holding as if waiting for Baekhyun to continue. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and does, “I’m sorry.”
Kyungsoo clears his throat, wordlessly walking to the table and sets his mug down. Leaning against the countertop, arms folded across his chest, Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun, instead of acknowledging his apology.
“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun is on his feet now. He holds out a hand. Kyungsoo’s gaze does not waver as he continues folding his arms instead of taking Baekhyun’s hand. “Please don’t be angry, anymore. Please.” He sounds like he’s begging, Baekhyun is aware but this is not the time and place for his pride. He takes a step closer and feels immensely grateful that Kyungsoo doesn’t move away.
“I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo suddenly says and Baekhyun feels a rush of warmth flooding his chest. How long has it been since he last heard this voice? Baekhyun stills and waits for Kyungsoo to continue. Kyungsoo presses his lips into a straight line before doing so. “I’ve been thinking of going back to my parents’ house, for a while.”
Whatever hope that Baekhyun has of them reconciling turns to dust as he gapes at Kyungsoo. “Why?” is all that comes out because in all of the fights they have been through, Kyungsoo has never done this before either. He always has been the one to talk things out, not the one turning away from the problem.
“I need some time to myself. To think things over,” Kyungsoo replies. His voice is gentle and this time, he is the one who reaches over to place a hand on Baekhyun’s arm.
It’s comforting and Baekhyun has a hard time getting his words out with that familiar warmth on his arm. He takes that hand in his, interlaces his fingers around Kyungsoo’s and whispers, “About us?”
“That’s all I think about, Baek,” Kyungsoo replies. There is a sad smile on his face before he curls his fingers around Baekhyun’s neck and pulls his head down to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you so much but I need to think. By myself.”
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun’s voice comes out thick and he starts to tear up at the painful lump forming at the back of his throat. “Kyungsoo, tell me I didn’t screw things up so bad you’re leaving me.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head in response, reassuring but he doesn’t say anything else as he finally takes a step back and leaves; Baekhyun waits in the kitchen till he hears the front door clicks, when he no longer hears the slow thudding footsteps of Kyungsoo walking away from him.
✧✧✧
The first night Baekhyun comes home to an empty apartment is the hardest. He sets his briefcase on the floor and tries to not to drag his feet to his room (Kyungsoo hates it), slowly letting the fact that Kyungsoo is no longer at home with him sink in. Apart from that one business trip Kyungsoo went on two years ago, Baekhyun never comes back to an empty home. Even throughout the whole period of them not talking to each other after the fight, Baekhyun has never really felt the loss because Kyungsoo is there. And tonight, he isn’t.
After a quick shower, Baekhyun decides to head straight to bed. He cannot stomach any dinner, now, not when he is missing Kyungsoo this badly. Not tonight. His hand hovers Kyungsoo’s name: My Shortie ♡ (a nickname that Kyungsoo has been telling him forever to change -- sharply reminding him that he’s not that much taller either -- but Baekhyun thinks it’s cute so it stays) and wonders if he should call.
I love you so much but I need to think. By myself.
Baekhyun exhales loudly before locking his mobile phone screen and plugging it to a cable to charge its battery, instead.
It is going to be a long night.
✧✧✧
Everytime Baekhyun closes his eyes and tries to sleep, he finds himself thinking of Kyungsoo and the fight they had. The angry exchange of words. How the whole fight resulted because of his own insecurities and it isn’t really because of Kyungsoo or anyone else. He cannot but let his mind wander off to how it all started.
✧✧✧
flashback
After a long day at work, all Baekhyun wanted was a good dinner and maybe some quiet time with Kyungsoo, watching telly or talking about their travel plans at the end of the year. He didn’t expect the conversation to steer towards having children. They were just talking about holidaying in Bali, a romantic getaway, a second honeymoon of sorts. He was taken off guard; Baekhyun felt ambushed.
Kyungsoo snuggled up to him, with a bunch of pamphlets and booklets with varying titles on adoption and parenting, from orphanages and hospitals, and Baekhyun’s annoyance grew. He did not come home to this.
“Kyungsoo, you know I don’t want kids,” Baekhyun said, trying to keep his tone light. “I’m not ready.”
“That’s what you said five years ago,” Kyungsoo counters, dismissively, flipping through the pamphlet. “We’ve been together this long, I think it’s definitely time.”
“No, I’m saying it again. I don’t want kids.” He was enunciating, the words rolling out of his heavily and slowly. The way he would when he was trying not to get angry and trying to be patient. Kyungsoo called it his this-is-my-last-warning voice.
Kyungsoo stopped flipping and slowly turned to look at Baekhyun. There was confusion in his eyes, wariness too because he knew Baekhyun had had a long day and he was tired. “Forever?” Kyungsoo asked. “Because you don’t really expect me to wait that long, right?”
“Am I not enough for you?” Baekhyun snapped, patience running thin at the question. He watched Kyungsoo’s eyes widened with incredulity, before narrowing them, now with pure irritation. “What? Tell me, Kyungsoo. Am I not enough?”
When Kyungsoo did not reply, Baekhyun found himself getting angrier before the onslaught of other self-deprecating emotions started to roll in. Disappointment. He had always known that Kyungsoo wanted a family, a proper one; Kyungsoo had always talked about having a family with Baekhyun for the longest time possible and Baekhyun felt that it was an honour, even if he never really wanted to have children himself. He had kissed Kyungsoo, fingers curled tightly around his hair and murmured love and forever against the expanse of his skin and he honestly thought it was enough. They had each other then, and when they got married, Baekhyun dreamt of growing old with the younger man. Two people in love for the rest of their lives. Kyungsoo had never really pursued this topic on having children and Baekhyun thought they were safe.
And yet, here they are.
“I love you,” Kyungsoo was saying, softly, reaching across the table for Baekhyun’s hand, placating. “I love you so much, Baekhyun. I am happy with you but I think we can be happier--”
“With children?” Baekhyun’s voice comes out sharp, He sees Kyungsoo wince and knows he has struck a nerve.
“It’s going to be lonely with just the two of us.” Kyungsoo retracts his hands before folding his arms across his chest. He paused, contemplating on what to say next because Baekhyun was angrier than he was right then and he knew that whatever he was going to say would make things worse. So, he got up to leave. “I’m -- you know what. It’s alright. I’m going to do the dishes.”
“You’re going to leave because of shit that doesn’t even exist?”
That broke the calm facade Kyungsoo was keeping up. He spun around, angrily saying, “Having children is not shit. We have been together for almost two decades and god, I want to spend my whole life with you but I want us to share something. To have something together and call it our own. Children. A family.”
“We are married--”
“You know what,” Kyungsoo snapped irritably, bringing a hand to rub at his neck. “Never mind. You’re tired. I’m tired. Go to bed.”
✧✧✧
Baekhyun was jolted awake by shrieks of laughter, the copious amount of sunlight streaming into the room through the window told him that he had probably slept in way longer -- it was almost noon. He took a moment to realise that they was having guests. Sleepily walking towards the door, he stuck a head out and saw that Kyungsoo had his best friends -- Kim Minseok and Kim Jongdae -- over together with their son. Baekhyun vaguely recalled Kyungsoo mentioning something about the couple adopting a baby a few years back.
Kyungsoo was always saying how they should have a talk with Minseok and Jongdae, to ask for their advice and so they can share their experiences. Baekhyun let out a groan, realising that Kyungsoo was really set on having children. It would be hard for Baekhyun to change his mind without the both of them going into a huge fight.
“Sweetie, are you awake?” Kyungsoo’s voice floated into the room, cheeks flushed from laughter and the jovial atmosphere outside. He approaches Baekhyun, sitting on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Baekhyun’s thigh, “Take a shower quickly, ok? We’re going to have lunch soon! Jongmin’s getting hungry.” There was an odd expression on Kyungsoo’s face as he said that name -- a strange fondness that Baekhyun had never really seen before.
“Who’s Jongmin?” Baekhyun asked, getting up to put some pants on.
“The cutest kid on earth, I think!” Kyungsoo replied, fondly. He gestured towards the living room, “Minseok’s and Jongdae’s son. He’s only five, but he’s so smart!”
Baekhyun hummed in response, disinterest clearly written all over his face as he pushed past Kyungsoo to take a shower.
✧✧✧
Baekhyun let out a sigh after a long while of observing Jongmin bringing the whole house down with his antics. He was imitating an aeroplane and running around as Kyungsoo chased him, Minseok and Jongdae laughing at the two of them. “Annoying little shit,” he muttered, mostly to himself, as the little boy crashed into Kyungsoo and shrieked when his husband picked him up and started to spin him around.
“Excuse me?” Jongdae whipped around, tilting his chin towards Baekhyun. Challenging. “What did you say?”
Maybe he was still angry about last night but Jongdae’s tone did not sit well with him so he repeated, “I said, your son is an annoying little shit.” The words felt stupid once they were out of his mouth, childish and completely unnecessary when the said boy was right there.
“Shut your damn mouth, right now,” Minseok snapped, all signs of friendliness disappearing as he took his husband’s side. He got up and stormed towards Baekhyun, hands already balled into fists. “I don’t know what is it that you’re so angry about but don’t take it out on our son.”
“I think,” Jongdae began delicately, standing up as well. “It’s time to go home, Minseok.”
“What is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo angrily said to Baekhyun, letting go of Jongmin’s hand. He shot an apologetic look at his friends. “I-- I’m so sorry, guys. He’s usually not this rude.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Jongdae said, patting Baekhyun on the shoulder. “Thanks for having us over and cooking us lunch!”
“Alright, Jongminnie, it’s to go home!” Minseok called out, roughly pushing at Baekhyun as he turned around to pick his son up. Ignoring Baekhyun, he turned to Kyungsoo, “Say thank you to Uncle Soo! You like his kimchi spaghetti, didn’t you?”
Jongmin who had been blinking innocently at the verbal exchange between the adults before settling on Baekhyun, tore his gaze away from him, a smile on his face. He politely thanked Kyungsoo, earning a delighted coo at how cute and obedient he was.
Baekhyun rolled his eyes and angrily strode to his room, slamming the door close.
✧✧✧
Kyungsoo cornered him, a while later, one hand angrily gripped around Baekhyun’s wrist. “You were way out of line, just now.” His voice was set to an angry hiss. “You can’t just say that to other people’s children! And Jongmin is just a kid, he’s just playing around. You know that.”
“As if you weren’t out of line, too?”
“What?”
“Calling Jongdae and Minseok over with their son without telling me, to what? Talk about adoption? Behind my back?” The words fly out of his mouth fast and quickly; Baekhyun is breathing hard when he finally pauses. “What the hell am I to you?”
“My husband,” Kyungsoo replied but his voice came out hard. “Whom I cannot have a decent conversation about children? Whom-- Wait.” He shook his head in disbelief at Baekhyun as something dawned on him. “Are you still angry about last night?”
“You know I don’t want children,” Baekhyun said, wringing his arms in frustration. “Look, if you wanted kids so much, why the hell did you marry me in the first place --
“Why the hell did I marry you?” Kyungsoo repeated, his eyes flashing with anger. He “Why the hell? What?!” Kyungsoo barks when Baekhyun turns to leave. “Do you regret marrying me because I -- oh I don’t know. Because I want to have a family with you?”
There were a million and one things running through Baekhyun’s mind then, how he was looking at Kyungsoo and curbing the urge to kiss the angry scowl away, enclose that mouth with his own and to do something, anything at all to soothe the anger. Kyungsoo wanted a family but Baekhyun had been looking at Kyungsoo all these years and he saw an entire generation of love with his husband. A family meant Kyungsoo’s attention and love would be divided -- Kyungsoo’s heart would be occupied by the children instead of solely by Baekhyun. He wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t think he would be ready for that and he wanted to say all of these to Kyungsoo.
Except when he finally tried to get something out, Kyungsoo was already walking away.
✧✧✧
It is a long time before Baekhyun finally falls asleep, the memory of Kyungsoo walking away replaying in his mind like a broken player, stuck on the part where it hurts the most.
✧✧✧
Three days.
Just three days without seeing Kyungsoo and Baekhyun feels terribly lonely. He wonders if Kyungsoo is feeling the same before a stabbing ache starts to settle in his chest at the thought of what if Kyungsoo doesn’t even think about me. Baekhyun drags himself to the kitchen as he tries to pull himself together -- make that cup of coffee, pop in some toasts and get his day started.
The past two days have been spent skipping breakfasts (Kyungsoo would be so displeased if he were to know -- he has always insisted that breakfasts are the most important meals of the day and makes sure Baekhyun has a good breakfast before heading to work) because he was lying around in bed trying to inhale Kyungsoo’s smell and not cry on Kyungsoo’s pillow because he has been missing him so much before scrambling out of bed to get ready for work. He feels empty without Kyungsoo; all he wants to do is be in bed all day and wait for him to come back. To stop thinking about them and just come back.
Surprisingly, it is Kyungsoo who calls first. Baekhyun nearly scalds himself with the hot water as he prepares his bowl of ramyun when it happens, rushing to set the bowl down and answer the call.
“I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo says immediately when Baekhyun picks up. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss you, Baek.” Baekhyun smiles despite himself at the honest remark, how Kyungsoo never really beats around the bush about the things he wants to say. If he misses you, he will tell you so. Straight to the point.
“I’ve missed you too,” Baekhyun says. “So much.”
There is a familiar voice in the background and Baekhyun realises it is his mother-in-law. Kyungsoo mutters something to her -- Baekhyun can’t tell what since his husband probably has a hand over the mouthpiece -- before turning the conversation back to him. “About that whole… children. Adoption. You know, all those things. I’ve been thinking about them too. Look, maybe I haven’t really considered why you’re so reluctant about this. So I want us to talk and you must tell me everything. I don’t want to push you into deciding anything if you’re not sure, Baekhyun.”
“You want to talk…?” Baekhyun is smiling widely now, fully aware of what this means. Kyungsoo is giving him a chance and this is his way of letting Baekhyun know that he has been forgiven. There are things he has to tell Kyungsoo, too. “I know this is important to you, Kyungsoo and I know-“ His breath catches in his throat and suddenly he cannot wait to tell Kyungsoo everything.
How he knows that having a family is important to Kyungsoo and throughout the whole time they have been separated, Baekhyun knows that there is no better person than Kyungsoo to build that solid foundation - to share something as beautiful as having a children, having a family with. It’s not easy to become parents but Baekhyun also realises that he will never know unless he tries. He will try for Kyungsoo.
“Save it for when I come home, later.”
askfm twitter tumblr
Rating: PG-13
Side pairing/s: Minseok/Jongdae
Length: 3092 words
Summary: When Kyungsoo walks away, Baekhyun wants nothing more but for him to come back.
Notes: this is a pinch hit for the baeksoo exchange sooenaemoured! my entry can be found here / this was written for baekhannies - thank you for your prompts!
The mornings are a lot quieter than before; Baekhyun enters the dark kitchen, carefully stepping onto the floor, trying not to make a sound, the quietness just amplifies with each step that he takes, which is a stark contrast to a week before the fight. About a week (because Baekhyun doesn’t really keep count - the days have passed by so slowly without having Kyungsoo to talk to) since he has last spoken to his husband, since he manages to hold Kyungsoo in his arms every morning before he goes to work. It has been way too long and he misses the gentle voice, even softer hands and the softest lips against his own. Fights with Kyungsoo never ends up this bad but Baekhyun reckons there is always a time for firsts.
First time or not, this must end. Right now.
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says as his husband enters the kitchen. Kyungsoo doesn’t respond immediately but Baekhyun knows he is listening, one hand freezing over the mug of coffee he is holding as if waiting for Baekhyun to continue. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and does, “I’m sorry.”
Kyungsoo clears his throat, wordlessly walking to the table and sets his mug down. Leaning against the countertop, arms folded across his chest, Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun, instead of acknowledging his apology.
“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun is on his feet now. He holds out a hand. Kyungsoo’s gaze does not waver as he continues folding his arms instead of taking Baekhyun’s hand. “Please don’t be angry, anymore. Please.” He sounds like he’s begging, Baekhyun is aware but this is not the time and place for his pride. He takes a step closer and feels immensely grateful that Kyungsoo doesn’t move away.
“I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo suddenly says and Baekhyun feels a rush of warmth flooding his chest. How long has it been since he last heard this voice? Baekhyun stills and waits for Kyungsoo to continue. Kyungsoo presses his lips into a straight line before doing so. “I’ve been thinking of going back to my parents’ house, for a while.”
Whatever hope that Baekhyun has of them reconciling turns to dust as he gapes at Kyungsoo. “Why?” is all that comes out because in all of the fights they have been through, Kyungsoo has never done this before either. He always has been the one to talk things out, not the one turning away from the problem.
“I need some time to myself. To think things over,” Kyungsoo replies. His voice is gentle and this time, he is the one who reaches over to place a hand on Baekhyun’s arm.
It’s comforting and Baekhyun has a hard time getting his words out with that familiar warmth on his arm. He takes that hand in his, interlaces his fingers around Kyungsoo’s and whispers, “About us?”
“That’s all I think about, Baek,” Kyungsoo replies. There is a sad smile on his face before he curls his fingers around Baekhyun’s neck and pulls his head down to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you so much but I need to think. By myself.”
“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun’s voice comes out thick and he starts to tear up at the painful lump forming at the back of his throat. “Kyungsoo, tell me I didn’t screw things up so bad you’re leaving me.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head in response, reassuring but he doesn’t say anything else as he finally takes a step back and leaves; Baekhyun waits in the kitchen till he hears the front door clicks, when he no longer hears the slow thudding footsteps of Kyungsoo walking away from him.
✧✧✧
The first night Baekhyun comes home to an empty apartment is the hardest. He sets his briefcase on the floor and tries to not to drag his feet to his room (Kyungsoo hates it), slowly letting the fact that Kyungsoo is no longer at home with him sink in. Apart from that one business trip Kyungsoo went on two years ago, Baekhyun never comes back to an empty home. Even throughout the whole period of them not talking to each other after the fight, Baekhyun has never really felt the loss because Kyungsoo is there. And tonight, he isn’t.
After a quick shower, Baekhyun decides to head straight to bed. He cannot stomach any dinner, now, not when he is missing Kyungsoo this badly. Not tonight. His hand hovers Kyungsoo’s name: My Shortie ♡ (a nickname that Kyungsoo has been telling him forever to change -- sharply reminding him that he’s not that much taller either -- but Baekhyun thinks it’s cute so it stays) and wonders if he should call.
I love you so much but I need to think. By myself.
Baekhyun exhales loudly before locking his mobile phone screen and plugging it to a cable to charge its battery, instead.
It is going to be a long night.
✧✧✧
Everytime Baekhyun closes his eyes and tries to sleep, he finds himself thinking of Kyungsoo and the fight they had. The angry exchange of words. How the whole fight resulted because of his own insecurities and it isn’t really because of Kyungsoo or anyone else. He cannot but let his mind wander off to how it all started.
✧✧✧
flashback
After a long day at work, all Baekhyun wanted was a good dinner and maybe some quiet time with Kyungsoo, watching telly or talking about their travel plans at the end of the year. He didn’t expect the conversation to steer towards having children. They were just talking about holidaying in Bali, a romantic getaway, a second honeymoon of sorts. He was taken off guard; Baekhyun felt ambushed.
Kyungsoo snuggled up to him, with a bunch of pamphlets and booklets with varying titles on adoption and parenting, from orphanages and hospitals, and Baekhyun’s annoyance grew. He did not come home to this.
“Kyungsoo, you know I don’t want kids,” Baekhyun said, trying to keep his tone light. “I’m not ready.”
“That’s what you said five years ago,” Kyungsoo counters, dismissively, flipping through the pamphlet. “We’ve been together this long, I think it’s definitely time.”
“No, I’m saying it again. I don’t want kids.” He was enunciating, the words rolling out of his heavily and slowly. The way he would when he was trying not to get angry and trying to be patient. Kyungsoo called it his this-is-my-last-warning voice.
Kyungsoo stopped flipping and slowly turned to look at Baekhyun. There was confusion in his eyes, wariness too because he knew Baekhyun had had a long day and he was tired. “Forever?” Kyungsoo asked. “Because you don’t really expect me to wait that long, right?”
“Am I not enough for you?” Baekhyun snapped, patience running thin at the question. He watched Kyungsoo’s eyes widened with incredulity, before narrowing them, now with pure irritation. “What? Tell me, Kyungsoo. Am I not enough?”
When Kyungsoo did not reply, Baekhyun found himself getting angrier before the onslaught of other self-deprecating emotions started to roll in. Disappointment. He had always known that Kyungsoo wanted a family, a proper one; Kyungsoo had always talked about having a family with Baekhyun for the longest time possible and Baekhyun felt that it was an honour, even if he never really wanted to have children himself. He had kissed Kyungsoo, fingers curled tightly around his hair and murmured love and forever against the expanse of his skin and he honestly thought it was enough. They had each other then, and when they got married, Baekhyun dreamt of growing old with the younger man. Two people in love for the rest of their lives. Kyungsoo had never really pursued this topic on having children and Baekhyun thought they were safe.
And yet, here they are.
“I love you,” Kyungsoo was saying, softly, reaching across the table for Baekhyun’s hand, placating. “I love you so much, Baekhyun. I am happy with you but I think we can be happier--”
“With children?” Baekhyun’s voice comes out sharp, He sees Kyungsoo wince and knows he has struck a nerve.
“It’s going to be lonely with just the two of us.” Kyungsoo retracts his hands before folding his arms across his chest. He paused, contemplating on what to say next because Baekhyun was angrier than he was right then and he knew that whatever he was going to say would make things worse. So, he got up to leave. “I’m -- you know what. It’s alright. I’m going to do the dishes.”
“You’re going to leave because of shit that doesn’t even exist?”
That broke the calm facade Kyungsoo was keeping up. He spun around, angrily saying, “Having children is not shit. We have been together for almost two decades and god, I want to spend my whole life with you but I want us to share something. To have something together and call it our own. Children. A family.”
“We are married--”
“You know what,” Kyungsoo snapped irritably, bringing a hand to rub at his neck. “Never mind. You’re tired. I’m tired. Go to bed.”
✧✧✧
Baekhyun was jolted awake by shrieks of laughter, the copious amount of sunlight streaming into the room through the window told him that he had probably slept in way longer -- it was almost noon. He took a moment to realise that they was having guests. Sleepily walking towards the door, he stuck a head out and saw that Kyungsoo had his best friends -- Kim Minseok and Kim Jongdae -- over together with their son. Baekhyun vaguely recalled Kyungsoo mentioning something about the couple adopting a baby a few years back.
Kyungsoo was always saying how they should have a talk with Minseok and Jongdae, to ask for their advice and so they can share their experiences. Baekhyun let out a groan, realising that Kyungsoo was really set on having children. It would be hard for Baekhyun to change his mind without the both of them going into a huge fight.
“Sweetie, are you awake?” Kyungsoo’s voice floated into the room, cheeks flushed from laughter and the jovial atmosphere outside. He approaches Baekhyun, sitting on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Baekhyun’s thigh, “Take a shower quickly, ok? We’re going to have lunch soon! Jongmin’s getting hungry.” There was an odd expression on Kyungsoo’s face as he said that name -- a strange fondness that Baekhyun had never really seen before.
“Who’s Jongmin?” Baekhyun asked, getting up to put some pants on.
“The cutest kid on earth, I think!” Kyungsoo replied, fondly. He gestured towards the living room, “Minseok’s and Jongdae’s son. He’s only five, but he’s so smart!”
Baekhyun hummed in response, disinterest clearly written all over his face as he pushed past Kyungsoo to take a shower.
✧✧✧
Baekhyun let out a sigh after a long while of observing Jongmin bringing the whole house down with his antics. He was imitating an aeroplane and running around as Kyungsoo chased him, Minseok and Jongdae laughing at the two of them. “Annoying little shit,” he muttered, mostly to himself, as the little boy crashed into Kyungsoo and shrieked when his husband picked him up and started to spin him around.
“Excuse me?” Jongdae whipped around, tilting his chin towards Baekhyun. Challenging. “What did you say?”
Maybe he was still angry about last night but Jongdae’s tone did not sit well with him so he repeated, “I said, your son is an annoying little shit.” The words felt stupid once they were out of his mouth, childish and completely unnecessary when the said boy was right there.
“Shut your damn mouth, right now,” Minseok snapped, all signs of friendliness disappearing as he took his husband’s side. He got up and stormed towards Baekhyun, hands already balled into fists. “I don’t know what is it that you’re so angry about but don’t take it out on our son.”
“I think,” Jongdae began delicately, standing up as well. “It’s time to go home, Minseok.”
“What is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo angrily said to Baekhyun, letting go of Jongmin’s hand. He shot an apologetic look at his friends. “I-- I’m so sorry, guys. He’s usually not this rude.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Jongdae said, patting Baekhyun on the shoulder. “Thanks for having us over and cooking us lunch!”
“Alright, Jongminnie, it’s to go home!” Minseok called out, roughly pushing at Baekhyun as he turned around to pick his son up. Ignoring Baekhyun, he turned to Kyungsoo, “Say thank you to Uncle Soo! You like his kimchi spaghetti, didn’t you?”
Jongmin who had been blinking innocently at the verbal exchange between the adults before settling on Baekhyun, tore his gaze away from him, a smile on his face. He politely thanked Kyungsoo, earning a delighted coo at how cute and obedient he was.
Baekhyun rolled his eyes and angrily strode to his room, slamming the door close.
✧✧✧
Kyungsoo cornered him, a while later, one hand angrily gripped around Baekhyun’s wrist. “You were way out of line, just now.” His voice was set to an angry hiss. “You can’t just say that to other people’s children! And Jongmin is just a kid, he’s just playing around. You know that.”
“As if you weren’t out of line, too?”
“What?”
“Calling Jongdae and Minseok over with their son without telling me, to what? Talk about adoption? Behind my back?” The words fly out of his mouth fast and quickly; Baekhyun is breathing hard when he finally pauses. “What the hell am I to you?”
“My husband,” Kyungsoo replied but his voice came out hard. “Whom I cannot have a decent conversation about children? Whom-- Wait.” He shook his head in disbelief at Baekhyun as something dawned on him. “Are you still angry about last night?”
“You know I don’t want children,” Baekhyun said, wringing his arms in frustration. “Look, if you wanted kids so much, why the hell did you marry me in the first place --
“Why the hell did I marry you?” Kyungsoo repeated, his eyes flashing with anger. He “Why the hell? What?!” Kyungsoo barks when Baekhyun turns to leave. “Do you regret marrying me because I -- oh I don’t know. Because I want to have a family with you?”
There were a million and one things running through Baekhyun’s mind then, how he was looking at Kyungsoo and curbing the urge to kiss the angry scowl away, enclose that mouth with his own and to do something, anything at all to soothe the anger. Kyungsoo wanted a family but Baekhyun had been looking at Kyungsoo all these years and he saw an entire generation of love with his husband. A family meant Kyungsoo’s attention and love would be divided -- Kyungsoo’s heart would be occupied by the children instead of solely by Baekhyun. He wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t think he would be ready for that and he wanted to say all of these to Kyungsoo.
Except when he finally tried to get something out, Kyungsoo was already walking away.
✧✧✧
It is a long time before Baekhyun finally falls asleep, the memory of Kyungsoo walking away replaying in his mind like a broken player, stuck on the part where it hurts the most.
✧✧✧
Three days.
Just three days without seeing Kyungsoo and Baekhyun feels terribly lonely. He wonders if Kyungsoo is feeling the same before a stabbing ache starts to settle in his chest at the thought of what if Kyungsoo doesn’t even think about me. Baekhyun drags himself to the kitchen as he tries to pull himself together -- make that cup of coffee, pop in some toasts and get his day started.
The past two days have been spent skipping breakfasts (Kyungsoo would be so displeased if he were to know -- he has always insisted that breakfasts are the most important meals of the day and makes sure Baekhyun has a good breakfast before heading to work) because he was lying around in bed trying to inhale Kyungsoo’s smell and not cry on Kyungsoo’s pillow because he has been missing him so much before scrambling out of bed to get ready for work. He feels empty without Kyungsoo; all he wants to do is be in bed all day and wait for him to come back. To stop thinking about them and just come back.
Surprisingly, it is Kyungsoo who calls first. Baekhyun nearly scalds himself with the hot water as he prepares his bowl of ramyun when it happens, rushing to set the bowl down and answer the call.
“I’ve been thinking,” Kyungsoo says immediately when Baekhyun picks up. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss you, Baek.” Baekhyun smiles despite himself at the honest remark, how Kyungsoo never really beats around the bush about the things he wants to say. If he misses you, he will tell you so. Straight to the point.
“I’ve missed you too,” Baekhyun says. “So much.”
There is a familiar voice in the background and Baekhyun realises it is his mother-in-law. Kyungsoo mutters something to her -- Baekhyun can’t tell what since his husband probably has a hand over the mouthpiece -- before turning the conversation back to him. “About that whole… children. Adoption. You know, all those things. I’ve been thinking about them too. Look, maybe I haven’t really considered why you’re so reluctant about this. So I want us to talk and you must tell me everything. I don’t want to push you into deciding anything if you’re not sure, Baekhyun.”
“You want to talk…?” Baekhyun is smiling widely now, fully aware of what this means. Kyungsoo is giving him a chance and this is his way of letting Baekhyun know that he has been forgiven. There are things he has to tell Kyungsoo, too. “I know this is important to you, Kyungsoo and I know-“ His breath catches in his throat and suddenly he cannot wait to tell Kyungsoo everything.
How he knows that having a family is important to Kyungsoo and throughout the whole time they have been separated, Baekhyun knows that there is no better person than Kyungsoo to build that solid foundation - to share something as beautiful as having a children, having a family with. It’s not easy to become parents but Baekhyun also realises that he will never know unless he tries. He will try for Kyungsoo.
“Save it for when I come home, later.”
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