So far
Well I figured I should update this thing eventually since i haven't since like early Dec.
So to sum up the last bit of 2004, it was a def my favorite year to date, many good things happened that year, not a whole lot of bad. I got my tattoo, graduated, started dating Chris, went to college which in turn means i got free of my family, got awesome roommates, made lots of friends at college, went to NY for the first time in my recognizable memory, had many good and fun parties with new friends. Overall I think 2004 has been a good year.
In the more recent past, 2004 def went out with a blast, with me returning from my four day jaunt with Chris's family to New York, which was much fun. Lotsa good food and shopping was to be had. Also bartering with an old Chinese lady in China town was much fun. Then there was the whole returning to party with the gov school crew in the last time it would be completely whole(more on that later). Then the much fun and overpartying at Chris's house, where I unwisely attempted 11 shots of vodka in 45 minutes. I blame it on the fact that we were keeping tally marks of how many shots each of us had and of course I had to compete. In my drunken state apparently i did some very crazy things and ended the night paying homage to the porcelain gods, which is the first time i ever paid respect to that particular deity. I learned something else important that night, which was that Chipotle burritos do better down then up, and do not go well with drinking. Anyways, the party that i was supposed to have the next night was reduced to movie watching, cuz I didn't feel at all well until the day after. So with New Years Eve came Ashley's party, and there was much alcohol to be had. There was also very much love in the air, and again crazy things happened. And so 2004 went out with a kiss with my wonderful bf, Chris, which all in all I think is appropriate to how I viewed the majority of that year.
And so this brings us to 2005, which has not started out to be all that great. Now granted New Years day was fine, Chris and I just kinda chilled for the most part of the day because we were to partied out to go the bonfire Malchevitz(sp?!) was having. And then the next day, chris and i chilled some more between his house and mine.
That night i returned to hear some of the worst news I had heard in a while. A member of my gov. school class had died early on the morning of the 2nd and no one knew the definite cause of it. At first i thought it was all a joke cuz i mean how could Ryan be dead? I had just seen him days earlier at the governor's school reunion, nothing seemed wrong. Apparently everyone figured it had something to do with his diabetes, which is when i kinda freaked out and called Chris, thinking what could it be that he just died without any warning. Neither of us could figure it out, as it turns out was the case with pretty much everyone. So then on Wednesday came the wake.. it was the first time i had ever been to anything of the sort, and i thought there was something wrong with my cuz i hadn't cried very much up until that point, but at the wake, i became a living fountain, it was just that everything was brought brutally crashing to my attention. I couldn't distract myself with anything or make myself thing about anything else. It was an opencasket wake, and when i looked at Ryan lying there i kinda felt a little better, even though some part of my mind kept commenting on how much he looked like a wax sculpture, not lifelike at all, there was still a sense of peace about him. Luckily, Ryan and I in turn were blessed with many good friends, and stories were shared in which the grief was made a little easier. Chris was there the entire time for me and though I love him for it, there was a certain amount he couldn't share, cuz he didn't know Ryan like the rest of us did, having spent four years of 3 hour a day classes and miscihevous pranks and the like. Though i don't know what I would have done had Chris not been there...
After the wake, Bob, Aaron, Chris and I made a pilgrimage to Chipotle, where once again stories where shared. It was nice to be surrounded by friends, it got my mind off the sad and focused a little more on the good things in life..
The today was the funeral... I kinda wished I hadn't gone, cuz it was very very heavily laced with Jesus talk, but i felt I owed Bowie enough to sit through it for him. Plus the stories shared by his close friends made it almost all worthwhile. Lastly Chris and I were part of the seemingly endless funeral procession to Bowie's gravesight. Many many people came to wish Bowie farewell, and it was reflective in the insane length of his funeral procession. I think we might have caused a traffic delay on the whole southern end of Rt 1.
The hardest part was walking away from Bowie's casket, it had a whole feeling of finality about it. Even now after the hearing the news, going to the wake, and the funeral, there is still some part of me thats refuses to except it. I mean Bowie and I were never all that close, but everyone in gov school became sort of like a family, I am sure if i was still in high school with him it would feel a lot worse, but going off to college where everyone is kind of separated, it feels like just that, that we are separated and i will see him again at the next reunion or CGS bonfire, or whatever.. I know that he is gone, the majority of me has accepted that fact, but I know the next time there is a reunion or a CGS gathering or whatnot, part of me will still be like "Where's Bowie?"
Gov school kids have been always known to be some of the more philosophical types, with conversations that always seem to at one point touch on life and the afterlife, and so forth.. but when something like this happens, no matter what you do, you can't escape thinking about it. I can only hope that there is an afterlife, we don't just stop existing.. Everything in me believes that there is some sort of after to these lives we lead, and with that i can only hope that whenever there is a CGS gathering of sorts, Bowie will be there in spirit.
The greatest thing i can do for Bowie right now is to remember the good times, the countless good times we all shared over the years we knew each other.
Well that about sums up the year so far, which now might explain why i haven't embraced it with open arms... I know this is not the first time i have posted this quote, and it probably won't be the last, but right now it seems very appropriate....
"Because we do not know when we are going to die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well and yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood? An afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 .... 5 times more. Perhaps not even that.
How many times will you watch the full moon rise ...... Perhaps twenty and yet it all seems limitless. "
-Brandon Lee in his last interview
R.I.P Bowie, you will be missed, loved, and never forgotten.......
So to sum up the last bit of 2004, it was a def my favorite year to date, many good things happened that year, not a whole lot of bad. I got my tattoo, graduated, started dating Chris, went to college which in turn means i got free of my family, got awesome roommates, made lots of friends at college, went to NY for the first time in my recognizable memory, had many good and fun parties with new friends. Overall I think 2004 has been a good year.
In the more recent past, 2004 def went out with a blast, with me returning from my four day jaunt with Chris's family to New York, which was much fun. Lotsa good food and shopping was to be had. Also bartering with an old Chinese lady in China town was much fun. Then there was the whole returning to party with the gov school crew in the last time it would be completely whole(more on that later). Then the much fun and overpartying at Chris's house, where I unwisely attempted 11 shots of vodka in 45 minutes. I blame it on the fact that we were keeping tally marks of how many shots each of us had and of course I had to compete. In my drunken state apparently i did some very crazy things and ended the night paying homage to the porcelain gods, which is the first time i ever paid respect to that particular deity. I learned something else important that night, which was that Chipotle burritos do better down then up, and do not go well with drinking. Anyways, the party that i was supposed to have the next night was reduced to movie watching, cuz I didn't feel at all well until the day after. So with New Years Eve came Ashley's party, and there was much alcohol to be had. There was also very much love in the air, and again crazy things happened. And so 2004 went out with a kiss with my wonderful bf, Chris, which all in all I think is appropriate to how I viewed the majority of that year.
And so this brings us to 2005, which has not started out to be all that great. Now granted New Years day was fine, Chris and I just kinda chilled for the most part of the day because we were to partied out to go the bonfire Malchevitz(sp?!) was having. And then the next day, chris and i chilled some more between his house and mine.
That night i returned to hear some of the worst news I had heard in a while. A member of my gov. school class had died early on the morning of the 2nd and no one knew the definite cause of it. At first i thought it was all a joke cuz i mean how could Ryan be dead? I had just seen him days earlier at the governor's school reunion, nothing seemed wrong. Apparently everyone figured it had something to do with his diabetes, which is when i kinda freaked out and called Chris, thinking what could it be that he just died without any warning. Neither of us could figure it out, as it turns out was the case with pretty much everyone. So then on Wednesday came the wake.. it was the first time i had ever been to anything of the sort, and i thought there was something wrong with my cuz i hadn't cried very much up until that point, but at the wake, i became a living fountain, it was just that everything was brought brutally crashing to my attention. I couldn't distract myself with anything or make myself thing about anything else. It was an opencasket wake, and when i looked at Ryan lying there i kinda felt a little better, even though some part of my mind kept commenting on how much he looked like a wax sculpture, not lifelike at all, there was still a sense of peace about him. Luckily, Ryan and I in turn were blessed with many good friends, and stories were shared in which the grief was made a little easier. Chris was there the entire time for me and though I love him for it, there was a certain amount he couldn't share, cuz he didn't know Ryan like the rest of us did, having spent four years of 3 hour a day classes and miscihevous pranks and the like. Though i don't know what I would have done had Chris not been there...
After the wake, Bob, Aaron, Chris and I made a pilgrimage to Chipotle, where once again stories where shared. It was nice to be surrounded by friends, it got my mind off the sad and focused a little more on the good things in life..
The today was the funeral... I kinda wished I hadn't gone, cuz it was very very heavily laced with Jesus talk, but i felt I owed Bowie enough to sit through it for him. Plus the stories shared by his close friends made it almost all worthwhile. Lastly Chris and I were part of the seemingly endless funeral procession to Bowie's gravesight. Many many people came to wish Bowie farewell, and it was reflective in the insane length of his funeral procession. I think we might have caused a traffic delay on the whole southern end of Rt 1.
The hardest part was walking away from Bowie's casket, it had a whole feeling of finality about it. Even now after the hearing the news, going to the wake, and the funeral, there is still some part of me thats refuses to except it. I mean Bowie and I were never all that close, but everyone in gov school became sort of like a family, I am sure if i was still in high school with him it would feel a lot worse, but going off to college where everyone is kind of separated, it feels like just that, that we are separated and i will see him again at the next reunion or CGS bonfire, or whatever.. I know that he is gone, the majority of me has accepted that fact, but I know the next time there is a reunion or a CGS gathering or whatnot, part of me will still be like "Where's Bowie?"
Gov school kids have been always known to be some of the more philosophical types, with conversations that always seem to at one point touch on life and the afterlife, and so forth.. but when something like this happens, no matter what you do, you can't escape thinking about it. I can only hope that there is an afterlife, we don't just stop existing.. Everything in me believes that there is some sort of after to these lives we lead, and with that i can only hope that whenever there is a CGS gathering of sorts, Bowie will be there in spirit.
The greatest thing i can do for Bowie right now is to remember the good times, the countless good times we all shared over the years we knew each other.
Well that about sums up the year so far, which now might explain why i haven't embraced it with open arms... I know this is not the first time i have posted this quote, and it probably won't be the last, but right now it seems very appropriate....
"Because we do not know when we are going to die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well and yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood? An afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it? Perhaps 4 .... 5 times more. Perhaps not even that.
How many times will you watch the full moon rise ...... Perhaps twenty and yet it all seems limitless. "
-Brandon Lee in his last interview
R.I.P Bowie, you will be missed, loved, and never forgotten.......