Random Helping #152: Tormented
She stared into the mirror; her eyes vacant. She ran her pudgy fingers across her face, gently caressing the angry red pimples dotting her chin and below her nose. She heaved an exasperated sigh. Why do I have to look so hideous? she wondered to herself. She then caressed her open-pore-covered cheeks; secretly wishing that by doing so would make the craters disappear. Even the moon’s surface looks better than my face. Seriously, she thought, much to her frustration.
She continued to stare into the mirror; both amazed and disgusted by how her face looked without layers of compact powder that she usually applies whenever she goes out. She wondered how she even survived her life going through with such appearance.
Don’t even get her started on her cellulite-infused thighs, arms and tummy.
It’s not like she had not tried every single method known to man on getting rid of the parasites living on her face; she has completely exhausted every single option and was left to but one brand she could trust.
Even then, it took her years to finally get rid of even bigger pimples that plagued throughout her school life.
She heaved yet another exasperated sigh as she continued to examine her acne-ridden face in the mirror from every possible angle. All those years of polishing clean the plates of nasi goreng USA and chicken chop took a toll on her face and her body. If only she wasn’t so addicted to food. Countless times had she blamed herself for not exercising self-control when it comes to food but obviously, by the swarm of whiteheads on her chin, her countless warnings to herself go unheeded.
She tossed the mirror on her bed and buried her head in her hands. A storm of conflicts brewed inside of her and she felt helpless. It was perfectly obvious to her that there was no way the guy she has feelings for would ever like her back; especially because she looked like a cast from Sunway Lagoon’s horror house.
Except she didn’t need all the special effects make-up to look like she belonged there. She would blend right in with that raw face of hers.
She felt tormented. Her thoughts had been haunting her sleep; sometimes to the point of being so deafening, they kept her awake most of the nights. She hated the way her mind continued to play the deafening thoughts like a broken record. She wanted them to stop. Desperately.
The ugly thoughts had been playing on a loop and she had no way of stopping it. She wanted to be pretty. She wanted to be thin. Why? So that at least she could feel like she deserves to like the guy she has feelings for. As it currently stands, she had been condemning herself for liking a guy who happened to be so much better looking than she deserved to have feelings for. In fact, she condemned herself for helplessly falling for someone she was confident that she would never get. Her past self had more pride than her current self and it made her so frustrated because she felt like she had betrayed the self she worked so hard to build.
The kind of self that would not pay attention to stuff like “having special feelings for a certain guy” or “preparing oneself before getting married”. Deep down, she somewhat hated the kind of helpless self she had turned into. She did not know when or how did she turn out to be the person she is now.
She lifted her face and tears began to silently stream down her pore-ridden cheeks. The silent tears then developed into choked sobs. Soon, she was wailing into her Rilakkuma pillow. She desperately wanted to run away from the feelings that had been shackling her for as long as she could remember. The feelings seemed to taunt her of a love that will never be reciprocated; of someone she could only dream of having.
And she wanted them to stop. She decided it was high time for the thoughts to stop haunting her waking hours and even keep her awake at night.
If only she knew how.
She continued to stare into the mirror; both amazed and disgusted by how her face looked without layers of compact powder that she usually applies whenever she goes out. She wondered how she even survived her life going through with such appearance.
Don’t even get her started on her cellulite-infused thighs, arms and tummy.
It’s not like she had not tried every single method known to man on getting rid of the parasites living on her face; she has completely exhausted every single option and was left to but one brand she could trust.
Even then, it took her years to finally get rid of even bigger pimples that plagued throughout her school life.
She heaved yet another exasperated sigh as she continued to examine her acne-ridden face in the mirror from every possible angle. All those years of polishing clean the plates of nasi goreng USA and chicken chop took a toll on her face and her body. If only she wasn’t so addicted to food. Countless times had she blamed herself for not exercising self-control when it comes to food but obviously, by the swarm of whiteheads on her chin, her countless warnings to herself go unheeded.
She tossed the mirror on her bed and buried her head in her hands. A storm of conflicts brewed inside of her and she felt helpless. It was perfectly obvious to her that there was no way the guy she has feelings for would ever like her back; especially because she looked like a cast from Sunway Lagoon’s horror house.
Except she didn’t need all the special effects make-up to look like she belonged there. She would blend right in with that raw face of hers.
She felt tormented. Her thoughts had been haunting her sleep; sometimes to the point of being so deafening, they kept her awake most of the nights. She hated the way her mind continued to play the deafening thoughts like a broken record. She wanted them to stop. Desperately.
The ugly thoughts had been playing on a loop and she had no way of stopping it. She wanted to be pretty. She wanted to be thin. Why? So that at least she could feel like she deserves to like the guy she has feelings for. As it currently stands, she had been condemning herself for liking a guy who happened to be so much better looking than she deserved to have feelings for. In fact, she condemned herself for helplessly falling for someone she was confident that she would never get. Her past self had more pride than her current self and it made her so frustrated because she felt like she had betrayed the self she worked so hard to build.
The kind of self that would not pay attention to stuff like “having special feelings for a certain guy” or “preparing oneself before getting married”. Deep down, she somewhat hated the kind of helpless self she had turned into. She did not know when or how did she turn out to be the person she is now.
She lifted her face and tears began to silently stream down her pore-ridden cheeks. The silent tears then developed into choked sobs. Soon, she was wailing into her Rilakkuma pillow. She desperately wanted to run away from the feelings that had been shackling her for as long as she could remember. The feelings seemed to taunt her of a love that will never be reciprocated; of someone she could only dream of having.
And she wanted them to stop. She decided it was high time for the thoughts to stop haunting her waking hours and even keep her awake at night.
If only she knew how.