Random Helping #145: Memento Mori
About half an hour after my family and I finished our meals for sahur earlier this morning, my mother went to my room and informed me with a shaky voice, "Sarah...Aunty Zakiah dah takde (Sarah... Auntie Zakiah passed away)".
The news shocked me so much that it rendered me speechless. I knew how much Aunty Zakiah's existence meant to my mum. She was a close friend of hers. A long-time friend, even. Both of them went to the same university, studied the same course and it was long after that they found out that both of them even applied jobs at the same company. Both of them got it and were even placed at the same department at one point. They looked after each other throughout their years at the department and stuck by each other through thick and thin.
It was no surprise that the news reduced both of us to torrential tears.
Not long after the heart-breaking news, we found out that she passed away last night due to breast cancer. My mum knew nothing about her illness, which upset her even more. More so because we live not too far from each other and yet she knew nothing about it.
I broke down because her eldest daughter is about my age and I started to imagine what if I was the one who lost my mother? The thought scared me so much that I broke down into choked sobs this morning. And I couldn't stop. The tears came down in torrents when I thought about how one of her daughters was planning on getting married at the end of the year and now that her mother's no longer around to witness the sacred ceremony.... I couldn't stop crying then. My eyes were red and brimming with unstoppable tears. And my mum was crying too. I tried to console her by massaging her back as she made urgent phone calls, informing people of her close friend's demise.
The news scared me. It really felt like a cold slap of reality. Funny as it may sound, I actually forgot that death can come knocking regardless of the time. What's more, it happened to someone my mother holds dear. Plus, she's also close to my mother's age. That's why I got scared.
I kept praying to Him to not take away my mother just yet. That I still need my best friend. I kept chanting this in my heart in between my choked sobs. I felt helpless. I couldn't imagine losing the only best friend I have in this world. Would I go insane then? I'd rather not think about it. I really can't afford to lose my very best friend; not yet.
And that's the reason I desperately cling onto the belief that I should live each day without feeling a hint of regret.
That I should forgive more, hate less and lower my ego.
Because nothing lasts forever and if I go on harbouring such negative emotions, imagine the regret I'd feel the next day upon learning that the person I had a falling out with is no longer in this world?
What then?
I really don't want to live each day bearing such regret on my shoulders because there'll come a point where the burden will be so overwhelming that it's going to weigh you down.
And I pray that may He grant the strength for me to forgive more, hate less and lower my ego as I live out my life each passing day.
Why? Because memento mori:
"Remember that you will die."
The news shocked me so much that it rendered me speechless. I knew how much Aunty Zakiah's existence meant to my mum. She was a close friend of hers. A long-time friend, even. Both of them went to the same university, studied the same course and it was long after that they found out that both of them even applied jobs at the same company. Both of them got it and were even placed at the same department at one point. They looked after each other throughout their years at the department and stuck by each other through thick and thin.
It was no surprise that the news reduced both of us to torrential tears.
Not long after the heart-breaking news, we found out that she passed away last night due to breast cancer. My mum knew nothing about her illness, which upset her even more. More so because we live not too far from each other and yet she knew nothing about it.
I broke down because her eldest daughter is about my age and I started to imagine what if I was the one who lost my mother? The thought scared me so much that I broke down into choked sobs this morning. And I couldn't stop. The tears came down in torrents when I thought about how one of her daughters was planning on getting married at the end of the year and now that her mother's no longer around to witness the sacred ceremony.... I couldn't stop crying then. My eyes were red and brimming with unstoppable tears. And my mum was crying too. I tried to console her by massaging her back as she made urgent phone calls, informing people of her close friend's demise.
The news scared me. It really felt like a cold slap of reality. Funny as it may sound, I actually forgot that death can come knocking regardless of the time. What's more, it happened to someone my mother holds dear. Plus, she's also close to my mother's age. That's why I got scared.
I kept praying to Him to not take away my mother just yet. That I still need my best friend. I kept chanting this in my heart in between my choked sobs. I felt helpless. I couldn't imagine losing the only best friend I have in this world. Would I go insane then? I'd rather not think about it. I really can't afford to lose my very best friend; not yet.
And that's the reason I desperately cling onto the belief that I should live each day without feeling a hint of regret.
That I should forgive more, hate less and lower my ego.
Because nothing lasts forever and if I go on harbouring such negative emotions, imagine the regret I'd feel the next day upon learning that the person I had a falling out with is no longer in this world?
What then?
I really don't want to live each day bearing such regret on my shoulders because there'll come a point where the burden will be so overwhelming that it's going to weigh you down.
And I pray that may He grant the strength for me to forgive more, hate less and lower my ego as I live out my life each passing day.
Why? Because memento mori:
"Remember that you will die."