Wrong Turns; Minho/Jonghyun
Wrong Turns (Then it’s Right For You)
cerixxe - jin
4,797w (Minho/Jonghyun, feat. Onew/Key)
AU, Romance, Fluff; G
Warnings: Un-beta’d, love letters, rabbit slippers, and sunny smiles.
Disclaimer: I do not and never will own any part of SHINee.
Summary: The day goes wrong for Kim Jonghyun, takes a whole turn, and tangles with everything else.
A/N:
o1) for Bona Unnie (crazyoverbishie - I miss you Unnie!) and Kimmy bb (7thmin), because it’s JongHo and OnKey :) and that’s enough reason isn’t it?
o2) to every JongHo shipper out there (especially those who lurk around SFI’s JongHo- and OnKey-thread!), because it’s my first ever JongHo fic, and I’m proud of it :D
o3) tomy co-owner of this account! KEY! Because I miss you so so much! and (though you might have forgotten already...) that fic you requested me AGES ago, it's almost done. haha xD
First time writing a fic from second person perspective. I really just had to try it out. And please excuse my lame attempt of giving this a proper title. It just happened that I couldn’t think of titles, and that I’m also thinking of a computer game (Defense of the Ancients) tournament which I was definitely forced to join, and I only have one freaking day to even learn the game. So don’t mind it… please? Hehe.
Maybe somewhere along the story you might think it’s again one of those typical ‘I send you a love letter - we meet somewhere in school - I confess - then it’s either you accept or reject’ type of scenarios, but really… It’s more than just that :D
Enjoy reading, though? :)
Wrong Turns
It starts when things one windy Thursday morning goes all wrong without you realizing that it’s different from usual.
You don’t slip into your fluffy rabbit slippers when you yawn your way out of bed, and you actually eat the burnt breakfast Jinki prepares for you with a goofy worried grin. You don’t smack his head when you cough harshly, thinking you got poisoned from whatever it is that you’re eating (not that you usually cared), it’s weirder that you’re the one who thuds onto the bathroom door, and you didn’t actually forget to brush your teeth this time.
You don’t notice the bright smile Kibum gives you when you go out the dorm room, not even hearing his eager protests of “Yah! Kim Jonghyun!”, or seeing how Jinki had to give the hand-made bouquet of red paper roses (you even helped finish by tearing one apart the other night) to Kibum for their second anniversary just to stop him from fussing over you ignoring him.
You turn left instead of right to start your morning walk in the park,good enough you get yourself to greet the crepe vendor at the corner, but then he quite chuckles when you buy a mango crepe rather than the usual chocolate - I’m craving for mangoes lately, you explain when he asked, hiding the fact that you got sick of chocolates lately. (You’d never admit to anyone at all, but you blame your best friend for a reason. Jinki having Kim Kibum as his boyfriend, pretty much is more than enough incentive for your refrigerator to be filled with sweets and thankfully - real food.)
You don’t try and flirt with some random girl you meet, simply because for some reason you avoid them, pretending to concentrate on the crepe and the wooden panels by the sidewalk are suddenly amusing you.Skipping along definitely isn’t something you would normally do. There’s just an exceptional feeling today wasn’t it.
-----
After throwing your trash, you proceed only to find Jinki and Kibum having breakfast in a café. You skip even further and knock at the window beside them like you were a kid wandering alone to fight against the world. Jinki glances with a smile mouthing your name, and Kibum tightens his hold on Jinki’s hand before glaring at you.
You decide you ruined their moment right there, and you just pull your smile wider when Kibum mocks a punch at you. “Get me a Java Chip Frappe after your cheesiness fades away, okay?!” you try to tell them, and you bring your arms to form a heart above your head when Jinki nods at you with his permanent beaming face,then you skip away in the winter breeze yet again, not without seeing Kibum mouth moron at you - you really are a wandering kid.
-----
Taemin’s the one mailing you on your phone. Somehow you feel significant to him at least this once, even though he’s telling you to move a little faster and get to class earlier than you normally do. His math homework is with you, and you know he’d be ignoring you forever if you don’t. You know you need him, with school work and love and personal issues, and everything else in between, and deep inside you know that he knows that he’s more than just that, (sometimes when you look at him, you hope you are just as important to him as well).
You leer your way to the university, fingers fondling over replying an ‘Aww- you need Hyung right now, Taeminnie?,’ just because.
Your thoughts wander farther as you landed across the street. It’s not much of a long walk left, but every time it gives you enough to think things and situations over whatever they might be. You always thought Jinki’s smile makes this cruel, unfair world a better place to stay, that Kibum is just as important because without him, just where would Jinki’s smile be. You had seen everything they’ve done together starting from the day they met - you were there. You’ve seen almost all of it, from firsts to seconds and some repeats that somehow you think they wouldn’t even care if you’re there watching.
If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t even meet Taemin. To you, he’s like a mix of those two other persons you love the most. He’s that other person you could talk to about, really, everything, pretty much usually when Jinki’s out somewhere - with Kibum most of the time. Though sometimes you remember Kibum when Taemin’s busy getting the worst out of you, telling you things you never realized yourself, like how irritatingly talkative you are at times.
But still you refer to him, sometimes when you talk to yourself, as the only one, because he really is. There are other times, like now, that you wish you had fallen for Taemin instead, you bet he’d do well for your redemption, but just as expected - you can’t. Letting go of the past, it’s something you just can’t do, isn’t it?
Your phone vibrates in the middle of your contemplation (or so you think it’s what you are doing is called) and of course it’s Taemin. Get your stinky little feet here right now, Jonghyun-hyung! I need my damn homework on my first class! - yeah, sometimes he just surprises you with words you never imagined existed in his head when his face is all sorts of angelic.
No - it’s not that you hate that side of Taemin, or Kibum just the same (because he’s much worse than that), “It’s just that you’ve learned to love them so much. It’s enough of a reason to accept who they are,” Jinki was babbling nonsense when he told you that. Though it turns out it’s true, and he’s not your best friend for nothing.
You tuck your phone back to safety, a little shaken on what else Taemin might say if you reply. You walk briskly this time, and you never did that. Somehow you think this day is practically not the usual you experience until before you sleep. Normally you stride the pace just a bit faster than a snail, and enter first class right before the last bell rings. You toss that thought away, and you feel Taemin’s upcoming wrath flowing with the hard wind crashing on you.
-----
You catch sight of the university gates and a smile is pulled on your lips at the moment. Then from the other side of the entrance, you see him, taking a glimpse of you behind his specs before he looks away. “Minho,” you whisper under your breath, your smile fading as a faint flushed color appears on your face. You pray you weren’t just imagining him looking slightly at you, because in your three-year-span perception, he never did.
You’re pace is pushed ahead when you notice him slow down. You could almost hear Taemin calling you through a telepathic conversation (which you tried once with Jinki and it didn’t work), telling you to, “Damn it! Walk larger steps moron! Just maybe you’ll grow even half a centimeter if you do,” - that wasn’t Taemin.
You turn around and Jinki almost crashes on your face if not for Kibum clutching arms with the both of you. You’re not surprised Jinki’s beaming brightly at quarter to eight in the morning; reaching out to hand you the frappe you asked for earlier - of course he won’t forget (he even bought waffles for you, a ‘sorry I burnt breakfast, again’ note inserted in the bag). And Kibum’s eyes seem to be digging into the depths of your soul, “Taemin called,” and that was enough reason for him to scowl at you.
-----
“Ah,“ Jinki halts and is glancing behind himself when you enter campus premises. For a moment you stop and contemplate on not following Kibum’s head swishing around, “Minho-ah!,” and for a second thought, you decide not to look at all.
“Jinki-hyung,” you could hear the smile in his voice and you know he stopped right behind you. Taemin’s waving at you from the doors, and Kibum yells your name again after you scurried away. What else can you do?
Opposed as to how you imagined Taemin’s greeting would be, he’s smiling like he does best and is waiting for you to come to him. “That wasn’t very cool of you, Hyung. You never run away from responsibilities,” he snatches the duffel bag you had slinging on your shoulder and you simply let him find his notebook, hiding the fact that yes, Taemin’s right.
“Responsibilities? Exactly what kind of responsibility did I just run away from?,” initially you were intending on flipping his gradually growing sarcasm, smirking as if you had anything against him. Taemin finds his homework, laughs before tossing back your properties.
“You like him. It’s unfair for him not to know anything about it. And you’re not really one of those people they call… an open book,” And that’s a responsibility, you ask to yourself, fixing your bag back in its previous place before looking Taemin straight in the eye, “And yes. It’s a responsibility,”
You’re looking at him again, the way you do when you watch him from across the lunch table or the library. The way you do when he’s not looking, full of thought and grasping for hope. Except this time he’s glancing back, and the moment is seizing you for not being as honest to Taemin about everything as he is to you. It’s ironical you think, you want to be just as significant to him but what are you doing - in aspects of everything ‘Minho.’
You don’t realize you are gawking until he’s trying to imitate you and utterly succeeds in humiliating you, “I do not like Choi Minho,” you include every ounce of emphasis in your tone, almost to the extent of screaming because Taemin’s mock-punching you to shut it down. You’re scowling back at him, crosses your arms and adds a pout, “I do not like him in that kind of way you are implying.”
Taemin’s apologizing to a few other students for your little scandal, and forges a smile on you when he hears what you’re saying, “I wasn’t implying anything though. I was stating a fact. You like like him, and for a proof of affection, you’re blushing, Hyung. It’s not very ‘manly’ of you like you claim you are.”
“Yah!”
He’s walking away before you know it, and you’re mentally pulling hair whether it was yours or his. Taemin looks back at you one moment, pointing something behind you then runs away faster than you’ve ever seen him.
Then Minho’s there when you glance, looking straight at you with his wavy model hair and you know you’re not dreaming. You wish you’re not so much of a coward and confront him (Jinki says it’s all in your head) but it’s all wishful thinking after all, because you’re running away again, leaving him like you did before.
Yes, you finally realize, things definitely are going the wrong way today.
-----
You’re early for your two PM afternoon class and maybe providence wasn’t on your side today, only coincidences and its making things worse.
You’re only thirty minutes early because Taemin’s been bombarding you with sarcasm over lunch.Pragmatically, anything about you being a scholar or Choi Minho that comes out from Taemin’s mouth is infuriating you extra today. And making things worse, Jinki’s got this day planned out for himself and Kibum, he’s not around to protect you with his lame awkward comments. Well at least he’s in cloud nine today, you think, unlike you, forced to spend time alone with Taemin and it’s not like you had ever complained - today is just one exemption to do so.
You walk your own slow pace to Literature class, (Taemin’s ‘Hyung I tell you, Greek Mythology is awesome! And yeah- you should confess to Minho’ still echoing in your head). You are somewhat glad you got your way out of his speech; you make a mental note on thanking Sulli for taking your place in the table. You had thought Taemin looked good with Sulli, but you know Taemin just won’t do anything to make it work again, nor would Sulli. Maybe they really are better off as friends.
Without second thought, you push the door open when you arrive in front of it, cool temperature from the AC creeping beneath your two layered shirt and you’re complaining why they still had AC’s on when it’s freezing cold outside.
But then your feet stops, your hand still on the handle, and the last thing your mind told you was to not look up before dispersing into a flat line. Someone halted in front of you just the same, and you wish it’s not someone you know, not someone you hope you knew better. Because if he is…
“Umm, could you please give way a little?”
Your head shot up right there, betraying what your thoughts had just told you, eyes widening because for the first time, “Oh- yeah, yeah sure. I uh- sorry,” you contemplate that at least once today, your prayers were answered, because you make way for a stranger, not anyone in particular.
A few students got in earlier than you, and you smile at a pair of girls who happened to see what just happened. You drag your feet to your usual seat in the middle of the last column by the window, bag falling beside your feet and you proceed reviewing yesterday’s lecture just in case.
Comfortable as you are though, you still feel as if someone’s watching you. You ignore it for a few moments, concentrating on reading your notes, but you can’t focus after all. You start glancing around, observing each of the few students scattered in seats though you seem not to know them personally. One or two familiar faces, but no one certain. You look behind you, even above you and at the others entering either the front or back doors, but still.
It’s until you go back to studying that you catch sight the same girls who saw your embarrassment giggling after glancing at you. Somehow you’re thinking maybe you really did look stupid to them, or maybe you plainly just look stupid, then you conclude you are simply idiotic (Kibum told you so) because you believe your looks are far from being foolish.
Again you disregard this; finally able to focus on studying and you really shouldn’t care.
-----
Jinki sits beside you in Calculus, “Hi,” he greets with an even larger smile and you notice a glint of something (you are sure it’s not that bad of a thing, very far from that in fact) shining in his eyes, “How are you?,” he adds, and then you settle your thoughts that whatever it is, will be bad for you in the near future.
“I’m fine,” you still smile back, watching his eyes disappear all the more after, “How about you?”
“Delightful.”
“And Kibum?”
“Delightful,” yeah- maybe the future is nearer than you thought.
-----
An unexpected note lands on your notebook in the middle of Calculus. You ask the guy on your left to whom it came from, and all he replies is, “Someone asked me to pass it to you,” while gesturing irrevocably then simply goes back to the lecture.
You take one glance at Jinki and he’s peeking over the paper in your hands. “It’s for you, Jonghyun-ah,” he points at it, “It says ‘to Kim Jonghyun’,” then he’s blinking prettily at you, making you demolish the words ‘I can read, Jinki’ that’s forming at the side of your lips.
University backdoor gates, 5:30PM, is all that’s written inside, nothing more, not even an answer to ‘why’.
“Oh- whoever wrote this is asking you to meet him behind the school this afternoon.”
“Yes, Jinki. I know,” and you see a million question marks all over his face, clearly expressing more than all the curiosity in your head right now.
It’s notably not the kind of love letters you used to receive back in high school; the ones that came mostly from your juniors and a few batch mates, which you rarely entertained. This one on the other hand, did not tell you how awesome you are, how manly and perfect you are, just the time and place that you usually see at the end of the letter.
Maybe it isn’t a love letter from an admirer after all, because taking one glance at the note, that handwriting, you know from who it is and that the words translated to whether or not you are still petrified.
University backdoor gates, 5:30PM, then you tuck it in your pocket, lets it slip your thoughts and you’re asking Jinki what the equation was again.
-----
Sometimes you ask yourself, how did you grow so much apart with Minho? It’s not like you only have Jinki as a mutual friend, and that you had only watched him from afar. No - you know to yourself that it’s not just that. Minho, he’s so much more than just that.
Kibum never asked anything specific -about your past -that’s why he doesn’t know. Taemin had questioned once but you didn’t speak up, (somehow you feel like Taemin has got his own way of seeing the truth) or maybe you are slightly feared of what he might tell you.
Though for a thing or two, Jinki’s acquainted with something. He discerns some degree of knowledge that neither of your other friends have. After all, Jinki’s been with you since the period in your life that time can’t even tell you when. Jinki has been with you, even before Minho came in - until after you left him.
-----
You’re breathing in the scent of Jinki’s orange juice as the both of you sit alongside each other. He still has that goofy grin on his face, and you don’t have to ask since you know the reason why. You had always known or just had the idea on what he might be thinking about, and sometimes you think if he’s the same for you.
Jinki takes one glance at you, and it’s enough of a sign for you to tear your eyes off the clouds and take away your thoughts on what there might be behind the skies. It feels like he’s reading you, the grass tickling your skin and leaves sprinkling from the tree supporting your backs. Jinki takes one last sip of juice, faces you entirely and speaks, “It’s from Minho, isn’t it?”
You had thought of that, “How should I know?,” but it’s not like you were hoping compensation.
“I think he’s just waiting for you to come to him. Both of you should talk.”
“Jinki,” you sound as if you two had gone through this conversation over and over again, sighing before staring far into the field in front of you, “Minho and I have nothing else to talk about. Everything’s in the past. Can’t I just leave it there?”
“He’s already making ways for you to meet. And no, you can’t leave anything behind you. No one can. You just want to forget, in this case, your entire life, but clearly, you’re still living in it. Jonghyun-ah… you still love-“
“I do not, Jinki. I don’t,” you cut him off just because it’s starting to go back, the memories, the pictures you’ve kept locked in a treasure chest at the depths of your heart.
You still tell Jinki those lies you’ve repeated to him, even though you feel that he knows they are all just that - lies. Somehow you hope he would continue to understand and cheer you on like he always had, that’s why it surprises you when you look back at him, because for the first time he’s glaring at you, like he’s never known you, and his eyes tell you that you are one hell of a jerk.
“You do. Stop being an infantile coward who’s afraid to admit things even to himself. I do not even have to be your closest friend to see your eyes screaming for him,” he‘s looking at you sternly, face full of determination to strike it off to your head and he’s not a droplet failing. You try your best to remain stoic, neutral, because you can feel yourself slowly breaking, letting the past pull you back into things you couldn’t consign to oblivion. You do not even understand yourself why you’re still playing charades with Jinki. He’s known the answer even before the question came up, because he’s just like you, he knows what you’ve gone through - and honestly, you’re no worse than him.
Somehow Jinki’s eyes are hypnotizing you to remember what has been. His eyes scare you for the fact that they convey everything pure, everything real. You’re mentally clawing your face, why is Jinki doing this today of all days. Gradually you find yourself falling for the bait, searching for a treasure that’s all along with you, “Alright, alright. I’ll go.”
You wait for his smile to regain position, but Jinki’s still staring, “It’s five twenty three,” and that’s all it takes for you to drag yourself up, because Jinki’s not smiling, and you need that to live optimistically. You pick up your duffel bag, and with a hint of hesitation, you take your first step away.
Somehow you feel Jinki smiling behind you, and maybe that’s enough from him to encourage you on. He had always done things for you; he’s never forgotten you even when he’s shopping shirts with Kibum. That alone, you know you’re doing the right thing.
-----
You don’t see Kibum ruffling Taemin’s hair when you passed by the entrance, and for the second time today, Kibum’s calling out, making a fuss for you ignoring his presence. You had explained to him earlier in English class when he asked, that giving attention to him is Jinki’s job and that your work is to make sure Jinki does not cheat, (“He’ll never cheat on me!,” he had exclaimed, “And that’s exactly why it is my job,”).
Somehow you forget the definition of smile. Your feet are dragging you, and you know you should care but you don’t. Your expression doesn’t put across any brand of resolve, you’re merely looking slightly ahead and a faint emotion is clutching inside you. “Minho,” you had been whispering his name and you don’t notice that your walking pace is slowing down to what you have normally.
Mediocre - is nothing to describe anything you had been feeling or doing today. Images are flooding your thoughts, images of picturesque memories and not. You know you couldn’t do without them, but somehow you deem that forgetting them is the best way to handle slipping situations. Your feet stops right before turning the corner, and definitely, five thirty in the afternoon, he is there waiting - for you.
Three years you calculate that it’s passed since you gazed at him like this. No hesitation, no self-consciousness, just heart clenching emotions, longing and those beyond that. Throughout the years, you could admit that you had learned to pay no heed, to overlook him though you go to the same university and practically meet daily. Jinki’s one way and coincidence is the other. Maybe you have learned in aspects of physical interactions and situations, but not taking into account that those things you call feelings are something you just won’t gather and put behind you, because you know that next to Minho, they’re everything you’ve got.
You stride a few more steps forward, revealing yourself to him and you do not wait one moment before he glances. Your gaze meeting with his isn’t something new, but it’s giving hues of unspoken lucidity, enough to make harsh swirls and wreck your façade.
You thought you’d be the one watching him go near, yet now it’s the other way around. He’s the one with irregular breaths, with frozen clenched hands and widening eyes. You’re the one stopping a feet away from him, and you’re fighting urges to throw yourself at him the moment you hear his heart race.
You’re not looking at him anymore, you can’t bear yourself to. It’s been a little too rough and saying his name was the farthest you could get yourself to do. You sense the same intense stares you used to watch back then being aimed at you. There’s nothing else any of the two of you could make out right now, because just standing in front of each other closely is like a whole new dimension waiting to be exploited.
A few more moments and you sense him wanting to reach out, “Jonghyun,” you hear him whisper. You try your best not to do anything, you had sensed from his tone that he’s more than happy that you came. You’re fighting the rising desires, and then when you see the slightest movement of his hands to touch you once again, “I’m not coming back,” you blurt out, and you are relieved his movements are taken aback, “If that’s what you were planning to say. I’m not going.”
You are terrified, close to terrorized that he might touch you. Because just imagining such is making you weak, it’s making you vulnerable and anything else beyond that is fatal for your breaking resolve. Just thinking of the warmth and how it might make you feel, seeking them through the memories is somehow willing you to want to go back, to want to pull all of the memories that are left out, unlock that treasure chest where you keep them and make way for more.
You fear to be figured out by him, the feelings you had and might still have for him. You never got the chance to tell him, and you’re not going to, because if you do, all the reasons you killed yourself with to be able to leave him will all go to waste.
“I wasn’t intending to,” you finally hear him breathe out, “It was your choice to leave. I respect that… so does Mom and Dad,” there’s something from the way he laughed a little that made you glance up at him. You meet his unwavering gaze halfway, “They didn’t stop you from going, didn’t they,” and then you’re looking away to the side when you felt the need to straighten out.
“Yeah. They didn’t stop me,” you’re smiling faintly when you noticed, a picture of a happy family flashing in front of your eyes. You disappear from the photo, leaving parents and the brother you never had. Minho’s still looking, almost savoring this rare moment he’s got with you, “I had thanked them that day when I left. You weren’t there to see me off though,” you get a little courage and glance at him a little longer, “I didn’t get a chance to thank you for everything you’ve done,” and you’re watching your own feet fidget before you get to see his eyes smile back a little.
“I didn’t even want you to thank me,” is all he says, and somehow it’s adequately peculiar, unconsciously making you look back at him straight in the eye, “I never wanted you to thank me, for anything, at all.”
“Your family took me in. You made me feel as if I had always had a family to care for, and a family that cares for me just the same. Of course I should thank you,” recollections from your past started streaming in, those of your first Christmas with parents, those nights you had someone to comfort you when you cry or when nightmares cloak in, “Though it’s been three years since then, I should be thankful, to you the most. Thirteen years of putting up with me, that’s a lot to be-“
He’s interrupting you when out of nowhere he’s crushing your lips together, his specs hurting your nose and you never saw that coming. Suddenly the space between you is closed altogether, held breaths and synching hearts filling the impalement your struggling reflexes made. Rapidly your trail of thoughts is forgotten, everything else falling into a flat line and you can feel yourself melting in his arms. You’re closing your eyes when he’s pulling back a little, pressing your foreheads together and you are anything else but intact, “Jonghyun. I only… wanted you to stay.”
Your resolve is shattered with just one touch. You were right in fearing this from happening, because all that’s flowing are the feelings you’ve kept inside, your heart finally grasping something near perfection, and reminiscing memories aren’t conditional anymore.
All these years you’ve been taking right corners and roads straight ahead. One wrong turn and everything falls back into place.
**first JongHo fic EVER! I can’t believe it xD and please excuse my OnKey bias… I really just can’t help it >.<
I had always known I have a weakness in tensing and sentence construction, so please excuse my grammatical mistakes. I’m still trying to find a beta (who is also friendly at the same time because well, I want to be close to my beta).
And I’m not sure if I was able to make a point but, okay I’ll tell anyway. Jonghyun was an orphan (so is Jinki but that’s another side of the story) and was taken in by the Choi family when he was seven. But then later on he found himself falling in love with Minho, and so he takes into consideration the scholarship he got in the university so he’d be able to prevent himself from doing something… wrong or anything like that. Minho’s feelings for him are something I think you quite have an idea already, but yeah- spoon feeding facts is something a writer, for me, shouldn’t do. It’s takes away that feeling of mysteriousness away from the writer?, or something close to that. Haha! (which, I am more than certain, I wasn’t able to do properly).
Then I guess the rest is understandable - somehow.But anyway- comments are totally loved! :D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM KIBUM!! xD and belated to myself. haha!
-jin
cerixxe - jin
4,797w (Minho/Jonghyun, feat. Onew/Key)
AU, Romance, Fluff; G
Warnings: Un-beta’d, love letters, rabbit slippers, and sunny smiles.
Disclaimer: I do not and never will own any part of SHINee.
Summary: The day goes wrong for Kim Jonghyun, takes a whole turn, and tangles with everything else.
A/N:
o1) for Bona Unnie (crazyoverbishie - I miss you Unnie!) and Kimmy bb (7thmin), because it’s JongHo and OnKey :) and that’s enough reason isn’t it?
o2) to every JongHo shipper out there (especially those who lurk around SFI’s JongHo- and OnKey-thread!), because it’s my first ever JongHo fic, and I’m proud of it :D
o3) tomy co-owner of this account! KEY! Because I miss you so so much! and (though you might have forgotten already...) that fic you requested me AGES ago, it's almost done. haha xD
First time writing a fic from second person perspective. I really just had to try it out. And please excuse my lame attempt of giving this a proper title. It just happened that I couldn’t think of titles, and that I’m also thinking of a computer game (Defense of the Ancients) tournament which I was definitely forced to join, and I only have one freaking day to even learn the game. So don’t mind it… please? Hehe.
Maybe somewhere along the story you might think it’s again one of those typical ‘I send you a love letter - we meet somewhere in school - I confess - then it’s either you accept or reject’ type of scenarios, but really… It’s more than just that :D
Enjoy reading, though? :)
Wrong Turns
It starts when things one windy Thursday morning goes all wrong without you realizing that it’s different from usual.
You don’t slip into your fluffy rabbit slippers when you yawn your way out of bed, and you actually eat the burnt breakfast Jinki prepares for you with a goofy worried grin. You don’t smack his head when you cough harshly, thinking you got poisoned from whatever it is that you’re eating (not that you usually cared), it’s weirder that you’re the one who thuds onto the bathroom door, and you didn’t actually forget to brush your teeth this time.
You don’t notice the bright smile Kibum gives you when you go out the dorm room, not even hearing his eager protests of “Yah! Kim Jonghyun!”, or seeing how Jinki had to give the hand-made bouquet of red paper roses (you even helped finish by tearing one apart the other night) to Kibum for their second anniversary just to stop him from fussing over you ignoring him.
You turn left instead of right to start your morning walk in the park,good enough you get yourself to greet the crepe vendor at the corner, but then he quite chuckles when you buy a mango crepe rather than the usual chocolate - I’m craving for mangoes lately, you explain when he asked, hiding the fact that you got sick of chocolates lately. (You’d never admit to anyone at all, but you blame your best friend for a reason. Jinki having Kim Kibum as his boyfriend, pretty much is more than enough incentive for your refrigerator to be filled with sweets and thankfully - real food.)
You don’t try and flirt with some random girl you meet, simply because for some reason you avoid them, pretending to concentrate on the crepe and the wooden panels by the sidewalk are suddenly amusing you.Skipping along definitely isn’t something you would normally do. There’s just an exceptional feeling today wasn’t it.
-----
After throwing your trash, you proceed only to find Jinki and Kibum having breakfast in a café. You skip even further and knock at the window beside them like you were a kid wandering alone to fight against the world. Jinki glances with a smile mouthing your name, and Kibum tightens his hold on Jinki’s hand before glaring at you.
You decide you ruined their moment right there, and you just pull your smile wider when Kibum mocks a punch at you. “Get me a Java Chip Frappe after your cheesiness fades away, okay?!” you try to tell them, and you bring your arms to form a heart above your head when Jinki nods at you with his permanent beaming face,then you skip away in the winter breeze yet again, not without seeing Kibum mouth moron at you - you really are a wandering kid.
-----
Taemin’s the one mailing you on your phone. Somehow you feel significant to him at least this once, even though he’s telling you to move a little faster and get to class earlier than you normally do. His math homework is with you, and you know he’d be ignoring you forever if you don’t. You know you need him, with school work and love and personal issues, and everything else in between, and deep inside you know that he knows that he’s more than just that, (sometimes when you look at him, you hope you are just as important to him as well).
You leer your way to the university, fingers fondling over replying an ‘Aww- you need Hyung right now, Taeminnie?,’ just because.
Your thoughts wander farther as you landed across the street. It’s not much of a long walk left, but every time it gives you enough to think things and situations over whatever they might be. You always thought Jinki’s smile makes this cruel, unfair world a better place to stay, that Kibum is just as important because without him, just where would Jinki’s smile be. You had seen everything they’ve done together starting from the day they met - you were there. You’ve seen almost all of it, from firsts to seconds and some repeats that somehow you think they wouldn’t even care if you’re there watching.
If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t even meet Taemin. To you, he’s like a mix of those two other persons you love the most. He’s that other person you could talk to about, really, everything, pretty much usually when Jinki’s out somewhere - with Kibum most of the time. Though sometimes you remember Kibum when Taemin’s busy getting the worst out of you, telling you things you never realized yourself, like how irritatingly talkative you are at times.
But still you refer to him, sometimes when you talk to yourself, as the only one, because he really is. There are other times, like now, that you wish you had fallen for Taemin instead, you bet he’d do well for your redemption, but just as expected - you can’t. Letting go of the past, it’s something you just can’t do, isn’t it?
Your phone vibrates in the middle of your contemplation (or so you think it’s what you are doing is called) and of course it’s Taemin. Get your stinky little feet here right now, Jonghyun-hyung! I need my damn homework on my first class! - yeah, sometimes he just surprises you with words you never imagined existed in his head when his face is all sorts of angelic.
No - it’s not that you hate that side of Taemin, or Kibum just the same (because he’s much worse than that), “It’s just that you’ve learned to love them so much. It’s enough of a reason to accept who they are,” Jinki was babbling nonsense when he told you that. Though it turns out it’s true, and he’s not your best friend for nothing.
You tuck your phone back to safety, a little shaken on what else Taemin might say if you reply. You walk briskly this time, and you never did that. Somehow you think this day is practically not the usual you experience until before you sleep. Normally you stride the pace just a bit faster than a snail, and enter first class right before the last bell rings. You toss that thought away, and you feel Taemin’s upcoming wrath flowing with the hard wind crashing on you.
-----
You catch sight of the university gates and a smile is pulled on your lips at the moment. Then from the other side of the entrance, you see him, taking a glimpse of you behind his specs before he looks away. “Minho,” you whisper under your breath, your smile fading as a faint flushed color appears on your face. You pray you weren’t just imagining him looking slightly at you, because in your three-year-span perception, he never did.
You’re pace is pushed ahead when you notice him slow down. You could almost hear Taemin calling you through a telepathic conversation (which you tried once with Jinki and it didn’t work), telling you to, “Damn it! Walk larger steps moron! Just maybe you’ll grow even half a centimeter if you do,” - that wasn’t Taemin.
You turn around and Jinki almost crashes on your face if not for Kibum clutching arms with the both of you. You’re not surprised Jinki’s beaming brightly at quarter to eight in the morning; reaching out to hand you the frappe you asked for earlier - of course he won’t forget (he even bought waffles for you, a ‘sorry I burnt breakfast, again’ note inserted in the bag). And Kibum’s eyes seem to be digging into the depths of your soul, “Taemin called,” and that was enough reason for him to scowl at you.
-----
“Ah,“ Jinki halts and is glancing behind himself when you enter campus premises. For a moment you stop and contemplate on not following Kibum’s head swishing around, “Minho-ah!,” and for a second thought, you decide not to look at all.
“Jinki-hyung,” you could hear the smile in his voice and you know he stopped right behind you. Taemin’s waving at you from the doors, and Kibum yells your name again after you scurried away. What else can you do?
Opposed as to how you imagined Taemin’s greeting would be, he’s smiling like he does best and is waiting for you to come to him. “That wasn’t very cool of you, Hyung. You never run away from responsibilities,” he snatches the duffel bag you had slinging on your shoulder and you simply let him find his notebook, hiding the fact that yes, Taemin’s right.
“Responsibilities? Exactly what kind of responsibility did I just run away from?,” initially you were intending on flipping his gradually growing sarcasm, smirking as if you had anything against him. Taemin finds his homework, laughs before tossing back your properties.
“You like him. It’s unfair for him not to know anything about it. And you’re not really one of those people they call… an open book,” And that’s a responsibility, you ask to yourself, fixing your bag back in its previous place before looking Taemin straight in the eye, “And yes. It’s a responsibility,”
You’re looking at him again, the way you do when you watch him from across the lunch table or the library. The way you do when he’s not looking, full of thought and grasping for hope. Except this time he’s glancing back, and the moment is seizing you for not being as honest to Taemin about everything as he is to you. It’s ironical you think, you want to be just as significant to him but what are you doing - in aspects of everything ‘Minho.’
You don’t realize you are gawking until he’s trying to imitate you and utterly succeeds in humiliating you, “I do not like Choi Minho,” you include every ounce of emphasis in your tone, almost to the extent of screaming because Taemin’s mock-punching you to shut it down. You’re scowling back at him, crosses your arms and adds a pout, “I do not like him in that kind of way you are implying.”
Taemin’s apologizing to a few other students for your little scandal, and forges a smile on you when he hears what you’re saying, “I wasn’t implying anything though. I was stating a fact. You like like him, and for a proof of affection, you’re blushing, Hyung. It’s not very ‘manly’ of you like you claim you are.”
“Yah!”
He’s walking away before you know it, and you’re mentally pulling hair whether it was yours or his. Taemin looks back at you one moment, pointing something behind you then runs away faster than you’ve ever seen him.
Then Minho’s there when you glance, looking straight at you with his wavy model hair and you know you’re not dreaming. You wish you’re not so much of a coward and confront him (Jinki says it’s all in your head) but it’s all wishful thinking after all, because you’re running away again, leaving him like you did before.
Yes, you finally realize, things definitely are going the wrong way today.
-----
You’re early for your two PM afternoon class and maybe providence wasn’t on your side today, only coincidences and its making things worse.
You’re only thirty minutes early because Taemin’s been bombarding you with sarcasm over lunch.Pragmatically, anything about you being a scholar or Choi Minho that comes out from Taemin’s mouth is infuriating you extra today. And making things worse, Jinki’s got this day planned out for himself and Kibum, he’s not around to protect you with his lame awkward comments. Well at least he’s in cloud nine today, you think, unlike you, forced to spend time alone with Taemin and it’s not like you had ever complained - today is just one exemption to do so.
You walk your own slow pace to Literature class, (Taemin’s ‘Hyung I tell you, Greek Mythology is awesome! And yeah- you should confess to Minho’ still echoing in your head). You are somewhat glad you got your way out of his speech; you make a mental note on thanking Sulli for taking your place in the table. You had thought Taemin looked good with Sulli, but you know Taemin just won’t do anything to make it work again, nor would Sulli. Maybe they really are better off as friends.
Without second thought, you push the door open when you arrive in front of it, cool temperature from the AC creeping beneath your two layered shirt and you’re complaining why they still had AC’s on when it’s freezing cold outside.
But then your feet stops, your hand still on the handle, and the last thing your mind told you was to not look up before dispersing into a flat line. Someone halted in front of you just the same, and you wish it’s not someone you know, not someone you hope you knew better. Because if he is…
“Umm, could you please give way a little?”
Your head shot up right there, betraying what your thoughts had just told you, eyes widening because for the first time, “Oh- yeah, yeah sure. I uh- sorry,” you contemplate that at least once today, your prayers were answered, because you make way for a stranger, not anyone in particular.
A few students got in earlier than you, and you smile at a pair of girls who happened to see what just happened. You drag your feet to your usual seat in the middle of the last column by the window, bag falling beside your feet and you proceed reviewing yesterday’s lecture just in case.
Comfortable as you are though, you still feel as if someone’s watching you. You ignore it for a few moments, concentrating on reading your notes, but you can’t focus after all. You start glancing around, observing each of the few students scattered in seats though you seem not to know them personally. One or two familiar faces, but no one certain. You look behind you, even above you and at the others entering either the front or back doors, but still.
It’s until you go back to studying that you catch sight the same girls who saw your embarrassment giggling after glancing at you. Somehow you’re thinking maybe you really did look stupid to them, or maybe you plainly just look stupid, then you conclude you are simply idiotic (Kibum told you so) because you believe your looks are far from being foolish.
Again you disregard this; finally able to focus on studying and you really shouldn’t care.
-----
Jinki sits beside you in Calculus, “Hi,” he greets with an even larger smile and you notice a glint of something (you are sure it’s not that bad of a thing, very far from that in fact) shining in his eyes, “How are you?,” he adds, and then you settle your thoughts that whatever it is, will be bad for you in the near future.
“I’m fine,” you still smile back, watching his eyes disappear all the more after, “How about you?”
“Delightful.”
“And Kibum?”
“Delightful,” yeah- maybe the future is nearer than you thought.
-----
An unexpected note lands on your notebook in the middle of Calculus. You ask the guy on your left to whom it came from, and all he replies is, “Someone asked me to pass it to you,” while gesturing irrevocably then simply goes back to the lecture.
You take one glance at Jinki and he’s peeking over the paper in your hands. “It’s for you, Jonghyun-ah,” he points at it, “It says ‘to Kim Jonghyun’,” then he’s blinking prettily at you, making you demolish the words ‘I can read, Jinki’ that’s forming at the side of your lips.
University backdoor gates, 5:30PM, is all that’s written inside, nothing more, not even an answer to ‘why’.
“Oh- whoever wrote this is asking you to meet him behind the school this afternoon.”
“Yes, Jinki. I know,” and you see a million question marks all over his face, clearly expressing more than all the curiosity in your head right now.
It’s notably not the kind of love letters you used to receive back in high school; the ones that came mostly from your juniors and a few batch mates, which you rarely entertained. This one on the other hand, did not tell you how awesome you are, how manly and perfect you are, just the time and place that you usually see at the end of the letter.
Maybe it isn’t a love letter from an admirer after all, because taking one glance at the note, that handwriting, you know from who it is and that the words translated to whether or not you are still petrified.
University backdoor gates, 5:30PM, then you tuck it in your pocket, lets it slip your thoughts and you’re asking Jinki what the equation was again.
-----
Sometimes you ask yourself, how did you grow so much apart with Minho? It’s not like you only have Jinki as a mutual friend, and that you had only watched him from afar. No - you know to yourself that it’s not just that. Minho, he’s so much more than just that.
Kibum never asked anything specific -about your past -that’s why he doesn’t know. Taemin had questioned once but you didn’t speak up, (somehow you feel like Taemin has got his own way of seeing the truth) or maybe you are slightly feared of what he might tell you.
Though for a thing or two, Jinki’s acquainted with something. He discerns some degree of knowledge that neither of your other friends have. After all, Jinki’s been with you since the period in your life that time can’t even tell you when. Jinki has been with you, even before Minho came in - until after you left him.
-----
You’re breathing in the scent of Jinki’s orange juice as the both of you sit alongside each other. He still has that goofy grin on his face, and you don’t have to ask since you know the reason why. You had always known or just had the idea on what he might be thinking about, and sometimes you think if he’s the same for you.
Jinki takes one glance at you, and it’s enough of a sign for you to tear your eyes off the clouds and take away your thoughts on what there might be behind the skies. It feels like he’s reading you, the grass tickling your skin and leaves sprinkling from the tree supporting your backs. Jinki takes one last sip of juice, faces you entirely and speaks, “It’s from Minho, isn’t it?”
You had thought of that, “How should I know?,” but it’s not like you were hoping compensation.
“I think he’s just waiting for you to come to him. Both of you should talk.”
“Jinki,” you sound as if you two had gone through this conversation over and over again, sighing before staring far into the field in front of you, “Minho and I have nothing else to talk about. Everything’s in the past. Can’t I just leave it there?”
“He’s already making ways for you to meet. And no, you can’t leave anything behind you. No one can. You just want to forget, in this case, your entire life, but clearly, you’re still living in it. Jonghyun-ah… you still love-“
“I do not, Jinki. I don’t,” you cut him off just because it’s starting to go back, the memories, the pictures you’ve kept locked in a treasure chest at the depths of your heart.
You still tell Jinki those lies you’ve repeated to him, even though you feel that he knows they are all just that - lies. Somehow you hope he would continue to understand and cheer you on like he always had, that’s why it surprises you when you look back at him, because for the first time he’s glaring at you, like he’s never known you, and his eyes tell you that you are one hell of a jerk.
“You do. Stop being an infantile coward who’s afraid to admit things even to himself. I do not even have to be your closest friend to see your eyes screaming for him,” he‘s looking at you sternly, face full of determination to strike it off to your head and he’s not a droplet failing. You try your best to remain stoic, neutral, because you can feel yourself slowly breaking, letting the past pull you back into things you couldn’t consign to oblivion. You do not even understand yourself why you’re still playing charades with Jinki. He’s known the answer even before the question came up, because he’s just like you, he knows what you’ve gone through - and honestly, you’re no worse than him.
Somehow Jinki’s eyes are hypnotizing you to remember what has been. His eyes scare you for the fact that they convey everything pure, everything real. You’re mentally clawing your face, why is Jinki doing this today of all days. Gradually you find yourself falling for the bait, searching for a treasure that’s all along with you, “Alright, alright. I’ll go.”
You wait for his smile to regain position, but Jinki’s still staring, “It’s five twenty three,” and that’s all it takes for you to drag yourself up, because Jinki’s not smiling, and you need that to live optimistically. You pick up your duffel bag, and with a hint of hesitation, you take your first step away.
Somehow you feel Jinki smiling behind you, and maybe that’s enough from him to encourage you on. He had always done things for you; he’s never forgotten you even when he’s shopping shirts with Kibum. That alone, you know you’re doing the right thing.
-----
You don’t see Kibum ruffling Taemin’s hair when you passed by the entrance, and for the second time today, Kibum’s calling out, making a fuss for you ignoring his presence. You had explained to him earlier in English class when he asked, that giving attention to him is Jinki’s job and that your work is to make sure Jinki does not cheat, (“He’ll never cheat on me!,” he had exclaimed, “And that’s exactly why it is my job,”).
Somehow you forget the definition of smile. Your feet are dragging you, and you know you should care but you don’t. Your expression doesn’t put across any brand of resolve, you’re merely looking slightly ahead and a faint emotion is clutching inside you. “Minho,” you had been whispering his name and you don’t notice that your walking pace is slowing down to what you have normally.
Mediocre - is nothing to describe anything you had been feeling or doing today. Images are flooding your thoughts, images of picturesque memories and not. You know you couldn’t do without them, but somehow you deem that forgetting them is the best way to handle slipping situations. Your feet stops right before turning the corner, and definitely, five thirty in the afternoon, he is there waiting - for you.
Three years you calculate that it’s passed since you gazed at him like this. No hesitation, no self-consciousness, just heart clenching emotions, longing and those beyond that. Throughout the years, you could admit that you had learned to pay no heed, to overlook him though you go to the same university and practically meet daily. Jinki’s one way and coincidence is the other. Maybe you have learned in aspects of physical interactions and situations, but not taking into account that those things you call feelings are something you just won’t gather and put behind you, because you know that next to Minho, they’re everything you’ve got.
You stride a few more steps forward, revealing yourself to him and you do not wait one moment before he glances. Your gaze meeting with his isn’t something new, but it’s giving hues of unspoken lucidity, enough to make harsh swirls and wreck your façade.
You thought you’d be the one watching him go near, yet now it’s the other way around. He’s the one with irregular breaths, with frozen clenched hands and widening eyes. You’re the one stopping a feet away from him, and you’re fighting urges to throw yourself at him the moment you hear his heart race.
You’re not looking at him anymore, you can’t bear yourself to. It’s been a little too rough and saying his name was the farthest you could get yourself to do. You sense the same intense stares you used to watch back then being aimed at you. There’s nothing else any of the two of you could make out right now, because just standing in front of each other closely is like a whole new dimension waiting to be exploited.
A few more moments and you sense him wanting to reach out, “Jonghyun,” you hear him whisper. You try your best not to do anything, you had sensed from his tone that he’s more than happy that you came. You’re fighting the rising desires, and then when you see the slightest movement of his hands to touch you once again, “I’m not coming back,” you blurt out, and you are relieved his movements are taken aback, “If that’s what you were planning to say. I’m not going.”
You are terrified, close to terrorized that he might touch you. Because just imagining such is making you weak, it’s making you vulnerable and anything else beyond that is fatal for your breaking resolve. Just thinking of the warmth and how it might make you feel, seeking them through the memories is somehow willing you to want to go back, to want to pull all of the memories that are left out, unlock that treasure chest where you keep them and make way for more.
You fear to be figured out by him, the feelings you had and might still have for him. You never got the chance to tell him, and you’re not going to, because if you do, all the reasons you killed yourself with to be able to leave him will all go to waste.
“I wasn’t intending to,” you finally hear him breathe out, “It was your choice to leave. I respect that… so does Mom and Dad,” there’s something from the way he laughed a little that made you glance up at him. You meet his unwavering gaze halfway, “They didn’t stop you from going, didn’t they,” and then you’re looking away to the side when you felt the need to straighten out.
“Yeah. They didn’t stop me,” you’re smiling faintly when you noticed, a picture of a happy family flashing in front of your eyes. You disappear from the photo, leaving parents and the brother you never had. Minho’s still looking, almost savoring this rare moment he’s got with you, “I had thanked them that day when I left. You weren’t there to see me off though,” you get a little courage and glance at him a little longer, “I didn’t get a chance to thank you for everything you’ve done,” and you’re watching your own feet fidget before you get to see his eyes smile back a little.
“I didn’t even want you to thank me,” is all he says, and somehow it’s adequately peculiar, unconsciously making you look back at him straight in the eye, “I never wanted you to thank me, for anything, at all.”
“Your family took me in. You made me feel as if I had always had a family to care for, and a family that cares for me just the same. Of course I should thank you,” recollections from your past started streaming in, those of your first Christmas with parents, those nights you had someone to comfort you when you cry or when nightmares cloak in, “Though it’s been three years since then, I should be thankful, to you the most. Thirteen years of putting up with me, that’s a lot to be-“
He’s interrupting you when out of nowhere he’s crushing your lips together, his specs hurting your nose and you never saw that coming. Suddenly the space between you is closed altogether, held breaths and synching hearts filling the impalement your struggling reflexes made. Rapidly your trail of thoughts is forgotten, everything else falling into a flat line and you can feel yourself melting in his arms. You’re closing your eyes when he’s pulling back a little, pressing your foreheads together and you are anything else but intact, “Jonghyun. I only… wanted you to stay.”
Your resolve is shattered with just one touch. You were right in fearing this from happening, because all that’s flowing are the feelings you’ve kept inside, your heart finally grasping something near perfection, and reminiscing memories aren’t conditional anymore.
All these years you’ve been taking right corners and roads straight ahead. One wrong turn and everything falls back into place.
**first JongHo fic EVER! I can’t believe it xD and please excuse my OnKey bias… I really just can’t help it >.<
I had always known I have a weakness in tensing and sentence construction, so please excuse my grammatical mistakes. I’m still trying to find a beta (who is also friendly at the same time because well, I want to be close to my beta).
And I’m not sure if I was able to make a point but, okay I’ll tell anyway. Jonghyun was an orphan (so is Jinki but that’s another side of the story) and was taken in by the Choi family when he was seven. But then later on he found himself falling in love with Minho, and so he takes into consideration the scholarship he got in the university so he’d be able to prevent himself from doing something… wrong or anything like that. Minho’s feelings for him are something I think you quite have an idea already, but yeah- spoon feeding facts is something a writer, for me, shouldn’t do. It’s takes away that feeling of mysteriousness away from the writer?, or something close to that. Haha! (which, I am more than certain, I wasn’t able to do properly).
Then I guess the rest is understandable - somehow.But anyway- comments are totally loved! :D
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM KIBUM!! xD and belated to myself. haha!
-jin