Learning to Live, Learning to Love, Learning to Listen, Learning to Speak Out

Oct 08, 2010 20:25

Over the past month, I’ve heard and seen the reporting online, on television, on social media, and in the newspaper of the suicides of four gay teenage boys. This saddens me terribly; that these youth felt there was no other option past bullying, past torment (from others or from within).

As an adult lesbian, who didn’t come out of the closet until I was twenty-one - not because I was afraid of who I was as a youth, it was just something I never explored about myself to any degree - I can’t say that the bullying I experienced in school was related to sexual orientation, rather it was often due to the fact that I was a bit of a social misfit. I didn’t fit in with any of the cliques that so often pervade middle or junior high and high schools. I was a loner, more lost in books than interested in playing with others, and when I tried, it usually wasn’t terribly successful. So I got teased and one time, in grade seven a fellow classmate thought it was funny and put itching powder down the back of my uniform - that’s the probably worst thing I remember ever happening to me. Thankfully I had a very supportive teacher. I remember being sent home for health reasons - the powder was abrasive and highly itchy. The student in question was suspended for three days, and it went on his record.

That’s probably among one of the least pervasive bullying tactics present in schools, playgrounds, and indeed online. In the past decade, online access and social media has increased ten-fold. In addition, more youth have cell-phones. For most people, that isn’t a problem. The problems develop when people use these tools available to hurt, demean, and torment others. I hesitate to use the phrase, back in my day when it comes to comparisons of bullying others from present day to then, because really, I’m thirty-seven years old. Next year would mark the 20th year since graduating high school. Bullying is still bullying but the resources and methods to which teens use to commit such acts has changed.

Teenage life is fraught with enough stress with school, hormonal, developmental, social changes, and sometimes family issues. Youth of today are faced with some of the same challenges we encountered at that age, but also different changes and expectations placed on them. So much of being a teenager is trying to find a place to belong, trying to fit in with peers and not be different, not to stand out for fear of being ostracized and bullied.

Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning as a teenager can be difficult, because for many it’s one more thing that sets them apart from their peers. If their family is of a particular faith that is condemning of their sexual orientation, or the parents otherwise do not support them, the teens can feel even more isolated. Continued pressure from family and peers can sometimes feel futile, especially if they are unaware that there are resources available. “Nine out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are four times likelier to attempt suicide. Many LGBT kids who do kill themselves live in rural areas, exurbs, and suburban areas, places with no gay organizations or services for queer kids.” - Dan Savage (Savage Love), organizer of the "It Gets Better Project").

Even if resources are not available locally in their town or community, they are available online, or through toll-free hotlines. In the United States, The Trevor Project offers a hotline (USA only) for LGBTQ youth, who need counselling, support, and an ear to listen. Their online forum, however, is open to outside the USA. While there are lots of resources online, information, books, support groups, access to these resources can sometimes still be a challenge. The sad part about finding resources at home for some of these teens is when they feel (or know) that their parents (who they’re afraid to come out to) monitor their internet access or cellular access, they’re less likely to seek out the very resources they need. It can make them feel even more isolated and alone.

Schools that should be a place of safe learning, where they might be able to find resources, is often not for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered youth. In Canada, Equality for Gays and Lesbians Everywhere (EGALE) Canada Human Rights Trust, the University of Winnipeg, and SVR/CIHR funded a national study, surveying approximately 1700 students from across Canada, conducted in four school boards. The study, entitled, Youth Speak Up About Homophobia and Transphobia: The First National Climate Survey on Homophobia in Canadian Schools reports some staggering statistics about how students view the safety of their schools. The unfortunate part of this project is that the data is not complete. As of present none of the Catholic schools or school boards across the country allows the survey to be completed by their students, thus providing incomplete data for the national school survey. The survey presents key findings about unsafe spaces, bullying tactics, victimization, impacts, institutional responses, and provides recommendations.

I’d like to think that in nearing the end of 2010, society would be progressing, if not to a point of accepting, at least to a point of tolerance, of its gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning youth and citizens. How sad is it, that at least for the time being, we must work towards being ‘tolerated’ as a segment of society, as second class citizens?

Within the past few weeks, the focus on bullying of teens, specifically as it has resulted in suicides of LGBTQ teens, has reached the media (newspapers, television, and online blogs) and it has generated discussion, which should be a positive thing. Celebrities have long since used their status to speak out on various social issues, have been recently speaking out on their own experiences with bullying, or simply to say as parents that there needs to be open communication that bullying should not be accepted. In Nelson Branco’s TVGuide Soaps SudsReport weekly blog for 7th October, 2010, various actors, creators and writers of the Daytime Television community respond to the bullying and teen suicides.

Talking about the bullying and the suicides has brought the issue to the forefront, and hopefully educators, parents, community leaders and legislators are taking heed of the work and support structures that need to be in place so that these young people do not fall through the cracks, feeling alone, hated, fearful. Listening and understanding can go a long way to supporting these youth to realizing that there is so much to look forward to in life. It only takes one person to listen to them, to believe in them, and to understand them. These youth can be the future of society, leaders in their own right, but they need to be given the opportunity, and support. It's time that we as a society step up and tell people that we will no longer accept hatred, bigotry, and bullying against our gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning citizens.

With National Coming Out Day just around the corner (11th October), in support of all our LGBT brothers and sisters, young and old, please, go listen (streaming) and download Jen Foster’s free song, “This Is Me” from her website, Jen Foster - Singer/Songwriter. Her song is beautiful and sad, as it speaks about the recent (and not so recent) suicides of gay teens, and being who and what we are, learning to love ourselves, no matter who else we love.

___________________________________________________________________________________
Resources
‘Slap Upside the Head: Combatting bigotry the gayest way I know how’ blog
http://www.slapupsidethehead.com/tag/bullying/

Dan Savage (September 23, 2010). “Give ‘em Hope.” Savage Love. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=4940874

Quite Possibly Our Most Important Blog Post Ever
http://amcprattfalls.blogspot.com/2010/10/quite-possibly-our-most-important-blog.html

Nelson Branco. The SudsReport: Exclusive - Soap stars respond to teen suicide and bullying epidemic - http://tvguide.ca/Soaps/Suds/Articles/101007_suds_report_NB

Youth Speak Up About Homophobia and Transphobia: The First National Climate Survey on Homophobia in Canadian Schools (http://egale.ca/index.asp?lang=E&menu=4&item=1401)

speaking out, gay, lesbian, schools, introspection: bullying

Previous post Next post
Up