Yes. I made it clear to slashspouse early on that I really, really objected to that. And I'm not sure he ever quite got why, but he at least respects that it does, you know?
I jumped down my MILs and brother-in-law's throats (well, via Facebook) over that a few months ago. He was all lamenting how he couldn't play his new XBox game cuz he was "babysitting" his son. And my MIL was patting him on the back for being such a "good dad."
EXCUSE ME? Taking care of YOUR OWN CHILD is now suddenly grounds for kudos and celebration? Neither of them would have said the same if the mom was complaining that she couldn't go out to dinner with her friends because she had to stay home and babysit her kid.
A great deal of our imbalance is just not fixable, because, well, for the most part, I work fewer hours than he does. Or, perhaps more accurately, the hours that I don't have actual tasks to be working on, I don't have to be at my office, which means I can run errands or do chores while child is in daycare. The degree to which I am zen about this varies. But I can tell you that when I make 2/3 or our income, run all but a very few of our errands, do about 3/4 of the childcare (including ALL of the doctor's appointments, keeping track of medicine and food and whether she's pooped, being on call for daycare, making other arrangements when both of us have plans...you get the idea), a significant chunk of the housework, most of the work of actually managing our house, 90% of our shopping, etc, am really not zen about my mother telling me I'm unreasonable for asking him to change a diaper.
I find it hard to negotiate what he should be expected to do, to be honest, and I think this is something many women/families experience. In my case, I unexpectedly became a stay at home mom and we never had discussed roles/expectations. I guess I figured if I was now a "mom" as a job description, that mean I did 100% of the child care, cooking, cleaning, and laundry even though my husband worked from home. I figured if he had more time for doing his own things (ie video games, etc) that was his reward for a long day
( ... )
I have been told I am lucky and should be grateful when I was the sole financial support for my family, and the primary (and damn near only) active parent. That I should be thankful that 'he's so supportive' of my career -- which boils down to he'll let me make as much money as he can spend.
Once I got over that crap and straightened some shit out, our situation improved -- but now I'm his 'bitchy wife' and people feel sorry for him. Because, you know, I make him work 20 hours a week at the grocery store.
That I should be thankful that 'he's so supportive' of my career -- which boils down to he'll let me make as much money as he can spend.
Ooooh yes. I have not run into that in person yet, but I have rather noticed that working moms don't get even a little credit for their financial contributions.
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(It's entirely possible I'm having a week as well. Have I mentioned that Yael doesn't have school today, tomorrow, or Friday?)
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At least, that's the kind of week I'm having...
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EXCUSE ME? Taking care of YOUR OWN CHILD is now suddenly grounds for kudos and celebration? Neither of them would have said the same if the mom was complaining that she couldn't go out to dinner with her friends because she had to stay home and babysit her kid.
Just...UGH! Biggest pet peeve in the universe.
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A great deal of our imbalance is just not fixable, because, well, for the most part, I work fewer hours than he does. Or, perhaps more accurately, the hours that I don't have actual tasks to be working on, I don't have to be at my office, which means I can run errands or do chores while child is in daycare. The degree to which I am zen about this varies. But I can tell you that when I make 2/3 or our income, run all but a very few of our errands, do about 3/4 of the childcare (including ALL of the doctor's appointments, keeping track of medicine and food and whether she's pooped, being on call for daycare, making other arrangements when both of us have plans...you get the idea), a significant chunk of the housework, most of the work of actually managing our house, 90% of our shopping, etc, am really not zen about my mother telling me I'm unreasonable for asking him to change a diaper.
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Once I got over that crap and straightened some shit out, our situation improved -- but now I'm his 'bitchy wife' and people feel sorry for him. Because, you know, I make him work 20 hours a week at the grocery store.
Hey, look -- rage! I can has some...
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Ooooh yes. I have not run into that in person yet, but I have rather noticed that working moms don't get even a little credit for their financial contributions.
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Not that I'm bitter or anything.
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The patterns are so, so woven into our expectations.
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