(no subject)
I'm a bit down. Kathy revealed to me that she's had a crush on somebody at work for about 3 weeks now. He's basically a flirt and has given her attention and *grumble* 4 or 5 backrubs. She liked the attention so didn't tell me about it. It went on 3 weeks or so until his flirting compass pointed elsewhere and then suddenly Kathy tells me, once he's not an option, it seems to me.
We've talked about open relationships (we both think it's natural for people to have more than one partner at a time), but she's always said it would bother her to see me with another woman, so it's never happened. So I'm not sure what bothers me more, that she had this crush, or that she didn't tell me about it for 3 weeks. The 3 weeks of silence on the matter feels like a betrayal. She agreed it was. They didn't kiss or touch or anything other than his backrubs on her, but the fact that she kept it from me hurts.
She says it doesn't have anything to do with the other guy, that it's just her pattern of liking attention from someone new after she's been in a relationship for a couple years, and apparently her therapist agrees it doesn't have anything to do with him. That would be congruent with the idea of open relationships and the unnaturalness of being with only one person, but I still can't help thinking it points to something being wrong with our relationship. She says there isn't and the fact that I'm so great and she loves me so much made her realize the pattern, since there's no reason for her to look elsewhere when she has me. She blames her upbringing and relationship with her father for the pattern. She did have a pretty traumatic childhood, with her mom threatening her dad that she was gonna kill herself and the kids, and with her dad having fistfights not only with her mom but with her. But I don't know.
I just don't know. : (
We've talked about open relationships (we both think it's natural for people to have more than one partner at a time), but she's always said it would bother her to see me with another woman, so it's never happened. So I'm not sure what bothers me more, that she had this crush, or that she didn't tell me about it for 3 weeks. The 3 weeks of silence on the matter feels like a betrayal. She agreed it was. They didn't kiss or touch or anything other than his backrubs on her, but the fact that she kept it from me hurts.
She says it doesn't have anything to do with the other guy, that it's just her pattern of liking attention from someone new after she's been in a relationship for a couple years, and apparently her therapist agrees it doesn't have anything to do with him. That would be congruent with the idea of open relationships and the unnaturalness of being with only one person, but I still can't help thinking it points to something being wrong with our relationship. She says there isn't and the fact that I'm so great and she loves me so much made her realize the pattern, since there's no reason for her to look elsewhere when she has me. She blames her upbringing and relationship with her father for the pattern. She did have a pretty traumatic childhood, with her mom threatening her dad that she was gonna kill herself and the kids, and with her dad having fistfights not only with her mom but with her. But I don't know.
I just don't know. : (