Going no where
So I've been officially engaged for a year. Yay! But this whole wedding thing seems, too far away. I think its going to be anywhere from 2 years to 2 and a half. I think I should be done with college then. It seems to be working out that way by what my guidelines states. But regardless, I just havent been getting all the psyched about it lately. I think me not really having any female friends is putting a big damper on things and well the fact that the only real female friend I have just isn't around anymore to support me. So I feel well lonely and like I'm missing out on something. I talked to my mom about it and she understood. Sam and I just aren't as close as we use to be. I really am not sure if well she's really the one I should be making my maid of honor or matron of honor in her case. My mom suggested having a man of honor instead but well the closest guy friends i have are Davey which couldn't come and well Mike use to be my best guy friend but he won't even talk to me let alone it'd be awkward to have him be my man of honor at another guys wedding. The only other two guys that I really relate to after that is Tim and Jason. But well I just don't think it'd work.
I did get an idea for a theme though. My green color that I want and with apple blossoms since I want a spring wedding in my parents backyard. I did start getting some ideas for a centerpiece and what not. A vase with apple blossoms branches coming out with small crystals hanging from them, with hints and hues of pink and petals strewn on the tablecloth with votives of soft white, green and pink candles.
Aside from all the wedding stuff. I just haven't been too happy with myself. I'm at 166 lbs and I was only 135 lbs just under two years ago. Thats like anywhere from 15 to 20 lbs a year of weight gain. and I'm afraid it'll just keep esculating. So I joined a website called SparkPeople that has a weight tracker and a nutritional tracker so I know how much calories i'm consuming and what not and so that it'll help me take some control and hopefully other people on there will help motivate me. I have found one person named Kimmie that seems to be well atuned and very helpful with my trouble areas. SO i'm looking forward to it I've only done it my first day. I do have to say that I do feel better even thought I haven't had any pop to drink or anything else like caffine. And wel lI didn't feel tired either. So thats good I really do hope this works out for me.
Another thing lately is that our lease is going up soon and well we have to determine whether it will be cheaper to sign another lease here or to find another apartment some where else and just have to move again. So we're gonna go look at a few apartments and see whats available in the areas of our interest. Theres the one thats around here and then there's one out by the mall that seems reasonable but I have read at least one complaint about them. So we'lre gonna look on our next day off together and then crunch some numbers and see how it will work out. I just really don't want to move again already. UGH.
So I've just been kind of depressed lately with everything that just seems to not be going well for me. Work is just stressful and I'm heavier than I would like to be, not getting married anytime soon. And just seem to be on the bottom of the social ladder. And well for a while there I felt like I was being ignored by chris. He just would always go in the other room and play his games and what not and just leave me alone in my room for hours. We didn't go do anything and just sat around at home all the time. Which I talked to him about and we're working on now. Which I think the fact that we dont go out and do anything is what makes me probably gain more weight. That and we just eat out all the time it seems. So enough is enough. WE're going to start working on it all.
I told him I wanted to go camping sometime this summer and go on a picninc. Now that I know how to get to the beach I will most definetely take advantage of it.
Lastly, I really really want to start a new savings account for our wedding fund. Even if it is just a small start I really want to do this. I want it to be perfect.