Just nothing.
I have this idea in my head recently, and it's such a horrible hopeless idea...I'm sure that if it stays in my head much longer I'm going to die. I'm not sure yet that I want to tell you what this idea is. It might mess your life up too. And I got all of this just from talking. My mind wonders sometimes, to places I've never been. And sometimes it just doesn't come back. I have this feeling that someone needs to teach me how to want to live. Because I don't. God, I'm sure I could drive a man to suicide with this idea. I'm sure that I don't know why I haven't been there and back yet. I've tried to keep my self pacified, content in the false life I live. I don't know. Maybe this is all because I thought I had it figured out, and someone wanted to fuck with my head for a while. To some that would be god, but in this idea, the one in my head...there is nothing.