highenough
I dont want to go to sleep.
The sounds are back.
The nightmares are back.
The sounds. I wish it were easier to explain. I wish it didnt seem so odd to me. but its there. I know I hear it. Im positive. Like a radio, or TV in the distance. I hear it. Playing. Never the same thing... but I hear it... Music, or chatter. Different things.
I wish I believed it were the neighbors. but, I know its not. I dont know why, or what it means. If anything.. but it makes me lonely.. and sad.
not to mention the dreams.. Im tired of waking up panicked.. but more so, when I wake up panicked and alone. Its terrifying. Ive no one to turn to. Just have to calm myself down.
Ive been sleeping a lot. Im under a lot of stress... and it seems to be coming at me from every direction. Im easily stressed though, so its probably no big deal.
When will I realize.... Im just a normal person.. that doesnt belond? That doesnt fit? That needs help?
I dont want to be. I want to fit. I want to feel right. I want to BE right. Im tired of faking feelings... Not that actually feeling most feelings is so great. But when I mostly feel the frustrated, sad, angry feelings... I guess its better I dont feel most things. I might explode.
Im listening to Frou Frou. The song is Hear me out.
It reminds me of Jake. but. It reminds me that Im over Jake. In every way. Holy fuck.. what a relief. Its amazing.
Ive no idea what hold he had over my feelings. Maybe I just needed anything...
I remember the day I realized I no longer felt for him in that way. I had a great day that day. My life changed that day. Even it it wasn't dramatic at the time.
I may not be ready to face the world.. but Im learning to face myself...and sadly there is no one to celebrate with. No one understands. Its a huge feat for me. To be where I am emotionally.. mentally.
It makes me happy...
though, Im under enough stress right now.... that my mind is blocking so many good things out. Its very focused. Its confusing, but Im working on it. I should go to bed soon. Arg. Yea.. :/ No one cares anyway, right?
The sounds are back.
The nightmares are back.
The sounds. I wish it were easier to explain. I wish it didnt seem so odd to me. but its there. I know I hear it. Im positive. Like a radio, or TV in the distance. I hear it. Playing. Never the same thing... but I hear it... Music, or chatter. Different things.
I wish I believed it were the neighbors. but, I know its not. I dont know why, or what it means. If anything.. but it makes me lonely.. and sad.
not to mention the dreams.. Im tired of waking up panicked.. but more so, when I wake up panicked and alone. Its terrifying. Ive no one to turn to. Just have to calm myself down.
Ive been sleeping a lot. Im under a lot of stress... and it seems to be coming at me from every direction. Im easily stressed though, so its probably no big deal.
When will I realize.... Im just a normal person.. that doesnt belond? That doesnt fit? That needs help?
I dont want to be. I want to fit. I want to feel right. I want to BE right. Im tired of faking feelings... Not that actually feeling most feelings is so great. But when I mostly feel the frustrated, sad, angry feelings... I guess its better I dont feel most things. I might explode.
Im listening to Frou Frou. The song is Hear me out.
It reminds me of Jake. but. It reminds me that Im over Jake. In every way. Holy fuck.. what a relief. Its amazing.
Ive no idea what hold he had over my feelings. Maybe I just needed anything...
I remember the day I realized I no longer felt for him in that way. I had a great day that day. My life changed that day. Even it it wasn't dramatic at the time.
I may not be ready to face the world.. but Im learning to face myself...and sadly there is no one to celebrate with. No one understands. Its a huge feat for me. To be where I am emotionally.. mentally.
It makes me happy...
though, Im under enough stress right now.... that my mind is blocking so many good things out. Its very focused. Its confusing, but Im working on it. I should go to bed soon. Arg. Yea.. :/ No one cares anyway, right?