(no subject)
I feel so lost. So lost. I feel abandoned and betrayed and taken advantage of...and selfish. I don’t know whether to be upset with others or upset with myself, and in turn, I am both. I am so tired but I can’t sleep. There’s too much stuff congesting my mind...
I wish things were different-I wish I was different. I want to be a regular guy; I want to not care about anything or anyone, I want to not need people like I do, and I want to be wanted because of those stupid character traits. That’s how guys are. They’re stupid and selfish and emotionless...and loved for it. I hate it-I absolutely hate it-when girls talk and they say "I want a good guy, one who cares and is sweet and sensitive and..." because they don’t. That’s not what they want at all. They want a bad boy. They want to feel powerful by changing these bad boys into good guys who are caring and are sweet and sensitive and... Which is a good thing for girls because the world is chalked full of bad boys. The thing girls don’t know is that they can’t change men. They are who they are and they’re not willing or wanting to change. And the girls don’t know it until it’s too late. But they have to feel powerful, they don’t care what it takes. And then they’re so confused when their boyfriends/husbands are stupid and selfish and emotionless and insensitive. But I want to be one. I don’t want to care anymore. I always have to play the friendship card. I have to be there for girls when their boyfriend breaks up with them or they just need someone to talk to, but when the tables are turned, where are they? Too busy for me...but that’s understandable, I would be too busy for me too. Too many times I’ve gotten, "If I didn’t have a boyfriend right now, you would be the first person I would go for!" but when the boyfriend is out of the picture, where are they? Too many times I’ve gotten "You’re such a great friend! You mean so much more to me than my boyfriend..." I’m sick of being the friend...I give up...