(no subject)
I'm writing this update with blue hair. Macia basically did everything. Thank God, because without her, I would have been clueless.
Before you ask, it's for the play.
But I don't mind it too much.
Today was a bad day. Nothing was wrong in particular, but it was just kinda bad. And that sucked, because there was nothing I could be mad about.
There've been a few days like that this week. More than usual.
And I'm sitting here, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice. A lot of me says that I did. But a lot of me says that I didn't. But then, a lot of me abstains or is unable to vote or incorrectly filled out its ballot.
It's been one week, and it's been wonderful and frightening all at the same time. Macia is wonderful, but she still feels foreign. Which I guess is always the case in a new relationship. But Christy felt so amazingly a part of me. I don't know... it's a real perception shift.
I had a weird dream last night... Macia ran off with this guy named Matt, and I got back together with Marissa. Yes, Marissa. How amazingly random is that? It was such a vivid dream... and I had it all sometime between 8AM and 10:30AM.
It's great having a girlfriend so nearby... but already I'm worried whether or not it's going to last. Why IS that? Ill-gotten gains, I suppose. Chad was kinda sweet on her, and she was on him, too, but surely, no more than I was... And I think it would never have lasted, because I've seen three of my friends hook up with him for only a short time each. I think I'm better for her than he would have been, but, at the same time, I worry...
But then, she says she's happy with me, and I'm sure I'm making up all my worries.
In relationships, I take on the role of a pillow or a security blanket. Something to lean against or to cuddle with or take away the worries and the pain. I thought that with Macia it would be different, but it's not. But she's got some real pain in her past, which I will not detail here, and she's the first person I ever dated who actually needed that security blanket... I feel needed for the first time. I feel like I'm making a difference. Making a difference makes me feel special (going back to the Enneagram, it's because of my damn #2 arrow). So, I guess, that makes it different.
Why is it that every girl I date says she's "lucky" to have me? Why always the word "lucky"?
Before you ask, it's for the play.
But I don't mind it too much.
Today was a bad day. Nothing was wrong in particular, but it was just kinda bad. And that sucked, because there was nothing I could be mad about.
There've been a few days like that this week. More than usual.
And I'm sitting here, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice. A lot of me says that I did. But a lot of me says that I didn't. But then, a lot of me abstains or is unable to vote or incorrectly filled out its ballot.
It's been one week, and it's been wonderful and frightening all at the same time. Macia is wonderful, but she still feels foreign. Which I guess is always the case in a new relationship. But Christy felt so amazingly a part of me. I don't know... it's a real perception shift.
I had a weird dream last night... Macia ran off with this guy named Matt, and I got back together with Marissa. Yes, Marissa. How amazingly random is that? It was such a vivid dream... and I had it all sometime between 8AM and 10:30AM.
It's great having a girlfriend so nearby... but already I'm worried whether or not it's going to last. Why IS that? Ill-gotten gains, I suppose. Chad was kinda sweet on her, and she was on him, too, but surely, no more than I was... And I think it would never have lasted, because I've seen three of my friends hook up with him for only a short time each. I think I'm better for her than he would have been, but, at the same time, I worry...
But then, she says she's happy with me, and I'm sure I'm making up all my worries.
In relationships, I take on the role of a pillow or a security blanket. Something to lean against or to cuddle with or take away the worries and the pain. I thought that with Macia it would be different, but it's not. But she's got some real pain in her past, which I will not detail here, and she's the first person I ever dated who actually needed that security blanket... I feel needed for the first time. I feel like I'm making a difference. Making a difference makes me feel special (going back to the Enneagram, it's because of my damn #2 arrow). So, I guess, that makes it different.
Why is it that every girl I date says she's "lucky" to have me? Why always the word "lucky"?