(no subject)
Quickly…
I went to work and got two voicemails from mom. “Jake, Heather has taken a turn for the worse and has moved down in ICU. Every time they’d take off the oxygen to let her breathe on her own, she’d turn blue. We’re gonna try to go down today and just thought we’d let you know.”
Tonight they shave her head; and her breathing is better. They also noticed issues with her kidneys. I hope it’s not serious. I guess they say she has it really bad. When I heard this, I wanted to just leave work. No notice. Just leave. But I know I couldn’t and can’t. Pat did though… I wish him well and I hope he is remembering the good times. I know this must be tough for him to see and deal with. I know when she wakes up she isn’t pleasant and it can almost seem worthless sometime. But remember back to your wedding day when she was that fun, wild creature. That happy (but really tall) child who grins from ear to ear.
…
Last night Eric and I talked. I told him I was shaving and explained that I was getting rid of drama. Unfortunately, this had to include him. This was, of course, after much discussion that he wasn’t sure why he did physical things with me except for that he felt attracted to me. Yet wasn’t sure that he wanted anymore. He hinted toward it, but I just didn’t feel right about things. I know we didn’t do anything too bad at all, but even a kiss with a feeling has to really have a feeling from both ends. Otherwise I am not interested. And I’d rather be honest with myself and others. I’d rather keep great friends that fit, than keep people who are unsure of themselves and cause drama.
I recognize this puts me a spot more alone than before. I’m okay with this. I’m a grown up and need to walk down the path I choose happily. Not try to walk and gather a crowd. Eric told me I was too outgoing and he thought that may cause a problem in a relationship aspect. I pondered this. In fact, I asked him if he’d want an introvert. He said, “Yes” and wanted someone who was even shyer. I can’t think of why that would have an impact (for me personally). I have my moments of introvertedness. But my experience has been that introverts are also extremely frustrating to try and cope with. I wish him well and happiness and have zero hard feelings. I don’t think he was a jerk for doing physical things, even though he asserts it. I understand people get carried away. But I’m proud of myself for being the one who wanted to slow down. I’m proud of myself for saying, “Okay listen, if you want to do physical things, you have to identify why you want to do them.” And I pushed for answers that I took action on.
Yay to being assertive.
I went to work and got two voicemails from mom. “Jake, Heather has taken a turn for the worse and has moved down in ICU. Every time they’d take off the oxygen to let her breathe on her own, she’d turn blue. We’re gonna try to go down today and just thought we’d let you know.”
Tonight they shave her head; and her breathing is better. They also noticed issues with her kidneys. I hope it’s not serious. I guess they say she has it really bad. When I heard this, I wanted to just leave work. No notice. Just leave. But I know I couldn’t and can’t. Pat did though… I wish him well and I hope he is remembering the good times. I know this must be tough for him to see and deal with. I know when she wakes up she isn’t pleasant and it can almost seem worthless sometime. But remember back to your wedding day when she was that fun, wild creature. That happy (but really tall) child who grins from ear to ear.
…
Last night Eric and I talked. I told him I was shaving and explained that I was getting rid of drama. Unfortunately, this had to include him. This was, of course, after much discussion that he wasn’t sure why he did physical things with me except for that he felt attracted to me. Yet wasn’t sure that he wanted anymore. He hinted toward it, but I just didn’t feel right about things. I know we didn’t do anything too bad at all, but even a kiss with a feeling has to really have a feeling from both ends. Otherwise I am not interested. And I’d rather be honest with myself and others. I’d rather keep great friends that fit, than keep people who are unsure of themselves and cause drama.
I recognize this puts me a spot more alone than before. I’m okay with this. I’m a grown up and need to walk down the path I choose happily. Not try to walk and gather a crowd. Eric told me I was too outgoing and he thought that may cause a problem in a relationship aspect. I pondered this. In fact, I asked him if he’d want an introvert. He said, “Yes” and wanted someone who was even shyer. I can’t think of why that would have an impact (for me personally). I have my moments of introvertedness. But my experience has been that introverts are also extremely frustrating to try and cope with. I wish him well and happiness and have zero hard feelings. I don’t think he was a jerk for doing physical things, even though he asserts it. I understand people get carried away. But I’m proud of myself for being the one who wanted to slow down. I’m proud of myself for saying, “Okay listen, if you want to do physical things, you have to identify why you want to do them.” And I pushed for answers that I took action on.
Yay to being assertive.