Boredom
So here I am listening to ELO, reading LJ and trying to get Myspace to work. Everyone else in the house is asleep.
I haven't listened to music in SO long.
I have a gash on my right boob, which I have taken photos of, but can't upload them cause I don't have license key.
Next week I finally take photos of my face, finally. Maybe even my body. Who knows.
I wanna take some of my ass, but the man says no. I understand. But if he wants me to make any sort of money, I gotta show my ass off. Cause it really is stellar now.
Mind you, I have had a few Tecate's. I may feel different tomorrow. I want to watch some good gore. 'Piramid head' from Silent Hill turns me on.
I saw my father last week. Wow. He sounds BAD. I dont see him enough and J told me that I need to start going to see him every week cause if I dont, I will be pissed at myself by the end of the year. I can't stand to see him like this. It hurts and it hurts even more that I know he wont be around much longer. I cry as I write this cause I love my father, even after all that has been done and said. I can't bear to think of him dying. Even when we hadn't talked in like 7 years, I used to have horrid nightmares of him dying. I would cry in my sleep.
That is why I wrote him and apologised for him hitting me and all the other stuff he did to me. (Nothing sexual...just physical and emotional crap).
I love my Dad. I am proud of the life he has lead. He LIVED life. Not just coated through life, like most humans have. He has seen so much, met many great people. Including the Queen of England, Vincent Price, Marilyn Monroe, Lon Chaney, Boris Karloff, many great Generals, and even a few presidents.
Oh God.
I dont want him to die.
But damn, he sounds bad now.
I dont care what happened with him and I. I have forgiven him. Completely.
I tell him as much as possible just how proud I am of his life and how much I love him. I dont want to regret not ever telling him.
I can only hope to live half the life he has lead. He was in the Korean and Vietnam wars, has been to most of the countries in the world, was a scuba diver off the FLorida keyes, air traffic controller who landed a few planes carrying 2 different presidents at seperate occasions. He's really lived a full life.
And regardless, he is still depressed about himself and his life.
I can't express just how much my Dad means to me.
It's been hard ever since I saw him last cause he sounded so bad. I hope it was just a cold.
Then again, he told me on his birthday that was his last birthday. He is only 74.
I hope he is wrong.
I do love him so much.
I just can't stand the idea of him passing on.
Sorry for the mopey entry.
I needed to vent.
I haven't listened to music in SO long.
I have a gash on my right boob, which I have taken photos of, but can't upload them cause I don't have license key.
Next week I finally take photos of my face, finally. Maybe even my body. Who knows.
I wanna take some of my ass, but the man says no. I understand. But if he wants me to make any sort of money, I gotta show my ass off. Cause it really is stellar now.
Mind you, I have had a few Tecate's. I may feel different tomorrow. I want to watch some good gore. 'Piramid head' from Silent Hill turns me on.
I saw my father last week. Wow. He sounds BAD. I dont see him enough and J told me that I need to start going to see him every week cause if I dont, I will be pissed at myself by the end of the year. I can't stand to see him like this. It hurts and it hurts even more that I know he wont be around much longer. I cry as I write this cause I love my father, even after all that has been done and said. I can't bear to think of him dying. Even when we hadn't talked in like 7 years, I used to have horrid nightmares of him dying. I would cry in my sleep.
That is why I wrote him and apologised for him hitting me and all the other stuff he did to me. (Nothing sexual...just physical and emotional crap).
I love my Dad. I am proud of the life he has lead. He LIVED life. Not just coated through life, like most humans have. He has seen so much, met many great people. Including the Queen of England, Vincent Price, Marilyn Monroe, Lon Chaney, Boris Karloff, many great Generals, and even a few presidents.
Oh God.
I dont want him to die.
But damn, he sounds bad now.
I dont care what happened with him and I. I have forgiven him. Completely.
I tell him as much as possible just how proud I am of his life and how much I love him. I dont want to regret not ever telling him.
I can only hope to live half the life he has lead. He was in the Korean and Vietnam wars, has been to most of the countries in the world, was a scuba diver off the FLorida keyes, air traffic controller who landed a few planes carrying 2 different presidents at seperate occasions. He's really lived a full life.
And regardless, he is still depressed about himself and his life.
I can't express just how much my Dad means to me.
It's been hard ever since I saw him last cause he sounded so bad. I hope it was just a cold.
Then again, he told me on his birthday that was his last birthday. He is only 74.
I hope he is wrong.
I do love him so much.
I just can't stand the idea of him passing on.
Sorry for the mopey entry.
I needed to vent.