Nostalgic
Watching La Tour de France makes me feel really, achingly nostalgic. Two years ago, I was catching snippets of it while I raced in the US National Championships. Three years ago, it was on day four of the tour that I decided I was done with my hiatus from cycling. Four years ago, I was whining that the resort where Nationals took place didn't have the channel it was on. Five years ago, I was watching it as I raced for the first time at Nationals. Six years ago, I was watching it in awe, swearing one day, I'm going to be there. Seven years ago, it was what got me started racing.
And it still holds all of those memories and dreams and ambitions for me. Watching it, it fills up my lungs with ache that I will never be there. I've given that up, I'm never going to have it. The Tour holds some power over me, has some enchantment, like a legend that I am rendered speechless by each year. It makes me want to grab my bike, and like an old, neglected friend rebuild my relationship with it. The Tour makes my muscles ache to be worked, makes me want to feel the sun on my skin and the wind on my face and the rush of each descent, the hurt of each climb.
Instead, I strap on my gym shoes and hit the pavement, running slow mile after slow mile, a sport I don't actually enjoy but which will have to do. It will have to do in place of cycling.
And it still holds all of those memories and dreams and ambitions for me. Watching it, it fills up my lungs with ache that I will never be there. I've given that up, I'm never going to have it. The Tour holds some power over me, has some enchantment, like a legend that I am rendered speechless by each year. It makes me want to grab my bike, and like an old, neglected friend rebuild my relationship with it. The Tour makes my muscles ache to be worked, makes me want to feel the sun on my skin and the wind on my face and the rush of each descent, the hurt of each climb.
Instead, I strap on my gym shoes and hit the pavement, running slow mile after slow mile, a sport I don't actually enjoy but which will have to do. It will have to do in place of cycling.