Memories & Circles
"Isn't it interesting the way you can learn a lot about a person through their writing? If you pay very close attention, and read through the lines of any piece of fiction, you can get through to the author's soul. You don't have to know anything about them, but if you look at the overall piece before you, you can discover more about them than they could ever tell you. At first you'll assume it's just a story and it doesn't have any hidden significance. However, as soon as you discover the slightest thing about the author, you'll realize that their story simply corroborated your suspicions.
A good example of this is my story Mon Image. I took a very close look at it today and I finally realized why it was so difficult for me to write. It isn't just a story about difficult decisions and doing what we believe to be best, regardless of the pain we might inflict on others and ourselves. At it's very core Mon Image is a story about lost love and a loss of ourselves. It's about losing what we care about most and struggling to hold on to the few things we have left. It's about trying to hold on to the faith we desperately need to survive and, ultimately, persevere. That is why Melody and Aria's eyes are so important to the story. At the end, they're the only things that symbolize who they still are.
Perhaps, this is why I love this story so very much."
I wrote that^ a few years ago and found it while reading old entries today. Although in some ways I'm so removed from the situation I was in then, my beliefs about that story essentially remain the same. It's strange reading those words though...partly because of the date, and partly because at that time I was still hurting so much. I was doing better, and making a real effort, but I still had so far to go. So I know those words aren't just words and that story is more than a story. It's me, my core, both past and future.
I used to have two goals when it came to finishing it. Ideally, either when I was 23, or to finish it when I was better. I chose 23 because I thought that would be a reasonable "due date". It was near enough for me to be optimistic about attaining my goal, while at the same time still giving myself plenty of lee-way in case I fell back or got distracted. As for myself being better, it seemed right that the story should end once I had healed. I'm 23 now though, and while I am better, Mon Image is nowhere near completed. I still add on a little here and there, especially lately, but there is still a long way to go before it can be finished. And...that's okay.
Because while I am so much better--and continue to improve with each day--I am not yet at a point that the past cannot touch me. It will always be a part of me, influencing me in subtle ways I'll only be vaguely aware of unless I look further into their origins. Maybe I'll never reach that... It wouldn't be surprising. How could it? My world shattered when I was 17; it took me a few years to even get to a point where I could begin starting over. So, it makes sense that so many things tie back into that. And honestly? It redefined me in every way imaginable, so I don't know that I could, or even would want to, forget. It's like I told Jason, there are somethings in life you never fully get over...and that's okay, really.
A good example of this is my story Mon Image. I took a very close look at it today and I finally realized why it was so difficult for me to write. It isn't just a story about difficult decisions and doing what we believe to be best, regardless of the pain we might inflict on others and ourselves. At it's very core Mon Image is a story about lost love and a loss of ourselves. It's about losing what we care about most and struggling to hold on to the few things we have left. It's about trying to hold on to the faith we desperately need to survive and, ultimately, persevere. That is why Melody and Aria's eyes are so important to the story. At the end, they're the only things that symbolize who they still are.
Perhaps, this is why I love this story so very much."
I wrote that^ a few years ago and found it while reading old entries today. Although in some ways I'm so removed from the situation I was in then, my beliefs about that story essentially remain the same. It's strange reading those words though...partly because of the date, and partly because at that time I was still hurting so much. I was doing better, and making a real effort, but I still had so far to go. So I know those words aren't just words and that story is more than a story. It's me, my core, both past and future.
I used to have two goals when it came to finishing it. Ideally, either when I was 23, or to finish it when I was better. I chose 23 because I thought that would be a reasonable "due date". It was near enough for me to be optimistic about attaining my goal, while at the same time still giving myself plenty of lee-way in case I fell back or got distracted. As for myself being better, it seemed right that the story should end once I had healed. I'm 23 now though, and while I am better, Mon Image is nowhere near completed. I still add on a little here and there, especially lately, but there is still a long way to go before it can be finished. And...that's okay.
Because while I am so much better--and continue to improve with each day--I am not yet at a point that the past cannot touch me. It will always be a part of me, influencing me in subtle ways I'll only be vaguely aware of unless I look further into their origins. Maybe I'll never reach that... It wouldn't be surprising. How could it? My world shattered when I was 17; it took me a few years to even get to a point where I could begin starting over. So, it makes sense that so many things tie back into that. And honestly? It redefined me in every way imaginable, so I don't know that I could, or even would want to, forget. It's like I told Jason, there are somethings in life you never fully get over...and that's okay, really.