(no subject)
sometimes i just don't know what to do with myself. i'm a terminally boring human being. i'm a shell, a robot with only the most primitive programming. dead behind the eyes. somebodys home but the lights aren't on.
i wish i could just dissolve into the air like mist and float away. just diffuse into the atmosphere until even my molecules split up...atoms breaking into subatomic particles...as long as they carry my consciousness with them into the oblivion between space.
do you ever get the feeling that you've completely ruined everything, your whole life, and if you could just retrace your steps back far enough you could find the place where it all went wrong and fix it, but you can't. one simple decision that you made once sent your life slowly spiraling down into despair and regret and hardship and struggle and if you could just go back and change your mind everything would be different. but you can't. and even though you try and try and try to do the right things and think the right way and correct your crash course its all for nothing because you're already crashing, tumbling along the ground breaking up and burning but it's lasting forever. they say time slows down in a crash but i just want to get this fucking shit over with. its sink or swim and i get to sink for forty or fifty more years.
i wish i could just dissolve into the air like mist and float away. just diffuse into the atmosphere until even my molecules split up...atoms breaking into subatomic particles...as long as they carry my consciousness with them into the oblivion between space.
do you ever get the feeling that you've completely ruined everything, your whole life, and if you could just retrace your steps back far enough you could find the place where it all went wrong and fix it, but you can't. one simple decision that you made once sent your life slowly spiraling down into despair and regret and hardship and struggle and if you could just go back and change your mind everything would be different. but you can't. and even though you try and try and try to do the right things and think the right way and correct your crash course its all for nothing because you're already crashing, tumbling along the ground breaking up and burning but it's lasting forever. they say time slows down in a crash but i just want to get this fucking shit over with. its sink or swim and i get to sink for forty or fifty more years.