Fuck..
I havnt been in all that great of a mood in the past little while. Alright, so we've got a friend of my dads staying with us for who knows how long and tonight, well its been pretty fucked up....
My mom thinks I dont get why she drinks and that I dont understand anything, as usual, and all this. I talked to my dad this time, and he agrees with me. Moms all goin on about how hes bipolar and that his mind doesnt work like ours, wtf he just said that she drinks to much and shes always drunk and thats exactly what I was saying. and like she left for a min and I was talking to dad and then she comes in and is all "oh daddy will give you money, he'll do anything " blah blah blah.. wtf that has nuffin to do with anything. And my mom was swearing and throwing shit and all that before hand. and then they explained to me about that. and then I said to them "you're always arguing about something and I'm never knowing anything that goes on" and they said "we'll start" and then my mom said "its all melissa your dad doesnt care about you" blah blah blah.and then she goes on about the mcguirks and blah blah blah.... that they're not in this family... and shit like that and how we're outsiders to them. MELISSA AND COLIN ARE MY DADS FIRST KIDS, I mean, obviously hes going to go on about them, its not as if he's gonna dissown them or not think of them and crap like that. They were saying how Melissa and her bf are getting a new house and all this and that soon they'll be getting married and how my dad wants to be the one to walk her down the isle and that Doug (their moms bf) cant or shouldnt and I totally agree. I mean, he's her blood father, Doug isnt. So my mom bitches and throws shit and scares my cat half to death (he hid behind the couch and I came out of the computer room listening to them bitch and bitch and freak out at eachother).and my mom says no one understands and that shes had enough. and shes all "its either i leave or throw shit" and then my moms like "and you wonder why people kill themselves" thats a great thing to say. So I'm sittin there crying trying to talk to my parents while dads friend Richard is out in the livingroom.and like shes all "talk to sean and steph they'll tell you how you're dads been treating me", he hasnt done shit to her. All they do is argue about everything off and on. thats it, thats all. and like, this family loves eachother, i'm constantly reminded of that everyday but yet the parents argue every day about something. and like, my dad was saying that he's been really upset lately and crying alot and that he's been taking his meds, and hes been going to his doctor alot more then he has been and he's been doing this all out of love for us even though he thinks he doesnt need too. But my mom doesnt seem to understand that, and I do. but yet she'll still drink and get bitchy and tonight she lost it. I seriously havnt heard her like this since I was younger. but before, the one who threw shit and swore most was my dad and he put a hole in that cabnet that is out the door of this room at the end of the hall there and he ran off and got put into the hospital. I'm kinda scared that this is gonna happen to her that she's gonna drink her self away and get put into the hospital. like i kinda want them to break up bcuz of all the arguing thats been going on, i cant take it anymore. and like they were saying stuff about the past like my mom was saying stuff about when she was with seans dad and how shitty it was and all this and i thought to myself 'well thats the past, its in the past. shouldnt the past be forgotten and move on with life?'. ugh, now their in the livingroom talking about melissa again. but like seriously, melissa and colin are my dads kids too. they're apart of my dads life. he's not gonna dissown them because they have a different mother. he cares about them, he loves them and he cares about me and loves me, i know this. my mom cares about me and sean. and i know this. and i mean, seans dad at least visits once in awhile. pauline gets to see melissa and colin whenever her and doug please. but we.. we barely get to see melissa and colin. and i dont think thats fair at all. i really think my mom needs to either stop drinking all together or do it once in awhile. I mean, kids are usually a spitin image of their parents right?, and i'm scared i'm gonna turn out like her. i mean, i'm both of my parents already, plus myself and all this.
I fucking hate this I cant stand how they argue and shit and how I'm not in the know how about anything that goes on. I mean, I hear about bits and pieces of thit and that but I'm in this fucking family too and would like to know more and be able to put a word in or at least try and help out. Know what I mean? Ugh... I'm sitting here crying, so pissed off and depressed. I hate it!
AND NOW THEIR AT IT AGAIN! FUCK!
AND NOW THEY BRING IN THE FACT THAT I WAS ON MEDS AND IN COUNSOLING AND HOW I DROPPED OUTTA SCHOOL AND STOPPED WITH THE MEDS AND THE COUNSOLING AND AND UUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
My mom thinks I dont get why she drinks and that I dont understand anything, as usual, and all this. I talked to my dad this time, and he agrees with me. Moms all goin on about how hes bipolar and that his mind doesnt work like ours, wtf he just said that she drinks to much and shes always drunk and thats exactly what I was saying. and like she left for a min and I was talking to dad and then she comes in and is all "oh daddy will give you money, he'll do anything " blah blah blah.. wtf that has nuffin to do with anything. And my mom was swearing and throwing shit and all that before hand. and then they explained to me about that. and then I said to them "you're always arguing about something and I'm never knowing anything that goes on" and they said "we'll start" and then my mom said "its all melissa your dad doesnt care about you" blah blah blah.and then she goes on about the mcguirks and blah blah blah.... that they're not in this family... and shit like that and how we're outsiders to them. MELISSA AND COLIN ARE MY DADS FIRST KIDS, I mean, obviously hes going to go on about them, its not as if he's gonna dissown them or not think of them and crap like that. They were saying how Melissa and her bf are getting a new house and all this and that soon they'll be getting married and how my dad wants to be the one to walk her down the isle and that Doug (their moms bf) cant or shouldnt and I totally agree. I mean, he's her blood father, Doug isnt. So my mom bitches and throws shit and scares my cat half to death (he hid behind the couch and I came out of the computer room listening to them bitch and bitch and freak out at eachother).and my mom says no one understands and that shes had enough. and shes all "its either i leave or throw shit" and then my moms like "and you wonder why people kill themselves" thats a great thing to say. So I'm sittin there crying trying to talk to my parents while dads friend Richard is out in the livingroom.and like shes all "talk to sean and steph they'll tell you how you're dads been treating me", he hasnt done shit to her. All they do is argue about everything off and on. thats it, thats all. and like, this family loves eachother, i'm constantly reminded of that everyday but yet the parents argue every day about something. and like, my dad was saying that he's been really upset lately and crying alot and that he's been taking his meds, and hes been going to his doctor alot more then he has been and he's been doing this all out of love for us even though he thinks he doesnt need too. But my mom doesnt seem to understand that, and I do. but yet she'll still drink and get bitchy and tonight she lost it. I seriously havnt heard her like this since I was younger. but before, the one who threw shit and swore most was my dad and he put a hole in that cabnet that is out the door of this room at the end of the hall there and he ran off and got put into the hospital. I'm kinda scared that this is gonna happen to her that she's gonna drink her self away and get put into the hospital. like i kinda want them to break up bcuz of all the arguing thats been going on, i cant take it anymore. and like they were saying stuff about the past like my mom was saying stuff about when she was with seans dad and how shitty it was and all this and i thought to myself 'well thats the past, its in the past. shouldnt the past be forgotten and move on with life?'. ugh, now their in the livingroom talking about melissa again. but like seriously, melissa and colin are my dads kids too. they're apart of my dads life. he's not gonna dissown them because they have a different mother. he cares about them, he loves them and he cares about me and loves me, i know this. my mom cares about me and sean. and i know this. and i mean, seans dad at least visits once in awhile. pauline gets to see melissa and colin whenever her and doug please. but we.. we barely get to see melissa and colin. and i dont think thats fair at all. i really think my mom needs to either stop drinking all together or do it once in awhile. I mean, kids are usually a spitin image of their parents right?, and i'm scared i'm gonna turn out like her. i mean, i'm both of my parents already, plus myself and all this.
I fucking hate this I cant stand how they argue and shit and how I'm not in the know how about anything that goes on. I mean, I hear about bits and pieces of thit and that but I'm in this fucking family too and would like to know more and be able to put a word in or at least try and help out. Know what I mean? Ugh... I'm sitting here crying, so pissed off and depressed. I hate it!
AND NOW THEIR AT IT AGAIN! FUCK!
AND NOW THEY BRING IN THE FACT THAT I WAS ON MEDS AND IN COUNSOLING AND HOW I DROPPED OUTTA SCHOOL AND STOPPED WITH THE MEDS AND THE COUNSOLING AND AND UUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!